Spitfire, a world renown Wonderbolt, was in a mission to save a village from a runaway hurricane. With no other options left, Spitfire as resorted to a more dangerous tactic. Being Successful the Hurricane has broken apart but the after blow knocked Spitfire off and thrown into the forest, crashing down on many trees. Spitfire, days later, recovers from her tragic and close call death but now has suffered damage to her body. Will this recent experience causes her to change forever?
This story will contain some blood and Maybe Incontinence to a well renown hero. You've been warn.
Chapters (4)
Well, there's a lot of grammar and puncuation issues present in this fic, so I think you could use an editor.
There's also some pacing issues that could be worked out.
But the concept, despite being a case of "Dealing with incontinence", seems original enough.
With some polishing, this could be an interesting fic.
I will follow this for right now.
5210935 Thank you for following it and yes I'm in need of one but I posted a blog and got no replies..., if you noticed them then maybe you can be an editor
5212297 I wish I could, but I've tried in the past, and I have not been able to do so because I do not use goggle documents.
5213332 I don't either but if you happen to know some can you please tell them about me?
5214509 I'll try.
good story but... aloof... I would like it better if you would at least try to get into somepony's head instead of trying to be the fly on the ceiling... at least that is what I feel like when reading it. I am really looking forward to your next chapter.
5258851 I like that you like it but I'm unsure what you mean can you put it simple?
5258951 Throuought the story I felt like I was sitting on the ceiling getting told what was happening. You would start to show the quit and go back to telling.
Showing would have been more
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Beep... beep... beep
Shakily Nurse Red heart entered The Great Spitfire's room. Her once commanding figure lay motionless on the bed. She was wrapped in numerous bandages holding together what had broken in the fall.
Suddenly she moved. The nurse's heart leped into her throat! Could she, could she possibly be waking up?
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Or if you were trying to do it from the Captain's POV
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Beep... beep... beep...
Pain! Pain! Constant notstop pain! This was the first thing Captain Spitfire noticed as she swam upwards to what she hoped was reality. There was not an inch of her that did not hurt. For a second she wondered why? Hurricain, Fire, tree... ouch... Her thoughts were jumbled and hazy just like the rest of her.
She opened here eyes looking up into a white mare's face who wore her bubblegum pink mane in a tight bun. Nurse Redheart something told her. If that was a nurse then she must be in...
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Then go on into your conversations. They are pretty good. My heart broke while reading the conversations.
Another thing. I know what incontinent means but most others don't. Having the captain automatically knowing felt like a bit of a set back. You lost the opportunity to explain the term for most people do not know what the majority of illness names mean. For them you just said 'The captain got hurt and now... what??? RASH??? don't... oh! Something to do with either palsy or badder control... or something like that I really am not sure.
Anyways I really like the story and I hope you continue on with it.
5261319 Thank you for the explanation in the next chapter I do plan on being more on the views of the main character in fact i'll tell you this next chapter as she recovers, she will be visited by ponies. Rainbow is one of them, a Filly and Mare from the village they saved and Of course Princess Celestia the concept of the next one is showing her that her soon to be medical condition will let her see "Maybe I can still keep doing what I'm doing so what if I have this to deal with"
5264911 Well, as long as she can hide a medical diaper under her flight suit and make sure no one notices, she shouldn't have a problem.
Go ahead and do the metal ceremony.
5280979 I agree. At the very least, we need to see that before we have a sequel.
5280979 Then it shall be done, After a bit I'll release the next chapter Which maybe the last one
You didn't over do it, the chapter was paced nicely and everyone was in character, great chapter. You should at least do one last chapter where she gets the medal, then maybe do a sequal about her life in diapers.
5282398 Thank you. Okay Sure I'll do that. So over all the story is very good?
I hope that in the sequel, Spitfire gets some well deserved revenge on the pony who made her incontinent.
5282952 No you don't get it. She made the choice to use her move to stop the tornado, It wasn't their fault that she got catapulted and got impaled through the body in the forest which caused her to lose her incontinence.
5282993 But that pony created the tornado that threatened the village, and caused Spitfire to do what she did. Therefore, they are responsible to some extent.
5283000 i guess your right. But still it will all wait until the sequel to come. Mostly it might show more Spitfire being cute
5282437 Yep, very good!
5283190 Maybe she'll spend some time with a future Wonderbolt. Now that's she in diapers, she'll probably find it easier to connect with him.
5283333 Who?
5283567 Pound Cake of course.
5284659 OH!
5285697 Though, he might wonder why a big pony like Spitfire is wearing a diaper, because I don't think he knows what being incontinent means.
5285703 Yep and just like saying it to the filly back in chapter 3
5270716
How?