With Celestia executed, and everlasting night enacted upon the nation of Equestria, it seems all is lost for the side of the righteous. But with a mysterious force contemplating the implications of everlasting night, and the hatred and fear that fuels it, a time of reckoning approaches. At the helm of all of this is the insidious Nightmare Moon. How unlucky for her, that today is the day, that her soul will be measured, by the only one who can stop her. A god by many accounts, he is the whisper on the wind. He is the Curator of a world long gone. He is, Nasus ...
Chapters (1)
I never really thought about it before, but your right. Nasus and Renekton's story is exactly like the Celestia and Luna's. The older sibling having to banish away the younger sibling when a dark emotion based power overtook them. Albeit I feel as if Renekton's moniker of "the Butcher of the Sands" is a little more bloody and intimidating then Nightmare Moon. But then again, League wasn't exactly originally intended for younger audiences.
Huh. Ignoring the syntax errors and the occasional misplaced word, this was good. I like how you drew a parallel between Renekton and Nasus's story and that of Luna and Celestia, but showed that Nasus dislikes Nightmare for doing the same thing Renekton did. Very little context is needed to know that you've flipped who won when Celestia fought Nightmare Moon
However, in the beginning, it seems like Nightmare Moon gets mad too fast. Sure, she was just woken up from her sleep, and by an annoying bastard, but is she that stuck up? It's your choice whether or not to rework that, but it seems like it could use some more buildup.
I've not played Nasus much in League - and, for that matter, haven't played League recently - but, when he deals with the guards, does he actually have those abilities ingame? If so, that's a nice touch; if not, I'd recommend changing that to please the more diehard League fans out there. Looking at the Wiki page, it seems like he has those abilities, but you may want to describe them more. Again, it's not necessary, and your choice.
Once I get the chance, I'll set up a Google Doc and fix up the syntax mistakes in this, if you want. I'd recommend rereading this with Ezn's Writing Guide in mind, and maybe touching up some dialogue.
By the way, take a favorite from me as less than average -- I use them to mark stories I like, not my actual favorites. Otherwise, I doubt I'd be able to find them again. Also, I'd have like ten or eleven favorites.
Overall, good plot with kinda terrible syntax. Three
out of five.
>>NewKidOnTheBlock
Well, to answer your question on the ability:
Nasus has the ability called 'Wither', which causes his enemy to age, but only to an degree, slowing them in there path. Even the circle of energy, 'Spirit Fire' is one of Nasus' abilities, it works in the same fashion as described here.
Interesting side note: In the end, before the final strike against Nightmare Moon, his staff/halberd glowed purple. Even that is an ability, the 'Siphoning Strike'. Every time he finishes one's life with it, he will collect the victim's life force in the staff/halberd, growing stronger in the process.
All in all, I like that story. I thought it to be interesting since the one in the picture/fan art resembled Nasus, and I am always interested how people bring something cruel like League of Legends together with something loving like My Little Pony. And I haven't seen that coming...Surely some great idea.
Loved it
5715626 Stick around, I have another LoL crossover in the works.
5715629 Alright! League is my favorite game of all time, and I really like stories that implement their charecter really well...
I'm still looking for a story with Viktor in it... (My main)
5715632 Hmm. I'll consider writing it if I feel the compulsion. I love Viktor too. However, I'm very captivated by Bard at the moment.
Here's a sneak peak at an upcoming story of mine, featuring your friendly neighborhood Bard.
5715645 I just wish there was more good league stories... even one shots. So much good...
Like something silly like Zillan and Doctor Whooves or Twilight.
Or jinx...
5715657 I have a Vel'Koz story on my account that's currently on hiatus, if the flying spaghetti monster interests you.
I was also planning on doing an Annie story at some point.