You now face godlike judgement. May it extend eternally.
With the recent victory at the Black Garden, Guardians in the Sol system celebrate. The Traveler is beginning to communicate with the Speaker and the Ghosts once more. And now there is a new desire from the Traveler: take the fight to the Darkness. With a squad of Ghosts chosen, they are sent to the outer reaches of the Sol system. None of them expected to find what they did.
(Crossover: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic + Destiny (Year 1 and hints of Year 2 content))
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Genius.
Nice. Been a while since I played Destiny.
this is interesting... do you need/want any OC guardians?
awesome
This admittedly intrigued me, but once you started referencing game mechanics like levels and the like all my interest just jumped out the window. Suggest revising those parts and refraining from them in the future, keep the story more organic and believeable.
5756654
There actually is a planned explanation for the level system upcoming in the next update. It's not as arbitrary as you may think. I do hope you'll stick around for the next chapter to see it.
5755236
I was actually quite proud of that. I had to think about how to summon Pinkie, and then I remembered the Pinkie Promise episode and I was like… RITUAL.
5755825
I already have the only OC guardian I'm really ever going to need. He'll be introduced next chapter.
Thank you all for your comments.
<3 DarqFox
This is good
I love destiny and this was not an enbarisment to it like other destiny crossovers are good job
5757067
Bro nice destiny is my fave game
This story is awesome
Hope this isn't as boring as the game.
Him... I do like how you incorperate 'levels' into a ranking system. It feels as natural as levels can be, in a story.
5786982
The tale of Dredgen Yor was what convinced me to keep that aspect in the story. Having it be a ranking system to keep Guardians from growing too quickly and either getting killed by lack of experience or corrupted for want of power just felt like it belonged. The Vanguard has been known to do some sketchy shit, and playing "big brother" on their Guardians would fit right in with some of the other skeletons they've got in their metaphorical closet.
<3 DarqFox
Do I detect small Twishy hints?
5819341
Perhaps. Perhaps not. Ships (the relationship kind) won't play much of a role here, so there prolly won't be any overt confirmation, but hints galore.
<3 DarqFox
Spike? Spike! SPIIIIKKKEEE
Now I want to play the game with a mod for ponies now! That would be cool to see.
I feel sorry for all the grinding they'll have to do once they reach level 20.
There is no way in **** I'm going to track down every little hidden dead cube just to find out more about 2014's hottest 7/10.
I'll just stick to reading your story. It will be easier.
Moarmoaoar rawr
I am waiting for them to get an exotic
Well shit,
An archon,
Great grammar, great plot; what more could a human ask for? I have no clue but congrats on making a great crossover! Please keep on going with grace and sheer awesomeness! I'll be watching. *Points two fingers at eyes before swerving hand to point at yours before cheerfully smiling*
5931305
Just wait until they go home. It's gonna be fun!
<3 DarqFox
Dang! That was a battle, but I can't help wondering if there is a seventh guardian that might show up for the last ship. I wonder who that could be?
I can't wait for everyone else to show off their class abilities.
Wow that was a great battle. You made me picture that perfectly. I always marveled the battle scenes in books where I can see the combatants clear as day, but when I try to write my own fight scenes I can't make them appear in text like others. Still, it's nice to read them.
I'm not trying to offend bladedancers,
But I hate blade dancers,I don't really enjoy playing as a hunter
Warlocks and Voidwalkers fo life chumps...
5934536
To each their own. But I absolutely LOVE Hunters. Hunters are just my style. Free, cunning bastards that live for the thrill of the hunt. Although I can see why others would enjoy the other classes.
When stuck in a hole, this is how the classes get out:
Hunters take out their knives and stab it into the dirt, and climb out using their knives as climbing pegs.
Warlocks mutter sorceries and lift themselves out of the hole.
Titans punch a motherfucking staircase into the wall and somehow get out first.
<3 DarqFox
5934633 that's not how I work, I make the hunter and Titan fight while I leave,
5936557
This was supposing they were separately in a hole, not all at once.
<3 DarqFox
The pinkie pie summon trick just earned you an up vote
5915374 aw shit, indeed, I almost feel sorry for it
5934633 hell yeah we do!- Titan Enderblade
Rainbow... there are some things that are always true in the world of Destiny... and a Walker being 'easy' is not one of those...
I wonder who this Alicorn is. I'm just hoping she's on their side of the fight.
I'm sorry, but... this is just incompetently done.
Sample strikes:
To get the mane six in as guardians, you decide to wipe out all life on Equis. OFFSCREEN. This is bad, as it automatically makes the story less interesting by default without effective characterization and a great deal of skill and effort. You basically brushed it off with relatively little effect on the ponies (albeit you did impose some effect on them). They're nowhere near broken up as they should be from 'I got put down for a while and missed trying to save everything and everyone I cared about, and oh fuck there's Princess Celestia's bones right there!'. Especially Twilight, who could have expected to be with Celestia for centuries and missed... everything with her. To give an example of doing it right: Well, Fallout Equestria. Where from nearly the very first chapter despite the apocalypse happening offscreen, it has vastly more effect on the setting than you gave to the mane six in your fic. For all that they're affected by the events, they might as well have suffered a teleportation accident that transported them.
Clunky prose. I don't have a sample strike off the top of my head, but it's--wooden. Not as bad a strike as others (even I have my off days of wooden prose), but it's just a pervasive stiffness that makes the fic as a whole less interesting and makes it harder for me to keep going despite the good points.
Randomly turning the ponies into human-alikes. Just... why? With this, you've effectively completed the extinction of the pony race, and it's not so much the mane six anymore. If you wanted to do their human counterparts, you could have just as easily rezzed the girls from EqG and Sunset, as that's well within the Ghost's capabilities. By turning them human, you've negated most of the interesting character interaction quirks that could have taken place between the ponies and the tower, like trying to come up with ways of armoring the ponies, adapting equipment for them, the general tinting that interacting with sentient ponies would have colored their interactions with the tower, etc.
Effectively neutering any impact Equestria could have had on the story particularly badly. This goes back to the first point and the second point. You're almost wanting to write a pure destiny fic from what you've written so far, and you've basically written out most of the possible interactions the ponies could have had with the tower, to your story's detriment. It could have just as easily been 'Sunset gets rezzed by a ghost, went through the events of the game, and kludges together vex machinery to bore a portal to the past in order to get Twilight and the mane six through the portal to use the elements', or many other methods. There was a richness of potential interactions with the tower you could have had, an entire tool-box of writers' tropes and tools that you basically locked up and threw away the keys for rather than deal with. It's a pretty major turnoff, I'm afraid. (But I said that before.) And even if you did want to relatively limit the effect Equestria has on the story, there are ways of doing it that would prevent the darkness induced apathy you've invoked, some of which are still available to you within the story. (such as said before, hijacking Vex equipment to evacuate the planet before the fall, Guardians doing so to make their own fate and retroactively fight the Cabal and stop the invasion, etc).
There are good points:
Sparse moments of actually excellent humor, such as weaponizing Pinkie Promises against her.
NOT using the plot of the game (though you seem to be drifting into its pattern, beware), and instead focusing on new areas and ideas and trying to create fights with distinct identities compared to game showcase fights. You need to beware and maintain this identity rather than fall back into the game's pre-made designs.
At least TRYING to show that Equestria getting wrecked while they were, well--dead--had an effect on them, even if the traumatic shock hasn't been properly portrayed. You at least acknowledge that it's a pretty extreme event for them, even if you don't touch on it nearly as much as you should. This needs to be a very heavily touched upon theme going forward in your fic, as the consequences should come to continually haunt them and drive them to whatever resolution you seek.
Trying to delve into the other race's psyche, even if you don't do very well at all. One of the key failures of Destiny is the mis-integration of the lore. You would do well to develop grimoire entries for things in the fic, as it would help a bit to world-build without cluttering the story too much.
Unfortunately, I'm not too terribly interested in the fic going forward, as I have found a cross that better suits my tastes, however I wish you the best of luck in trying to work with your fic and correcting possible deficiencies to tell the story with the justice it deserves.
6015053
Alright, it took me some time to actually read through your comment, and seriously? A simple apology does not make up for calling my story (and by extension, me) incompetent. That's just plain rude.
I have chosen to work the story this way due to how it's meant to work later down the line. Yeah, I destroyed Equis offscreen, and the effects of that aren't exactly showing yet. Have you considered that perhaps I'm counting on that? Everything that I don't show is just as purposeful as what I do, so I say to you now what I've said to many people who have told me that I've brushed something really big off without giving it the attention they think it deserved: ALL SHALL MAKE SENSE IN DUE TIME. I'm seven chapters into a big story. There is much yet to be explained.
Yeah, I can be stiff in my prose, but I'm still finding my own voice and style. That's part of why I'm writing this: to improve.
As for the reason for making them anthros, I had the Ghosts explain that in Chapter 1. Do try to pay attention to what little I've had time to really explain in these seven chapters. And spoiler alert, they may or may not stay this way throughout the story.
Equestria's effect on the story is later down the line. There is much more I have left to write: the return to Equestria, the mystery of the Stranger, and the thing that's making the Cabal run from home, among other things. If you believe my story to be not worth your time, then so be it. I don't have enough patience for people who insult me.
TL;DR: Still working, and have a nice day.
<3 DarqFox
YES!!!!!!!!! Daiymn AJ you just wen't all badass on us didn't you!
A Fallen Captain as a friend? I've always loved the idea because of how some of the Fallen are. Honor many hold above all else. I can't wait to see how the Tower reacts to this.
6038313
With open jaws and wide eyes and a large amount of "What"
AJ went super saiyan on that tank, SHE FLIPPED IT BWAHAHAHAHA... Take it you effing spider tank, Oh Lord that is satisfying to think
6038313 im expecting many Humans outraging, Awoken accepting it and Exos not giving a fuck...
6038848
6038813
6038313
To be quite honest, I did not plan for Shirska to become part of the storyline. But now he's here and I'm gonna make you love him.
When the author has no idea what the fuck they've just done, you know you're in for a wild ride.
<3 DarqFox
6038902 True but it'll be a fun ride too.
6038919
Do you just like sit around all day waiting for my updates?
<3 DarqFox
6038936 Nope. Just having trouble sleeping right now.
6038980 Well. I'm working on the next update as we speak, and I'm about 25% done with it. Onwards we go!
<3 DarqFox
6038902 well hey! if it just flowed onto the page, then maybe it was meant to be? spontaneousness for the win!!!!!!!
And then there was a big hole in the wall from AJ punching them out.
FlutterMac confirmed?
Applejack X Amuro confirmed?
6042985
All I will say is that in this fandom I rarely ship straight.
<3 DarqFox
All shall be revealed in due time.
They're going to be level 20 in no time.