Adam
Celestia ...
The princess bolted upright in her extravagant bed in a cold sweat, her eyes darting around the room nervously.
Celestia ...
She could hear a voice in her head, like a memory, but at the same time, the voice beckoned to her from the darkness at the end of her bed. She blinked a few times, rubbing her eyes as the voice repeated her name over and over again. She knew what was about to happen.
Luna and Celestia had often talked about what it was like, being overwhelmed by dark forces, corrupted and changed. They had spoken about what it felt like to feel that kind of evil power course through you, as your mind warped and changed in response. But of all the things Luna had mentioned, she had said that it all started with voices in your head.
Moonlight streaked through the windows of Celestia's chambers, casting a feint, silvery glow upon the floor next to her bed. She looked around, her breathing starting to intensify as the voice continued to call her name. Her horn lit up for a moment, trying to illuminate the room, but even as she tried to summon forth a light spell, her instincts told her to run. To run far and fast, and to never look back.
She opened her mouth as if to speak, but found herself unable to say anything, while she shook her head. Celestia had always been a brave pony, fearful of very little all throughout her life, but as she sat there, trying to calm herself, a sense of terror gripped her, shaking her to the bone.
"This is it ..." , she muttered to herself, afraid of what might come next. She began to cry, clutching her head in her hooves, furiously wiping the tears from her eyes.
"I don't want to go ..." , she whimpered softly, tears rolling down her cheeks despite her attempts to contain her overwhelming sadness.
Silly, silly Celestia.
She stopped sobbing for a moment as the sentence bounced around in her head. It sounded more, real than the voice that had been calling her name before. It sounded encouraging, and yet intimidating at the same time. She looked up, letting her tears continue to flow as she tried to formulate a response.
"P-Please, I just ... I don't ... I'm , I'm not evil!" she said, suddenly shouting in a futile attempt to emphasize her feelings of despair and confusion.
Neither was Luna, when I found her. Things can change awfully quick Celestia.
Disturbing laughter rang in Celestia's ear as she reached over to her night stand, grasping the candle holder in her hooves, before igniting the candle with a tiny bolt of magic. The flame burned bright for a moment, before dying down to a much dimmer glow. Shadows arced across the rooms walls, dancing and swaying with the movement of the candle's flame.
"W-Who are you? Luna, she said ..." Celestia trailed off for a moment, blinking back the tears, " she said you whispered to her every night. You changed her, drove her to do what she did, to become Nightmare Moon. All I want to know is, why?" Another round of laughter filled Celestia's thoughts before the voice responded.
Why did I do it? I'm not sure actually. Tell me, why did you go and defeat Discord so you could establish a kingdom? Why did you feel like saving the world from chaos? Why do you feel so very compelled to fight evil and protect your little ponies? Why did you banish your sister for a thousand years? I know none of it was easy, because I was there, watching you the entire time. I saw you sob every single night, silently wishing you could have your sister back. Why do you struggle through life, just so that others can benefit from it? Why do you get up every morning to raise the sun? I've seen what it does to your body; alicorns are immortal, but you're slowly killing yourself. But why?
Celestia's eyes searched the darkness, trying to find an answer deep within herself. She didn't have time to answer before the voice started back up again.
Its because you're doing what you believe in. You're doing what you think is best for the world, what you think is right. That's my answer Celestia. I did it because I was doing what I believed in. I did what I thought was right.
Celestia leaned back, her head hitting her pillow with a thud as the candle flame flickered ominously. She peered into the darkness, hoping to see a pair of eyes, or a body, anything that would explain the voice in her head.
After all Celestia, who's to say what is right, and what is wrong? Sure you can tell a murderer that he's done something awful, but who's actually the judge on whether or not killing is bad? Who decided that life is worth preserving? Hell, who decided that life is even the right state of being.
Celestia shifted nervously, the radical idea hitting her like a brick. She thought about it for a moment, wracking her brain, trying to refute his notion.
Celestia, just as I said before, there is no real judge as to what is right and what is wrong, there is only the delusion of such. While lesser ponies and creatures look to false gods and idols for guidance, someone such as yourself must surely realize that there is no higher power guiding us. There is only us, and as I've seen, alicorns are far from gods.
She eyed the dying flame nervously, deciding to try and relight it. Her magical aura surrounded her horn for a moment, before flickering, and going out. She tried again, grunting as she strained herself to summon forth her magic. Another round of mocking laughter filled her head, the voice decidedly more evil this time.
By the way, you can call me Adam, because I've been here from the very beginning.
The name screeched through Celestia's mind, the short, odd name unable to escape her thoughts. It continued to echo in her ears as she grasped her head, shaking it, as if trying to rid herself of Adam.
So , now that you understand that there is no objective right or wrong, tell me, how does it make you feel?
The voice mocked her, knowing that she wouldn't stand for his insulting tone.
"It doesn't change anything! I've always done what I believe is right, and that is all that matters! No corrupting voice of evil will ever change that!" she screamed back at Adam, despite him being in her head.
Tsk, tsk, tsk. Rather unlike you isn't it princess?
Adam cackled maniacally, as Celestia finally realized what was happening.
Tell me Celestia, did you ever consider that Nightmare Moon only did what she did because she believed that what she was doing was right? Like I said, there is no evil or good in this world, only conflicting perspectives. No one does something simply because it is 'evil' in the view of others. They do it, because that's what they believe in. That's what they believe is the right thing to do. So much of who we are is defined by what we do. What we do is decided by what we believe in.
"Stop! Stop filling my head with these blatant lies you insolent thrall!" Celestia shouted, her voice tipped with venom. Suddenly the room exploded with an orange light, filling the dark room with much needed illumination, which only confirmed Celestia's fears of Adam being just a figment of her imagination.
Alright then, I'll go now Celestia. But before I do, a gift, from me to you. Check the nightstand to your left. No hard feelings.
Celestia hesitantly turned her head to the left of her, where she had picked up the candle holder just a few minutes ago. There was now a hefty rectangular box , gilded in gold sitting on the table. She paused for a moment, expecting Adam to continue to mock her, but after a solid minute of silence, she sighed in relief.
Celestia attempted to levitate the box, relieved to find that her magic had returned. The box floated gently through the air, as Celestia let the box rest on her lap gently, sitting up to read the note on the front of it. It read :
Dear Celestia,
We are defined by what we do.
Love,
Adam
She shuddered for a moment, pushing the box away from herself, and shutting her eyes tightly, before pulling the box in close to herself, and hastily removing the cover of the ornate box. She couldn't explain why, but she was drawn to the box, compelled and motivated by something to open it.
She gawked at the removed cover for a moment, a sharper and more stylized version of her cutie mark plastered in gold across the top of it. Returning her gaze to the contents of the box, her mouth fell open as she levitated the note that she had just read moments ago into her view once again, rereading it in disbelief, before releasing her magical grip and letting the note float down into the box where it landed gently on the helmet of the set. She shook her head in disbelief, as she looked down at the note staring back at her, beckoning to her. The note had changed.
She reread the lines of the short note over and over, as a strange calm fell over her. She levitated the note off the top of an ornately decorated and stylized helmet that bore the mark of the sun, with a neck guard that curled like the flames of the sun. She pulled the helmet in close to herself, able to see her reflection in the polished armor.
Her coat had shifted to a dark red, and her new aura of magic was a deep shade of orange. Her eyes remained unchanged, save for the draconic pupils that now gazed back at themselves. Her mane had become a swaying mass of fire, which explained the orange tint the room had taken on, yet strangely, the fire did not light her bed on fire.
She lifted the helmet on to her head, a wicked smile creeping across her face as she read the same note one last time.
Dear Solar Flare,
Go ahead. Do what you believe is right.
Love,
Adam
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I loved it!
How it was carried out, seeing Celestia slowly slip into madness, seeing how "Adam" was able to pull the very strings of her "perfect philosophy" to change her into a dark version of herself. I see many biblical parallels within this as well, as the Bible speaks of "the old Adam within us, tempting us to sin" and whatnot, so this was also very refreshing, making that parallel to my studies on the Bible.
Very dark, very lovely, and very good as well.
I think we all have that same "Adam" telling us the very same thing as well.
Thanks! I'm really glad you enjoyed it. Sometimes I get all philosophical and I can't help but write something contemplative like this.
5667332 Very much intended :)
5667341 Glad you enjoyed it, and the follow is very much appreciated.
5667353 Whos to say its not already in the works?
It has a promising start. Your prose is excellent, and you have some very detailed descriptions. Though I would recommend the following things.
1. Fix up the commas. You don't need a comma after dialogue that ends with an exclamation point. Just the exclamation point is fine.
"Example dialogue!" he exclaimed. But you *do* need a comma when addressing a character. "Isn't that right, Celestia?"
2. If I were you, and this is just my personal preference so please feel free to ignore it, I would either have more happen in this scene, or more exposition/setup, or I'd just make it a shorter scene. It's still a good scene, but that's what I would do.
Hope this helps you.
5667661 Thanks for your feedback, it is much appreciated!
5667661 Ah, i forgot to set the story to completed, as this is just a short one shot, as opposed to the beginning of a larger story.
5667685 Oh well that explains a lot
5667723 Once again, thanks for your feedback. I never knew that rule about commas and dialogue ending in exclamations. Thanks a bunch for telling me about it.
5667240
you've got to assume there are strings to pull though. The flaw of all these sorts of stories
Who Adam?
5667836 Adam is the gnawing voice in the back of everyone's head/mind.
Ooooo.... This could make a good story. This could be prequel to the real thing.
This was great...
It freaked me out a little because my name is Adam, so when I talk to myself I'm really talking to Adam...WOW. That's creepy.
Anyway, I know why Adam believes evil is right, because it can be (depending on how you look at it). If there were no evil in the world, we would never know good. Adam gives the world evil so that there can be good...
There is no joy without pain. There is no peace without contentions. Evil is the driving force that inspires good. Thus, Adam does the work of creating evil so that there can be good.
5667240
Hello and salutations.
Sincerely,
Adam...
(Sorry for commenting too much)
If you ever want some one to narrate this story (specifically Adam's voice), I'm down for the challenge...
I also noticed that Adam has a lot of similarities with Hitler - charismatic, bold, and dangerously compelling...
A young Hannibal Lecter even. Persuading, charming, but behind it all, he's evil.
Great Story, I loved it. It still scares me, but it's going in my favorites...
- Adam
5668019 Perhaps.
5667817 Not hard to assume, really. Celestia has shown several faults in the show, and, while understandable, she comes off as the typical "I'm far more experienced, so I can't be wrong" type. Ms. Wisdom missed way too many warning signs regarding the changelings that she may as well have handed the kingdom to Chrysalis on a silver platter. She then gave a BS lecture on following one's instincts (that led to Twilight being misunderstood and shunned in the first place) instead of apologizing. She turns around later and tells Twilight to leave her friends behind to protect them when she knew full well DISCORD KNEW ABOUT THEM. These are just a few major examples. What about trying to use blind logic and duties to talk down a pissed off mare? I can tell you from personal experience that the LAST THING you want to do in that scenario is remind them of the problem, and arouse their fury more. She's not perfect, and so it's not hard to believe that she could be imperfect in her beliefs as well.
5670797 Well said. Its always nice when a reader with a good amount of background knowledge and comprehension skills makes a good case against an easily refutable statement. As an author, I try not to get too involved in the comment arguments to avoid ruffling anyone's feathers.
Thanks for pointing out that Celestia does indeed have strings to pull.
Speaking of which, where's Black Ultron? :3
Poop
5667260 Hmmm, very interesting. It bears similar parallels to my own story "The Howling Pony" and the reasons why I wrote it. Good Work.
I would've assumed that Celestia and Luna would have some form of signal they could send between each other the moment one of them began to hear Adam's voice as it is mentioned that Luna talked to her about it. I did enjoy this little decent into madness aside that however.
5671418 Thanks. Please also note that Celestia's magic was disabled by Adam at first, (unable to light candle) before he was sure that she wouldn't try and go against his wishes of turning her into Solar Flare. You must realize that from the very beginning of the story, Adam is slowly changing Celestia, which stifles her decision making process, even from the very outset of the story.
5671427 She still lights the Candle with her magic however. It has also been shown on the show that while she occasionally does make the mistake of "knowing better than you", she generally plans out multiple scenarios. Having forewarning of Adam's general existence at the least as she is shown instantly knowing that she had no escape from him; I still feel like she would have sent a signal out.
But that's just how I feel about it.
5671461 Fair enough. Everyone is entitled to their own interpretation of literature. I'm just glad you enjoyed it none the less. :)
5670969 ... Umm... did you even read the story? Or did you just assume from the start? This 'evil' isn't something Celestia has ever canonically beaten as far as current knowledge is concerned. She overthrew Discord and banished Nightmare Moon by the power of the Elements of Harmony. Not by any power of her own. Furthermore, Celestia has proven she can be wrong, even horribly wrong, in the show more than once. Add in that the entity that revealed itself as 'Adam' had a grip on her before she even knew what was happening, and you have a classic mind-alteration story that has absolutely nothing to do with "the dark-side of immortality and war."
The fic is nice, and the moral is quite accurate I'd say but there are two things I don't understand.
1)Where the hell did Adam pop up from?
2)Celestia seemed to be okay once Adam left. Sure her ideals might be corrupted and all but where is her... goal? I mean she gets the armor and all and that's fine but we're not given a target... WAITAMINUTE... no...
She's going after Chrysalis and the changelings?
For that matter when is this placed in the timeline?
Still interesting... Glad you poked me to read it.
5674838 1) He was taken from Eve and Eden...
2) Possibly, it'd be a nice twist to the expected
5678484 Eh I doubt that it's the same Adam.
5678488 Its not the same Adam from the garden of Eden, but his name is intentional. See Eris. H Discordia's comment on what the name means.
Adam is my own creation, an original character you could say.
5678492 Oh yea i noticed that. Maybe I just thought it was Adam from Bioshock or something you know... the substance.
Hmm…
This was an interesting read! Some suggestions:
- Some more sensory details from Celestia would've been nice, just to help show her emotions.
- When Adam starts talking in earnest, he loses that air of menace in favor of sounding casual.
- I expected Celestia to present more of an argument to Adam, rather than just listening. Personally I'd expect her to disagree with the idea of there being no moral absolutes, but that doesn't really matter; either viewpoint can be sufficiently twisted. Since she knows his connection to Nightmare Moon, her willingness to sit there and listen is very odd
- When it comes to the box, she doesn't seem to hesitate very much. She spends very little time (as perceived by the reader, at least) thinking over her next move prior to reading the note and opening the box
- I'm not really sure where the ending came from. It didn't feel like Adam actually affected any change in her at all. My first thought as I read was actually that she was seeing a hypothetical version of herself (ie how she'd look if she gave in to Adam). I also don't see what her desire is. Luna's descent into Nightmare Moon was sparked by some specific emotions and desires, which don't appear to have analogues in Celestia here
- Naming him Adam doesn't quite work for me, even though it's a great overall title. The name carries a meaning for the reader that would be completely lost on Celestia, which is especially troubling when he jokes about it with her.
5691787 Very much welcome feedback, and all valid points. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this story, and I'm glad you thought it was interesting, despite its shortcomings.
If you'd be interested in checking out my main ongoing project, TLOB:U, I'd also love to hear what you have to say about that.
Anyways, thanks for giving this story a shot, means a lot to me!
It's Always interesting to read fics that reflect upon the subject of what is good and evil, a subject i myself have ponderd over a great deal of times, well written and quite interesting, great work!