- Member Since 17th Nov, 2013
- offline last seen Yesterday
Shizuo35
Well I love writing stuff. My OC: His name is Ryder Wheeler, Older brother to Scootaloo, (made him WAY before Scootaloo was revealed to have parents) Read on to see what he does with his life.
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I've read a lot worse, plus you managed to keep your vocabulary coherent. So, that deserves a like in my book.
5860906 Well... Thanks. I saw 'Mr. Critical commented on THIS STORY' and thought... "Oh jeez this guys gonna give me a hard time but I was totally wrong. And... Can you actually tell me what about this story that made you say 'I've read a lot worse.' That makes me think I definitely did something wrong.
With stories focused on mary sues, taking charge as red and black alicorns as they save the day with their fire breathing dick, you can understand that I have standards. But, what really erks me is the writting. "And then he laid me down and then we fucked" was a literal line I once wrote from a clopfic, which gave me a small aneurysm. To see that you were competent enough to be able to write your story with grammar I didn't think was written by a seven year old, though why a seven year old was writing a diaper clopfic I would never know, earned a lot of points for me. I think the reason no one likes this story is due to the diaper usage tag. That's not the most popular fetish.
5861014 I actually agree with you on the diaper tag not being the most popular thing in the world. But that just wont stop me from writing something I actually like.
I'm not asking you to, I'd actually encourage you to write what you love.
how come this has such a negative ratio when it's actually the length of a fic and not the length of a fucking description of a fic with shity oc's up the wazoo to forever be incomplete after less than 4 500 word chapter updates?....
also there's already a fic that's about this same idea mostly only it has twi instead of luna....
5861721 Its because of the fetishes used. Not to mention most of those dislikes probably were from people who didn't read it.
5862330 but you only put it in the padded ponies group , which is exclusive for ppl who do like this fetish , so that doesn't explain how there would be so many ppl who don't like it that would be seeing this....
why does this have an anthro tag if there's only mentions of hoofs?....
5862756 ...I swear I think THAT might be why there are so many dislikes... I didn't see that after the fact I was writing it... Okay... It can be fixed easily...
5863218 oh lol.....
well it worked out better for me , cause i much rather prefer pony to anthro.....
5863228 I owe you a big thanks for bringing that to my attention ;A; It's so screwy with every other fic i'm writing and it just gets so confusing.
5863248 hehe....
5862383 you need to understand there are haters out there who browse these groups with the express intention of downvoting all the stories
5934870 doesn't explain abnormally high counts of negative thumbs such as what this story got.....
5935472
5934870
I bet most of those disliked it because it has fetishes of the author in it. I once had someone comment on my story saying 'Why don't you write something people will actually read?' after I ended up saying 'Like/Dislike ratio fucks given: -3'
5935573 lel...
this is great, but I would have like it better if this story was longer and that Cadance continue to manipulate Sining to progressively turning him into an adult foal.
5935573 i dont see why idiots do that after all most fetish stories are written by authors with that specific fetish
5935573
I don't think many people would still read a story when they know it has something they won't like based on the description. I think the dislikes are coming from the grammar, punctuation, and some of the dialog of your characters.
Many of your sentences repeat the same words near enough to each other to be distracting. You also use 'a bit' a lot and don't need to. If you're having a character do something, have them do it! There's no reason to say they kinda do it. And example would be: "Shining sighed and hung his head a bit." Just have him hang his head, he doesn't need to do it 'a bit'.
As for punctuation, the beginning of the story has far too many exclamation points. Even when Shining Armor and Cadance are talking about things that might be sensitive with many guards around, it feels like they're shouting. Later in the story, the exclamation points seem to be replaced by ellipses at the start and end of most of the dialog. They're not needed, and if you want to show that a character is unsure about doing something, use a description! Show that they said something nervously, or with some hesitation. It's not needed for every sentence, but doing it once gives a feel for the rest of a conversation.
Lastly, some of the dialog is out of place and not very in-character. The drug mentions are unnecessary and don't really add any humor. Swearing is similar. It isn't what you'd expect from these characters and doesn't add anything.
(Also, Cadance Cadance Cadance Cadance. Two 'a's, not two 'e's, that's a personal pet peeve of mine.)
You can write, but you could also write better. I'm kinda busy, but can try proofreading stuff if you'd like (I'm not great, by any means). Otherwise try to find someone to do so. It can really help.
I'm not disliking this story, but can understand why people would. However, disliking without leaving constructive feedback doesn't really help anyone. I hope you keep working on your writing as I'd like to see more.
5953990 Not to be mean but I don't remember asking someone to review this and post it in the comments.
um, I can't really understand the story at all.
Just what is actually happening?
5994996 Shining and Cadence's love making has gotten stale. Cadence wants to try something but isn't sure Shining would like it.
5995476
I got that part but what happens later is quite hard to understand.
5954383
I understand you have no interest in reaching pro level writing but it should at least be up to a standard to it's understandable and easy to follow. This jumps around so much it's hard to follow or to get a picture of what's happening. Also the punctuation is so strange that it's very confusing.
Also those unnecessary things can add to the confusion.
Very interesting. Being responsible for an entire empire would cause a lot of tension to build. That priceless time alone would be the only way to get it out and 'play' seems to help make lots of tensions get out.
The question is now about how long this will last before Cadence and Shining go exploring other 'kinks' to satiate their urges?