I like writing ponies. And violent explosions. For some reason, that's not a problem here.
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Twilight has been asking Chrysalis for her freedom, but tonight, she takes it. She will ignore the armies of changelings, and the fact that her magic is restrained, and the strange flashes of partial memory that keep popping up the closer to freedom she gets...
Written for the Twysalis prompt collab!
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Just as good as the first time i've read it my little drone
This one was amazing. The ol' switcharoo.
5758147 A pleasure to serve the Hive.
5758198 Thankee! :)
wow powerful extremely powerful
5760668
Thank you!
5760670 no thank you for the amazing story
AJ says:
Sad and Dark tags don't do this justice. The tags should be something like Mournful and Sinister or Mournister.
Absolutely incredible and depressing story
and now it's time to go listen to pinkie pies fun song to get out of this funk.
5761588 MUAHAHAHAH....FEEL THE SADS! FEEL IT FLOW WITHIN YOU!
It was very well made, stalemate situation, that untold story why Chrysalis don't try to help her is only show how hard all of this is.
Seriously very well made, sad loop is sad and best
Wow.
May I advise you to look at the ending? I found a spelling mistake.
(There's also a mistake in the short description.
)
5763557 Having bad things happen to a character isn't character bashing, and a change in genre isn't an attack on the show.
Writing a story isn't about making good things happen to the characters. It's about providing conflict, evoking emotion, and creating a narrative that draws in the reader. We started out with an image of Twilight, the changelings, and Chrysalis, as well as the world outside the hive; as Twilight moves closer to the surface, our impression of every one of this changes. Twilight is a broken pony, the changelings are trying to survive, Chrysalis is desperately trying to keep hope alive, and the world she yearned for was hell on earth. And then her memories are wiped, the cycle continues--but amidst the otherwise perfect repetition of the start of the chapter, there is a slight change...
Having bad things happen (or presenting the risk of bad things happening) to a character is a basic part of storytelling. Whether this is running out of coffee or having her world destroyed, it is a necessary part of storytelling. Why do people do this to Twilight, or any character from a show they love? Because they like Twilight Sparkle and want to write stories examining every aspect of her character, bringing her into situations where they can only extrapolate how she would respond or partially recreating her to fit into the framework of the world they're building while remaining, to some extent, the same character. Or they want to look deeper into the implications of otherwise minor details from the show. Or because they have a story idea, and the character who's behavior would most fit it is Twilight. Or any of dozens of reasons, perhaps two of which come from any desire to torture her.
5763557 ... I don't think you understand how this 'storytelling' thing works.
5761588
Needs the tragedy tag at the very least...
Amazing story though. Horrific, but well written. Well done.
Really? I am fine with loop stories but this seems impractical.
5763662 Aww, thank you!
5763869 I know!
5763939 Ah, thank you, I'll look into that
5764375
5764370 Umm...did I miss something here?
5765001 "Horrific, but well-done" seems to apply to a lot of what I accomplish.
5765435 Well...maybe, but it's fiction. Impracticality is a non-issue as far as fiction is concerned.
5766819 Basically, he said that this story is garbage because you did bad things to Twilight, 'spitting on' MLP in the process.
5766836 Oh. Dude must be new here.
Holy shit that was some damned fine mind-fuckery right there!
5766819 The poster deleted his comment so I can't quote him, but he basically called you out as someone who hated Twilight for putting her through this, said that he didn't understand how anyone could do such things to the character, and accused you and everyone who writes this sort of things as being fake fans for defiling the spirit of it.
So, basically, Equestria is invaded by the monsters from Doom or Warhammer or something, they proceed to murdertorture their way across Equestria, Twilight goes insane, and the other Princesses given the comment about resilience probably got dragged back to wherever they came from.
Yay
5766970 Wannit, though?
5766997 Oh...very new here, then. Someone obviously unclear of how this whole "fimfiction" thing works.
5768274 They be real.
5770055 Naww, they're dead. HAPPY FRICKIN' EASTER!! HERE'S SOME SAD!
5770251
DRAGGED TO A HELL DIMENSION FOR ETERNAL TORTURE!!! So that they can be someday rescued! Headcanon over ALL!
That was an excellent read^^
My problem now is I want to know everything about this world now:what or who is left, how is Chrysalis planing to rebuild Equestria and so on but you rarely get answers with this kind of stories^^
5815770 Well, now you can work those answers out for yourself :3
Not bad, but it really reinforced why I always avoid sad/tragedy+dark stories. Depressing as hell.
5826274 Eh, I usually do too, but that doesn't stop me from posting em :)
At first, I thought a weakness in the implication that it was a loop was that she wouldn't be allowed to actually escape if she'd done it before, but then I re-read the guards' dialogue. I still say it seems dumb that they'd have a system so flawed that she escapes the same way multiple times with even a remote chance to genuinely evade recapture, but it was accounted for better than I thought.
5941920 Not sure if compliment, or thinly-veiled jab.
5942653 Not a jab; more of a modified criticism. I don't know what's veiled about it. For a compliment, I thought the characterization was well done.
5942758 Ah. Sorry, it's been so long since I've actually received constructive criticism it can be hard.
For being an alicorn you havet to have the right mind. Someone who wouldn't be able to live without friends would never became one. And the Twilight in the show doesn't look like the type to became crazy from loosing a friend.
Where the hell is the tragedy tag?
7199647 DAMMIT! Hold on...
7200586
I was not prepared...
7200620 I know, I'm sorry
7200626
No worries
7007067
It's one thing if they died of natural causes, but Twilight likely saw all of her loved ones be savagely killed and then she herself was captured and brutally tortured. All of that could easily warp even the strongest of minds.
My only question is, what's keeping her memories at bay? Obviously, she's doomed to repeat the same thing over and over again every time she's saved...
7667987 I figured it had to be something in the Hive, as the magic holding it at bay only faded as she got further from it's interior.
7668142
What you see is what you get, in other words. Okay.
7668563 I'm a fairly blunt man with a fairly blunt writing style, it will rarely be anything else :)
It must be hard on her knowing that Twilight only has spark and will to live when she thinks that she is an enemy who captured her.
Excellent.
Jesus Christ.