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A search for a mysterious energy reading leads a Commander to Equestria and reawakens some of his memories from a place he once called home, but his presence there is not welcomed by some of the nations.
(Note: rating may change later. Also the sex tag is for certain situations)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I will need some OC's for future chapters. I will not be accepting Alicorn OC's. I am looking for any, Pony, Thestral (Bat pony), Diamond dog (or other dog that can talk), Deer, Griffon, Zebra, Minotaur, Naga (a snake like creature), Breezie, Changeling, Cow, Dragon, Crystal pony, Demon, Sea serpent, Sea creature, etc. I also need a general description including name, gender, race, mane/coat/feather/scale/fin color, cutie mark (not required), physical disability or abnormality (not required), and if you want you can include a background story which may or may not be used. Please note that these characters may be possibly killed in the story. Please do not give me OC's from stories, art, and or comics that do not belong to you. Some of the characters i'm looking for will hold long term roles or leadership positions. I was originally going to do this for the six elite guards that were added in chapter 8 'The Elite' but me and my friend thesomeonefromsomewhere created those. Send me a PM or leave a comment on my 'OC's needed' blog post which can be found here. If you leave your OC here in the story comments section I may or may not get to it. The OC recruiting is going to be on going. If your OC is used you will have a shout out in the authors notes section (if you want).
I believe that the storyline crossover idea you have going here is actually good, its just that I think what you need is an editor to clean up after your prose (grammatical structure of your fic).
I think ratings would increase greatly if you found yourself a good editor :) I'm liking the story so far.
6945635 Thanks, I do plan on going through the story someday to fix it up. I have fixed up some of the earlier chapters a bit already but they still need more fixing.
6945650 Actually, I can "fix up" the first chapter for you :) If it's okay, and I'll show you in a way the "how" to do it.
6945871 Sure that sounds good. It would be a great help.
Welp fuck no human EVER bows to foreign leader it's enormous sign of disrespect to you your men and your country and if he's a leader why the fuck is he bowing?
6995770 Yeah I went back in and edited it. In that case you are right it did show disrespect. Then again I did write the first two chapters around three and a half years ago. So I am not surprised I made an error like that. Thanks for letting me know.
6995770 bow to royalty isn't a sing of respect too? I know that someone who is a leader don't have the need but besides that when is a bow bad? not many are clear with that and as long as is a greeting they aren't submitting, I have seen other fics where the human don't bow because he is not a subject but isn't this also disrespect for that kingdom Royal figure? I just want to know what is right
6998496 Well in this case shining armor was in a way demanding that the commander bow to them. Shining also referred the princesses as being the commanders ruler by saying "Bow before your princess." . So in a way it would be seen as submitting. Now if it was under a different circumstance as in greeting or something mundane it would have been different.
7002974 oh Thank you that make sense I still not have made it there so it wasn't too clear for me I just started reading thanks it shouldn't take me long
Save private Ryan...
Soon....
I'm interesting what will happen to rebels (they act against orders = rebels).........soon
7930918 lol
7930958
Well.... there is a chance that Lieutenant Golden Torch didn't say it to his troops, so then they are victims too (but i don't thinking that Commander will take this into account when shit will hit the fan)
Well this was unexpected but I like this story even more now.
Is it just me or I see here similarity to Japanese light novel/anime ect. , where main protagonist has a slave/prisoner/servant and they both hate each other but at the end they fall in love
.
Because for me Commander and Black Jack relation looks similar to this.
7933708 Only time will tell.
this feels extremely rushed
7934750 Yes the beginning was rushed... I plan to go back eventually and rewrite chapters and add to them.
This story is really cool. I cant tell if this a crossover fic or not but kudos to you either way
Not to rush you or anything but I wanted to know when the next chapter of this would come out?
I love this
Why do some of the chapters not have names? Were you unable to think of one?
en who cares if it has a name i'm just glad this story is not dead anymore
More pls
Well shit I truly thought this story was gone well its good to see yea back
10439389
This story will never die, it just plays dead.
Ah that's a fun trick keeps yea on your toes I know that much
How do they know who everything and everyone is?
10483251
Yeah... I just re-read the chapter. Gonna need to fix that. Thanks for pointing that out good sir. Though later on it is implied that the commander knows about Equestria from his past he hasn't quite figured it out this early on.
I Was fine with the story until you threw this bomb into the gears. im sorry but after that i couldn't keep reading after that
Btw Celestia would probably have a problem with a seemingly nice guy overthrowing what im guessing is a galaxy 👋
10484096
That is his end goal yes, but anything actually relating to that is quite a bit away and in all honesty I might not include it in this story. Some elements might come into play later and be referenced about the council and the Commanders plans but I do want a sequel to this story, which would be the conquest of the Galaxy and/or overthrowing the Council. This story focuses mainly on the Commanders actions in Equestria (and maybe the local solar system) not the galaxy at large.
He doesn't have the bonk stick so he made a bonk paper.
No horny berry
fun fact I have spent over 5 hours looking for the story because I forgot to add it to my favorites
Keep going this was amazing I love the idea and please continue