Reset Password
Resend Verification Email
13
48
48
Joined March 2012
253
2,942
<
253
2,942
0
25694
304585
Groups
-
50w, 6dThe Writer's Group
-
1w, 4dChangeling Queen Chrysalis
-
34w, 1dThe Changeling Federation
-
1w, 4dPrincess Luna
253
2,942
2,942 ( 29,456 )
More
Less
Comments ( 253 )
Post Comment
Refresh
Everything is so mysterious and that is a good thing.
I was very interested in this when it first appeared on EqD or here can't remember anymore.
Reading the first chapter I wasn't so sure were this is heading and its still not completely clear after reading the second chapter.
Very good descriptive vivid writing along with a superb Characterization of both Princess Luna, the Reason I started reading, and Queen Chrysalis.
so in short more please 
So its been a couple more days than I like to admit between updates, but the next chapter IS nearly complete and on the way - I've been <insert generic excuse> in the meantime, but I'll also have another very nearly complete story to show for it - not a short comedy/crossover/random thingy. It's decidely not a comedy.
Edit - here it is. I'll not allow the next to be so long in coming.
so slow Buildup BUT that also makes it so GOOD. 
Excellent characterisation on the changelings as well as Princess Luna.
solid amount of Detail on the Location since there isn't a World to speak of "yet" atleast. 
Still cannot even grasp were this is going. This includes everything, Goals of the Characters, Basic understanding on why Luna did even go there in the First place, how is this effecting everyone else, what the Magic used was all about, SO MANY QUESTIONS 
I guess answers will come in due time. 
This is really REALLY good!
It's so fascinating, you don't explain much, you leave things mysterious but... I feel that all will be revealed and I'm learning things at the same rate as the characters, not everything at once but a slow coming to understanding. Something like that anyway. If there was a way I could give you more than one thumb I would but I'm afraid you'll have to settle for one.
This story has become my favorite Chrysalis fic.
I like the interactions between the Queen and the night Princess. And also I'm rather intrigued by those orbs that Crhysalis extracted from Luna.
Keep it up ambion.
A bunch of thumbs up for you.
Image: http://i.istockimg.com/file_thumbview_approve/5399176/2/stock-photo-5399176-thumbs-up.jpg
Yes, the deep pain of unfinished stories, their half-death knells echoing across the authorverse... I pledged to myself I would never post a story for others that I'm not willing to stick with 'til the end - there's a constant stream of hopeful ideas and writings I have to euthanise because I cannot write them all, let alone to the fullness of completetion and quality I'd need to see. I can't gurantee completion due to ya know, being a puny human in a unfeasibly immense universe, but I can say I am...somewhat determined to make a point of finishing CHatNM, as it marks something like the turning of a new leaf (or moon, i suppose ) in my facet as a writer.
As for the story? Well, there's a lot of ways I could screw it up, but it seems fairly confident. That's what trust is for, yeah?
Yes Little Moon just sounds so adorable. rather fitting for the Woona Side of Luna though I usually prefer Princess Luna in a Position with her Characteristics of dignity, mystery and power as is also displayed in this Story in a rather surreal way but so awesome to read.
Yay time for Diplomacy. Really liking this story, you get a feeling that Changeling's and Ponies really are alien in nature to one another when reading this. You're also good at including multiple characters without diverting the focus of the story which is Luna and Chrysalis, we'll see if you can keep this up upon Luna's return to Canterlot.
Oh that Pain of Mosquitoes
>>938197 Yes this and Changeling are certainly my favorite mysterious Luna - Changelings Story's I actually made the slight Comparison before and it can also be said for this Story.
"Combining Luna and Changelings makes such good Stories and while I would read it for your excellent take on Princess Luna alone the set makes it more mysterious.
This and Changeling Heart and the New Moon are certainly my favorites in this Type of writing.
Eery, slightly Creepy and above all Mysterious and while I know their are not combined in any Form, my mind cannot help to combine them, for this features a Journey, a Search for Changelings and CHatNM starts of inside the Changeling Den.
a Wonderful read of very good Quality, eagerly awaiting more. "
And the progress-direction becomes allot clearer now too.
Yes, that is sort of the intent there.
I'm nipping this kind of thinking in the bud. 
Yes, I know of Changeling. I talked to Deceased when we both just started out these, to compare notes and such and clear the air before there was any air in need of clearing, all to avoid misunderstandings and ponderings of plagerism. I'd consider him a friend. No, I wasn't aware of that story when I started this, nor was he aware of this. Yes, I've read it and do really like it. No, CHatNM is not going in the same direction and is less dark, and Yes, I secretly think that Changeling is probably the better story of the two, and updates more frequently. 
Trust me, I was the very first to worry about this matter
, and I've got the messages hanging around to prove it (or you could ask Deceased, he's sound out,, er, Irish for "he's grand out, so." 
)
Point is, no worries, be happy 
for good things and swiss cheese legs
>>938248 I have no idea what you mean by that, but I care. 
>>938444 by her holey hooves, thank you for the sentiment 
>>938444 Yeah I understand, I was just setting up a statement.
>>938547 I know, It's hard to understand the tone of another person over the internet. No, I was not criticizing you or anything. Honestly, there are many ideas around the world- some are bound to be similar. so I understand. I have yet to read yours though because of the other fics that I need to catch up on. 
just answer this, Is Luna one step ahead of chrysalis in your fic or what?
Very fair, and I didn't mean to seem as if I'd taken umbrage(I think I'm being fancy, but my understnading of the word is shaky 
)
As for Luna being one step ahead? I don't think it spoils anything for anybody to say probably not, on what we've all seen.
>>940447 In the short term, trying to annihlate mosquitoes. In the long term...well, maybe even she isn't entirely sure. Or maybe she is. We'll have to wait and see.
I have fun explaining things, which sadly doesn't correlate to my ability to do so. Let's try anyway 
First, some disambiguation. There is dark, and there is grimdark. A lot of people use the two as one, when I feel this is not the case. As they all get lobbed under the one tag, they are functionally the same despite the vast differences. Not to dwell on things, grimdark is, well, really damn grim. Tends to be a crapsack, and a relatively quick and painless death is a rare and fine oddity in a world otherwise filled with it.
Errr...If grimdark is pulling the trigger, dark is contemplating the crime? Am I making sense?
CHatNM is certainly darker than canon. It goes a bit into the sorts of emotions one might find unavoidably caught up with love (spoiler alert: This story has changelings! ) rather than a simplified 
=all good notion.
Things like jealousy, regret and confliction. Betrayal, trust and fear. Uncertainty.
To find use for the qoute that's been flying around my head all week: It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
-Maroon 5 (them)
As for the everyone tag, I can be a lot more direct. I feel that this story is accessible to everyone. That's pretty much all there is to it. Just as a light hearted show can appeal to adults, I suppose something of a somewhat darker nature can be, if not appealing, than at least acceptable to everyone just the same.
I am open, even welcoming of discussion on these points if anyone feels that the dark and/or everyone tags are inappropriate for this story.
If at anytime in the future of CHatNM I feel the situation has given precedent for changing these, I will do so. Until then, I hope I've managed to explain a few things.
Now that I have read the first two chapters, I would tag this story as light-dark, too bad fimfiction doesn't have that tag 
. Yeah I get your point between the differences of a dark story and a grimdark one (I tend to love the later ). What I meant is that most dark stories contain, well, dark things , killing, rape, twilight going in a frenzy, you name it. Rare ones are dark for the emotions themselves.
I think you manage to catch the instability that was part of Luna's character back in Luna Eclipsed without it being comedic or over the top. Well, it is a little funny, actually, but not... cartoonish, though that word feels inappropriate given the subject.
Wait what that escalated quickly at the End.
More and more I feel the red String that I though I had found in the earlier Chapters that guided me along in understanding slipping away from me as this goes on.
This is certainly a Story I have to reread again once it is complete to understand.
Image: http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/n/e/newlunaisseriousplz.png
*Helix observes Luna carefully throughout the story* My, the Luna here is very weak-willed indeed! *chuckles* My meager natural abilities could twist her to my will. With those granted me by Lord Discord, she would crumble in moments. Her mind is in chaos, and I, as one of the Elements of Chaos can hold sway over unstable minds. My element in particular, Insanity, is quite adept and warping those who lack strength and stability in their thoughts.
You know, I'm actually surprised cutting parts of her soul out didn't leave Luna more stable. Given that they were the parts causing her conscious pain. Or at least the ones she thought were, people don't always know themselves as well as they think.
Still, like I said, your version lines up pretty well as a more serious realization of the personality displayed on Nightmare Night.
I do like comments such as this. In fact, I like comments on general principles, but such as this; even better.
"You know, I'm actually surprised cutting parts of her soul out didn't leave Luna more stable." Maybe it did. I won't say, 'cause I can't, 'cause even I don't know. I'm just the story's middle man. I've got my suspiciouns, but CHatNM has me writing on a need to know basis. Still, I trust the story.
"Or at least the [parts] she thought were, people don't always know themselves as well as they think." This is as common as you think, maybe even more so. Being a princess hardly changes the matter at all. If anything, it gives the matter even more perogative. 'Princess' has more letters than quite a few names...double that of 'Luna,' if you catch my drift.
Celestia, on the other hand, matches it eight for eight. 
"Still, like I said, your version lines up pretty well as a more serious realization of the personality displayed on Nightmare Night." It's always good to get confirmation that, indeed, I'm not completely off the wall in characterization. If there's one thing I worry about in this story, it's that the two lead roles are personal favrouites of mine, both quite unexplored by canon. That gives me a freedom with them, but also a certain wariness aswell.
...If this comment gets any longer, it'll be bigger than most chapters of CHatNM 
Image: http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/shit-just-got-real.jpgGlad to hear it. If there's one thing that Nightmare Night established its' that Luna is temperamental and melodramatic. Okay, that's two things. Don't get me wrong, I'd be pretty offended about a holiday created to treat me as the devil, but everything she did from when she was mad (Nightmare Night is cancelled. Forever!) to when she was happy (Huzzah!) was over the top. The thing is, Luna's canon personality wasn't really established until relatively recently, so a lot of people probably have things they or other fans built up in the meantime stuck into their views.
On an unrelated note, it's a good thing you worked an explanation of how this guard found Luna right away early into this chapter, since last chapter left me wondering how he knew Luna was besieged if she was invisible (he'd know changelings were swarming around, yes, but not that Luna was in the middle of it without that amulet).
I Was Going Past Stories And Ws Like, theres nothing i wanna read Ri- Then I saw a notice, I Clicked and said as the page loaded, Now what Blog update is it this ti- Wah Story update, Changeling heart and the new moon.....MUST READ, and broke mah mouse, now im using the laptop doo-hicky, (Jus felt like using that word) ANd I must say, I LIKED THAT CHAPTER ALOT
This remains quite good. I... hadn't been thinking of this as a potential Luna/Chrysalis ship until this chapter. Now that it's in my head I have no idea what to make of the concept as presented here. One nice thing about this story is that you have managed to make Chrysalis sympathetic without shaving off too many of the stereotypical villain qualities she presented in "A Canterlot Wedding". I have no idea if those qualities could stand up to a romance. If they could, it'd be a nice change of pace actually from standard romances, but if they couldn't... Well, the story functions perfectly fine without romance it's just an interesting idea. They do have a nice dynamic, certainly.
One slight problem with the chapter:
Luna and Chrysalis are alone with the door shut, when this happens:
"On the other hoof, Wax knew exactly what to think. Nopony said it had to be a correct assumption though. The only time a jaw will ever literally drop to a floor is when the wired bones of an anatomy skeleton come undone, but the pegasus certainly managed the spirit of the thing."
There's absolutely nothing about him arriving, he's just suddenly there. It's jarring and makes the reader feel they missed something.
An easy fix would be to make it (additions italicized):
"On the other hoof, Wax knew exactly what to think about what he saw upon opening the door. Nopony said it had to be a correct assumption though. The only time a jaw will ever literally drop to a floor is when the wired bones of an anatomy skeleton come undone, but the pegasus certainly managed the spirit of the thing."
This is the kind of attention to detail I often overlook, and definetly warranted a quick read over.
wait a second.....
EDIT, BY HER HOLEY HOOVES BIIIIG EDIT.
I am a massive idiot.
This is why I shouldn't edit before dawn.
You were right HOW THE DERP did I miss the very clear statemnet that she clsoed the door behind her? >.<
Firstly, this is a good story and shipping is probably more likely to screw it up than help it, so that's fine. It was a random bunch of thoughts that were inspired by Wax's misobservation.
Second, yes, yes it does state the door is closed:
"In the small space between two cars, Luna found herself with a private showing of comedy. Trying not to laugh loudly Luna magicked closed the door behind her, a small favour to the Queen." It feels kind of weird to be arguing with you over that, though.
Yep, you were entirely right, truly the mistress of derp has me enthralled to her daedric powers of derplivion. 
Henceforth heretowith that change shall be exacted.
And I had all that rock solid, irrefutably irrefutable rebutttal laid out and everything. 
Edit / comment the fourth.
editing comments is a great way for very confusing conversation flow, already exacerbating the mentioned issues of tiredness. Huzzah!
It's all right, I know my rants get less trustworthy when I'm tired as well.
And if you think my proposed fix breaks the flow too much that's fine. I tried to preserve as much as I could by having "Wax knew exactly what to think" before the line about him opening the door, but I'm not as good an author as you are, so you may think of something better.
Replieth the third:
On the other hoof, Wax knew exactly what to think as he opened the door to the private car. Nopony said it had to be a correct assumption though, nor would any other pony on the train have dared intrude upon their princess without tactfully announcing themselves first. The only time a jaw will ever literally drop to a floor is when the wired bones of an anatomy skeleton come undone, but the pegasus certainly managed the spirit of the thing as he took in the sight before him, as if the two royals had done this sheerly for spite of shocking him senseless.
There, I think this should be approvable now with what I hope is a good bit of flourish to cover the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing at this hour of the morning 
Ah, there's your problem. You think it's morning. It's not morning until I go to sleep and wake up. Sometimes this makes morning lunchtime, but I'm sure that's a fine state of affairs.
Thanks for your quick responses to my concerns. And yes, that makes the scene easier to visualize.
You know, I always feel as though the princesses' power is underestimated - I mean, they're technically goddesses, and have lived long enough to warrant that - but I always see them portrayed as either being "kill buttons," or being completely underwhelming. Surely, power is not so cut and dry, as with Luna and her emotional tirades in this particular fic - would she be more powerful one way or the other? truly, I cannot yet decide. However, while you've certainly put them on the lower scale of things, you've done a good job of it. Plus, an emotional wreck of a "kill button" really doesn't work out for anyone.
TL;DR - Great portrayal you have here - I really do like it - I just wish that Luna and 'Tia were higher up on the power scale with circumstances varying (which, admittedly, you've also shown to an extent). 
It is very curious you should bring this up.
Very Curious. 
I'll just say that this hasn't been explored to it's full extent yet, and there are what we'll call mitigating circumstances, of a sort. That said, action and displays of power aren't as central to this story as they would be in others. We'll just have to see where it takes us.
>>1241172 Indeed. We shall, in fact, see.
Also, I am well aware that displays of power aren't this story's schtick. Hehe. What you have here is much too subtle in its entirety for the likes of a blatant power trip.
Edit: Unless it comes from Chrysi at one point or another? 
Eh, or not. I'm cool with it either way.
You have the oddest character development in this thing. It's not a complaint, just a fact. When Luna doesn't care as much about comparing herself to Celestia in previous chapters or decides she doesn't need the love of the pony crowds anymore, the normal assumption would be that she's changed by committing to loftier ambitions (the whole peace with the changelings thing) or seeing Chrysalis act like a real ruler. But here, the more likely explanation is that its' been excised, surgically. In a way that's better since not caring about those things, for Luna, would be such a large character change you'd think it'd take more than a few days (or however long she's been missing, I don't feel like rechecking the timeline this instant, I feel like sleeping after finishing this review).
I did enjoy some of the metaphors in this chapter, like Luna considering absolute blackness a warm, fluffy blanket.
And as always every chapter leaves me wondering exactly what will happen next, got to love those stories where you honestly don't know how it will end. Could go either way I feel, glad that Luna is getting a bit more confident as well though I wonder how she would react if Chrysalis ends up betraying her as she's not been that good at handling her anger so far.
You know, I wondered the same back on the train.
I came to the conclusion such a thing is appealing and dangerous for the same reasons. Namely, Luna and Chrysalis have interesting chemistry and rare but good characterization in this story. But the danger is that shipping would get in the way of those very qualities that make the story good. Although, if pulled off well, I'd certainly have no complaints.
I figure it's up to the author to go as far as he/she/it feels comfortable when it comes to romance, rather than trying to force things.
By the way, as far as that interesting characterization goes, this chapter is another great one for both leads. Chrysalis manages to be entirely sympathetic, as she displays some concern for Luna, despite being the type of person to employ mind-control on a whim and who doesn't understand why she's concerned. The Luna/Celestia interactions and the insights into Luna provided during her speech, through Chrysalis' observation hardly need to be said to be excellent, but I'll say it anyway.
I know right. It just seems that cry and luna would be great together but I dont think you could pull it off, or force it, not to mention the HUGE change it would make on this story, it just wouldn't be right, but...but if it can pull it off, it might, just might... be the greatest story i have ever read since past sins.
P.S. I think the author might be an it because nothing write something this good.
P.S.S Sorry if my reply to your comment seemed childish or bad, im only 13
Your name appeases me, because I spent a good bit of time fretting with my good broblerone over whther THIS line:
“Enough!” Luna shouted, her voice a tsunami that crashed over the clamour of a hundred other ripples.
Should have been, as originally writ:
“Enough!” Luna shouted, her voice a thu'um-nami that crashed over the clamour of a hundred other ripples.
This is of course a terrible, TERRIBLE pun (I count that as a PRO more than a CON) but the deciding factor was 'do you think many people would get it?' Very hesitantly, I decided to let it go. But it gets to live on, here in the comments.
-Now for the serious half of this comment, which is STILL addressed to you, but also to >>1321318 as well.
SHIPPING. CHRSSY. LUNA. WHAT?
Anyone senseitive to potential spoilers (up to date is chapter sixteen as of this) may want to skip the numbered bit.
There. Moving on: let me state up a few apparant, solid facts.
1) Luna is not the most emotionally stable or self assured of ponies, and this is certainly a trying time for her.
2) Chrysalis is a proven self-interested and manipulative personality with an unspecified value of Luna's Essence/Soul/Mojo/Thing more or less under her direct control.
3) Chrysalis has displayed the ability to bend minds to her will, and can manage at least in so far as to weasel her thought's into Luna's awareness when she bothers to. She doesn't bother to do either very often.
Just looking at these, it's rather apparant that of shipping oppurtunities there are plenty, many of which meander down uncertain and dark paths, certain to change the nature of the story.
Will the story do this? I'm gonna be up front honest about this: Not likely. Certainly not in a plot dominating fashion anyway 
(...ok, that was terrible, considering the potential dynamics of the two. I should be punished.) Of course, the term 'ship' at its dark and insidious heart just means 'relationship' - its only in common usage that it's taken to mean 'romantic relationship' . And the lines between what consitutes the differences between such connections can be blurred at the best of times.
In short, there's uncharted territory in them dangerous waters, but its an aspect worth exploring. Just don't expect anything to come of it. Or do. I dunno. The story will let me know. I'm pretty sure Chrysalis lampshaded this exact conundrum in one of the early chapters. The story's so clever
Too Long To Read Edition : I will tentatively consider and explore the notion, but it is not a prominent theme as far as I've been made aware.
It feels like my comments are longer than my chapters 
*grrs* I despise mind-walkers who abuse their power. They always remind me of the Psi Core from Babylon 5. Arrogant, self-serving, murderous to the 'mundanes' they intended to enslave or eliminate.
But the Changelings should be made aware of one thing. Though stronger, though with great power at their beck and call, the telepaths lost the war.
Changeling powers use magic, magic of a very specific kind. Thus, it is quite easy to block and inhibit. They are over-specialized, they have inbred weakness and vulnerability. If only one pony could stop being a coward and realize this simple fact.
It's one thing I don't like about this story. The ponies are ALL incredibly weak-willed thus far. Even the strongest seems pathetically vulnerable and stupid. Even in a passive society, there are always those who foster paranoia. I would expect them to arise in their full glory now, and immediately target the changelings using measures they are certain to have developed after the first invasion.
>>1321923 I'm of course aware things may not go that way, but I can only hope they do. I expect more from this story than a one-sided tale in which the Changelings are just sooooo much smarter and craftier than the namby-pamby ponies. For if in this story, the changelins are much more intelligent that in the canon show, it only makes sense that the ponies must be also, lest it come off as mere species favoritism.
Anonymous comments currently disabled. Please register to make comments
Cancel
Send