Twilight Sparkle, bearer of the element of magic, student of princess Celestia, and younger sister to Shining Armor. The problem is Twilight Sparkle doesn't exist.
Wow, I really like how this story deviates from the canon. Nightmare is a stallion, Pinkie is not a bearer, and Dusk dislikes Celestia. I can't wait for the next part.
See I'm on the other side of that. Pinkie was somewhat out of character and the whole "I can't be an element barer anymore" thing felt horribly forced.
Overall, As much as I WANT to like this story so far, it's been extremely hard to do so.
5781418 Thanks for the comment and bringing that to my attention. The scene has just been edited and hopefully it doesn't feel as forced anymore. If I still screwed that up please let me know I thought it was a little forced at first as well.
For myself I would have honestly just changed who dusk met as he entered town. Have him meet Cheerilee first, they talk a bit and get friendly. He's a student and she's a teacher. I'm sure they could get along and then have them get together again at the party. I don't honestly think you need to have Pinkie originally own the element and you could have just had it that Pinkie stays behind to keep everyone entertained and calm while the rest leave. The whole pinkie promise to tell everyone his secret just seems ridiculous too.
Really if anything would make me want to stop reading it just how Pinkie was handled. I'll give it a chance for the next chapter just to see what Nightmare gives them but otherwise I would have been done right now.
... W... Why? What's... the point... of replacing Cheerilee... with Pinkie Pie?... Just... wha- *slap* Sorry about that, let me try again. OK, so why exactly did you replace Pinkie Pie with Cheerilee? Is Pinkie Pie too complex to write (A common difficulty)? Do you not like her character (Huh, usually people do that with Trixie or something)? Is she going to serve some other role (Please let it be this one)?
6047965 Pinkie isn't in the main six because the story requires her to be elsewhere. Her role is very different in this universe if this story ever gets to that point. Right now she's currently playing a minor background role, but she'll become important later on.
6047965 Pinkie knowing the secret and being unwilling to lie about it makes her a narrative liability possibly? This seems to be the reasoning behind her logic (although its slightly recursive logic) Or its a twist of mixing up the mane 6? It does provide an interesting opportunity to write scenes differently without seeming as ooc.
Wow, I really like how this story deviates from the canon. Nightmare is a stallion, Pinkie is not a bearer, and Dusk dislikes Celestia. I can't wait for the next part.
Is Nightmare Nebula actually a villain?
Because the way he phrased it, it sounded like he was going to be raising the sun while Celestia gets her comeuppance.
Also, Dusk and NN need to do a Bro-Hoof at some point.
5561957 maybe...
5561860
See I'm on the other side of that. Pinkie was somewhat out of character and the whole "I can't be an element barer anymore" thing felt horribly forced.
Overall, As much as I WANT to like this story so far, it's been extremely hard to do so.
5781418 Thanks for the comment and bringing that to my attention. The scene has just been edited and hopefully it doesn't feel as forced anymore. If I still screwed that up please let me know I thought it was a little forced at first as well.
5782912
Her scene still feels out of place and character.
For myself I would have honestly just changed who dusk met as he entered town. Have him meet Cheerilee first, they talk a bit and get friendly. He's a student and she's a teacher. I'm sure they could get along and then have them get together again at the party. I don't honestly think you need to have Pinkie originally own the element and you could have just had it that Pinkie stays behind to keep everyone entertained and calm while the rest leave. The whole pinkie promise to tell everyone his secret just seems ridiculous too.
Really if anything would make me want to stop reading it just how Pinkie was handled. I'll give it a chance for the next chapter just to see what Nightmare gives them but otherwise I would have been done right now.
Just saying and wish you best of luck.
... W... Why? What's... the point... of replacing Cheerilee... with Pinkie Pie?... Just... wha- *slap*
Sorry about that, let me try again. OK, so why exactly did you replace Pinkie Pie with Cheerilee? Is Pinkie Pie too complex to write (A common difficulty)? Do you not like her character (Huh, usually people do that with Trixie or something)? Is she going to serve some other role (Please let it be this one)?
6047965 Pinkie isn't in the main six because the story requires her to be elsewhere. Her role is very different in this universe if this story ever gets to that point. Right now she's currently playing a minor background role, but she'll become important later on.
6047965
Pinkie knowing the secret and being unwilling to lie about it makes her a narrative liability possibly? This seems to be the reasoning behind her logic (although its slightly recursive logic)
Or its a twist of mixing up the mane 6? It does provide an interesting opportunity to write scenes differently without seeming as ooc.