- Member Since 9th Dec, 2012
- offline last seen Aug 2nd, 2018
Zpothu
If I ever saw a therapist, he’d leave the room saying: “That guy’s creepier than three Draculas, two Count Choculas, and an Alucard.”
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Zpothu · 5.4k words · 19 48 · 2.2k views
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Well done, you've succeeded in making a story that the entire site is sure to hate
Only reason why I read this story was because of the like:dislike ratio. I am not a particular fan to works such as these, but I've read enough to gain the knowledge/experience of what are bad porn fics and what are "good" porn fics. This one is no doubt a fairly bad one.
Now, the writing in this is smooth in a way, with little to no grammatical/spelling errors. From gazing over some of the word choices you've made in the first quarter of the story, it looks like you've been studying botany. But that's about the only good thing this story gives.
I don't mind very detailed sexual scenes, but this story handles it in a way were it's just an eye sore. The characters are SO out of character, to the point where it isn't even them at all, despite having the same names. The plot is rushed, within one second being at the entrance of the forest, only to have sex in one second later. This story does sex (or other sexual fetishes) in such a cringeworthy way that I as the reader had to take a break from the sheer amount of disgusting and repulsive events that happens in this piece.
It's plain and simple of what this fic is: A one-shot low-down fetish story for the sake of getting views from people who want to masturbate. Which is shameful.
2/10.
7284024
Fair enough...
I'm OK with this. Thanks for your input.
I'm impressed!
That you got two upvotes, that is.
7284065 I was a little bit harsh, but you've got understand that the way you portrayed your character's in this story makes me hate their personality, characteristics, and how sexually obsessed they are.
7284066 I fell for it. You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir.
7284098 Don't sweat it, your first impression is fine.
I enjoy portraying the character's personalities as I would in my sexual fantasies, so yes the focus is on the sex and lots of it. That is my style in all my stories. This was indeed supposed to be masturbation material; I didn't have any other purpose in mind.
7284130 Well, if I was into this kind of stuff, I would've rated it an 8/10 for being descriptive and smooth. Just isn't my cup of tea.
What the hell did I just read?
Certainly not your best work, I think the story focused too much on the play-by-plays between Tree Hugger and Cheerilee, which really dragged down the beginning and created some repetition with the way the plant ate her. It made for quite the odd tone early on as it seemed Tree Hugger didn't believe she was in any danger just after calling for help. Finally regarding this, I think that the overly accentuated and open speaking about the reason for her nudity didn't feel very real and was more "telling" the audience than "showing".
I also think that the foals were a little too eager and uniform in how they went about clopping, and found it odd they'd all start masturbating instead of skipping straight to sex; this is something I see a lot in snuff works and I think it was a little too over the top here.
It was still decent as clop material, but I think it would be helped by being shorter and less..."goofy", spending more time on a bit of erotic prose (near the end) and much less time on what I think would best be described as fetish exposition (near the beginning/middle, especially the nudity explanation).
7286042 That was the most thoughtful critique, Nebbie, thank you.
I definitely understand what you mean, but there's one thing I guess I didn't make clear. Tree Hugger was quite sure she would be saved as soon as she was discovered by civilization (a human and a dozen innocent foals), and she does not know what the plant's intentions for her is, whether pollination or otherwise. She calls out for help because she doesn't want to be stuck for too long and starve to death. Since she believes they won't let anything bad happen to her from the plant, she promptly enjoys her situation.
My complaint about this one is that it had every character way too OOC for me to enjoy it. It just didn't seem real.
7288540 I took liberties with the characterization in certain dramatic ways. It's not everyone's cup of tea, but those who are OK with this stuff tend to show some leniency.
This is a clopfic where the characters fall into sexually contrived situations as quickly and blatantly as the average sexual fantasy, so expecting realism is not recommended.
7289081 Like you said, it isn't everyone's cup of tea, and it isn't mine due to the reason I stated. It's possible to write a story like this while having everyone IC. Or at least close to being IC. For example, with this one, if the class hadn't arrived on the scene, or if they had tried to save her but failed. Or even if the plant produced a pollen that made everyone that came near the plant while it was feeding act like that and the class tried to fight the effect but failed.
7290014 Gotcha. Well, if altered states of consciousness are your thing, and I can definitely like them myself, then prior to the events of this story Cheerilee gave them pot brownies so that they would enjoy nature more, which greatly enhances erotic experience.
7290952 That does help a bit admittedly.
7284098 It's a story populated entirely by sex objects masquerading as characters.
........That is the darkest and most sickening thing i've ever read. I want to kill everyone of those evil, hypocritical, self-serving bitches.
You've brought out some real emotions in me and i must give you kudos for that. Most Excellent.
This story was entertaining, for lack of a better term. I love the other ending with the PTA meeting.
/5
7442919 Thanks for letting me know how you feel
7466793 How did you know Rarity is my waifu?
7471858 I didn't.
7474301 Yes you did. Oh, you.
Usually class votes involve the voters covering their eyes so they aren't persuaded by peer pressure.
8112059 True, I forgot we used to do that at my elementary school for movies.
I think that my problem with this story is that it shifts around and can’t decide whether it’s anthro or human or pony or what. I think it would’ve been better as a pure pony story no fingers and hands and feet.
coruption gone over board