Changeling Heart and the New Moon
chapter nineteen
Luna understood that silence was more than the absence of sound. It had nuances entirely its own. It could be the inquisition that asked for everything mere words couldn’t, and the tranquility when nothing need be said at all. There were as many types of silence as there were rain, and Luna had reflected upon both in the long hours of the night.
Celestia ensured neither intruded on their dinner. Beyond the towering windows the sun glided softly unto the horizon, filling the dining hall with a golden glow. It was a daily ritual that Celestia had begun with earnest soon after her return from the nightmare, and what had been at first apprehensive for Luna had become routine. Now she found the feeling old and withered, not worth noting against the warmer appreciation she held in her chest.
The princess of day had been both gentle and adamant in making this time their own. Short of a crisis, the sisters were not to be disturbed for anything, nor did she allow unhappy matters to pollute the atmosphere between them. Servants only came as called, and at that were expedient to leave. The princesses were about as alone - and together - as they could be.
Luna followed her sister’s talk with half an ear. Like so many things upon her return from banishment, she had found Celestia’s fondness for small talk alarming, then with time it had become familiar, even reassuring. It kept her from withdrawing into the depths of her own concerns for a time.
They sat at opposite ends of a long table. It made up for its scarcity of ponies and dishes with a rich, flowing cloth and an abundance of decorative silverware. It was as much old habit as even older formality that kept Luna to this seat, indeed, there were evenings where she knew in her bones that both could be damned, that she and her sister could sit together like they weren’t princesses at all. Celestia always had a sly, teasing humour to her words, but the distance across the woodwork was vast, and stretched the sneaky jokes and innuendoes out of shape. Some things just had to be expressed with a nudge and wink, and nothing else would do.
Luna frowned as an internal struggle ran its course, and Celestia cut short on her latest little anecdote, probably worried she’d said something wrong. “...Luna. Luna?”
The dark princess broke free from her expression, settling into a small, silly little smile as she levitated her seat and the dishes of her meal to be set back up halfway down the table. It wasn’t the kind of thing she’d usually do, and it felt like a victory. Luna could have pondered whether to see it as an uncommon break from her norm for being a victory, or a victory for being an uncommon from her norm, but gave no thought it on either account. Here she was, and there was Celestia, and suddenly she knew what she wanted and it was a simple matter to go and make it happen.
Part of Luna still pleaded of how unsure it was, but right now that part wasn’t holding the reins. Something had shaken loose in her, and it felt - dare she think it - good. She bit through a tomato with a prideful, vengeful chomp of satisfaction.
Celestia met Luna halfway, smiling in a bemused kind of way. She watched as another tomato met its grisly demise, only to have another red orb lifted for sacrifice. It was enough of a show to distract the white alicorn from her own meal.
Luna ate as if she hadn’t done so for a week. She thought that, yes, that was nearly the case, but she had never been very particular to food. One just had to look at the sisters to see the secret of which one smuggled extra desserts to her chambers.
She stopped to breathe only after her lettuce had been shredded and consumed. She huffed out a sigh, knocked back a glass of ice water, cubes and all, then tore into the alfalfa as if it had personally offended her.
“Luna, are you feeling well?” Celestia’s tone was still light and airy, even playful, but perched on a high ledge. It wouldn’t take too much to tip it over. Luna was determined not to. This wasn’t always the case, especially when her more mercurial moods took her, but starting now she felt determined to master herself.
And so, the dark alicorn princess of the night applied her impressive will, with utter seriousness, to relaxing and loosening up. Just the thought of being serious about that was enough to do the the trick, she couldn’t help but smile knowingly to herself. She felt very clever indeed.
“I am alright, so do not worry. A word of advice if you are to visit changelings: bring your own food.” Espying her sister biting into a dainty little cake, she wiggled in her seat and went on. “Especially you, I know how you love it so.”
The cake paused mid-flight as Celestia looked to her, than to it, then back to her. Luna teased it away with her magic, stealing it for herself. Celestia blinked helplessly, then a second time for good measure.
“Did you...did you just make a joke. About me?”
Luna hesitated, and it suddenly hit her that she was so close to her sister. For all the times they’d ever sat here together, this was the first time she could reach out and pinch from Celestia’s plate. She just had. The realization of it hit her, and hit her hard. This was her sister, princess Celestia. Her sister. Princess Celestia. Her sister. Princess Celestia.
Then Celestia beamed and hugged Luna like they’d just learned to fly, asphyxiating her in poofy whiteness. It ended as quickly, but the laughter of both echoed like fine music across the grand hall. Luna felt like she had when she’d ascended through the thorns, but all she could think was why have I not done this sooner?
Her sister loved humour, she’d always known this. Luna put up with it, sometimes poorly. Yet never in the ups and downs had she thought, like with this uselessly long table, to meet her halfway with it. It made her feel strangely selfish. After all, she had known how much it mattered to her sister to play in wit and mischief.
Laughter had been one of her elements. Luna shooed the thought away as if it were an annoying little bird. It could do nothing more to her than chirp, after all.
Celestia went on smiling. “I’m surprised, Luna. Of all the times for such a thing, especially about them...it’s not what I expected.” The white alicorn bit into a cake as if sad to see it go.
Luna might have said: Oh, and pray thee tell, what did you expect? She might have said: Well then, perhaps you do not know me as well as you would wish to. She might have said: I’m fine. Any and all of them were more than possible, they were likely and in accordance with Luna.
What she actually said - after the stolen cake was maimed - was this: “It’s alright. I think I would even like to speak of recent events, it would do us both good.” A white wing draped over Luna as Celestia leaned against her.
“Are you sure? I’m just happy to have you back safe and sound.” Luna could feel the feathery wing pulling her closer, and she let it.
“Yes, I am.” Celestia pulled her closer still, resting her chin atop Luna’s head in a way that forced her to fold up on herself, something not entirely unpleasant considering. For a second Luna just felt the breath of their bodies, waiting patiently for the inevitable question.
“Why, Luna? Why this, why them? Was it-”
It was mercy that bid Luna to cut off her sister. “No, it was nothing you did or didn’t do.” It was like she was warmth and Celestia melted atop it, the way the white alicorn’s sigh released tension Luna hadn’t even realized was there. She sagged another inch under her sister’s touchy embrace, like a glacier of pillows atop her. Luna pulled away, not because she wanted to, but because she needed to look her sister in the eye as she spoke.
“It is about what I have done, and what I have not. I realized that there was all too much of the latter, and not enough of the former. I failed to be there for our little ponies twice in their hours of need. I needed to do something. Anything, to earn my title and live up to this role.” All this had plagued her thoughts on and off for a long time, but Luna couldn’t help but know that the truth she spoke wasn’t necessarily the truth she felt inside. The little bird upon her thoughts chirped once more, this time with righteous indignation, and the dark mare had to look away from the face of open compassion. Always, Luna seemed to find consequences before rationalizations, even for herself.
Something in her said: ease up, this is not the time or place for that kind of thinking. It was a silence from the inside that hardly seemed her own, but it jarred Luna enough to dislodge her from the usual rut of her thoughts. This was still dinner, still their time. She was still Luna, as was Celestia. Things weren’t so bad, and those that were...they’d work out. Somehow.
Luna shrugged. “I know I did not think before I acted, but once I did it was too late to turn back. I needed to finish what I started. I still do.” At least this much echoed through her with truth, though Celestia’s smile had faded to a worried little frown. Then she was aware of it herself, and smiled once more; it would have fooled any other pony, but not Luna.
She met it with a smile of her own. “Take heart, sister. I feel the foal for what I have done, and what I have put you through, but I am returned now and have no intentions to leave again any time soon. And think, soon a feared and loathed creature will be welcomed throughout Equestria under the feathers of peace. Will that not be something?” The royal white chin nestled atop her head once more, and both alicorns smirked.
“Yes, Luna. That will be something.”
If only time were merciful and let them stay that way a while longer. But no, the seconds marched as diligently as ever to the far end of eternity, dragging the helpless moments along with them, even the good ones. Especially the good ones.
Dinner ended, and despite all the reasons for melancholy Luna felt well, hoping her sister left with much the same warmth to her chest and bounce to her step.
Wise or no, Luna had decided to hold court for a few hours of the night sometime after dusk. In the meantime, she could digest both food and thought, bathe her body and mind.
The sun was setting, and with it the halls and rooms that were hers, looking much like any other by day, began to truly show themselves as her domain within the castle. As per her own instruction, these places left to her privacy were dark. Curtains shut out all daylight so that the only illumination were candles. These glowed with pale moonlight rather than golden flame, making a path of lights that softened every edge and surface just as the full moon would upon breaking through the clouds of an overcast night. From what her twinned guardsponies had to say on the matter, the castle staff were divided on whether this arrangement made the wing sublime and ethereal, or just downright spooky. Enough seemed to tolerate it, even like it, to keep the chambers therein cleanly and provided for without complaint.
Certainly Wax and Wane didn’t mind, the way they were sprawled across her own royal bed. From the rug Cruithne lay curled, pleading with her eyes of the woe that her spot on the bed had been taken. It was well large enough to nearly fit ten pairs of ponies, let alone one, no matter how they stretched out and snagged the blankets, but it was foalishness to expect the dog to see it that way.
Those ponies that feared her and mistrusted her, Luna had to wonder what they imagined of her. The darkness and night nurtured parts of the imagination the day never even knew were there. Surely they thought plenty of things, but probably not two passed out pegasi, huffing in their sleep and beaming with wide, tired grins on her bed. Their last waking thought probably had been a sincere hope to see the look on her face right now, as she walked in on them.
Cruithne scampered to Luna, keening a low whine that said much to the effect of: that’s our bed, make them go away. I’m tired and it’s not fair.
As if in retort, one of them snorted and turned over in his sleep, tapping his identical brother in the head with a hind hoof. The motion revealed a cutie mark of the left-most sliver of the moon, the one feature that distinguished Wane from Wax, whose own mark was the right-most slivered crescent. From the bedside stand, the little black moon pendant Wane had worn glowed with a pale light, yearning towards Luna. As much as the first time she had seen one it was off putting, and she silently dropped it into the drawer before turning her eye back on the exhausted ponies.
“Off my bed.” There was, of course, no response, excepting a murmuring sigh of sleep. “Off my bed,” she said again, louder. Still nothing. Luna couldn’t help but feel giddy for their daring. “Off my bed!” she shouted, dragging them both from the clutches of warm blanket with her magic.
Both pegasi startled into wakefulness, legs and wings flailing in six different directions each as their heads struggled to put it all together.
“Oh! Uh, Luna! Found him, yes! Just rested our eyes for a second!” Wane whipped about until he too faced the princess, suspended helplessly in the dim glow of her power.
“That’s right! He’s so right! We totally were not sleeping in your bed-”
“-Your huge-”
“-soft-”
“-warm, fluffy bed!”
Wane blinked, his irises like blue cotton candy in the soft glow of lights. Just as Wax’s did, his eyes’ colour never seemed come to a decision as to what it actually was. “Perish the thought, my lady liege! We’d never dare do such a thing.”
Luna smiled. “Except if you were very tired?”
Wax’s eyes were more of a lavender, as he eagerly nodded with deep, tossing bobs of his head that shook his body. “Except if we were very tired.”
“Absolutely tired.”
“Dead tired.” Luna dropped them on the floor in a heap of flailing feathers. “Did we mention how tired we were?”
“Maybe,” she said softly. “Maybe once. Once or twice.” The brothers disentangled with shoves and grunts, then stood before her at eager attention. They yawned simultaneously, like two reflections of one pony. Their loyalty stoked the embers of her heart. “Go get some proper rest, in your own beds. I can manage a bit longer without you. You’ve both earned it.”
They nodded thankfully and made to leave, Cruithne wasted no time in reclaiming her spot at the foot of the bed. Their voices spoke “Thank you, our lady liege,” in perfect unison from the door, then faded into echoes and whispers of happy strife as they left.
“I earned it more.”
“Like hay you did, you just got lucky. Besides, we both know that she knows I’m the better looking one.”
“Yeah, sure, go on believing that you dolt...”
By the pale moonlight candles Luna shook her head, feeling silly with herself - in a good way. C.A.D.S finest, indeed. Once, on a whim, the dark princess had checked the royal guards rosters for the castle, just to see if any of those names had ever been associated with the same place from which she’d drawn her two and only two specific ponies. It hadn’t been surprising that none had.
She’d be the first to admit that they weren’t at all guard material. It was a trait - or lack of one - that had drawn her to them in the first place. The brothers had such titles for her; our lady liege this and our dark mistress that. It was a little embarrassing, always flushing her cheeks with a warmth to be lavished with such teasing, lighthearted sentiment. They probably kept a list somewhere, writing down potential titles and sounding them out first before loosing them on Luna’s ears. She wouldn’t put that kind of thing past them.
And yet for all of it, their own title was... what was it, actually? They were too outspoken to be guards and too...well, outspoken to be servants. A royal guard on Celestia’s bed would be scandal, absolute scandal, even in the most innocent of circumstances, but here it was just another day with Wax and Wane in her employ, and nopony would be any the wiser.
Being the night princess had some perks, after all.
Two chocolate eyes bore into Luna from the bed. She poked at Cruithne for a moment, nudging the tufts of fur this way and that, all the while big self-pity filled eyes suffered her torment. “You could have just shared with them, you know.” For her part, the pet looked like she could weep for such a slanderous statement. Luna cuddled her dog.
“Learn to share, you big softie.”