Shining Armor and Princess Cadence forced the Changelings out of Canterlot, scattering them across Equestria. Luna flies in during the after party, and wonders what she missed.
When she finds out though, she isn't all that happy. The princess of the night, having slept through the changeling invasion, leaves Canterlot. In an attempt to aid the changelings.
Will she suceed? Or will time have broken any bridge she had formed?
AN: This is the pseudo-sequel to Stargazing Together. While it's not at all needed for this story, it will fill in some holes. And obviously I want you to go read something I wrote....
Chapters (2)
Pretty good so far
At first I did not really like the idea, but man the way you put it, it's great! I like it very much :) faved n thumbd! :)
2085301 Out of curiosity, what about the idea did you not like?
I very much like where this is going. I hope everypony feels horrible now for what they did to the Changelings, everypony except for Fluttershy. Good ol' element of kindness always pulls through.
This could be good, but I don't like Luna's reasons for getting angry, she presumes alot, and everyone else just seems to forget what happened.
Magnificent.
2085459 Well, Luna's reasons will be better explained soon. And what do you mean it seems like everyone else forgot what just happened?
Wonderful. And just like I always thought, I never thought changelings were evil. Very good start, a few minor mistakes. Like maybe one or two. But you sir, have earned a like and a favourite.
I see a whole lot of changeling apologist going on but I am willing to give things a chance...
with an AU tag ... maby things would be different.
Cadance was trapped under Canterlot castle for several WEEKS with no food or water. That is not something a "we were just looking for a snack Chrysalis would do". That is more of a "I hate you, DIE kind of Chrysalis ".
Chrysalis's whole "I will feed off all your ponies" song followed by the "I just kicked your asses Time To FEED" song does not lead me to think that there was ANY kindness involved in Chrysalis's thinking .. at all...
During the invasion we see changelings physically beat up and trap ponies. The "I want to Hurt You and Feed" beat you up not the "lets Hug" kind...
etc...
Most importantly ...
(according to this story) Fluttershy had a choice and she Chose to give some love to a changeling.
No one else did.
Not Nice Chrissy! you do NOT have the right to Take what you want! Go back to your hive and Stay There till you know what you did wrong!
Like i said .. as an AU this could be an Awesome story but it does not quite match up to the cannon episode...
2086046 It never said weeks. It fact, it never said how long. It could have been just a few days. And if it had been weeks, then the only way Cadence would have survived is if they kept her alive intentionally.
What song are you referring too? the "this day" aria never said anything about harming the ponies.
There wasn't a single depiction of violence in the whole episode done by the changelings. Except for the battle between them and The elements. And given that they don't want to be kicked out, it's perfectly understandable. The only ponies they trap are the guards, who would be trying to force them out. Again, understandable. And if changelings feed off love, why would they ever try to harm other ponies? How could they feed off love then?
Fluttershy was the only one who got that choice. None of the other changelings escorting them back fainted, so as I can have it that Fluttershy was at the back, she was the only one who was even given the chance to help them.
And if you don't like the idea behind the story, you don't have to read it......
2085576 they didn't mention several things that happened in the episode, other than that tbh, this is a good start. (sequel / start / w/e)
2086108
I Never said i did not like the story. I am sorry if i did not make that clear.
I just dont think it fits in with show cannon.
I must have watched a different This Day Aria than you did. Chrissy and her people were not exactly gentle with the ponies they were leaching love off of. Maniacal laughter , Check. heck look at her lyrics ...
or
"How dare you get angry with changelings feeding off you without your consent!" coming from Luna is kinda surprising but then again a thousand years ago she tried to force "eternal night" on the rest of the world so "If you wont choose to love me then i will Force you to love me!" is kinda in character from her...
FWIW Parasites kill their hosts all the time.
I am just trying to understand your story and the world you are building.
Understatement Of The Year!
2086640 Well, please allow me to refute your comment again. To start, again, the changelings never fight or harm anypony other than the Elements. We see one scene of them stalking up to a group of cowering ponies, though, as in this story they can feed off the love in the air around them, and I would expect those huddling ponies to be feeling both fear at the changelings, but also love for eachother, there is food for them to have. We then get another scene of them holding the guards captive, though as I said, there is a simple reason, they don't want to be kicked out.
Continuing on, in your first quote, I see nothing evil in that bit. She is stating that she feels no love for Shining, but that she still want's the marriage, and in my story, it's so she can feed off the love and give it to her children. In the second one, again, nothing exactly evil. And should they be starving, as they are in my fic, then Chrysalis controlling then, feeding off the love, makes sense.
Next, Luna doesn't say that. At all. What she's mad at is that the Elements never gave the Changelings a chance. She's mad that they just assumed they were evil without trying to figure it out for themselves. True they didn't exactly present themselves the best, but they weren't given a chance. Chrysalis never attacked anypony herself, it was Celestia who stuck first in their little battle, Chrysalis retaliated. She never showed any intention of harming Celestia until then, and even that can be said to have been done in self defense rather than malice.
And the changelings had to break in to be able to feed, not exactly leading to the best relations, but neither can it be called evil. If they are going to feed on the love in Canterlot, they can't be miles away, and there was no way to take down the barrier, so they had to destroy it.
It seems like you might have a bit of Draco In Leather Pants going on with the changelings, here. Though, if you could somehow explain all of their behavior in the episode as somehow benign, you *MIGHT* be able to work it out. And I say might very loosely.
Also, you need to have paragraph breaks for new speakers.
2798790 I'm not sure what you mean about 'Draco in Leather Pants.' I'm afraid I don't get the reference. Also, you don't seem to like the premise I'm going with in the first place. To you I say, you don't have to read this. No one is forcing you to read this story, or to even acknowledge it's existence.
And I do have paragraph breaks for new speakers. If there is one you find that doesn't, please, tell me where, and I will fix it.
2802176 No, no one is forcing me to read the story; I am just telling you that you have a difficult road ahead of you if you want to realistically portray the changelings, (who in the canon are essentially bloodthirsty parasites), as good guys, you have a LOT of work to do. Again, if it were done well, the idea could be brilliant, and I am willing to give this fic a chance on that. I am not at all questioning your ability to do so, as what I have read so far shows promise.
However, if done wrong, you might end up with a Draco in Leather Pants scenario, in which someone who is uncategorically a villain in the canon of the story is portrayed as a good guy in fanon or fan-fiction, without reasonable explanation. The reference comes from Draco Malfoy in the Harry Potter series, who was often portrayed in HP fanfic as a good guy, but without much explanation as to his motivation, or any rhyme or reason. That's the key, and if you have reasonable explanation, then you can pull it off.
Though it doesn't look like you're still working on the fic, unfortunately. I would encourage you to continue it just to flesh out this idea and see where you could go with it.
I don't hold the premise against you, and I think it could be an interesting premise if done right. It's actually kind of a novel idea. All I am asking for is a LOT of exposition and explanation with how the canon portrayal of the changelings differs from your portrayal, and a reasonable explanation why. It looks like others in the comments have already addressed this. This is something I do in my own stories, because I work with premises probably just as far-fetched, if not more so (in the eyes of a common reader) as "the changelings were good all along."
My premises include "Celestia hates the unicorns" and "King Sombra was little more than a junkie." So, believe me, I am willing to give almost any fan-fiction with almost any premise a shot, given what I myself write
That's all I'm getting at, and if I seemed snippy or dismissive then I apologize.
The paragraph breaks should be whenever dialogue is introduced. So in this paragraph,
I'd include a paragraph break right here:
You also need a comma after spoke, rather than a period. Hope that helps.
2804210 Well, thank you for explaining the reference. I got the Harry Potter bit, but not your full meaning. And, as I believe I have stated, though the comment may be gone, nothing the changelings did in the episode was exactly evil. You say
however, I disagree. The only ponies they in some way harm, or even do anything to, are the two guard ponies, shown trapped in the goo, and Celestia, who they needed to keep out of the way. They are never shown hurting ponies in any way. There is one scene of them advancing on a small family, but again, nothing evil is shown. While it may have been implied, that still leaves room for me as a writer to take it however I want. So, I'm going to say I don't have as much work cut out for me as you think. By characterizing Celestia as a xenophobe, and showing Chrysalis as not knowing the full implications of what she had done, I think I've covered the bases quiet well.
And to make a reference that came to me, you can no more punish the changelings for wanting to be in Canterlot, during the wedding, given my head canon, than you can punish Jean Valjean for stealing a loaf of bread. Now, I know they are both punished, quite harshly, considering the crime, but I believe my reference stands.
As for the place you say I should have a paragraph break, well I don't need one. And I don't feel like putting one in there. I feel it would break up the action, in a way I don't want. I want that part to simply flow.
Lastly, about the 'coma splice.' I don't think I do need one. Now, I'm not a professional writer, nor did I pay much attention in my English classes, but I have a decent grasp of the language. Here, I am using the past tense of 'to speak,' becoming 'spoke.' I am not using any form of 'to say.' As you say something, and do not speak something, speak being more of a definitive action, which can stand alone, whereas say requires something to be said, I feel I can end the sentence on a period. Since you have brought it up though, I will ask some people I trust, and learn from them.
Why....why did they run from us? Oh....oh yeah.
Goin great! MOOOARR!
good good.
You mean Mareis.
3018655 Mareis is the capitol of Prance. They are not in Mareis.
3018814
That was what I was referring to.
3018822 Well then, I change my earlier comment. Paris is the capitol of Prance. I like Paris.
3019429
Ah.
3028588 Because I can, and I want to.
3029628 Will this continue at any point?
7312143 I don't know. Right now I'm taking a long break from writing. I do plan to get back to it eventually, but it might not be for quite some time.
Interesting, this one. I will be waiting for more. No rush, though.
8438146
This is on a very long hiatus. I feel I need to finish stargazing before I can get to work on this one. And I may have to start this completely over, I'm not sure. Glad you like the idea though.
8438783
I am also reading Stargazing, so I have no problem with you focusing on that. And if you need to start over on this one, that's fine, I can deal with it. :)
Hahahahaha!! I love this! Put the ponies in their place and help Chrysalis. I can barely find any stories like this. It's also more well written than some of them I do find. Though your delivering could be better executed like how that one reviewer mentioned.
My personal ship is with Luna and Chrysalis. But I can see the appeal for the other side. Would you hand this story off to someone else?