Celestia and Luna's royal bard. Nature is my God, Art is my religion, Love is the Law. Concordia Invictus
Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash have been through a lot over the years. They've faced down mad gods and dragons and pledged loyalty and love to one another. This is they story of how they fell in love and the trials that brought them closer.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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@RoyalBardofCanterlot...
I give this a positive-sided "Not Bad," for its start. I will reserve a more solid judgment for later story progress/completion.
One minor critique, though... You are skirting the edges of "walls of text" with such tight format. I would suggest having some spacing between paragraphs and spoken lines.
I like the idea behind this and I think you start hitting your stride after the bit about the egg sandwich, however it is the exposition at the start that is a bit weak. It has a lot of tell instead of show and is just a block of exposition. I have a feeling that is also what gives it the wall of text feel too. They are not bad ideas by any means but that text right at the start is sadly probably the least interesting way to give us those ideas.
It still is a good start and I hope to read more soon.
@Crimson Dawn. Hmm, perhaps I'll write another chapter detailing those events and remove the exposition. Thanks for the review.
5667619
Overall I do think it is an improvement over the original. Good work.
This adorable, and I don't even ship PinkieDash!
They are cute and funny vignettes. Not my usual style but I am enjoying them.
Why you do this?
Dem feels hurt bad.
5815948 Don't worry. The story's not done yet.
I do like the idea of the smells associated with Pinkie as being a comfort to Dash. It is easy to forget how much smell can put you at ease or make you feel nervous.
I'v only finished the first chapter and I'm alreddy a whirlpool of emotion well done!!
Good for Gilda.
The confession came a little too quickly, and it was accepted a little too quickly, too. Other than that, this chapter was well written.
Still really good. I would actually love to see this in the show (with some taken out) because there's some life lessons and because since today young ones are getting boyfriends/girlfriends earlier (I know I have two younger sisters) this would be important to show how you should be loyal and not just a toy, if you get what I mean. Also I think it would be really cute
Still enjoying this greatly. Loved the part when they woke up and started to remeber
Still Whyyyyyyyyy??????
MOREMOERRRRRRRRRR
5873065 Thanks for the reviews. I'm working on a new chapter.
RoyalBardofCanterlot where is the next chapter for this story
5910339 I'll upload it later today.
5912545 okay
Nice sweet chapter
GildaDust forever lol.
A nice quiet ending for a nice story.
Very romantic.
OMG SOOO CUTE!!
Can't wait to read the next chapter!!
Sooo cute!!
XD I died of laughter
Very cute and silly!
And I like how Lightning and Rainbow are buddies. BrOTP
OMG NOOO WHYYY
XD Still liked it though
GOD DAMN IT GILDA! I KNEW THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!! EHHH *cries*
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!! Go good Gilda!!
Awww!~ Yay!
GildaDust lol
New ship!
7704637 Glad you enjoyed it.
7704763 YOU BET! 9/10