Rarity helps a beautiful mare pick out the perfect hat in her boutique.
As seen on Equestria Daily.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 25th Feb, 2013
- offline last seen Saturday
Titanium Dragon
TD writes and reviews pony fanfiction, and has a serious RariJack addiction. Send help and/or ponies.
Titanium Dragon
Joined 25th Feb, 2013 ·
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On first glance I thought this was flowers riding a snowboard, and was confused.
5401393
Freaking snowboarding flowers are the worst!
The worst!
The petals fall off on the slopes, they leave a mess everywhere...
Plus they leave their boards at the bottom of the hill.
At least they smell good.
Very nice. It took me a bit to realize what was going on, but it became much clearer through the lack of reply from the other mare and certain keywords that I've only ever heard Rarity say.
Quite nice, quite nice
5401428
I'm glad you liked it!
It was an idea that I had floating around in my head for a while, but it took until the last writeoff to figure out how to write it.
Plus the idea of Rarity doing this sort of thing before she goes out in a new outfit amuses me terribly. Only the slightest bit narcissistic, noticing her own eyes shining like diamonds...
5401432
You have to admit, there's no one who is better suited for it than that mare!
That was perfect, here for you:
i.qkme.me/3qcu1t.jpg
5401484
Hehe, thank you!
That's a great picture, I'd never seen it before. Apparently I'm behind on my memes.
At first, I was like "Yeah, Rarity selfcest is best Rarity shipping ! I can't see anypony with Rarity other than herself, she's just too perfect !"
And then the RariJack part came up, and I was like "Yeah... Forget what I said. You are still unbeaten !"
5401521
It answers the eternal question of who the perfect mare for Rarity really is.
What a cute & wonderful story! A nice pick-me-up after an awful day...
Thanks!
Cute!
"Something-something-giant hat."
5401540
Aw, I'm sorry you had a bad day, but I'm glad I could bring a little bit of brightness to it!
5401544
Giant hats are appropriate for every occasion.
Except for that tree hat Rarity wore once.
5401408 at least bicycling flowers know how to petal.
5401571
A lot time ago, flowers rose to meet new challenges. What happened to those days?
5401594 everything changed when the pony nation attacked! derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/8/15/700477__safe_solo_princess+luna_smile_looking+at+you_s1+luna_wide+eyes_eating_flowers_wtf.png
5401655
It was terrible, just terrible!
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/7/27/58239__safe_twilight+sparkle_animated_floppy+ears_eating_flowers_the+ticket+master_horses+doing+horse+things.gif
5401571
5401594
Stop it, you two. The world can only take so many puns.
5401704
But puns are what keep us afloat over the mantle! Everyone takes it for granite, but it is a vital part of continental crust.
5401716
[Insert picture of Maud's unamused face]
5401725
4.bp.blogspot.com/-bivG6v6iT5s/UzQ3yg13uSI/AAAAAAAAlzg/CPmZfJ0i2HU/s1600/maud+pie+pinkie+pie's+sister+comes+to+ponyville+it+tastes+like+apples+funny+t-shirt+freezer+paper+easy+diy+graphic+tee+(1).png
5401733
Thank you. Kinda hard to do all that on a phone and all. But I guess I have to read this or something?
5401740
Yes. Yes you do.
5401733
Silly TD. That's her amused face.
This is her unamused face:
statici.behindthevoiceactors.com/behindthevoiceactors/_img/chars/char_115777.jpg
I'll admit that I was a bit slower to catch on, but once I got it the story became highly entertaining.
Although it also seemed kinda melancholy to me, like Rarity created another figure to bounce back her seemingly unrequited love towards AJ, I feel like she has tried to tell her before, but failed perhaps because of the lacking social cues she mentioned earlier. I am probably reading entirely too deeply into this, but I like my theory.
5401812
How could I make such an egregious error?
5401914
Reading too much into it? Never!
We all know that all of my pieces are so full of depth and subtly the Marianas Trench seems shallow by comparison.
Though it is totally the sort of thing I'd do...
Always nice to see how stories improve since the writeoff.
5401733
I'd just like to note that, bizarrely, clicking the image name for Maud doesn't toggle her appearance. Every time I click it I get another unamused Maud. I now have a row of seven Maud faces down my screen.
5402332
Glad you felt it was better!
Yeah, I don't know what causes that. Possibly the fact that it is a png instead of a jpg?
Or maybe Maud is just not amused by your attempts to minimize her appearance.
I kinda feel like I preferred the non-dialogue version. This loses the quietness and introspection, though the dialogue is certainly above reproach.
5402367
Yes.
No.
And I'm sorry you feel that it was better before.
I think I like it better this way, though; it feels less forced. Though I suppose being totally without dialogue before Applejack shows up would give Applejack's appearance much more punch, it wasn't totally absent prior to that point in its previous incarnation, either. A lot of folks told me that they felt like after the hat scene it was just too much and was belaboring the point.
I think it would be possible to write something like that, but it seems like it would be rather sad. Though maybe that would make it work better? Bad Horse's mirror fic Self Image played on that idea, I think. I did write a sad story about Rarity being alone in her boutique, which may be more along the lines of the kind of story you're thinking about, but maybe I'm totally wrong.
Of course, you could probably write a story like that where who the mare was wasn't a mystery, but it would be a pretty different story, then, I think.
5402388
Eh, I think it's just a matter of it being a different story now. Still liked it. :)
5402701
Fair enough. Though on the upside, this Rarity is far less likely to cause problems if she falls into the Mirror Pool.
Nice job with this piece. I had a feeling it was Rarity talking to herself in the mirror but the leadup to it was very well executed. You write Rarity so well. I actually got a tingling sensation as I read about her in this, and that only happens when I'm highly absorbed in what I'm doing. Nice shipping tease, too.
I only had a very tiny nitpick about the frequency of her beginning sentences with "Now,". It started to feel too repetitive.
Other than that, very well done. Into the faves it goes.
"Remember, what you're staring at is me."
5402980
I did some "now" surgery. It is very Rarity, but you're right, there were just too many.
I'm glad you enjoyed it though!
5403113
The best part is how well that song fits, despite me not having it in mind at all while writing the story. The title just was what it had to be, but it is very appropriate. It even uses the word "mannequins" in it.
I feel like I can't appreciate this story as much as I could have if I hadn't read the earlier version. Well, that's my problem. In any case, I love how you've emphasized the relationship advice. It really adds to the piece, especially when the previous central conceit has already been made clear. Great work, TD. Thank you for it.
As an aside, "worth their salt" has some interesting connotations in Equestria.
TD, you got at least a half-dozen critiques in the write-off saying this is good but should be a lot shorter, and you didn't make it shorter.
5405151
The first thing I did was cut it down to about 1,200 words (note that the hat scene, which a lot of people seemed to like, is about 750 words long). I wasn't very happy with the result; it felt too insubstantial. So I instead went with the advice several folks noted, which was, namely, to give them something else to actually care about in the story. I completely rewrote the middle part of the story so that once folks figured out what was going on there still was something there to care about, rather than oh, Rarity is looking in a mirror, why isn't this story over yet? Especially given that somewhere between a quarter and a third of the readers seemed to figure that out instantly; someone on the ISD Skype, without even reading the story, made a joke about it being a Rarity x Mirror fic.
It did end up about 200 words shorter than the original version, but I completely got rid of about half the original story length and wrote another 900 words to get there. I'm sorry if it wasn't what you were hoping.
5404211
It does! I'm surprised I haven't seen more folks use that phrase.
Yeah, I kind of changed the central idea, but that's probably a good thing given how many folks have noted that they figured out the mirror thing really quickly, and almost everyone had figured out the "trick" long before the reveal in the original version. I'm glad you felt that it was an improvement.
5404729
I was afraid of that. I was considering adding the Applejack tag but I was afraid it would be a bit too much of a spoiler, and the other or OC tag would be a bit dishonest.
Maybe I should add the Applejack tag? Then at least people would come into the story with the idea that the other mare was her, even though it is very quickly obvious that it is not.
I'm glad it was still enjoyable to you, though!
5405284 Ignore my comment, then. I saw the word length was the same and assumed it was the same story without reading it again. Sorry!
That was cute, but I'm going to go ahead and replace AJ with RD in my head.
5405318
Ah, I see. Makes sense.
5405472
Tch. You would.
Glad you enjoyed it though!
I really do need to get around to writing more stuff. I've been so lazy.
You know what. I didn't figure it out until the end. Idk how everyone else got it so soon. Although I suppose it's partly because it's late and I'm not exactly thinking straight being tired and other things nagging me. I will say that is by far the most interesting story I've read concerning rarity. I find it funny looking back that rarity is indeed filtering with the pony on the other side of the glass and even goes so far as to kiss the glass. I guess there's no hope for rarity. One other thing I will mention is that I wasn't expecting this story to turn out like this. For some reason I was expecting something totally different, what a wonderful and pleasant surprise.
5407232
In all fairness, some of the folks here also have read it before, in a previous state, where it was made much more obvious, though I suspect a lot of folks are looking out for tricks in my writing. I didn't name the mare, so clearly I was playing games with them somehow.
Well, I'm glad I managed to fool someone until the end.
Tricksy dragonses. *hiss*
So don't feel too silly for it; I'm glad it was a pleasant surprise for you! I love writing Rarity; she's a fun character.
Given that you did enjoy this, you might also enjoy my other two stories which are written from Rarity's point of view if you haven't read them yet: Wet and Temptation.
It's beautifully written, however: The gimmick was not subtle enough, I'm afraid; at least not for me. By the third sentence, I was 100% certain, and even the title gave me the suspicion. I think there's a way to do this convincingly, but it's very tricky. Rarity openly thinks and says too many flattering things about the other mare, she doesn't attempt to describe her in any detail apart from direct flattery, and the mare never speaks out loud (even though she could have). I think those three elements give it away. Something like, "Now who is this pony? A mare you don't typically see in Ponyville; the type of pony your shop was truly made for. She must be from Manehattan or Canterlot, by the looks of it: a young cremello pony with a long, dark, and carefully styled mane. She coyly looks up to you as she takes off one hat and tries on another ... you can see she's a unicorn ... etc.", followed by more interaction might help. Again, however, the writing is impeccable (Rarity would have it no other way, I'm certain), and ironically: The same voice that works for it unfortunately works against it as well. Very challenging subject! And well met.
Also Rarijack is an adorable ship
!
5405313
I think you could, and probably should, add it. As it appears in the story currently it's already a dead giveaway so it doesn't make things any more obvious. Mainly I say that because somehow Rarity knows that this socialite-looking mare is interested in a "rustic" pony, which is just a bit too much intuition (perhaps if the other mare spoke up to say she were looking for that reason). It might even be possible to write it so that it looks like Rarity's dopple is actually Applejack!- until the end of the story. AJ is the hat pony, after all: Rarity could describe that it's one of her closest friends and confidants, and the other mare could obviously be looking for something with "rustic appeal".
5409481
Also I apologize for rambling. I'm not trying to offer advice, just thinking about different approaches (which a good story will make one do).