Chapter 15: Stuffed Peppers
They’d spent the evening at Fluttershy’s, because anypony else would have felt obliged to put together some kind of raucous celebration and they all knew that none of them were ready for that.
The cottage was a little tightly packed, with all kinds of animals snoozing on the floor around them, but the five friends sat happily around the small table, pressed up close against their neighbours and slowly nibbling their way through the handful of cookies Fluttershy had found in the cupboard to keep them going while she cooked up a batch of stuffed peppers for them all to eat. The train journey from the Crystal Empire had been long and very much lacking in any food service, and they were all starved.
Rainbow Dash’s stomach grumbled, despite the cookie that was crumbling on her lips at that very second. She smiled sheepishly as the ponies around the table laughed, grinning nervously as she caught Twilight’s eye. It had been a long, long day.
“I still say that my greatest disappointment in life is that we didn’t get to keep those fabulous crystal manes, from the very first time we visited the Empire.” Applejack let out a snort as Rarity tossed her own mane with a hoof, the curls of purple hair bouncing softly for a moment after she dropped them. “Miss Harshwhinny would have been sure to have given the Crystal Empire the games at once if we’d looked like that still. I simply cannot believe how delightful we all looked!” she continued as Twilight and Rainbow exchanged a glance of shared tiredness, both with the day and Rarity’s omnipresent care for looks, even when celebrating their success.
“Yeah, Rarity!” Pinkie squealed excitedly, somehow managing to make her voice sound full, rich and loud as it always did without actually raising it, the critters around her slumbering peacefully. “We looked so super amazingtastically awesome! We were all crystally and stuff, and we had all those…” she trailed off, turning to look at Twilight for a moment. Rainbow, Applejack and Rarity all swapped glances—Pinkie Pie being lost for words was almost a miracle in and of itself, but after they day they’d all had nopony would have been surprised to find even Pinkie Pie exhausted. “What’s the word for all those weird flat shapes and angles?”
“Facets?” Twilight suggested, stifling a yawn with her hoof. Pinkie Pie smiled and nodded vigorously.
“Yeah, that’s it. We were so facety. It was really awesome.”
“I don’t know if awesome’s the right word,” Rainbow said slyly. “I mean, the sonic rainboom is awesome, a Wonderbolts show is awesome… hay, Daring Do is awesome. I don’t think getting a bunch of pretty, shiny shapes in our coats and manes is really the same. It was cool, don’t get me wrong, but not awesome.”
“You actually have different meanings for each of those words?” Twilight asked, surprised. Rainbow snorted, and she could see Applejack roll her eyes.
“Of course I do, Twi,” she explained slowly. “That’s how words work. They have meanings. I would’ve thought an egghead like you would know that,” she added, teasingly, shooting Twilight a wink and a warm, affectionate smile. Twilight sighed, her shoulders relaxing with the breath and her lips pushing forward just slightly as air blew between them.
“I know how words work, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said. She sounded only a little bit indignant beneath the rich tone of jest and mirth that filled her voice. “I’m just surprised to find out that you did.”
Pinkie Pie’s sharp intake of breath was loud enough to turn a few heads at the table, although somehow Rarity had managed to avoid the reaction.
“Oh, Twilight, that was mean,” Pinkie said, frowning, before her face almost seemed to spring into its normal, cheerful expression and her voice regained its bouncy, light tone. “That was a good one!”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Pinkie,” Rainbow said with a scowl, not quite hiding her smile as her friends laughed at her disgruntled frown. She caught Twilight’s eye and stopped even trying to hide it, joining in the laughter completely and freely.
And so it was that when Fluttershy entered with a tray of stuffed peppers she found the rest of her friends laughing, and none of them could quite bring themselves to stop laughing long enough to explain. Sighing at their antics, Fluttershy walked carefully around the table, gently laying a plate in front of each of her friends, before walking herself over to the small coffee table and stool she had left in one corner for her. On her way she passed the sleeping form of Spike—Rainbow watched as Fluttershy glanced at Twilight, who was focusing on the cookie held magically before her, before leaving a small gemstone by his side.
“Hey, Fluttershy,” Rainbow called out as her own laughter began to die down, “what are you doing all the way over there?”
“Oh,” Fluttershy replied. “I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash, but there’s just not enough room for me at the table. You girls shouldn’t worry about me. I’ll be fine over here, so long as I know none of you are too squashed up.”
“Oh, darling, really?” Rarity said, clicking her tongue against her teeth in disapproval. “That simply won’t do. Come on, everypony, let’s try to find some way to fit Fluttershy around this table with us.”
“I don’t think, uh, I mean, you don’t have to do that for me.” Fluttershy smiled nervously, sitting herself down on the stool on the other side of the room. “I’m sure I’ll be able to join your conversation from here. We’re not really that far apart.”
“Don’t be a silly filly.” Pinkie rose and picked up her plate in her teeth, stepping carefully out from between Rainbow and Twilight. She stepped around the table and placed her plate precariously on a relatively empty corner, seating herself on the floor and smiling happily. “There, see?” she said. “Room for everypony.”
Fluttershy picked up her plate and walked to the table, though she looked as if she still wanted to protest. Applejack budged into Rainbow’s side, pushing the pegasus into the gap Pinkie had left to make space for Fluttershy on the side of the table she was walking to. Rainbow lifted herself from the bench and hopped along to the empty space beside her, Applejack shoving her plate along the table with her. She stopped inches short of Twilight, and she shot the unicorn a friendly smile which was returned in kind.
It wasn’t until Fluttershy reached the table and Applejack budged into her more that Rainbow closed the small gap between her and Twilight, and she felt herself shiver as their coats came into contact.
Pinkie Pie had already begun to devour her pepper, even as Fluttershy all but whispered for everypony to tuck in and help themselves. Her enthusiasm was hardly justified, Rainbow thought, as it was not a particularly outstanding dinner—despite Fluttershy’s competence in a kitchen, nopony could really make something so bland as stuffed peppers work the wonders that Pinkie’s expression suggested they had.
The most that could be said for stuffed peppers was that they were food, and they were warm, and right then those were the only two things Rainbow and her friends cared about. Rainbow hadn’t felt this tired since the first time she had met Twilight Sparkle, when the six of them had retrieved the Elements of Harmony and defeated Nightmare Moon, restoring Princess Luna to her true self, and saving Princess Celestia and, ultimately, the day from night everlasting; and in defence of her past self, they had been awake for almost twenty-four hours by the time they defeated Nightmare Moon, and the party Pinkie Pie threw afterwards ensured they didn’t get sleep for another ten.
It was, Rainbow decided, a miracle that they didn’t simply fall asleep there and then, leaning on each other for support in a ring that never ended. They’d look like that picture she’d seen in one of Twilight’s art books once, with the staircase that went up and up and up and somehow brought you back to where you started without ever going down.
Rainbow fought hard to keep her eyes open, but the silence around her was making it hard for her to concentrate. She had thought she was hungry, but half a pepper had seemed to stop her stomach growling and now Rainbow wasn’t entirely sure she wanted any more to eat. Maybe it was just the exhaustion speaking, and Rainbow didn’t want to do anything at all.
She wondered for a moment what they were all going to do when they inevitably needed sleep; would they just fall asleep here, in Fluttershy’s cottage? Despite the little thought in the back of her mind that told her she really ought not impose on Fluttershy for so long, Rainbow couldn’t help but look forward to the idea of just falling asleep with her friends. The image of Twilight dozing, her head rested against Rainbow’s shoulder, appeared in her mind and she was too tired to bring herself to shake it. It was a pleasant thought.
Of course, it was just her mind playing tricks on her when she hadn’t had sleep in so long. That was all it was. That and the idea of being close to a pony—anypony—was always comforting, especially after she had gone so long without.
“Well, it’s been a long day,” Applejack said, interrupting the silence, her knife and fork crashing down on her plate before her as she yawned widely, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment in exhaustion. “As much as I’d like t’stay with y’all, there’s a lot of work to be done on the farm this time of year, and I need to be up early to do it.”
“Oh, come on Applejack,” Pinkie said as the farmer rose to leave. “You don’t have to go just yet, do you?”
“Sorry Pinkie,” she replied, “but I do have to be off.”
Applejack squeezed her way out past Rainbow Dash and began to trot slowly towards the door, when something made her stop in her tracks. Rainbow couldn’t quite see what it was, but she was certain it was something important. Rainbow stood up, her coat brushing against Twilight’s as she did so, and, shivering, walked over to stand by Applejack’s side. Everypony else in the room was silent, and Rainbow could feel their eyes on her.
“You okay, AJ?” she asked, quietly. Applejack’s expression was stern and worried, her face seemed almost a little pale. “You look like you’re going to be sick.”
“I’m fine,” Applejack replied, her usually powerful voice little more than a whisper. “I just realised something, is all. Don’t y’all worry about me.” She made as if she were going to step forwards and leave, but Rainbow reached out a hoof and placed it on her shoulder, holding her still more by the light pressure than any real force. Applejack could have brushed her off and left if she wanted, but the gesture itself was enough to stop her.
“Come on, AJ,” Rainbow said, firmly. “I’m not going to let you head home by yourself when you’re so obviously upset about something.”
“I ain’t upset,” Applejack replied, her voice low and seething. Rainbow could see her grit her teeth, and she almost took a step back. Rainbow turned and shot a glance at her friends, crowded around the table, and caught Twilight’s eye—the unicorn nodded, and Rainbow turned around to face Applejack once more.
“At least let me walk back with you,” she offered quietly. Applejack breathed in sharply through her nose and nodded once, lightly, as she exhaled. Rainbow turned to wave goodbye to the others. “I’ll be back in an hour, most likely,” she said.
“See you then, darling,” Rarity called. “And good night, Applejack! Sleep well.”
Applejack muttered something as she walked through the doorway, not once turning back, and Rainbow didn’t quite catch it. Exchanging one final, bemused glance with her friends and shrugging, Rainbow left quickly and trotted to catch up with Applejack on the path down from Fluttershy’s cottage.
“Y’know y’all didn’t have to come with me, right?”
“Of course I did,” Rainbow said. “You need a friend, and I’m your friend. It’s kinda my job to look out for you, y’know?”
Applejack sighed, pushing to walk a little faster than Rainbow and stay ahead. Rainbow let herself fall a little behind, leaving Applejack her own personal space, but not enough to suggest that she was giving up on her.
“You should head back,” Applejack said after a few minutes, turning to face Rainbow. She cut her off before she could object, not quite smiling. “I mean it, Rainbow. You should head back to the others, and spend some time with them. In all honesty, what I need right now ain’t a friend—I need a little bit of space and some time alone. I’ll be fine in the morning—hay, I might even be fine in half an hour or so,” she added, smiling a little more reassuringly. Rainbow squinted, her lips curling up to one side in question.
“Alright,” she said, slowly, making sure Applejack knew she didn’t quite believe her. “But I’m coming to find you in the morning if you don’t come back to Fluttershy’s, alright?”
“Deal,” Applejack said, reaching out a hoof. Rainbow reached forward and, smiling wryly, shook it. She watched Applejack walk away for a minute, until her friend was nothing more than a silhouette on the hill ahead, before she turned and walked back to Fluttershy’s cottage.
She and Applejack had covered quite a distance in their few minutes of travel, and while she felt the speed was possible when she needed to keep up with her friend, Rainbow found herself far too tired to walk back at even half the speed. Instead, she kicked off the ground and flapped powerfully with her wings, sending herself into a gentle glide.
All the while, she couldn’t help but think that what she had done was somehow fundamentally wrong—that no matter what she had said, Applejack still needed her. She tried to shake the thought from her mind, but no matter what she did she just couldn’t will it to leave. She snorted in annoyance, coming to land on the bridge at the end of Fluttershy’s garden, shaking her wings as she folded them to her sides before trotting up the path the short distance to the cottage.
As she pushed her way into the open front door, she felt all the heads in the room turn to face her. She shrugged and made her way back to the table, finding that Fluttershy had reheated her pepper.
“Well?” Rarity asked, impatiently, as Rainbow swallowed a mouthful. “How is she?”
“She said she needed some time alone,” Rainbow replied, spearing another piece of pepper on her fork. “I thought I should let her have it. I’m going to check on her in the morning, if she doesn’t come back here tonight.” She looked up at Rarity, challenge in her eyes. “Why? Shouldn’t I have left her?”
“We’re just worried about her, Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy said, quietly. “And I know you are, too.” Rainbow looked down at her plate, avoiding Fluttershy’s eye.
“Yeah, maybe,” Rainbow said. “I just wish I knew what was wrong. I don’t like it when my friends are unhappy. It’s pretty much the opposite of cool.” She glanced over at Pinkie, surprised to see the party pony snoring, her head laid against Twilight’s shoulder. For a moment, Rainbow wanted to find out how comfortable that would be.
“Maybe she’s just tired?” Twilight suggested, yawning. She giggled sleepily at herself, and Rainbow found herself joining in the laughter. “It has been a long day, after all.”
“Absolutely,” Rarity said, nodding in agreement with Fluttershy. “But well worth the exhaustion, don’t you think?”
“I’m just glad Miss Harshwhinny wasn’t too upset with us,” Fluttershy added, biting her lip.
Too tired to hold a conversation (and the sound of Pinkie’s snores was not helping in the slightest, the sporadic growling both interrupting anypony before they could start to talk and making all of them want to sleep even more), the four friends sat and ate in silence. It was a peaceful, friendly silence, and Rainbow felt almost like she was ready to fall asleep in it.
She almost did—at one moment, she found herself juddering awake, her head falling sharply to one side, with no recollection of having fallen asleep in the first place. But Rainbow was familiar enough with the sensation (she was, after all, Ponyville’s premier napper) that she knew she hadn’t truly slept, no matter how abrupt and surprising the awakening had been.
She turned her head at the sound of the door creaking, noting as she did so that Rarity had joined Pinkie in sleep, leaning back against the wall behind her with a small smile on her muzzle. Applejack was stepping quietly into the room, careful not to wake anypony; Rainbow smiled as she caught her eye.
“You okay?” she whispered. Applejack nodded, quietly.
“I reckon so,” she replied, trotting over to sit back at the table. Rainbow smiled at that. “Thanks,” she added, “for coming out with me, I mean.”
“No problem,” Rainbow said with a gentle shrug. “I know you’d do the same for me.”
As the thudding of her heart, heightened by the shock of a sudden awakening, calmed to a steady pulse, Rainbow felt her eyelids beginning to droop once more. She saw Rarity still sleeping peacefully, her lips parted and the slightest sliver of drool on her lip; Fluttershy looked not far behind her, though the timid pegasus seemed just a little more dignified hunched on her chair than Rarity did, all spread out against the wall. Rainbow half-heartedly chuckled at the irony, too tired to give it her all.
She felt a light pressure on her shoulder and turned to see Twilight’s mane leaning softly against her. She smiled at the sight, her coat tingling at the contact, as she looked up around the room at her friends. She caught Applejack’s eye again and smiled, a tired, goofy grin; Applejack shook her head slowly, smiling in amusement.
As Rainbow Dash slowly drifted off to sleep, exhaustion overcoming her, she realised that exactly what had upset Applejack didn’t matter, because all five of them would be there for her no matter what was causing her pain, and the same would, of course, be true for any of them. In that moment, as her eyes closed and a gentle smile tugged at her lips, Rainbow knew that so long as she had her friends everything would be alright.
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Wowwwwwwwwwwww
How the hell did u manage these many chapters in a day? Were they pre written before hoof?
I'll be honest the way you wrote the story in reverse chronological order threw me for a loop the first 4 chapters. But I don't have much to say other than: wow. This is one of the best written and developed stories I have seen in quite a while. It made me sad to see that you decided to release all on one day, if this had been dragged out for a month publishing each chapter individually more people would see this great story.Good Job.
5332670
5332759 Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you guys enjoyed it.
This fic was written as part of National Novel Writing Month. The idea is to write 50,000+ words in November and edit them some other time. I took on the additional challenge of editing them in November, too, and getting the entire fic out at the end of the month—it was my little challenge to myself, and while I know I could probably have gotten more readers spreading out the upload (and I could have taken a little more time editing and writing the final chapters!) I decided to stick to my original plan and accept my own little crazy challenge.
Going to admit, even after getting some sleep I'm still exhausted—November was one heck of a crazy month!
*applause* Now go and lie down before you fall down from exhaustion.
5333177 Maybe after the Quantum Mechanics lecture I'm supposed to be paying attention to right now...
5337163 Oh wow, that's a pretty bad one to have slipped through. How did I miss that?
I feel like I should allow myself to correct typos even now November has ended, but a part of me is determined to remind myself that the challenge was "write and edit in a month" and editing includes corrections like that! Give me a while to mull over the pros and cons of staying true to the challenge vs correcting glaringly dumb errors like that on my part, and we'll see what happens. Thanks for spotting that one, though!
I'm glad you seem to be enjoying the story, anyway. Don't worry—it's a slow reveal, so you (probably) haven't missed anything yet!
P.S. You're going to have a field day with the last few chapters if you're looking for typos. I'm pretty sure there's, like, five or six in each, because I know I didn't give them anywhere near the same level of attention as the earlier chapters
Pretty nice story, but frankly, it feels that it lacks a proper ending. The first(last?) chapter already establishes that Twilight and Dash are dating and it's going kinda well and that there is some kind of problem with Scootaloo and Dash. The rest of the story then tells what led to that. The problem with this is that the driving conflict in this story is really the problem between Dash and Scootaloo, and there is no conclusion to that. Also, there is that conflict between Dash and Scootaloo's parents, that's described in two chapters in the middle of the story, also without proper conclusion. This particular instance wouldn't be as annoying without Twilight's (non-foreshadowing!) foreshadowing when she warns Dash to not antagonize them.
So, on the whole, the story leaves me kinda unsatisfied. The TwiDash arc is nice, and I particularly liked how it wasn't just sunshine and rainbows, and some of Dash's antics got a chuckle out of me. But rest of the story arcs feel inconclusive.
This isn't to say that I didn't like the story, it's definitely worth an upvote from me, it's just that I could easily see it being even better. I thought the chapters being centered around meals was an interesting touch (heh, most of human socializing is at least somewhat related to eating!) and that the episodic format was nice way to handle a relationship. I get kinda tired of all the stories that go from asking the other out, a date and a kiss and then happiness everafter.
5338346
There should. Or, at least, I intended there to be and failed to put one there. Nice spot—I'm pretty sure I checked that passage, like, twice.
5337788
You have no idea how much I want to hug you right now. You've put into words a doubt I've had about this story that I haven't been sure how to phrase. Also you've just given really good constructive feedback and frankly that's one of my favourite things in the world.
I'm glad you didn't not like the story, too. That's probably more than something this rushed deserves. Thank you! And now I know how to think about it (rather than "something feels wrong about this... but not sure what...") I'll make sure to keep the resolutions/conclusions thing in my mind in future. In fairness, though, I'm probably not writing reverse chronologically for a while, and I suspect the problem mostly stems from my lack of familiarity with how to conclude things when they begin (an odd concept if ever I saw one), but lesson learned in case I try again.
Umm... Not that it wasn't well written or anything but... When will the sequel be out? There's a lot of unfinished business here between RD and Scoots. Or do you intend to leave it as it is?
Also, you kinda jumped straight into the apathetic/ alcoholic dash without much indication in the story's timeline
5339956 Currently I have no plans for a sequel, but I am tempted by the prospect of one. After all, The Sixteenth Dinner has a nice ring to it! I don't think I'll be able to resolve much between Scootaloo and Dash in a sequel, though, as the tragedy of the story is, in a way, that they don't resolve their relationship, and that things end on such bad terms.
I am, however, considering a complete re-working of the story since it has proved to be much better received than I expected (mostly thanks to 5337788 and 5337163 convincing me that this actually deserves the time and effort), and I shall certainly take into account your second point. I agree, a lot could be improved on how that arc is dealt with after (before?) it is over.
5340432 In which case, I shall await the sixteenth dinner hungrily. You sir, have gained a stalker.
Still only 27 likes? Damn, this thing is heavily undervalued. I'll take 8!
I think you got screwed somewhat by posting this a day or two after the "don't look closely at Twidash group notifications" warning due to their reorganization. I do have to agree that it's somewhat unsatisfying (generally the backwards progression needs to lead to some revelation for the readers), but there's still a lot of good crammed in there; the journey was satisfying, even if the end wasn't.
First off. I've been reading for the last few hours. It's past 6 AM; so anything dumb and overly-rambly in this comment stems from that.
Also. Spoilers appear in this comment!
Anyway.
Yeah, this was good.
Starting at simply asking; Were Twi' and Dash in character? Yes. Yes, I think so. Starting at the end, we saw both affectionate - but also emotional - Dash. That, without reason and to such extent, could maybe been seen as OOC. But, that was the end. During the fic, we could follow how Dash had slowly changed her ideas and character, and opened up towards certain ponies. So, the change was in reality gradual and realistic.
The best kind of change.
And then the story, and how it was told. It was a bit unusual to start from the end. Because knowing the outcome, I couldn't stop looking forward for clues to what really happened. What lead up to this situation. Dash being broken because of something that had occurred, and not knowing why, was intriguing. Even more so as the climax was getting closer. The last lines, Dash's letter to Twi', in chapter 7, were powerful. At that moment, we still didn't know why Dash was suffering, just speculations. And yet, there's this emotional chapter where we can feel with Dash, not really knowing why, and that's amazing.
And the TwiDash was cute. Simply said.
Dash beating herself up over being insecure and nothing going according to plan, and yet somehow pulling off a fluent setup with the picnic, was nice reading.
Hopefully this wasn't all too rambly.
You now have my thumb, fave' and watch!
M
5347033
For some reason, I found that sentence really funny. I may have only just woken up, which could explain a lot.
I'm glad you enjoyed Fifteen Dinners, but mostly I'm really glad you felt that the way I approached Dash's character "development" (for want of a better word, though un-development works, I guess) worked. If I'm honest, whether or not that would work was probably one of my biggest worries about this fic even before I'd gotten halfway through!
Thanks for commenting/liking/fave'ing/watching/reading! I was going to thank you for each individually, but I figured this would be easier. I appreciate all the things, I assure you
5359948
Yeah. Totally. Happy endings all around. More happy endings than you can shake a stick at. No tragedy tag needed here. Nope. All good.
This story was enjoyable. I loved your portrayal of Twi and Dash as a couple, and wow there were some powerful moments in it. The intrigue was nice with the Scootaloo mystery as well. I'm afraid I must parrot the others in saying the lack of closure really hurts this story. Its got the elements of a great story, it just lacks that certain something that wraps it up.
5362174 I made this comment a few hours ago not knowing if the last few chapters were actually ones in the future. After I figured out it was going in reverse, I thought it'd only go as far back as Twi and Dash's first date or something along those lines, with a set of chapters in the future that ends it in a somewhat optimistic way. I was wrong, obviously lol.
Have an upvote and a favorite, because even if the story itself seemed a little lacking, the TwiDash itself makes it more than worthy.
Oh, this was a beautiful story. The chronological reversal (which I didn't figure out until the third chapter in), the vignettes being centered around breaking bread, the connections with family and friends, it was very well done, and you did this in a month? Talented, you are. Talking for some reason like Yoda, I am. Seriously, this is a great story, and I do hope you consider a sequel. If not, then I believe it still ended, er, began, er, you know what I mean, on the right note. Well done!
Liked. Favorited. Followed.
It's taken me a while to get back to you guys, for which I apologise. Better late than never, right?
5362307
I'm glad you enjoyed it in the end, and thanks for the upvote and fave! I admit I like the idea of jumping back (forward?) in the chronology at the end, and I was a little tempted by the prospect to begin with, but by Chapter 12 I felt I'd be doing the entire story a disservice if I broke the pattern.
5367908
Glad you liked it, I am. And don't worry—chapter 3/4 is where I was always hoping people would pick up on the chronology. It's meant to be a little uncertain until about then (the hints in chapter 2 are a little less obvious, especially if you're not expecting them). Thanks for all the things, and I hope I can earn that follow with some slightly less-rushed material in the coming months!
5369490
5388954
I love it too—it was a really fun challenge to take on. It took a lot of getting used to while I was writing, though! I think it was worth it in the end, and I'm reasonably pleased with how that aspect of the story turned out. Hope you enjoy the rest!
Man, this story is so sad. And you made it even worse with this sweet ending (beginning?)
)
I mean, think about it: everything is so right and so good at here, just to think that it will end so tragically, with a miserable Rainbow Dash, an an angry/depressed/unable to fly Scootaloo, their relationship over (I guess? We discuss it later...), and two disgusting ponies still alive (really, how can Ceasar and Dainty not support TwiDash? Everypony loves TwiDash!
But Still, excellent story! Upvote, of course! ^^
])
). Want to see what your other works look like if this is not "one of your best" ...
I really was caught by the writing style, saying so little about the plot that you NEED to finish reading soon to discover what have happened and why it's so traumatizing ( and the happiness to find out that it worth it and wasn't something silly like "you said I was dumb!". I really got to stop reading a history when an author make some very good pacing that doesn't make the point it in the end. You did!) And some things like making Scootaloo and RD run in the first dinner to not let anyone pay attention to everything because you've already described the house very well some chapters before and we already had a good picture of it in head really made the narration go very smoothly, it really shows that it's a job of a good writer
Even thought, we have the loosing points, like: an random un-AppleDash appearing in the middle of nothing; drinking problem that actually only appears one time in the hole thing; the second dinner leading to say that the first was a disaster, while in the first not much of what is mentioned really happens; what looked like to be the most important part of the history left behind for a Scootaloo leaving Rainbow crashed in Rarity's door at night; Spike's question (if he will ever find a special somepony. Ok, it worth because of the relationship development, since is where we really heard of the meaning that Twilight have for RD, but it would still have been good to know...); and everything else that just leads for a sequel. Please, do it, you have an incredible story here, it would just be good to know how everything follows after this, even if it's not as long as this one (actually, I think this is the longest fiction I've read so far, since that I'm not much into those and "struggling" it's a fancy word for me yet [english is not my mother language, what I think that explains the childish written commentary
Wow, didn't meant to deepen it so much. But anyway, good writing, good fic, and awesome food, also, rs.
So is that, I think you conquered a fan! (wich actually only access during vacation, but the feeling is the same
5400281 There's a lot I want to respond to here, so I'm just going to go ahead and do it. Thanks for the upvote and comment!
This is exactly the reason I kept going backwards chronologically, despite the actual meat of the story really being over. I felt it was important to show Rainbow's life before it all went wrong. That said, part of me really wishes I'd thrown a little more Scootaloo into chapter 15, because if that chapter is meant to be all about showing how good things were before then it really should show that side of Rainbow's life. Still, it's mostly covered by chapter 13, so I guess it's not too bad.
I'm going to be honest, when I started writing this fic I had no idea exactly what had gone wrong, so I'm very pleased to hear that my choice didn't come across as something silly and unimportant. I was a little worried it would!
AJ's story in this fic was a little thrown together last-minute, and I'm not entirely sure it belongs. I think if I'd given myself a bit more time than a month to write and edit this thing, I might have been able to pull it off a little better, but for now it's relegated to half-plot status that doesn't really seem to add much. It's a shame, because I quite liked the way it was heading.
Oo, this was a tough one. I tried really hard to balance Rainbow's attitude to alcohol over the course of the fic, and I think this is one of the points on which I've failed. Again, a bit of a shame, because it's one of those storylines I was really hoping would work out. Perhaps a little more needed to be made of it in chapter seven. Also it might help if I actually knew anything about being drunk, but as a teetotaller it was hard enough to write one chapter of alcoholic Rainbow Dash
Keep an eye out! I've got a few things in the pipeline for the coming weeks, and I hope they're going to be some of my best work. That said, I have a tendency to find flaws in pretty much everything I write, so don't count on me ever admitting so once they're done!
... wow. That was a long 'un. Thanks again for the comment and upvote!
I enjoyed this fic, however I do have to agree with CDRT in that it feels like it lacks a proper ending.
Other than that, I do have a couple of points of feedback:
- I found the idea that the doctor would tell Rainbow Dash Scootaloo's private medical information and not tell Scootaloo's adoptive parents extremely flimsy to say the least. And without that plot point, a large part of the fic collapses in upon itself.
- Hey Twilight, I have a great fucking idea! Let's provide alcohol to the recovering alcoholic. That sounds like an unbelievably intelligent idea! Surely only someone with your genius intellect would come up with such a inconceivably well-thought-out plan!
I really liked this story.
An interesting idea basing it around dinners, and it worked well. The reverse chronology threw me off a bit but works, the only think I think is missing is a real ending so to speak. However it's still clearly one of the better stories I've read when it comes to writing.
Huh, I've never read a NaNo entry before. You get an upvote for the ambition in the structure, because it's the kind of thing I want to see more of, but I find myself overall disappointed at the story, for the reasons I've already laid out.
I kinda got bored towards the end due to the backwards chronology, I just don't think it works if your characters talk about a scene that the reader already knows about. What is the point of following the story if you know everything that happens after it? It works if you just have the climax, then you start from the beginning to reach the climax and see the ending, but when it is structured as this one is, it becomes dull after the first (or last, chronologically) third. A good story nonetheless.
is this story written backwards or something should i start from the last chapter and read towards the first
7345135 The story was written in reverse-chronological order. It is intended to be read in the order presented, despite this.