- Member Since 30th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Jun 5th, 2023
RaijingtheClockworkPony
Just a guy that writes fan fiction from time to time.
RaijingtheClockworkPony
Joined 30th Mar, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- RaijingtheClockworkPony · 9.3k words · 203 17 · 4.3k views
- Holy · 15k words · 751 35 · 20k views
- Steel Quill · 14k words · 332 18 · 9.4k views
- Steel Quill · 13k words · 267 9 · 12k views
- Distorted Flare · 5.2k words · 768 66 · 32k views
- Distorted Flare · 5.2k words · 1,201 88 · 58k views
- Remedyfortheheart · 5k words · 361 45 · 9k views
- CobaltDrake · 4.2k words · 416 31 · 15k views
Featured In10
Clopfics11,573 stories ·15,818 members
- All-OC Stories2,910 stories ·2,265 members
Supporting Original Characters4,085 stories ·1,827 members
Anthropomorphics7,631 stories ·5,014 members
The Mature Stories Group1,580 stories ·244 members
Readin' it for the Plot1,564 stories ·3,205 members
Stories on Goodreads28,599 stories ·493 members
Bat Ponies Are Best Ponies649 stories ·2,439 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.515 seconds
Total duration
1,062 users online
2,084,230 hits today, 2,328,677 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
"she" should be replaced with either "her" or "the"
other than that great read and build up, definitely earned a favorite
Hmm, a few little mistakes here and there but all in all, a nice read.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m90804dnO01qdvff4o2_400.jpg
This was an enjoyable read. Granted, there are a few spots that could use fixing here and there, be it spelling or description. But no one is a saint when it comes to writing, hehe.
If I was to recommend anything, try to slow the pace of the sex scene if you do another one. While you did a nice job of it, at the same time, it was a rushed affair. I was somewhat expecting a more curious, if cautious, exploration of each of them before going into it. Try to have the readers see what is going on, not just be told what happens.
Great work!
I'll read later but that cover art *drools*
This should not be in the all-OC group.
5591133
Art made by Atryl, a quite famous artist in the fandom. Link to his SFW tumblr here: http://atryl.tumblr.com/
5592856
I already follow him ^^
5591911
That name could be kind of misleading...
It could mean All-OC stories as in stories with OC casts or it could mean it includes every story with an OC ever.
>be me
>sees this on featured list
>sees cover art
>recgonizes as Atryl
>Atryl
>knew this was a clop without even looking
Roses are red, violets are blue, Luna your hot...
fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap
"He could feel gently breathing"
I think you meant to write "He could fell her gently breathing"
i would really like to read more
Fav'd fer dat cover art!
....might read later...if I can stop staring and drooling at dat cover art...
5593411
5594792
5591133
Those who favorite or upvote merely because of the author's choice in cover art are fucking tumors and deserve to be removed.
5595528
I read the fic too and I liked it
5595562 EDIT: you are not even a tumor, my mistake
5595576
5595528
Stay classy.
5595666
5595528 i have to agree with you, but not to the end... voting without reading for me is stupidity, you can never judge a book by its cover. i how ever pick books by the cover from time to time, so good cover is also important.
5595576 I was under the impression you were cool after I read about one of your fics that got reviewed. I'm sad to see you're just a run of the mill cunt. There's too many of you here.
This was adorable.
I like this story, I really do. It's sweet, loving, and just pleasant. But there are some things that bug me, and I have to say them.
If I had to put it in a nutshell, it would be that this story structure has been seen a lot, maybe too much. So it's not this story in particular, but similar stories (and there are many). It goes like this:
Luna feels lonely; she meets a guard (who either started a while ago or brand-spanking new); they get to know each other while he sneaks peeks; massage scene; sudden realization of feelings (usually from Luna); Celestia gives advice; Luna gives false pretense for private time then they jump each other.
Also, probably the thing that irks me the most, is the "I love the night sky since I was a kid" shtick. That feels like automatic perfect guy points or whatever.
I don't mean to be a downer or to belittle this story, but this trend pops up too much. Anyone agree?
His eyes widened and he grinned like a foal on Hearth's Warming.
5596284 I do agree with you, and while I didn't set out to be original with this story, in terms of basic structure that you pointed out, I hope that I made enough points seem interesting enough to entertain. But is the massage scene really done that often? I'm sorta curious about that now.
It's sorta it's own trope in it's own right. Princess meets guard or 'lesser' person and falls in love. I've seen some Celestia fics that suffer from this trope as well, but that's not to say the trope can't be a fun read. I do disagree with the 'Love the night sky' thing. In my mind, most of the Night Guards would have the night owl personality, so they all would like the night, but that's a little headcanon from me, so take it for what it's worth.
Still, I hope you enjoyed the story.
5592873 The description of the group removes ambiguity. You can have canon characters, but not in major roles as Luna is in here.
"This place is for stories in which most of the important characters are OCs. Canon cast and background ponies in cameos or minor roles are okay, but there should be more OCs than canon characters, and canon cast members should not be main characters. See this thread if you are uncertain about whether or not your fic belongs."
5595528
I never said I upvoted it, nor did I.
It's the people that don't think before they speak that need to be removed.
Well, I can certainly say that you've improved quite a bit since the Spider-Pony story, so there's a positive there. You've still got a long way to go but it's pretty great to see that you've improved so much.
I strongly recommend investing in a proofreader and/or a style editor. Your prose, while significantly better than it was in Spider-Pony, just really reeks of inexperience with writing literature. I stress that this isn't something to pull your hair out about, because most people just aren't all that familiar with this form of storytelling and, as a result, a good majority of the people who have put a fic on this site simply don't really know how to tell a story. A style editor can help you significantly in trying to make your prose more readable and engaging, and a proofreader can make your work more mechanically sound than it was before. I know this is a really long clopfic, and therefore, being a really long clopfic, editing it would have taken forever, but it always helps to have another pair of eyes look over something you've written.
I always pop into one of the many skype groups I'm in with a draft and ask for opinions and suggestions, and sometimes (since I write in Google Docs, which I strongly, strongly recommend if you're not doing it already) I even open up for comments on the document itself so that others can give me specific suggestions. If you have a group already, ask for a discerning eye. If you don't, shop around, make some friends, rub some elbows. The improvement I've seen here over, what, a year? Two years? It's enheartening to me to see someone actually getting better, but as it stands it's not enough. You've gotten better, but I think you have it in you to get good. Maybe even excellent.
Keep up the slowly, but steadily, improving work.
A really sweet adoring clop-fic would definitely read again.
This is what clop should be like. Though you might want to make a sequel... To show the hilarity that will ensue. And for more sexytimes!
here's your smug
puu.sh/fAOWb/f9fa488b50.jpg
*Walks on to stage wearing a tuxedo*
Hello! And thanks for coming to the first annual, Clop Awards!!
*Cheers and clapping*
Anyways, our first award is the 'Raunchy and Sweet Award', awarded to the fic that is both very sexy, hot, and steamy, but also, sweet, loving, and passionate. And so, without further a do! he winner of the award is...
*Opens envelope*
The fic 'Her Lunar Guard'!! by RaijingtheClockworkPony! Come on up here man!! Because you sir, have earned a spot in the famous bookshelf, 'A Perverted Man's Collection of Cute-Horny Ponys'!!
More chapters? Sequel?
img.photobucket.com/albums/v385/1kill2/Rat_Race_-John_Cleese.jpg
Although the LunaxNightguard is a bit used you still made it interesting to read, i agree with Moon_Fire you should seriously think of making a sequel since there is so much material you could exploit here and a way of making less generic is by stretching this story with a sequel (since most stories like this one end in a oneshot)
-will Luna promote him to captain of the night guard?
-how will Eventide respond to being favored?
-will they get caught?
-if so how will his fellow guards react to him after knowing?
-will Luna get pregnant after her first unprotected night thanks to her inexperience?
This is all material you could exploit from this story and that's only the tip of the iceberg you could develop so much more.
side note: you need to get someone to proof read your work before hand there are more than a few grammar errors here and there, I would be delighted to help you with it if you do take my advice and make the sequel.
DANK.8/420
-too much ass
( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
mrwgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Dramatic-Clapping-Crying-Meme-Face-Of-Citizen-Kane.gif
That was a nice story with good build up to the sex part of it. Good job. ^^
Shit, all sail a go. The flag has been rise, serious though that should have send all warning to the guard mind no matter what Luna side as a excuse.
Wow, just wow, this thing was epic
5600047
i couldnt have said it better myself!
Literally the first time a clop story has made me cry! HELP!
5596753 Yeah the massage scene pops up quite a bit. Either as "Oooh, Night Court is so stressfull, etc." or "Way, my guard training is tough and the matresses hard, etc.". It feel s like a free way to feel people up is all. But like I said, I like this story
5599102 You sir, get an internet for using Cleese.
demotivationalposters.org/image/demotivational-poster/0912/john-cleese-john-cleese-monty-python-force-star-wars-demotivational-poster-1259851536.jpg
I spent forty minutes of my life reading this.
STUFF I COULD HAVE DONE IN FORTY MINUTES RATHER THAN READ THIS
>Build a snowman
>Revise for an English exam
>Download a custom keyboard app from the App Store and pimp my ride
>Attempt to escape TV Tropes
>Watch Nostalgia Critic's review of The Matrix: Reloaded (inc. buffering)
>Play a match of League of Legends
>Animate a dancing stickman
>Dig the Slinky out of the loft and watch it slink down the stairs
>Memorise the lyrics to a random Snoog Dogg song
>Play Scenes We'd Like To See over Hangouts with a friend
>Find out the way to San Jose
>Get absolutely wasted
>Fap to actual women instead of ponies
...
I spent ten minutes of my life writing that.
STUFF I COULD HAVE DONE IN TEN MINUTES RATHER THAN WRITE THAT
sequel would be nice :)
Where did you get the cover art?
5604165 Where did you get the icon for your avatar?
You don't...have to write...all the dialogue...with long pauses like this... It's really...annoying
5604362 i just typed "jedi rainbow dash" in google images. but don't take my one!
or you can type 'MLP star wars"
use this instead: cdn.smosh.com/sites/default/files/bloguploads/jedi_rarity_by_johnjoseco-d3edeqj.jpg
5602729 Yay, internet!
5603424 The point of this comment?