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  • T Red Right Hoof

    Cutie Mark Crusader Crime Investigators, yay!
    36,122 words · 389 views  ·  13  ·  1

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  • 87w, 7h
    Guess who's back?

    Hello everyone.

    After long months of being inactive, I've come back with new energy.

    This means more Red Right Hoof to come very soon. I have the third chapter already done, but it has to be checked by my proofreader first, before I publish it.

    Hopefully I won't make such breaks in the future before RRH is finished.

    Also, maybe I'll start working on Mirroring Skies again, if I find some motivation to do it.

    Once I have 4 chapters of RRH published, I'll try to get it featured on EqD, so keep your fingers crossed please.

    0 comments · 95 views
  • 119w, 2d
    The Grey Factor SEQUEL

    3 comments · 159 views
  • 120w, 1d
    Back

    Hi guys (if anyone reads this).

    I guess I'm back. I didn't write anything for quite some time because I had other things on my head. Now I have time so maybe another chapter will be coming soon.

    0 comments · 87 views
  • 124w, 1d
    MS: links

    Here are the links to the "hint threads"

    Level 0

    Level 0.5

    Level 1

    0 comments · 122 views
  • 124w, 1d
    MS: level 1

    Having difficulties with level 0? Ask your questions here.

    0 comments · 108 views
  • ...
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Source

Mystery and adventure, now with books!

Twilight Sparkle's weekly book shipment arrives one book too big. Among the others, there's a handbook about pony genetics. Curiosity leads her to an interesting discovery.

Sequel here

First Published
5th May 2012
Last Modified
17th May 2012
#1 · 129w, 15h ago · · · Chapter Two ·

One of the best stories I've ever read. Professor Jade is a strong character.

#2 · 129w, 15h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

>>547570

Thank you most sincerely. :twilightsmile:

I'll do my best to make the story as good as possible to the very end.

#3 · 129w, 15h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

This is very good. I'm tracking.

:twilightsmile: Best Pony approves.

:ajsmug: 2nd Best pony also approves.

#4 · 129w, 14h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

Hello everyone from FIMFiction. I'd would like say that i'm a bit new here and enjoying reading people's fan fictons. But that's the problem, i dont really know how to actually post a fan fiction.:twilightblush: So it would be REALLY helpful if someone were to tell me how to and thanks for your time. :pinkiehappy:

#5 · 129w, 14h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

Keep it up Jappers! :rainbowkiss:

#6 · 129w, 11h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

And the plot thickens...:twilightsmile:

I can't wait to read more, though I never thought I'd read a fanfic about pony genetics :rainbowlaugh:

#7 · 129w, 11h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

>>548373

I never thought I'd write one.

Actually the idea was born during a Derpy drama discussion on one movie forum. I was throwing ideas and suddenly I thought "this could be a nice idea for a fanfic". And that's how Equestria was made.

#8 · 129w, 11h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

This story needs more recognition!

#9 · 129w, 11h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

>>548422

I'll upload it to EqD but first I need a solid pre-read (Ponychan's /fic/ is so crowded, first two chapters are waiting for a review since forever).

Also, thank you very much. I don't know if it really does, I wouldn't dream of such warm reception as I got here. :yay:

#11 · 129w, 9h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

This is pretty cool, I hadn't thought of this!

Although my headcanon always was that the Princesses and Royal Dye Pony had a special magic brew for the guards.

#12 · 129w, 9h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

Et tu, Boba Fett?

Excellent story!

#13 · 129w, 8h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

WHAT A TWIST!

#14 · 129w, 5h ago · · · Chapter Three ·

I'll quote Ace Ventura on this one:

HOLY SHITBALLS!

#15 · 128w, 6d ago · · · Chapter Three ·

G. That's all I could think immediately after the end of the chapter.

#16 · 128w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

wow, I wasn't expecting that to happen:rainbowhuh: I think I partly understand what some of the things in the scroll stood for, like U and P and maybe the nu, but what was the rest supposed to mean?

#17 · 128w, 5d ago · · · Chapter One ·

Very good. I especially liked the end. It really came out of nowhere.

Constructive criticism time:

When the same person is talking, you don't use quotation marks to end the paragraph. So when you have this:

“[...]they always wanted me to be who I wanted to be.”

“The day I finally got my cutie mark,” she continued after a short pause. “He finally surrendered. [...]"

Should be:

“[...]they always wanted me to be who I wanted to be.

“The day I finally got my cutie mark,” she continued after a short pause, “he finally surrendered."

Also, the study of snakes falls under herpetology. I get where you're going at with ophiology, but technically herpetology's what you want. I think. What do I know, I'm not a herpetologist! :unsuresweetie:

City *of Canterlot. You've got it capitalized.

*the first step in Manehattan. Missing the "the".

waved at *a passing taxi.

protegee has two e's when it's female. I know, it's an easy mistake. French is goofy like that.

But other than that, I thought it was good. Nice, straightforward writing style.

#18 · 128w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

>>558817

Thanks a lot!

I could use more comments like this (PMs would be even better). I want to submit this fic to EqD and I want it to be error-free.

#19 · 128w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

hmm... very interesting story. I honestly can't wait for the next installment. For the most part, grammer/spelling looks good.

To find errors on your own, try reading the whole story out loud, and catch anything that doesn't sound right.

#20 · 128w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Two ·

I'm enjoying this. My previous comment may seem kind of odd, but I didn't realize there were more chapters. :derpyderp2:

I love editing. Maybe I should get into it professionally. Grammar nazis of the world, unite!

Anyways, a couple things in Chapter 2:

I don't know what "finished this town's university" means. I tend to say "graduated from" rather than "finished," but that might be a regional thing.

"Thanks in advance" should have a comma or a period. Usually a comma.

"Maybe the city *didn't have to be." again, kind of a personal choice.

"never done before: city sightseeing." colon, not comma.

Another picky one: either "tirelessly shouting superlatives" or "shouting tireless superlatives". What are you modifying?

"take our picture for us" instead of "take us a picture." Is English your second language? I don't mean that to be cruel if it isn't, but that's an unusual mistake for an English speaker to make.

lied -> lay.

kind of picky: instead of "by soothing chirp", say "with soothing chirp".

in *a very long time.

in the fashion community, and... (needs a comma.)

Oh, and all the correction is in love, of course. Your writing is very, very good, so these flaws really stand out. It's the uncanny valley of mistakes, as it were.

#21 · 128w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Two ·

I just checked your page. You're Polish, huh? Your English is very good. I hardly would have guessed. (I don't know that much about your language, so I don't know what mistakes you're prone to making. Przepraszamy!) Keep pumping out good stuff, dude! :)

#22 · 128w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

Firedon is smarter than me.  I don't know what those number and letter sequences meant, but I'm guessing that will be explained for us poor dummies.  Bravo, excellent work!  I look forward to more, much more.  This is exciting!

#23 · 128w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

>>559051

Yeah, I've always loved English and I'm trying to perfect it every day.

What mistakes? As usual: idioms, phrasal verbs, punctuation.

PS: Actually, it would be "przepraszam", cause "przepraszamy" is first person plural (like "we're sorry").

Thanks for all the help, man! :rainbowkiss:

#24 · 128w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

>>559085

Darn, Google Translate lied to me. :twilightangry2:

I've got a review for Chapter 3 coming, then I'll get to Chapter 4.

Glad to help! If you want, you could send me your rough draft of each chapter, and I could check it before it hits the world. I wouldn't mind. :)

#25 · 128w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

>>559107

Okay, that would be great. I always send a new chapter to my two friends, but they're both Polish as well, so they mostly point out the obvious mistakes I make while typing. Having a solid pre-reader sounds fantastic. :eeyup:

#26 · 128w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

>>559125

You can either send it to me here on fimfiction or send me a link at andrewphilos@gmail.com.

#27 · 128w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Three ·

Clones?! Clones! Wow! Was not expecting that! :pinkiegasp:

Thank you dude, your story is always twisting and turning. :pinkiehappy:

#28 · 128w, 5d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

Pretty good, pretty good. Can't wait for the next part! :)

#29 · 128w, 4d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

>>558711

I'm going to take a wild guess and say that it should be read something like this:

Batch/Clone         Model               Unknown          Status

U453/11                   nu A13             T83                   subject deceased

U453/12                   nu A13             T14                   subject deceased

P454/01                   nu K05             T10                   subject deceased

Cont. MMSU4 E. 25.07.794 SE - Not sure on this, though the last bit looks like a date... maybe the experiment continued somewhere else on the 25th of the 7th of year 794 SE (second era?)

It's interesting how of the three we know, we have U453 for two of them and both of those are nu A13, I'm guessing they're Unicorn batch 453 and the model is nu A13 while P454 is a Pegasus batch using model nu K05. Not sure on the T##, maybe something to do with time?

#30 · 128w, 4d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

>>563084 Thanks for (maybe) clearing some of this, I guess it makes more sense than what I thought of as first:twilightblush:

#31 · 128w, 4d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

>>563182

My brain tends to jump on patterns pretty quickly, so that stood out to me. :rainbowdetermined2:

#32 · 128w, 4d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

>>563084

I'm impressed, you managed to correctly deduce and guess quite a lot.

Won't be a spoiler that by SE I mean Solar Era, it's a measure of time since Celestia had banished Nightmare Moon.

#33 · 128w, 3d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

>>564107

Dang, I was pretty close then....:twilightsheepish:

#34 · 128w, 1d ago · · · Chapter Three ·

clones! really i would guess dye  

#35 · 128w, 1d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

EqD just listed this. Expect to be flooded with new readers soon. :moustache:

...or flooded with Trolls. Whichever. :trollestia:

#36 · 128w, 1d ago · · · Chapter One ·

but i will still read the rest of it to give a more accurate judgement (not to sound like a critic)

#37 · 128w, 1d ago · · · Chapter One ·

>>558817

>>Also, the study of snakes falls under herpetology. I get where you're going at with ophiology, but technically herpetology's what you want. I think. What do I know, I'm not a herpetologist!

Actually ophiology is the correct term as it is the sub-field of herpetology that specializes in the study of snakes rather than reptiles and amphibians in general.

#38 · 128w, 1d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

So, I gonna take it for granted that we're pretty sure that it's the royal guards solidarity isn't a glamor spell anymore? Or they were all dipped in paint?

#39 · 128w, 1d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

Caught up to the story here. Intriguing! Can't wait to see where this goes.

#40 · 128w, 1d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

Solid story, interesting premise. Your main problem is that you need a proofreader, but it looks like AP's helping you out with that. Liked, faved, looking forward to more.

#41 · 128w, 1d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

Science!

As a person who loves biology, naturally I was interested. As a person who loves stories of deception and sci-fi *coughX-Filescough* my interest in this story could only grow.

As it stands I eagerly look forward to any future updates. This is definitely one of my favorites.

#42 · 128w, 1d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

This is the first fanfic I'm truly amazed by. It's exactly the kind of story that I find really interesting. Please continue updating it. This story is amazing. :twilightsmile:

You need a proofreader though. There are a few uncaught errors.

Can I? /)^3^(\

#43 · 128w, 1d ago · · · Chapter Four ·

As a Biochemist by training, I'm really enjoying the mix of science and espionage in this story.

#45 · 128w, 21h ago · · · Chapter One ·

Simple. Royal Guard is enchanted so they all look the same.

OR IS IT?!


Awesome chapter! :twilightsmile:

#46 · 128w, 21h ago · · · Chapter Four ·

Hey there! Just wanted to ask a quick question:

I remember that you posted your story in ChowderHead's reviewthread over at ponychan. After three months of waiting I now found out that he just quit without saying a word. So, did you send your story to another reviewer or did you sent it directly to EQD? Also congrats for making it at EQD! :twilightsmile:

#47 · 128w, 20h ago · · · Chapter One ·

"not even really a theory if I may say, since it has quite a lot of substantial data to back it up"

A theory isn't just a guess, and requires a lot of substantial data to be a theory in the first place.  :twilightsmile:

Other than that and a need for some polishing it looks like a potentially good fic.

#48 · 128w, 18h ago · · · Chapter Four ·

JAPPERS!!! You're featured! :D

http://www.equestriadaily.com/2012/05/story-grey-factor.html

#49 · 128w, 12h ago · · · Chapter Four ·

>>580427

Hi.

Nah, I just made a few upgrades myself and then Mr. AlicornPriest offered me his prereading service.

>>579473

You too? I'm currently in the middle of writing a thesis about biofilm modeling...

#50 · 128w, 12h ago · · · Chapter Four ·

Also, thanks everypony for all the likes and favs.

And thanks to Equestria Daily for featuring the story.

I have no internet connection ATM unfortunately and I can't predict when the next chapter will be up. I hope somewhere around first half of the next week.

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