GigaDragonXV2
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Feel free to talk to me about the story. Personally I think my other story The Darkest Kind of Kindness is better, but I won't judge it until I start getting responses about it. Also please be patient with this story, The Darkest Kind of Kindness has higher priority right now and will receive quicker updates even though it is not submitted to the site yet.
This has potential, dood. I'm rather interested to see how this plays out, dood. Shame that Spike doesn't know that Twilight and Dusk are the same, but that's up to you, dood.
Damn, this seems like an interesting story.
You have my attention and my interest! Please, continue.
Also, DAMN this Celestia is a bitch. Sunny called it right.
Duskshimmer insta fave
Wow, I really like how this story deviates from the canon. Nightmare is a stallion, Pinkie is not a bearer, and Dusk dislikes Celestia. I can't wait for the next part.
Is Nightmare Nebula actually a villain?
Because the way he phrased it, it sounded like he was going to be raising the sun while Celestia gets her comeuppance.
Also, Dusk and NN need to do a Bro-Hoof at some point.
5561957 maybe...
I agree with you, RD is OP. Still, I have to say that I enjoyed the character of Artemis. He is slightly devious and manipulative, but he's more honorable than Celestia and gets along better with his subjects. I hope the next chapter comes soon.
This seems like an interesting premise with a good amounts of words so far, and going by the comments I'm going to track this story to see where it goes.
So.. Who put the cactus in Tia's vajayjay and how did they manage to fit one that big and prickly in there?
Were I Dusk Shine, I'd just come up with a new female persona and feign Twilight being eaten by the Everfree.
I liked how Artemis messed with Celestia's schedule and how Shy was against Rarity trying to woo Artemis (maybe she's a little protective of him after the dream). I also liked how possessive Sweetie is with her crush on Spike and her friendship with Iron Hoof. Love this chapter.
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It's funnier if you call the ship name sunshine
Insert troll face :D
I'm curious about Scootaloo's dad and I found it cute the way Sweetie Belle spent the day with Spike. Lastly, your characterization of Blueblood is interesting.
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See I'm on the other side of that. Pinkie was somewhat out of character and the whole "I can't be an element barer anymore" thing felt horribly forced.
Overall, As much as I WANT to like this story so far, it's been extremely hard to do so.
5781418 The Pinkie scene was hard for me... I almost felt like scrapping it at first, but its importance to the story won out in the end. I'm still not entirely pleased with that part and I myself thought that scene felt forced and tried to make that part smoother. This is why I enjoy getting comments. It lets me see places where things need some improvement and I'm curious as to what else feels too forced or may need some explanation or improvement if you don't mind sharing your thoughts on things. I personally view Pinkie in an odd way somewhat, she's happy and bubbly to be sure, but that is only to force back the crippling depression she is shown to have. I have no idea if she takes medication for it in the show but with how things are presented, not likely. The reason why Pinkie acts more...bitter towards Twilight/Dusk because she blames her exclusion from the element bearers primarily on them. I am currently reworking the Pinkie scene in order to make it feel more natural and again thank you for pointing that out otherwise i would have forgot that part was a little hard to swallow. I'll post a blog when its been revised, but for now it's what it is...
5781418 Thanks for the comment and bringing that to my attention. The scene has just been edited and hopefully it doesn't feel as forced anymore. If I still screwed that up please let me know I thought it was a little forced at first as well.
5738097 Blueblood's actions will be explained later when his character is given more light. Currently though he can be considered to be a tad bit of a butt kisser and more snobbish when dealing with those he views as lower class citizens. He reals that in when dealing with those seeking his guidance and I'll say only one more thing and that is his current actions are partially because of what his special talent is.
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Her scene still feels out of place and character.
For myself I would have honestly just changed who dusk met as he entered town. Have him meet Cheerilee first, they talk a bit and get friendly. He's a student and she's a teacher. I'm sure they could get along and then have them get together again at the party. I don't honestly think you need to have Pinkie originally own the element and you could have just had it that Pinkie stays behind to keep everyone entertained and calm while the rest leave. The whole pinkie promise to tell everyone his secret just seems ridiculous too.
Really if anything would make me want to stop reading it just how Pinkie was handled. I'll give it a chance for the next chapter just to see what Nightmare gives them but otherwise I would have been done right now.
Just saying and wish you best of luck.
5785387 I understand completely and I'll take a look in seeing what that edit comes up with. I'll still need to find a way to get across that the elements can move to a different bearer and Pinkie is pretty much lined up as a reoccurring antagonist for only Dusk. The reason is because of how I view Pinkie as suffering from depression and in this universe I feel that it's more towards the surface and that she easily allows it to turn into anger towards those who have wronged her. Yes I do know someone with depression and they do easily get angered during similar circumstances. Hopefully this sheds some light onto why Pinkie is still out of character. I sort of wanted the promise to be goofy in a sense because Pinkie's typically silly, even though her character appears to know more than what she lets on. I can still change a few things and the story will hopefully not be too greatly affected, still need to figure out how Pinkie might get upset with Dusk enought to pop up sand occasionally cause trouble, intentional or not, and like I said before suggestions are appreciated and I'll continue to try and make them s story as good as it possibly can be with me writing it.
I'll try and make it so that the way Pinkie is handled doesn't make people want to stop reading even if I have to remove her from the spotlight. Again I view Pinkie as having depression which isn't just sadness. Those who have it tend to go from one emotional extreme to the other in sometimes what is only a few seconds. I know this partially from my friend who suffers from the condition. In the show I believe Pinkie is constantly distracting herself which keeps her mind off of her condition but when directly affected by things that are important to her ,her defense crumbles. And it seems for all of the insights I have on Pinkie I still can't get her character right...oh well what can you do? I'll fix this as best I can I don't mind rewriting parts of a few chapters I have too much inspiration and ideas for this story than what I know what to do with right now anyways.
Well that's... Twilight (well, Dusk) is really that awful? This is like the fourth time he's thought about how stupid Spike is this chapter alone... and Spike even said "sorry to intrude on personal matters" as if he's just his assistant...
So not only is the relationship broken from the start, but Dusk holds Spike in contempt and insults Spike in his mind about how dumb Spike is, and apparently Sunset, the love of Dusk's life, hates him too...
And you even say that Twilight raised him, which... if you're raised by someone who wants to laugh at how stupid you are, and isn't allowed to to talk about your life, you're probably inflicting more than neglect on the boy.
... Its hard to understate how terrible this makes Dusk seem like, to me. It straight up, right out the gate, turns the relationship between "Twilight" and Spike into one that feels broken, and one where "Twilight" actively conspires against him and treats him in ways that a caretaker should never treat someone in their care.
Hmmm that name it sounds familiar mostly graham but why hhhmmmm oh yeah!
rs466.pbsrc.com/albums/rr27/stupei/1235148087368-1.jpg~320x480
Umm twilight's cutie mark is literally magic, would that mean she was immune to the warping effects of are you saying her cutie mark is normal magic.
6030914 Twilight's talent in magic mostly focuses inside the normal realm and deals with normal magic, but at levels higher than most current ponies. The reasons why natural mages in either light or dark magic are rare has to do with the natural alignment of a pony's internal magic, as a result you can only be immune to the mental effects of either dark or light magic singularly with normal magic being incapable of causing mental warping in normal usage. Light magic is too high cost for ponies under alicorn levels of power in most cases unless born a natural light Mage, and even those who are immune to dark magics effects wind up being evil anyways because of the magics nature and the amount of power one gains from wielding it.
So Applebloom's the bully in this universe? I'm finding that a little hard to wrap my head around considering who's perspective this is from... then again with that Manehattan backstory... I'm feeling a little conflicted and confused...
... So I'm guessing there's no Equestria... Guy chapter?
(... What was your first clue?)
Dusk was dating Sunset. Anyway, it's a shame the Dazzlings are just going to shenanigize everything.
... W... Why? What's... the point... of replacing Cheerilee... with Pinkie Pie?... Just... wha- *slap*
Sorry about that, let me try again. OK, so why exactly did you replace Pinkie Pie with Cheerilee? Is Pinkie Pie too complex to write (A common difficulty)? Do you not like her character (Huh, usually people do that with Trixie or something)? Is she going to serve some other role (Please let it be this one)?
Heheheh, another theory about Sombra that's wrong.
Hmm... I can't help but wonder what Celestia meant by Twilight abusing her power. It would need some clarification.
... Twilight must've been pretty young when she named Spike. I mean, if he wanted it to be have de in the middle, she should've let i be Draco, not Drako.
6047965 I have a different purpose for Pinkie Pie that will reveal itself later, unfortunately that makes her unable to be a bearer as the two things would have a time conflict.
This seems interesting
really the timeline for this story makes no sense to me. it feels like your saying that Rainbow is a vampire or something like a semi immortal being. becaus if you go with Canon or how you have portrayed the story so far at the end of Rainbows backstory chapter equestria is on the verge of falling appart but the earlyer chapters portray equestra as being well of or at least not as bads ass Rainbow have it.
6357749 That was actually intentional. The timeline will make more sense later and a entry that was too full of spoilers mentions a rebound in the economy that happens about a year later starting a healing process, although how Celestia managed that is unknown and might be frowned upon.
6357749 I also just realized the year date at the very top of the chapter blows Dash's secret out of the water when you think about it. The backstory will make sense time wise after the end of the do trees cause pain set of chapters.
Sexists!!! I demand the Sam right for the guys in equestria!!!
Wow, headcrabs are something
This deserve more likes
God damn it Flash. You ALWAYS gotta make a cameo, don't you?
6027089 Ah! So Someone finally noticed that little bit of detail. The relationship between Spike and his caretaker isn't meant to be stable. A lot of the characters in my universe, as strange as it is, tend to have a lot more going on than what they let on. Spike is never told the secret because, well quite frankly, he is close to Celestia and can't keep anything a secret for too long.
With the way Dusk Shine's life is, he's also probably got a few mental issues, add on the fact that he never really has time to care for Spike. In reality even though Twilight is the one who is responsible for raising Spike, she's more of a grumpy nanny that shows up every once in a while to him. Spike respects Twilight and even loves her, but she doesn't really return the favor outside of trusting him to be an assistant. Spike will later learn that Twilight really isn't all that interested in taking care of him, and assuming you've read later chapters, it is even mentioned that Fluttershy is more of a mother and caretaker to Spike than Twilight is.
Dusk Shine, for all that he does, is written in a way where you aren't supposed to fully like him. If you read later you'll find that I add little bits of odd pieces to his personality or actions that in the long run give you a better idea of who Dusk Shine AKA Twilight really is.
6047965 Pinkie isn't in the main six because the story requires her to be elsewhere. Her role is very different in this universe if this story ever gets to that point. Right now she's currently playing a minor background role, but she'll become important later on.
6602364 ... Sorry to tell you this, but you already told me what it was. Well, thanks for reminding me this fanfic exists.
6602358
Yeah that's... awful. Especially since I have a very soft spot for Spike, so that's far beyond "kind of not liking" and straight to "this person is despicable."
6602526 I completely understand, I always feel that Spike deserves more than what he generally goes through. While Spike's relationship with Twilight isn't likely to improve without something drastic happening first, doesn't mean that Spike is unhappy as he spends most of his time with Fluttershy, at school, or being involved with something Sweetie Belle related. Would it weigh on his mind? Yes, and if he's anything like me he'd probably dwell on it for a while.
He's not likely to put up with this kind of relationship for much longer as he matures and starts realizing that Twilight isn't somepony that should be looking after him. She does try to care for Spike, but she ultimately fails as she's never really gotten to know him from all the years of being too busy to even be around him for long. As a result she views Spike more as somepony else's child that she just looks after every now and then. It's more of a thing where she's gotten used to having Spike being taken care of by others and never expands their relationship. Celestia in her hopes for her student, wishes for Twilight to actually get to know him and care him, but she's too busy to ever check to see if their relationship is anything more than Twilight being his nanny for a few hours.
Dat worldbuilding.
Wait. Moon Flower is RD or im wrong?
6668010 Moon Flower is a stage name RD took up and she uses interchangeably with the name Iris, I knew that part would a bit confusing.
It's been a while since I read this story. I come into this chapter going, "Oh ya this had vampires and other weird things. Didn't I originally read this because I was interested in the concept of Dusk Shine and Twilight Sparkle being the same person. I think I've lost interest, especially when I notice I'm only skimming it." I'm not sure if it's due to the distance of time but this story just isn't drawing me in. Good luck with it though.
7037488 I completely understand. One of the reasons why it took so long for this chapter to come out was because I felt the vampony thing while interesting were too distracting from the main premise. While I still think they're too important to Rainbow Dash's character to entirely remove I've renamed them and made it clear on the first chapter of this three part section that they can be skipped with a plot summary on them on the currently unwritten chapter nine. I really wish that I could find a way to rewrite these where they focused more on the Dusk and Twilight thing, I really do, but hopefully I can avoid doing something like this again because I was sick of these three chapters by the time I finished them because they distracted from the main plot. I might still just remove the chapters and put a link to a four chapter story where they stand alone as a side story with the plot summary still in place so nothing seems like they came out of nowhere, but yeah these chapters were a little off the mark.
And thank you for your honesty, I appreciate hearing your thoughts on the story and it helps me realize when I'm starting to detract from the main story. So thanks.
It, an interesting story so far, and I hope to seem more of this story again soon.