And your name is...
"Umm... You see Discord, we aren't really sure why shes here..."
Her voice was usually smooth as silk. Usually, that is. So cool, so collected. She possessed the very embodiment of that tone, "Stay calm. I got it." After all, she was a princess. She had read her share of books (A share that was probably amounting to around everyone else in Equestria combined) and she showed it with her extensive vocabulary and smooth grammar. But sometimes, she let that edge slip into her voice. That pesky little edge that clued you into the fact that it wasn't OK. She didn't have it all under control. She had just messed up. Big time.
Right now, her voice indeed held that troubling edge.
Her hoof-beats began to become smaller and quieter. Instead of the regular pony sized hoofsteps, she tried to make herself as small and insignificant as possible. Another bad sign. Whatever she was about to present to her companion, it was something that would surely make him fairly mad.
He followed her, though he himself made no footsteps. He instead floated behind her, slightly to the side of her, the right side of course (If he would take to the left side he would find only a wall in his way.) When he spoke, his own tone was slightly humored.
"Why dearest Princess Twilight Sparkle," He said, placing a golden lion's paw to the side of his own head for dramatic effect. "I'm sure whatever you did can't possibly be so bad." Twilight's lower lip twitched into a slight frown for the briefest moment before snapping back to its previous, nervous flurrying expression. You know, when you're not really happy, but you smile to make a situation seem not-so bad. It's a rather awkward and uncomfortable smile.
"Uh... Yeah! Of course not!" Twilight replied as her horn illuminated into a dark magenta glow, catching the door handle with this same glow and gently pulling the solid crystal door of her castles "Designated Spellroom" open. Inside was a scene that Twilight was much ready to see, but Discord was surely not expecting.
There Celestia stood, tall and regal as ever, in front of another draconequus. The draconequus in question was female. And she appeared to be making a spectacle of Celestia. She had both an eagle claw and a lion paw placed to her muzzle, the look in her eyes and the smile she couldn't quite hide signifying she was about to burst into uncontrollable laughter. And indeed, she did.
"Oh my gosh!" The girl giggled, snapping a claw and popping a handkerchief into existence. She proceeded to, instead of dabbing her merry tears with it, use her claws to shred it into confetti and throw it into the air as she continued to laugh. "You-you're a girl!" Celestia only blinked and sighed.
"Yes. I am, Eris." Celestia glanced towards the door, seeing the beings she had sent for. "Why hello Twilight. Discord." Celestia said, a tad of relief touching her voice. "This is Eris. I believe that time travel spell was indeed magically bugged by somepony-" At this notion both Celestia and Twilight glanced at Discord, whom only grinned sheepishly and shrugged. "And it managed to open a portal to an alternate dimension in which we are all of the opposite gender." Twilight sighed deeply.
"And let me guess- Eris, being the female Discord, just couldn't resist a portal laying in the middle of nowhere." Celestia shook her head. Discord, was not so submissive of the matter.
"Hold it." He said, raising an eyebrow. "There's a girl me?" Eris looked equally surprised.
"I'm a guy?"
What followed was totally out of the ordinary. I mean, there are two Discords in a room. Of course it isn't ordinary. But if you met the genderswapped version of yourself, you'd pry shake hands or something. Well... Both gods (or is Eris a goddess?) pinned their ears back to their head and snarled. Downright snarled. Like two angry dogs. It was... rather odd. Perhaps it was something of a draconequus challenge? Twilight flicked an ear.
"Guys? Whats going on?" Eris began to snarl in an even more vicious manner, only pausing from this display of aggression to say in a rather angry manner,
"There's a reason I'm the only draconequus in MY Equestria." Discord gritted his teeth.
"There's a reason I'm the only draconequus in MY Equestria!" Celestia appeared to be growing short tempered.
"Firstly, neither of you own Equestria. Second of all, what is this most important reason?" Eris locked eye contact with Discord, her red pupils narrowing.
"We're VERY territorial. We'll fight any other draconequii in the area to the death!" Twilight widened her eyes. Discord raised an eyebrow.
"Death match in thirteen minutes!"
"On the nose you whiny little hogface." Eris gasped and gritted her teeth rather loudly.
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A HOGFACE!?" Eris twitched her paw and a wiry yellow hog with rather sharp teeth and odd purple, crooked vampire wings popped into the air, its red eyes glowing and ready for attack. Discord only raised an eyebrow and popped it out of existence with a twitch of his own paw.
"Save it for the fight." Twilight and Celestia looked to each other with a sigh. This would be most interesting. Twilight looked genuinely worried.
"Should we stop them?" Celestia smiled, pricking her pearly white ears and glancing towards the huffing draconequii, which occasionally shot vile glares to each other. It was an amusing display, especially since they looked so hilariously similar.
"Nah. This could be fun."
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All in all, pretty good. You just have to remember to put a character's actions with their dialogue otherwise it starts to look a little uneven. Like this:
5289821
I'll remember that, and I'm glad you liked!
Thank you very much
5289823
You're quite welcome.
Well then... Discord is dead meat.
There is an obvious solution to this problem, of course.
No species where the opposite sexes are uniformly murderously territorial toward each other could ever survive. If opposite-gender draconequui try to kill each other like male fighting fish, they could never mate. So obviously, these guys only behave like this because they're not in a mating cycle.
The solution is to cast a spell that causes estrus. Admittedly it would probably end up working on Discord, not Eris like it would normally, because chaos, but it doesn't really matter which one of them goes into estrus because then both of them would probably prefer to make love not war. :-) And since we now know that they're murderously territorial, we don't need to worry about the horror of a world full of baby draconequui, since obviously they couldn't survive without some means of their parents kicking them out of the nest and going somewhere else; thus even if Discord is the one who ends up reproducing, their world will only have to tolerate multiple draconequui for a short while, if at all (it may be that the protocol is that the child-bearing one goes to a planet or dimension with no draconequus, lays an egg, and leaves... cue the chaos after hatching.)
5289875
Woah... xD
All the theories. Interesting!
Thats such a good idea too *u*
I have something planned for the next chapter thats a little less... clopish? (That is now a word e.e)
Awesome! You've figured out my own fic better than I could xD
5289885
But hey its just a theory, A fimfiction theory thanks for reading!
(4/5 moustaches want moar!!!!
)
Let's get ready to rumble!!!!!
5290083
5290113
Second after i comment and read, somepony dislikes this, whoever did/does, FUCK YOU! I may respect your opinions but this is genuinely funny, and i like it to much.
5289823 THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD DO LONG RUNNERS ON, FUNNY SHIT LIKE THIS GOES FAR!
5290285
Woah *u*
Thanks!
Funny shit huh?
I think I like that title xD
5290606 Because of title: Luna better get used in this story and use the title line, OR ELSE.
5290970
xD
Perhaps.
5291045 Check ur PM's sent u some funny ass shit.
and then angry sex happened.
Interesting
.
5290048
It's time for the SUPER AMAZING END CARD TOURNAMENT!
This time, my loyal theorists, I want to know who you think would win a death match: Discord or Eris.
5296353
Go team boy chaos! or girl chaos!
This is pretty good. I had some trouble following the dialogue though overall I liked it.
Whaen is this going to be worked on again? Pls no abandon, this was one of my favorites that you wrote.
5508307
Its not left to rot, 13 on the nose (The next chapter) is a WIP.
I'm glad you like it! C: I love writing this one, personally.
5508327 And i love reading this one personally
.
Sheesh.... I feel like this 'Eris' gal is a teenager. Well she acts like a teenager.