The New Kid
Everypony at the school was excited today. Rumor has it that a new student from Las Pegasus would be arriving to Ponyville and will be attending the school. The only pony who wasn't excited or determined to meet the new kid like the others was the self proclaimed Queen of the School Diamond Tiara. Unlike the others waiting for a new student, she was waiting for a new snot nosed brat for her and Silver Spoon to abuse and tease.
Today was Monday, like every Monday morning the kids would start their history section of their day, then move on to math and science. But today was different, the time for history was taken up by the introduction of the new kid.
All the colts and fillies locked their eyes on the young colt. His name was Dark Humor, he was a unicorn with black fur and had a dull grey shading to his eyes. His mane was spiky and was a beautiful bright shade of purple. He wore a grey long sleeved jacket and had a face of boredom plastered on. He was a handsome one too, all the fillies couldn't take their eyes off of the colt while the colts tried not to look at him. The only filly who didn't seem to care was Diamond Tiara who angrily grunted at the fact that this introduction was taking longer than it needed to be.
Finally after a few more minutes of introducing the new kid, he was able to sit down. And to Diamond's dismay, he was seated right behind her. After a long while of Miss Cherilee explaining both the major and minor details of the Griffon and Batpony war. It was finally lunch, and this was Diamond's time to harass and tease the other students and especially the Crusaders.
When lunch began, Diamond and Silver Spoon tried to look for the Crusaders but couldn't find them anywhere. Even though this did frustrate Diamond but then she thought that it would be a perfect time to check out this Dark Humor kid. As she walked towards the lunch benches looking for the young stallion she was surprised to literally bump into him.
"Hey! Watch where you're going jerk!" Diamond shouted angrily.
"Jeez lady, calm down! It was an accident!" Dark said with sarcasm. This angered Diamond even more, she never liked it when a another pony talked back to her in a rude way.
"How dare you! Do you even know who I am?"
"Do you know how much I don't give a shit?" Dark Humor replied getting a gasp from the students surrounding the two. Silver Spoon tried to get Diamond away from Dark and try to patch it all up but Diamond kept going.
"I'm going to tell that you cursed!" Diamond shouted, only getting a small chuckle from the young colt.
"Oh, that wasn't cursing. Believe me when I say I've said meaner things before. Besides, consider yourself lucky. I'm giving you a warning here, but if you get on my bad side again, hehehe, well you're going to need some counseling when I'm done with you." Diamond was surprised at this. Nopony has ever been so rude to her before. That was because everypony was scared of her, but not this one. This young colt had the bravery to even threaten her.
"Hey! Why don't you just back off and go back to where ever hell hole you came from!" Silver Spoon shouted, she was never one to get into Diamond's arguments but she wasn't going to let her friend be threatened like that.
"Or what? What do you think you're gonna do?" Before Silver could react, Rumble one of the other colts from class stood in front of Dark Humor.
"Dude, just back off! Don't make me ask twice!" He threatened, once again Dark Humor only chuckled at this scene. He actually had a colt trying to stand up to him. This really got all the other student's attention, they knew when a fight would break down, and they knew that one would happen right now.
"Oh ho ho, looks like we got a white knight here! Look pendejo, why don't you just get outta my way. Before I shove my hoof so far up your ass that I'll wear you like a damn boot." Without hesitation, Rumble quickly swung a left hook at Dark Humor knocking him to the ground. But the odd thing was that when he fell to the ground, he was laughing. He quickly shot back up and continued, "Hey, you wanna know the secret to pain?" This confused Rumble, he rubbed the back of his head in confusion before feeling a powerful hoof rushing across his muzzle. He was knocked to the ground but it didn't end there. Dark Humor took Rumble's wing and pulled it back. So far to where if you were close enough you could hear cracking.
"Listen Maricón, one more inch of pulling then I dislocate your wing! Now let me finish my sentence. The secret to pain is..." Dark Humor quickly let go of Rumble's wing and kicked him over with his magic. "The secret to pain, is just don't feel it!" Then Dark Humor jumped and landed hoof first on Rumble's stomach jabbing his left hoof into his stomach knocking the wind out of the young Pegasus. The whole crowd gasped, it all happened in a quick flash. Dark Humor quickly got up and stared at the small crowd that has formed. He quickly thought of this witty comment,
"And that's are pain lesson for today. Any questions?"
~***~
Diamond and Silver Spoon walked home together all the time after school. But today was more quiet and awkward, Diamond was still amazed and and shocked at the events earlier today. How could anypony beat Rumble in a fight? Rumble was known for not losing a single school fight, he was also known for being the toughest kid and most respected in school. Now he'll be lucky to get respect from Snips and Snails.
"Stupid Humor, what makes him think he could lay out my coltfriend!?" Diamond exclaimed making her companion confused.
"Rumble's your coltfriend? I thought he was dating Scootaloo."
"Well he implied that they were through." Diamond replied
"No, no I think he's still going out with her." Silver replied still sounding as if she's solving an unsolvable math equation.
"Well either way, that Dark Humor guy is going to pay! And I know just how." Diamond said with a devilish grin.
~***~
Meanwhile Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle were in their club house discussing how they could use Dark Humor to their advantage.
"Girls, do you know how great this could be!?" Scootaloo exclaimed excitingly.
"I don't know Scootaloo, didn't you see what Dark did? He nearly broke Rumble's wing. Shouldn't you be worried for him at least" Sweetie reasoned but Scootaloo had a cocky face on.
"C'mon Sweetie Belle everypony in class knows that Rumble and I aren't a thing anymore."
"Ah thought you two looked cute together though" Applebloom added with a playful tone. Scootaloo obviously embarrassed frowned at her fellow crusader.
"Anyway... I think we could use this Dark Humor guy to our advantage, if he could keep Diamond and Silver at bay then it would make our lives 25% more easier!" Scootaloo reasoned but the others weren't liking the idea so much.
"Ah still don' know Scoots, ain't it wrong to use ponies to make yer life easier?" Applebloom said with a concerned tone.
"Yeah, I really think this kid is bad news Scootaloo. What if he was a bully from Las Pegasus?" Sweetie asked sounding more nervous at the thought of three bullies in school.
"It takes a bully to beat a bully, I think that Dark Humor could help us!" Scootaloo tried repeating.
"Well what do you want us to do? Walk up to him and say, Hey Dark Humor we just saw you beat the crap outta Rumble and you nearly broke his wing so could you be our bodyguard against Diamond Tiara" Sweetie argued.
"Ah agree with Sweetie Belle, if Humor does get to the top and Diamond is left at the bottom nothin' will change I tell ya what! Dark will just become another Diamond Tiara." Applebloom said with concern.
"A more dangerous and hurtful one at that." Sweetie added.
"Just watch, I'll get him on our side! I'm tellin' ya girls! We'll be on top and the bullying will end!" Scootaloo said with excitement.
"Scootaloo" Sweetie said.
"Yeah Sweetie?"
"Are you going power crazy?" Asked Sweetie
"No I'm not." Scootaloo exclaimed.
"You are too." Applebloom argued playfully.
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
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Bully vs bully, something tells me this won't end well.
U deserve a like!
And to all on fimfiction, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!
Dark Humor, a very fitting name for this character. He took a punch, and laughed soon after.
There were a few errors concerning grammar and punctuation, and this Dark Humor kid is just begging to have his number called.
I will upvote it IF he ends up getting clobbered in a later chapter. And if you find a proofreader to correct all the tiny little mistakes.
5317973 I can get a proofreader but I can't promise Dark getting clobbered.
But to accommodate your needs I will give him his fair share of losses.
It is Bully vs. Bully after all, both are bound to get what they deserve.
5318069 For being so honest, you get an instant like.
I read the title and instantly thought of the School Days anime.... Oh the pain... oh the pain...
That's not dark humour, that's plain and simple being a knob end. Dark humour is like a pair of legs. Not everyone has it. (Sorry)