• Published 27th Nov 2014
  • 1,758 Views, 49 Comments

School Days - GodOfBBQ

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Dinner With the Enemy

"So..." Started the black unicorn

"So..." Replied the pink earth pony.

Dark and Diamond stared at each other with unblinking eyes, not looking away for a second. Not even to look at their food in front of them. The meal that night, Tuscan White Bean Soup, with Escarole. One of Chef Soufflé's best meals.

Dark wouldn't admit it, but Diamond had a very nice home. It was very large, very clean, very luxurious. The type of house that somepony like him wasn't worthy to even glance at.

But, with his luck he was sitting inside, eating a 5 star meal. The only problem that was almost ruining this experience was the same pony who he had come to simply return what he stole.

Diamond Tiara.

Something about her reminded him about a glass of lemonade with little sugar.

Where you drink a long guzzle of lemonade and you have that sour cringe, but you taste that hint of sweetness that you want more of. That tastes so good, you want more, you NEED more.

"So, I have a question for you "Mr. Thief" why did you steal my tiara?" Diamond asked, her tiara sat atop her head. In all it's glory and pride.

"I dunno. It just looked nice. So I took it." Dark replied, sounding uncomfortable and awkward.

"So, you're saying my tiara's beauty made you take it like the little criminal you are?" Diamond asked with obvious smugness.

"Hey! I may be many things, but I am no liar! And I'm no criminal!" Dark argued.

"Then what did you call yourself when you stole my tiara? A treasure hunter? A bandito?" Diamond responded.

"Like you would need that stupid tiara! It's only worth like 250 bits! Most of those gems are glass!"

"You think I didn't know that? Did you really think I'm that stupid to wear expensive jewelry every day of my life? Please Dark, you need to be more open minded." Diamond responded.

Before another hoof fight can break out, Propre entered the dining room.

"Bonjour Miss Tiara! Bonjour Mr. Dark!" She entered with a very cheery and happy tone.

"Hello Propre. Did the guards apprehend the ruffian that stole my tiara?" Diamond asked, obviously putting up a prestige and damsel in distress act.

"Yeah... Sure"

~***~

"Sir! Sir! Please drop the broom!" A guard yelled. The fat light blue stallion was cornered with a broom in hoof, his tangled, but puffy blonde mane drenched in sweat. His black glasses gone.

"Get 'em Ozzy!!" He yelled, releasing a bat from a cage.

"Wait Sir! Sir! Oh god a bat!!"

"What!? What bat!?" Exclaimed the first guard, sounding scared for his life at this point.

"Oh damn! *bang* Gah! It bit me! I'm gonna get rabies!" Yelled the other guard.

The first guard pulled out his sword and swung it at the rapidly fluttering bat. Almost instantly slicing it in two little furry bat pieces.

Vocals looked at the dead bat in front of him then looked at the the guards in front of him. Almost looking like he's about to turn into a fireball he was so angry.

"I may not be the best ninja, I may not be one with the universe, but I'll tell you this! NO PONY MESSES WITH MY BAT!!!"

"What!?" Is all the guards could ask before being tackled by the large stallion. The stallion quickly leaped up from atop the two unconscious guards and yelled,

"Tackled like the Colts from DA BEARS!!" Vocals yelled before running off into the nearby woods.

~***~

"Yes Miss Tiara, they got him."

"Good, good. Um, Dark it's starting to get late. I believe you should be going."

Dark had lost track of time almost ever since he stepped inside the mansion. He checked the clock to see that it was turning 9:50.

"Nonsense Miss Tiara! It can be dangerous for Dark to go out zis late." Propre argued.

"Oh come on Propre! He can handle himself!" Diamond responded.

"Diamond, when Master Rich leaves for a trip, who does he leave in charge?" Propre asked sounding like a strict mother.

"...You..."

"And who is the youngest in the home now?"

"...Me..."

"Now, since you two have ze day off tomorrow on account of Vocals' esca- I mean, apprehension he may spend ze night. Dark, is it OK with your parents if you spent ze night?" Propre asked looking at Dark in the same motherly fashion.

"I'm sure my dad is still in a major hangover and forgot I went out. So I think I'm free for the night." Dark responded, almost comically.

"Oh wonderful! I'll ready ze guest room." Almost as quickly as she speaks, she left the room and up the stairs.

"Well... Looks like you get to sleep in a palace instead of a shed tonight huh Dark?" Diamond said, almost seductively.

"I guess so..." Dark responded quietly.

As Diamond got off from her seat and walked towards the stairs, Dark thought to himself,

'Why is she acting so hospitable? Just a second ago, she was wanting me out. Now she acknowledged I'm staying the night.'

Dark's eyes began to widen and he began to cross himself and began to pray.

"Dear Lord, I am calling upon you today for your divine guidance and help. I am in crisis and need a supporting hoof to keep me on the right and just path.

My heart is troubled but I will strive to keep it set on you, as your infinite wisdom will show me the right way to a just and right resolution. Thank you for hearing my prayer and for staying by my side.

Amen!"

"Dark! Who are you talking to!?" Diamond shouted from another room.

"Nopony. Just, praying."

"Well you can sacrifice your goat later! Take a shower and get to bed already so that this can end quickly!" Diamond shouted angrily.

"Por favor, perdona a su señor, ella es sólo una perra"

Author's Note:

Chris Farley references galore! Man I love that guy.

Comment below (If you've heard of him) your favorite joke/skit/movie he was featured in.

But we're getting into the nitty gritty! Next chapter will be more peaceful and may have some adorable fluff with it. Not to give anything away but it has a romance tag for a reason.

Now you guys may be wondering,

"What! Two chapters in the span of two hours!? How did he do it!?"

Magic.

and RedMonster.

RedMonster: Mixing Monster Energy and Red Bull.

Warning! Only do it once in your life!