Sometimes, evil can hide in the most innocent things... but what happens when the inner good is covered by an appearance of evil?
Chapters (4)
RainbowsAreMagic
Joined 6th Mar, 2012 ·
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Short chapters, but an interesting concept. Do go on.
Modeling is a given, but considering what Twilight usually has Spike doing, that he has handy claws, and that he is willing to work for a few gems, even damaged ones she can't use for her work, this seems questionable.
Interesting premise, I'll be keeping a eye on this, dood.
Well, looks interesting, I hope the short chapters mean this could have relatively fast updates, tracking.
Also you have to wonder how can Twi miss being taller and wearing either armor or regalia...
Oooo. Mysterious. I like it!
interesting idea, faved, i want to see where it goes
1427102 Twilight doesn't see them, that's how. When she looks directly at illusions, she sees right through them. Remember that tea that she had with Zecora?
I have read all of the chapters of this story. It was better then okay, but not great. A few miner mistakes here and there. Your chapters need to be longer. I kind of like the concept it has potential.
1431610 What kind of mistakes?
ponyfictionarchive.net/images/gallery/galleries/Macros%20-%20Dash/dash%20wait%20what.jpg
Some were, I forgot were but you misspelled here instead of there. I can't seem to recall any more.
1431812 Aww. Thanks anyway.
now i understand the tragedy tag maybe you could do a sequel where they discover that it is actually twilight they attacked and turned to stone over a curse and misunderstandings
That was... incredibly abrupt. I'm not really sure what to say other than that.
wat ..
1431851 I know. That's the one thing about this story I don't like as much. I might change it, draw it out a bit more, but I'm not really sure what else to put in there.
The ending is a little weak, and very abrupt.
Noone seems concerned Twi is 'missing' when finding her should be the #1 priority, and it seems ooc for Celestia to just remote-kill someone without verifying who and why...
I also think you need to do more to justify the comedy tag.
1431926 Thanks for reminding me; I was going to remove that tag. And technically, Twilight isn't actually dead...
I'm considering re-writing the ending so that there's a final confrontation in which Twilight again tries to establish that she hasn't gone bad, and thus everypony knows who the monster is, but not that said monster isn't a monster.
1431926 I agree. There's a thing called "pacing", something which this story is severely lacking in. I normally don't downvote something unless it's unreadable, but you have an interesting premise, and I get all excited, just to get this out-of-left-field end of story chapter.
1432063 I think I'll re-write the last chapter, then, if it's that bad.
1431993
>Thanks for reminding me; I was going to remove that tag.
The other option would be to add some funny, if you are inclinded to go that route. The core concept has great potential for assorted humour.
Discord escapes, takes one look at Twilight, screams like a little girl and runs for the border.
Twilight finds she now has an evil villain laugh, so whenever she hears a joke, you get a malevolent "Mwhahahaha!!!".
A cult decides to worship Twilight, and tries to interpret everything she says as an evil commandment.
Twilight's very presence causes corruption, an evil aura gradually warping the surrounding area into a gothic horror show. The library becomes a twisted spooky tree with crows on the branches and all other nearby plant life dead. Ponies get a chill walking past the place, animals flee, and milk curdles. Obviously, this means a cheese maker sets up shop next to the library to take advantage of this, and produces a best selling "Nightmare Cheese". (A pinch of evil in every bite!)
When Luna sees Twilight, it frightens her so badly that Nightmare Moon is able to emerge and reassert control. Nightmare Moon then falls in love with Twilight, and spends all her time tying to get Twilight into bed.
Twilight gains the power to command bats and snakes. Needless to say, she commands them to "Aaaaaargh!".
>I think I'll re-write the last chapter, then, if it's that bad.
The main problem is that it just doesn't resolve anything. What was the thing Twilight found? It's obviously some other artifact, but does it do anything other than making her look scary? Can she remove it? Can she cast an illusion over herself?
What about that tea Zecora had? Couldn't she use that to show she's still herself?
1432404 The whole idea is that Twilight isn't evil; she only looks evil. And the comedy tag was left over from a prior story concept that I discarded.
Regarding the tea, she could indeed do so... if she could convince anypony to drink it.
The problem with casting an illusion is that the Nightmare form is bigger. Twilight would have to cast something that would make her look like her normal self, while also covering the illusory Nightmare. This isn't spatially feasible.
Twilight pretty much just found an artifact that makes her look like she would if she were to develop a Nightmare form. That's all it does, but the illusion is very powerful, even standing up to magical examination - even Princess Celestia is fooled.* The tea, of course, is alchemical, bypassing the protections completely.
Twilight may go to Zecora, who also drank the tea and thus can also see through the illusion. With Zecora on her side, everypony should believe her, right?
*This is not unreasonable, as Queen Chrysalis of the changeling swarm managed it quite readily.
This is good, but it lacks a description other than the cover image...
I'm interested to see where you want to take this. Hope you update again soon!
the ending lines make me really excited!!
Short Chapters and stories like this, I just Love it!!!
after reading the last sentence and look for the continuation,
I was like,
I WANT MORE!!!!
I REQUEST MOAR interesting chapters on my desk ASAP......if you don't mind
MOAR!
Pretty interesting so far...
...... What?
Well I see this story is abandoned, a shame
Well, I found this cause someone asked in a group if anyone knew this story. I put on my deerhunter and found this.
No mention of it being odd finding such an item in the middle of the Everfree?
I really think this should have been mentioned earlier. Possibly how spending time with Zecora helped take Twilight's mind off the issue of the missing Element.
Damn it Spike! Screwing things up again!
I think this whole thing could use a rewrite. It is too fast and all Twilight's friends seem a little OOC.
3600622
That it is, that it is... Shame really, was a great concept.
3600782
I don't see why it had a dark tag as seeing how Twilight was only wearing an illusion or something like that as revealed in the comments.
3600789 It has a Bad End that makes the tag necessary. I never finished writing that part though. I keep meaning to come back and finish it, but I never have the time or motivation to do so.
3607515
She looks so much like NMM that she is executed or banished? That seems pretty OOC to me for her friends.
3607532 There's a reason I never finished it... Even those decent parts of it are not very good, and it's not really worth the time it would take to fix the thing.
3607577
It did seem to have issues. I could see the premise being comedic but not tragic or dark. I guess if you ever wanted to take such a premise you could run with it.
THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER!!!!!! Keep doing it!
.....I hate it when I find a story I like only for the author to have left before hand.
Hey, there gonna be more, or is this it? Cause it would be a rain shame if this is it.
will you releas more
10158016
Nigga, you're really replying to a SEVEN year old comment? How dunce can you get?
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