- Member Since 9th Dec, 2012
- offline last seen Aug 2nd, 2018
Zpothu
If I ever saw a therapist, he’d leave the room saying: “That guy’s creepier than three Draculas, two Count Choculas, and an Alucard.”
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If you don't like my story, feel free to leave a comment. I love everyone's perspective.
This is what we in the business refer to as GARBAGE. No plot. No characterization worth a damn. No meaningful logic. Just pain.
5682343
I will answer this one.
I can't help but wonder what you were expecting from this story. Plot? Characterization?
If you haven't noticed from the description and tags, it is a one-shot fetish-fueled clopfic that has ~10k words in it. It is NOT a 200k+ romance novel or adventure story with an intricate plot line. If you want characterization or plot line, you are better off looking at these.
Moving on, logic? You want real logic? We spent hours trying to make it as logical and beliavable as possible. If you are irked by Twilight's actions or behavior, it is partially explained in the original story and we just couldn't find a convenient place to convey the boring lore behind it. In short, Celestia or someone else manipulates the water cloud production so that all fallout water affects the mind of whomewer drinks it. More specifically, it makes him/her a perfect law-abiding individual who can happily live in harmony as part of their utopic society. It even affects animals, making them less dangerous and more civilized if they live long enough near ponies (this is how Fluttershy tames most of them). Twilight started filtering her water not long after she became an alicorn (as part of an experiment) and found that her real personality and urges had been suppressed this whole time. Then there was a sequence of events resulting in death of Zecora and Twilight moving into her hut, away from pony-manipulated weather and closer to the altar that she became enthralled with.
And the last one... "just pain"...
Well, I don't want to sound like an asshole, but... WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING after reading the description that clearly says:
? And while we are at it, I would also like to know how you expected these fetishes to be logical?
I'd like to see how YOU manage to fit all said events and dark fetishes into a story of a similar size while still meeting the said expectations. Come on, tell me how you would make a masterpice out of this? Surely you must have some ideas about how it could have been done better if this is such a garbage to your eyes?
I'm sorry if my comment comes off as hostile or rude to anyone, it is not meant as such. I'm just curious about the estimate this user has given and the motivation he had.
5682343 Thanks for reading it all and sharing your point of view with us. That makes me like you more than most of those down voters out there.
5683003
I did, actually. I fit in plot, characterization, meaningful interaction AND decent action into a fetish work. And I did it without bastardizing the main characters of a show. Your story has almost three times dislikes as many likes. Get a clue! People don't like seeing their favorite characters treated terribly and acting in a way that makes no sense!
5683003 So, in short, clop gets a pass at being horrible because it's clop, and anyone who points out that the characters are OOC and the plot is illogical is immediately in the wrong?
I really liked it. i thought that, while short, it was a good necro-clop fic.
5684194
I'm sorry, right now I don't have time to read your fanfic to determine what exactly you meant by referring to it. I'll try to guess a few things though:
1.) It has romance and comedy tags, which implies that it is not purely a clopfic but instead closer to a romance or adventure story.
2.) It has 80k words in it, which is 8 times more than what we've got. So yes, you could probably fit character motivation and some sort of sensible plot in there.
3.) It has an OC character who can potentially act as main villain without breaking the behavior of other characters. It is all good and dandy but introduction of one takes time and some people (me included) prefer to see canon characters as main protagonists. Do you also rage about Pinkamena or RD being OOC in "Cupcakes" or "Rainbow Factory"?
What you supposedly did is just a shortcut for creating a horrible OOC and OP character (since it probably needs to be able to take down alicorn Twi and the elements) without explaining why it would do so.
Lastly, let me remind (not as offense of any sort) that your story is not that far off from this one in terms of likes and exposure, and it even has less likes than the original Draconic Desires. Plus I seriously doubt it features all these fetishes to this extent and kills off most of its characters. There is generally a lack of hard grimdark clop, and that's exactly what this story is. It is short, it is fast-paced, it is written just so the people who like this sort of stuff could "get pleasure" from reading it in one go.
If I'm wrong in any of the aforementioned assumptions - feel free to elaborate how THIS story can be made better. Don't refer to stories 8 times bigger and of a different genre.
5684353
No, horrible clop isn't necessarily passable and no, he is not wrong.
In fact, I agree with most of what he said. Hovewer, people who read and downvote it should have thought of what they were going to read before raging all over the place. There are disclaimers all over the thing, as well as quite an eloquent description/tags.
I don't argue that characters are OOC and that plot is close to non-existent. However, I'm strongly convinced that this is the only way it could have been done without introducing redundant parts like boring/OP OCs or doubling the size of the story. What you have here is just sex scenes connected by a forced plot line. This story is supposed to be just a little something for people with said fetishes to read before going to bed. It was never supposed to be a full-blown romance with beliavable characters or good plot. There are hundreds of stories like this too, very few (I've seen less than 3) stories can combine a variety of dark fetishes like these in a beliavable manner, usually they are even worse than what we have here. After all, these are fetishes we are talking about, they are generally hard to make beliavable or logical.
So what I am saying is that people should have not expected such things from this story in the first place, and that judging it like a real story (instead of a pure clopfic) is wrong. I've read quite a number of hard vore and digestion stories on this site, and in my opinion this story stacks up to the absolute majority of similar fanfics quite nicely.
5684509 Thank you so much!
(Sky_Wolf thanks you as well)
5684518
My character is very powerful, but I actually do offer up an exclamation as to why. He's a living galaxy. He has to be incredibly powerful in order to provide just enough of a threat so that the main characters know that something serious is threatening their home, and brute force alone isn't going to cut it. My work is fetish, but I designed it to prove that a fetish work that didn't have to sacrifice plot, character, logic, stuff like that. It's porn, but it's meant to be better porn.
I firmly believe that fetish work can indeed tell a good story and be titillating whilst at the same time still finding a way to be true to the source material. This story and it's prequel really doesn't.
5684628
And you've just proved what I said. Being and OP character just because it needs to be an OP character is not a valid excuse in my book. I find OP characters to be just as bad as OOC characters in most cases. Also,
implies that you indeed have an adventure/romance storyline in there, which is kinda obvious given the story size. You can't have 80k words of pure clop without introducing at least some sort of a storyline.
In the end it's exactly what I've been talking about. Your story is NOT a "better porn", it is a totally different genre. You were going for a story of this type, a story with "nice" (even if not all) characters and a "thrilling" storyline. You were going for an average-sized sex-filled romance or adventure from the very beginning. We, on the other hand, intended to write a short fetish-oriented clopfic that has less talking and more action. I repeat again, it is just clop. Clop, especially the rare fetishes the likes we've used, doesn't necessarily need to be long and logical. Look at most of Japaneese hentai for gods sake! XD
All I say is that it is what it is and should be treated as such. Unless you can explicitly say how it could have been made better in the current context, without changing the genre or making it 8 times bigger.
I... Can't say I liked it... Or figure out why I stopped to read it in the first place...
But, at least it was written rather well!
My soul hurts a little bit now...
5695913 Thanks for the compliment! I take my writing quality seriously.
I know it's hard on the soul, but do please note that everyone has a happy ending, if you consider eternal orgasm a happy ending.
5695953 That isn't happy! It is a form of torture as well!
Just imagine: The feeling of... orgasm over and over and over without rest. Feeling like you can take any more yet doomed to not die from the exertion.
It is not pleasant, not in the least.
5696032 I see what you mean.
We'll good start obviously a little contrived but it's for "science" so that's cool.
Go fuck your hero’s corpse like I know you want to.” Fucking awesome quote. I love how twilight basically set rainbowdash up as a fall guy if anyone figures out what happened.
lol oh well guess everything is right in the world. Well other than unpunished twilight will she be talking others into using the altar?
5698976 Rainbow Dash would certainly be the one looking suspicious. Playing with a corpse is frowned upon in Equestrian society even if she won it fair and square.
5699015 Yes, I imply she will in the next chapter's author notes.
Even though the last sentence of this chapter sounds like a good end point of the story, it does go on.
Mug better end ties a lot of loose ends up but leaves something's mysterious still. Don't let the May Sayers effect you for what you were going for it was fine and something you can return to later.
5702815 Thanks
Nice work, I loved it. I like it when people push the boundaries in their writing. Keep it up!
5720551 Thank you! I tried to be original and break a few boundaries.
When I first read the description a errant thought came to me.
"Hmm why would Spitfire be so confident?... Is it because she is a ginger and have no soul to lose in the first place?"
Once I calmed down from the laughter I realized how horrible that was to gingers and decided to appologize.
So'wy.
5736368 LOL. I watched that episode of South Park. It's very clever you thought of that!
I place no conditions on humor, nothing is off limits.
I've been reviewed by Rage Reviews!
5749361 I gotta give it to you....you've taken your criticism respectfully and I praise that.
5750002 Dawww, thank you for saying so.
I submitted the story craving both good attention and bad attention as far as the fetishes are concerned, because I wanted to see how people reacted.
I never suspected that my writing was particularly bad until the rage review, which really drove the point home. I now understand that my style of writing is still flawed, despite the quality improvements my editor helped provide.
For those who liked this story, I still stand by it proudly.
5750107 And for that you get a follow.
5752161 Thanks
After finaly reading this! It was quite a bit more dark than i thought it be...alot more dark...all in all though i give it 7/10 for being a good quick dark fic to read.
Though it i'd not recemmend this for the weak minded
Honestly though i thought it was going more into scariness of it than the sexuial stuff.
Reading some of the comments...Yeah this book is not for me...but yeah other may like it.
6172671 Thanks for your input
hm, interesting concept, just from this I have a few ideas already about zecora, so far, so good
hm, at first, when I heard that you could whatever you want, I was thinking that the pony that loses would be commanded, kinda like a dead servant, but this way is also good
okay, I wasn't expecting spitfire's body was going to get a demonic soul.
7367607 thanks for sharing your thoughts