JDunk1971
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Hot cross Rainbow,
Hot crossed Rainbow
One a penny
Two a penny
Hot crossed Rainbow
Also you may say that his was very
well done.
5523336
You mean she was well done
okay I know you may consider this over constructive criticism but seriously Rainbow Dash is done more for equestria than the wonderbolts ever have she's not only an element of harmony saving Equestria not once but but five times from super villains, but she also reminded, fleetfoot and soarin that they were supposed to help their fellow ponies during wonderbolts academy, and rainbow falls. She a civilian taught them how to act in a military manner. And how can they think celestial allow some pony who is more of a national icon like Rainbow dash, be eaten by the wonderbolts who got their plots kicked, by jealous big spike, the changelings, cause u never see them even fighting , and tirek, at least Dash still kept fighting instead of mopping with rest of equestria's ponies. Also Dash is a reservist wonderbolt, if anypony should be eaten it should be soarin and fleetfoot who keep forgetting their promise to protect and serve equestrian.
5523381
Do you ever really know who your allies are? Just because they were Wonderbolts, Rainbow Dash assumed they were 'awesome', and left before she had somepony to watch her back.
This is what happens when the villains win.
5523560 I see but let me add this she's an element of harmony, I feel her element would protect her life she most likely can't die.
5523671
Oh, she certainly can. Stop living in childish fantasies, no one is immortal =P
...there's no character consistency, the logic in this story is insane and unreasonable, and it's not very well written. And for Pete's sakes, if they wanted her to keep up with more daily duties, THEY SHOULD HAVE JUST TOLD HER INSTEAD OF DECIDING TO COOK AND EAT HER!
5523817 talk about mature with that toung sticking out. Let's see Celestia, Luna, Discord. Wow that's three immortal never to die beings. Let's not forget cadence and twilight. Just remember this is just criticism don't get angery breath in and breath out let it go.
But if these are your type of stories you should visit XNXX.com they have a whole section of stories on this subject.
5523922 I agree with you their military esque after all their supposed to give orders to subordinates.
5523950
Exactly. If they wanted her to shape up, they should just plain TELL her. The story would have made a bit more sense if they HAD kept telling her and she kept blowing them off, but even then it would only be barely improved. The idea is just rotten to the core.
A few things.
1) Please don't downvote stories like this just because you don't like the fetish or you don't like the fact that she died at the end. Some ponies like that.
2) Don't just downvote because of things like "The element would have protected her!". Tell me where, in the show, does an Element of Harmony save a pony from dying? Seeing as it's a kid's show, ponies won't die. Don't throw on your headcanon on a story like this.
3) Downvoting because things don't make sense? That makes loads of sense. IT'S A FETISH! When does fetishes make sense? Most fetishes can't happen in real life without being thrown in jail or being really really weird.
And finally, I enjoyed this story. I like the fetish. I loved the helplessness of Rainbow, as well as the resistance and her depiction. I thought the story was well written and thought out. I give this a like and a fave, if only because I can't do anything else.
5523942
5524212
They are not immortal that's for sure. It's just that you are basing your observations on a childish show where death and the likes of it just CAN'T be shown.
Celestia lost the battle with Chrysalis and what did she do to her? I seriously doubt that was just a comfy little cocoon to pass time. More like she was trying to turn Celestia into a Changeling. Plus it doesn't seem to me that Tirek thought Twilight was immortal when he tried to fry her with the death beam in the last episode. If they both were immortal than that fight would have had no sense.
So don't confuse supposedly long-living beings (of which only 3 are confirmed as such) with truly immortal ones that can't be killed.
The reasoning is messed up just because the story idea itself is unrealistic. Last time I checked ponies were herbivores, so criticizing the story for "poor storyline" is just downright stupid. No one questions logic in fetish-based material, because usually there is none.
It's quite the same as with movies. Lot's of them have huge plot holes and story inconsistencies just so that the film itself could happen.
And as for "=P", it's my disease, I use it constantly and everywhere =)
P.S. Pretty much what 5527791 said.
5528092 actually if u look at episodes where zecoras hut are shown you will see either pony or zebra skulls just sayin
5527791
As one who writes a lot of vore work, I feel the need to interject. A story can be based off fetish work and still be true to source material whilst being well written. The story here is simply not..
5532789 How is this not true to source material?
5532793
Do you understand the term "Flanderization"? The Wonderbolts have that done to them. A single trait overemphasized making their behavior unrealistic and unbelievable in a way that makes their behavior nonsensical when you think about how they SHOULD be acting. They're too meanspirited and, frankly, evil. The whole scenario is too cruel and unbelievable and it's pretty insulting to the character of Rainbow Dash to treat her like this. Taking a strong female character and doing this kind of thing to them without even a kind of heroic last stand is demeaning to her character, and borders on sexism. It's going backwards.
5533059 So then how would you have written this, keeping in mind the final result?
5533626
A much better way to do this would be, perhaps, having Rainbow Dash having a dream in which this happens. Having her obsessing over her not being good enough and dreaming of more and more nasty punishments the more often she screws up before being horribly punished in the worst way possible...
Only to then have the Wonderbolts snap her back to reality and admit THEY were total screwups in THEIR first few weeks too and Dash just has to work through it. Dash leaves, promising to do better...
And then perhaps a joke from Soarin' that he's feeling so hungry he could eat a horse, which makes Spitfire whack him over the head. Because then you'd still get all the detail, plus build-up TO the vorish sequence, whilst still keeping it in-character because it's not really what would actually happen AND, on top of that, perhaps ending it on a dark humor note. Like, for example, maybe Soarin asks Spitfire why she didn't tell Dash that their old instructor, a Gryphon, really HAD cooked and eaten a few of their classmates for their failures with Spitfire saying they weren't going to be like him, cruel, meanspirited...and fatty. With perhaps an added burp for good measure.
See it's DARK, but it's not EXCESSIVELY so.
Woo! Spitroasted pony, and not in the usual way! Not something you see a lot of here.
You gonna be doing more of these? 'Cause me likey. Always had an idea for a cannibal nightclub, where the pole dancer gets spitted on the pole. Vinyl would be perfect for that.
5535179
Thank you for the feedback.
Interesting idea for a nightclub. Especially amateur night.
While I did find some enjoyment in this fic, I also found it too short, rather dry, and it really could have gone into more detail. It needed to have more meat on the bones... so to speak.
Its very good story! I love the perspective form Dash place. But it lack the sexual part. Or just more details in descriptions of events. Would read another one similar to this but(t) with more ass and pussy. Oh hey you could write one with Derpy and her, big, bouncy, soft ass roasted.
(also got me fallowing you now for this story :D )
And here I expected them to be raping her.
Stories like these are what make some of us more calloused than usual to background characters.
It's easy to condemn ponies like Soarin' for their role in fanfiction when they don't have anything going for them in canon.
Need more sexual detail...
Now we all overlook one detail...
Mane 6... Soo.... 1 (gulped) down... 5 to go?
Garnish included.
Perhaps Glimmer could show Trixie the saw trick done right?
PS.
Spit fire... Perhaps it was her talent all along!?
Either way the name was begging for it!
5523922
Problem being ... You are wrong.
It is consistent within THE STORY/here established universe and YOU not liking the content ISN'T a factor to say it's badly written. Also, the characters act as one would expect within the world.
Don't like it. Don't read it.
Just stop being a pretentious smartflank
Fimfiction needs more spitting and cooking ponies
Might there ever be a sequel to this?