Mystery and adventure, now with books!
Twilight Sparkle's weekly book shipment arrives one book too big. Among the others, there's a handbook about pony genetics. Curiosity leads her to an interesting discovery.
Chapters (7)
Japko
Joined 5th May, 2012 ·
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One of the best stories I've ever read. Professor Jade is a strong character.
547570
Thank you most sincerely.
I'll do my best to make the story as good as possible to the very end.
This is very good. I'm tracking.
Best Pony approves.
2nd Best pony also approves.
Hello everyone from FIMFiction. I'd would like say that i'm a bit new here and enjoying reading people's fan fictons. But that's the problem, i dont really know how to actually post a fan fiction.
So it would be REALLY helpful if someone were to tell me how to and thanks for your time. 
Keep it up Jappers!
And the plot thickens...
I can't wait to read more, though I never thought I'd read a fanfic about pony genetics
548373
I never thought I'd write one.
Actually the idea was born during a Derpy drama discussion on one movie forum. I was throwing ideas and suddenly I thought "this could be a nice idea for a fanfic". And that's how Equestria was made.
This story needs more recognition!
548422
I'll upload it to EqD but first I need a solid pre-read (Ponychan's /fic/ is so crowded, first two chapters are waiting for a review since forever).
Also, thank you very much. I don't know if it really does, I wouldn't dream of such warm reception as I got here.
i1142.photobucket.com/albums/n613/bombermanpyr/Doctor%20Who%20Reactions/tumblr_m2uc3dF5mh1rtxz73o1_500.gif
This is pretty cool, I hadn't thought of this!
Although my headcanon always was that the Princesses and Royal Dye Pony had a special magic brew for the guards.
Et tu, Boba Fett?
Excellent story!
WHAT A TWIST!
I'll quote Ace Ventura on this one:
HOLY SHITBALLS!
G. That's all I could think immediately after the end of the chapter.
wow, I wasn't expecting that to happen
I think I partly understand what some of the things in the scroll stood for, like U and P and maybe the nu, but what was the rest supposed to mean?
Very good. I especially liked the end. It really came out of nowhere.
Constructive criticism time:
When the same person is talking, you don't use quotation marks to end the paragraph. So when you have this:
“[...]they always wanted me to be who I wanted to be.”
“The day I finally got my cutie mark,” she continued after a short pause. “He finally surrendered. [...]"
Should be:
“[...]they always wanted me to be who I wanted to be.
“The day I finally got my cutie mark,” she continued after a short pause, “he finally surrendered."
Also, the study of snakes falls under herpetology. I get where you're going at with ophiology, but technically herpetology's what you want. I think. What do I know, I'm not a herpetologist!
City *of Canterlot. You've got it capitalized.
*the first step in Manehattan. Missing the "the".
waved at *a passing taxi.
protegee has two e's when it's female. I know, it's an easy mistake. French is goofy like that.
But other than that, I thought it was good. Nice, straightforward writing style.
558817
Thanks a lot!
I could use more comments like this (PMs would be even better). I want to submit this fic to EqD and I want it to be error-free.
hmm... very interesting story. I honestly can't wait for the next installment. For the most part, grammer/spelling looks good.
To find errors on your own, try reading the whole story out loud, and catch anything that doesn't sound right.
I'm enjoying this. My previous comment may seem kind of odd, but I didn't realize there were more chapters.
I love editing. Maybe I should get into it professionally. Grammar nazis of the world, unite!
Anyways, a couple things in Chapter 2:
I don't know what "finished this town's university" means. I tend to say "graduated from" rather than "finished," but that might be a regional thing.
"Thanks in advance" should have a comma or a period. Usually a comma.
"Maybe the city *didn't have to be." again, kind of a personal choice.
"never done before: city sightseeing." colon, not comma.
Another picky one: either "tirelessly shouting superlatives" or "shouting tireless superlatives". What are you modifying?
"take our picture for us" instead of "take us a picture." Is English your second language? I don't mean that to be cruel if it isn't, but that's an unusual mistake for an English speaker to make.
lied -> lay.
kind of picky: instead of "by soothing chirp", say "with soothing chirp".
in *a very long time.
in the fashion community, and... (needs a comma.)
Oh, and all the correction is in love, of course. Your writing is very, very good, so these flaws really stand out. It's the uncanny valley of mistakes, as it were.
I just checked your page. You're Polish, huh? Your English is very good. I hardly would have guessed. (I don't know that much about your language, so I don't know what mistakes you're prone to making. Przepraszamy!) Keep pumping out good stuff, dude! :)
Firedon is smarter than me. I don't know what those number and letter sequences meant, but I'm guessing that will be explained for us poor dummies. Bravo, excellent work! I look forward to more, much more. This is exciting!
559051
Yeah, I've always loved English and I'm trying to perfect it every day.
What mistakes? As usual: idioms, phrasal verbs, punctuation.
PS: Actually, it would be "przepraszam", cause "przepraszamy" is first person plural (like "we're sorry").
Thanks for all the help, man!
559085
Darn, Google Translate lied to me.
I've got a review for Chapter 3 coming, then I'll get to Chapter 4.
Glad to help! If you want, you could send me your rough draft of each chapter, and I could check it before it hits the world. I wouldn't mind. :)
559107
Okay, that would be great. I always send a new chapter to my two friends, but they're both Polish as well, so they mostly point out the obvious mistakes I make while typing. Having a solid pre-reader sounds fantastic.
559125
You can either send it to me here on fimfiction or send me a link at andrewphilos@gmail.com.
Clones?! Clones! Wow! Was not expecting that!
Thank you dude, your story is always twisting and turning.
Pretty good, pretty good. Can't wait for the next part! :)
558711
I'm going to take a wild guess and say that it should be read something like this:
Batch/Clone Model Unknown Status
U453/11 nu A13 T83 subject deceased
U453/12 nu A13 T14 subject deceased
P454/01 nu K05 T10 subject deceased
Cont. MMSU4 E. 25.07.794 SE - Not sure on this, though the last bit looks like a date... maybe the experiment continued somewhere else on the 25th of the 7th of year 794 SE (second era?)
It's interesting how of the three we know, we have U453 for two of them and both of those are nu A13, I'm guessing they're Unicorn batch 453 and the model is nu A13 while P454 is a Pegasus batch using model nu K05. Not sure on the T##, maybe something to do with time?
563084 Thanks for (maybe) clearing some of this, I guess it makes more sense than what I thought of as first
563182
My brain tends to jump on patterns pretty quickly, so that stood out to me.
563084
I'm impressed, you managed to correctly deduce and guess quite a lot.
Won't be a spoiler that by SE I mean Solar Era, it's a measure of time since Celestia had banished Nightmare Moon.
564107
Dang, I was pretty close then....
clones! really i would guess dye
EqD just listed this. Expect to be flooded with new readers soon.
...or flooded with Trolls. Whichever.
encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRFQZpw7mYTXd2byKp4pnJTCPgLMR3SuelmryJYrP2Zg5nn2WZ1
but i will still read the rest of it to give a more accurate judgement (not to sound like a critic)
558817
>>Also, the study of snakes falls under herpetology. I get where you're going at with ophiology, but technically herpetology's what you want. I think. What do I know, I'm not a herpetologist!
Actually ophiology is the correct term as it is the sub-field of herpetology that specializes in the study of snakes rather than reptiles and amphibians in general.
Caught up to the story here. Intriguing! Can't wait to see where this goes.
Solid story, interesting premise. Your main problem is that you need a proofreader, but it looks like AP's helping you out with that. Liked, faved, looking forward to more.
Science!
As a person who loves biology, naturally I was interested. As a person who loves stories of deception and sci-fi *coughX-Filescough* my interest in this story could only grow.
As it stands I eagerly look forward to any future updates. This is definitely one of my favorites.
This is the first fanfic I'm truly amazed by. It's exactly the kind of story that I find really interesting. Please continue updating it. This story is amazing.
You need a proofreader though. There are a few uncaught errors.
Can I? /)^3^(\
As a Biochemist by training, I'm really enjoying the mix of science and espionage in this story.
Forty-Six and 2 - Tool
Simple. Royal Guard is enchanted so they all look the same.
OR IS IT?!
Awesome chapter!
Hey there! Just wanted to ask a quick question:
I remember that you posted your story in ChowderHead's reviewthread over at ponychan. After three months of waiting I now found out that he just quit without saying a word. So, did you send your story to another reviewer or did you sent it directly to EQD? Also congrats for making it at EQD!
"not even really a theory if I may say, since it has quite a lot of substantial data to back it up"
A theory isn't just a guess, and requires a lot of substantial data to be a theory in the first place.
Other than that and a need for some polishing it looks like a potentially good fic.
JAPPERS!!! You're featured! :D
http://www.equestriadaily.com/2012/05/story-grey-factor.html
580427
Hi.
Nah, I just made a few upgrades myself and then Mr. AlicornPriest offered me his prereading service.
579473
You too? I'm currently in the middle of writing a thesis about biofilm modeling...
Also, thanks everypony for all the likes and favs.
And thanks to Equestria Daily for featuring the story.
I have no internet connection ATM unfortunately and I can't predict when the next chapter will be up. I hope somewhere around first half of the next week.
Twilight mentions an older brother in chapter 3, but the existence of Shining Armor is otherwise unacknowledged despite being highly relevant. Or was it supposed a younger brother, as in Spike?