Just your average brony, gamer, writer-extraordinaire. I enjoy writing and knowing that others enjoy what I write, so pick a story, grab a seat, and enjoy your stay.
It seemed like such a normal day in Equestria, everything seemed as average as it got for everpony..that was until a strange rift in the sky opened. It was only open for a few minutes but what came out of the portal would give any pony a major shock. The main six are the first on the site but the only thing they find are 6 mysterious eggs, what lies inside the eggs is a mystery to even them, but the eggs weren't the only thing that came out of that rift.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Oh my gwad this is so like a digimon opening that i thought i was reading a script. The word coloring is destracting but the imeges of the digimon in aprentice form helped but i have to ask why put koromon and demivemon in the some place both have a curage -ultimet- Champion form
5570677
Well my friend there is a good reason i put them both in here because had i used the original Digimon cast it would be a sign me being unoriginal, which is what I'm trying to be the opposite of. In the show they may both represent courage but they are far from being the same, and Veemon doesn't need armor digivolving or DNA digivolving to be awesome when hes got a whole other digi-evolution line. do you see what i mean now, they may have some similarities to the originals but they're they're own mons in this story sos ticka round you might like the direction I'm taking things.
I reccomend that you look back over this. There are a lot of capitalizations needed, and a lot of missing apostrophes. My opinion is that you should see if you can get a pre-reader.
Are you writing a story or pitching a script to somebody? This isn't narration, it's description. You need to use the former.
Capitalize I, Always. And you know how to fix your problem with the color font? Not using it to signal whose character the dialogue belongs. Just because there's a color font for the character, doesn't mean that you have to use it. It makes reading an eyesore and it's actually keeping me of reading the chapter itself.
I can also tell that there are many double spaces (more than one spacebar between each word), you should really look into it.
Sorry for my assertiveness, but I'm really tired of the attempts at Digimon-MLP crossovers that have this level of quality. I'm only giving you my honest opinion on what you can improve. Isn't that what you are asking?
If you in any way react to shun me or my advice, then it's your loss, not mine.
5571341
I thank you for the advice but why is the color font such a problem, I mean they add it so It's easier to understand whose speaking. And as for the script based writing, when I made that first chapter I was Immersing myself, making it seem like it was an actual episode I was writing and if it pleases the readers I'll attempt to avoid it just try and keep the criticism in a positive manner, I'm just trying to write a story because I enjoy it and some people enjoy reading it. It doesn't matter how many enjoy it just as long as some do.
5571275
Thank you for the advice I was sure I messed something up I knew it wasn't a big slip up but even a small slip up can mess with a good story
5571430
You can easily do the same thing by writing who is saying the dialogue.
These are examples on how you can tag each line to the character that is saying the line. Like I said, the ammount of colors is an eyesore, that's why it's a problem.
I understand what you are trying to attempt. The problem is that, by adding things like camera movements and what-not, you are not making a good work at narrating the story. If anything, it is making you work more than you have to.
5571583
Again i thank you for the advice as for right now I'm simply trying to get my bearings together while I plan out the next chapter this isn't going to fix the "eyesore" thing but since there will be more characters soon i will put at the beginning who says what in what color. I have yet to get another complaint about the color and so far it's helped me I will however take your examples on tag lines it can be really useful as for now I'm just trying to get things going my way, thanks again
Shame, I was looking forward to reading this.
Problems:
1) This is yet another badly written Digimon-MLP crossover,
2) There is little to no visible proof reading,
3) Using the colours for each character when they speak is totally unnecessary (if you wrote how the characters would speak, you wouldn't need colours to distinguish),
4) Many typos that can easily be cleared up by just going over what you're writing (not difficult),
5) Even for a "newbie writer" this seems like a really botched, half-arsed job. At least put some semblance of thought into what you are going to put down rather than blurt anything you can think of onto the page.
Positive:
1) I like the idea, but execution is off by quite a way.
Sorry, maybe if you got a proof reader/someone who can write I would read this.
i love it that way i can tell who is taking so i can do my impessions of spike and the mane six
(squee)
that's ok take ur time but I do want to see it continue from digital champions if that's ok
5570677 I agree friend it almost like how the first digidestined met there partners
oooooooh I want to see how the story continues from chapter 4 and so on
i'm loving this please continue updating more chapters I can't wait to read more chapters of this story please continue adding chapters for me and for others who comented on this story
next chapters please i'm loving this story
Nice story, want to see more of it
5717341 I agree
5571625 come on hurry up and upload the next chapter or chapters please
MOAR PLEASE BESTINSLOT DEMANDS IT
This is great...let's do more Digimon man...Please!
Plz update this.
6995689 I agree with u friend
next few chapters please
Great to see that this story is back! Good job Fluttershy in correcting that problem before it got out of hand.
7534010 It's great to be writing this story again, and be expecting that alot from dear Flutters, it is her specialty after all
I got a feeling we'll be seeing Kuwagamon and Kabuterimon in the next chapter :3
7534027 that chapter is very awesome can't wait for more updates on this story keep it up
This getting good! Also what about Veemon's digivolutions? Will he also Armor Digivolve? Also will he digivolve to ExVeemon or Veedramon? Just asking :3 All in all its still a great read!
7536432 I was waiting for someone to ask about Veemon, I'm leaning more towards Veedramon, just to be different from his anime counterpart
7536438 But Armor Digivolution can play a factor as well correct?
7536448 We'll see, I don't want to spoil too much, there's no fun in that
7536452 If it helps Gabumon and Lopmon also has the ability to Armor Digivolve. For Gabumon, with the Digi-Egg of Friendship he becomes Kenkimon and with the Digi-Egg of Hope he can become Moosemon. Lopmon can Golden Armor Digivolve to Rapidmon thanks to the Golden Digi-Egg of Destiny.
It's all here on this chart I use for research time to time :3 -> http://digimon.wikia.com/wiki/Digi-Egg_Digivolution_Chart
So we get Rarity next. I wonder how she is going to handle what is coming her way?
7536452 this chapter is awesome the first champion level of the mane six's digimon. but why did twilight's cutie mark glow like that. I'm going to predict that the cutie marks of the mane six would suddenly start glowing. keep up the good work my friend can't wait for more chapters to be updated
7536452 when r u going to upload more chapters this story is so awesome and I want to read more of it
7615918 Don't worry they'll be up, you just need to give me a little time sometimes, I don't exactly get much free time to write, and when I have extended times, like I do now, I tend to work on all my current stories at once, so you could imagine the stuff I'm juggling at the moment, but like I said, don't worry, there will be a new chapter
7616210 that's ok then I'm not going to rush u to do it just try find some free time with ur busy scedule
"A Mare and her Wolf"? Why do I have a feeling Fluttershy and Gabumon are going to have a bad time with a certain sea dragon Digimon? X3
Oh, look, and Digimon crossover that isn't a Displaced fic. *Fav'd*
7882326 Why thank you, I'm always grateful when someone appreciates my work
7882339
Oh, I haven't started reading yet. I just automatically fav fics I add to my Read Later pile. I'm just frustrated that I keep finding crossovers that I want to read, only to find out that it is a Displaced Brony fic. And that includes several Digimon fics, too. I wouldn't mind it if it was simply a random human turned into an anime character, but no, it always has to be a Brony, just two degrees away from being an author insert, if not a straight up author insert.
...sorry, went on a bit of a rant there. Anyway, I have a few fics ahead of this, but the basic setup of the Mane Six as Digidestened intrigues me, and makes me wonder if Spike is going to end up with Gatomon (or equivalent) later.
7882409 Oh that's Alright, Still thank you for the favorite, and I'm glad I can supply you with something to read whenever you get to it.
7882411 awesome chapter my friend and I can't wait for the next upload for this story I'll be waiting my friend and keep me posted on the story thanks and please try to upload more chapters a little sooner if u can
7882232 I'm with u my friend but I think it might not be seadramon but will see what darklordaxel20 does for this coming episode my friend
BOY!!!!! this is getting good, can't wait for more in the future!
Well that went well. Now how quite do we think the CMC will keep this I wonder?
Well, I have an opening again. Should I slot this one, or that BlackWarGreymon fic?
*flips coin*
*coin falls down cold air return vent, rattling all the way*
["Girls...I think we've only hit the tip of the iceberg in understanding whats going on ".]
Simply put Twilight, NO SHIT SHERLOCK
This story is amazing. A masterpiece I must say. I can't wait to see the Digimon partners reach their ultimate and mega forms(along with Gaomon, Veemon, and Guilmon getting their champion forms too).
Keep it up dude.