Now with awesome cover art, by the cool Magello!
Life has not been kind to Flash Sentry Jr. Outside of the stress of being a rookie in the royal guard, the life he has always envisioned is not turning out as planned.
His already less than desirable existence is thrown into chaos when his life becomes intertwined with the fearsome "Demon of Canterlot", a sinister being whose only desire is to inflict as much pain and suffering to those that are unfortunate enough to cross its path. A demon which now crashes head first with the rookie royal guard and refuses to let go.
Can Flash find the salvation he desperately seeks or or will the Demon of Canterlot destroy Flash, like it has to so many others?
The choices we make always have consequences, of both good and bad. No action is without reaction, and the ripples we make can reach further then we could ever imagine. The biggest question is how do we deal with these consequences, for they show us who we really are.
Taking everything I have planned in the story as a whole, Flash's Demon is rated PG-16 DLS.
For mild violence, strong sexual situations, strong suggestive situations and dialogue, and strong course language. If I am told that I need to upgrade the ratings or add certain tags, let me know.
This story takes place inside Saint Absol's Necro-verse. Knowledge of it really isn't required, but it can help. (especially when tying events Necro-verse events together)
I have a feeling Flash is in for a LOT of abuse in this story. Oh dear. Poor Jane. Wait, can't petrification be undone? First comment!
this time as a unicorn mare with a red coat and white main
“Leeet meee ouuuuutt...
She turned to corner and she came into his line of sight
“Flash... got any clue what spooked him? Conduct doesn't scare like this easy, she quietly said to Flash.
1. Mane.
2. Forgot your closing quotation mark.
3. A/The.
4. Forgot your closing quotation mark again.
Welp, that's one way to end a relationship on a solid note.
I'm going to pun hell for this
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1-4: thank you, I'll be fixing that up.
You know, at first I didn't get that. I was looking hard at it, going "What the heck is he talking about?" It took a minute, but it finally clicked, and I broke out laughing.
My friend, that is a terrible, terrible, terrible pun.
*thumbs up* Good job.
I'll be expecting more in the future.
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Thanks for commenting! Yes indeed, Flash's troubles have only begun.
If his life was sunshine and peaches, we wouldn't have a story...wait actually if it was it'd have the slice of life tag, XD
Okay, this looks like it will at least be worth keeping an eye on.
5146188 Hah, thanks! Know that I'll be watching stuff from the Necroverse with giddy abadon. I also think that the possible early down votes were just because of Flash being in this. Who knows? Maybe Jade could do a stone cold stunner move on them. Oh wait...
That mare is psycho! Glad to see that she's at least flesh and blood. First comment!
5193966
"That mare is psycho!"
heh-heh-heh... If you think that's something...
And to answer your question from last chapter, yes indeed. The Jane and the other's condition can be undone. The red mare was just panicking. the spell can be undone. They just better hope the demon gives them back in one piece. Though yea, I was taking advantage of the chapter end/start to build tension. The only question is, will they actually make it out. Figuring her nature, she might just smash them out of spite.
And you're right, the demon is mortal. Somewhat. She's hard to kill. I'd guess that's why they didn't just behead the demon first chance they got.
Fun Word of God Fact: If it was anyone other then Jane, she probably could have undone it, or been able to use her own magic to resist / slow it down if she saw it coming. Infact, Jane's one of the strongest royal guards they have. In a fair fight, she'd give Conduct a run for his money.
right infront of the
Stopping getting angry and think
as the two stared at eachother
it's illusionary teeth smiling wide
The shadow dashed thought the small shadow to the red mare
a massive dark imitation of an dragon's claw
was covered in scratches from the broken glass, His orange feathered stained with dry blood as well
Noone had come for him
he felt something behind him, In a panic, Flash turned
Flash was alone, noone else was there
His father taught him better then that
Infront of them was two open double doors
1. Forgot your spacing.
2. Stop.
3. Forgot your spacing.
4. Its.
5. Through.
6. A.
7. Replace with a full stop, Feathers.
8. Forgot your spacing.
9. Replace with a full stop.
10. Forgot your spacing.
11. Than.
12. Forgot your spacing, Were.
Well, this is getting more and more complicated for our main characters... too bad they don't have plot armor now eh?
Huh. Interesting, so far. I take it the thing in the library is the thing he's guarding in the cell at the start?
Welp. I sure wouldn't consider letting it out either, if the first impression it made was turning somepony to stone
[/edit]
and then smashing them[edit] Oh. It says "smashing the ground upon impact". I thought it said she was smashed on the ground. To be fair, it's the more logical way a pony-turned-to-stone would end up when smashed into a floor
By the way... "Jane" is a really odd name for a pony. Unless there's some deeper reason for that, you should probably use more pony-sounding names.
Remarks and corrections:
> Absolute. Complete. Boredom
Missing period at the end.
> “Yeeeep, quick to the make the runes”
I think that has a "the" too many.
> “Good. Let's get this over with, Oh Celestia I hope we don't get in trouble.”
I believe that should be a period behind "over with", not a comma.
> Alright Flash, take a place on the runes, we only got one chance to get this right, okay?
Comma behind "alright", and start a new sentence at "we only got one chance". Never connect full sentences with commas.
> Heck, practically everyone in the #FimTWG chat
Technically, the "##FimTWG" chat
> Thanks for your grammer and writing lessons
For the life of me, I can't understand how so many people make the ridiculously ironic mistake of misspelling the word "grammar"
This just gets curious-er and curious-er.
Comeon Laplace, you can do this
So… noone came for us…
inside a secret library in canterlot castle
“Would you have done the same?” She asked him, abit randomly
Flash did not know the captain of equestria’s military well
“So Flash, if I let you out, you won’t go getting us killed or break your wing on me again, ok” She asked him.
and saw that infact it really was a bunch of boring books
1. Come on, two words. Oh, one thing is that Common should not be used in this same manner, Common is used to determine either a rarity(
) of an item of how often something happens.
2. No one, two words.
3. Forgot to capitalise.
4. Now I don't know if you really did mean A bit here... Actually, now that I think about it, maybe you did. A bit, two words.
5. Forgot to capitalise.
6. Forgot your question mark at the end.
7. In fact, two words. It it was Intact however, that's another story
Hmm... No real joke here though I didn't think the demon was so high strung. Or Laplace for that matter. Maybe Flash could give it a try? Music does soothe the savage beast... in which it could possibly apply to women more than men
Maybe they can all come to an accord?
I see Flash has never met Pinkie and Gummy. Dang it, I wanted to hear her story! Why are her eyes like that? First comment!
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Why is the demon's eyes cracked and yellow? Well, it'd say it's the demon-ness there. Demons don't necessarily play by the same rules regular ponies do. Meta-wise: The biggest reason why I did that was I think it's a very nice and unsettling thing. It's something she doesn't have full control over either, as she got angrier her eyes got worse.
I didn't meet the earth Stallion that was with us though
“Maybe we should go take a look”
“...celestia damn it.”
but she hasn't told me what happened after wards to him
The shadow mare leaned towards flash
We told her to tell you we're keeping you in good condition
He knew better then to ruin the best chance
You're trying to us me
Flashy, we like you. we won't ever do that
as if it was torn from it's foundation
She's the demon who attacked the canterlot school
Flash's immediately stopped as answer hit him like a freight train
Flash saw her eyes cracked with yellow lines, trotting form slowly gaining white stripes
1. Extra capitalisation.
2. Forgot your fullstop.
3. Forgot to capitalise.
4. Afterwards, one word.
5. Forgot to capitalise.
6. Err... Sudden large spacing here.
7. Than.
8. Use.
9. Forgot to capitalise.
10. Its.
11. Forgot to capitalise.
12. Flash immediately stopped as the answer hit him like a freight train.
13. You need an extra Her after the comma, the sentence is disjointed without it.
To give her five bits.
I'm starting to think that the Demon is Twilight, that's why he couldn't kill her. Of course this is just speculation at its basest of levels with the information given so take it with a grain of salt. Though I think in this case, it would make them crave for more salt.
Laplace had a little chuckle at her own humor..
The words,and their meaning
“Of course it's a good dream,” Flash said? Why did he say that?
something flash did not reject
Oh! it seems like you're waking up
Then her horn against his head..
I knew you'd be. .. back
but now with the addition of having amulet with her
The paladin held her glare
thank you me.
Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out
skull open.You do not
1. Extra fullstop.
2. No need the comma, just a spacing.
3. Err, was that first question mark intentional?
4. Forgot to capitalise.
5. Forgot to capitalise.
6. Extra fullstop.
7. Extra spacing.
8. But now with the addition of having an amulet with her.
9. Just the extra spacing.
10. Forgot to capitalise.
11. Breathe x4
12. Just forgot your spacing there.
Hmm, I do not think I have asked this before but when exactly does this take place in Saint Absol's universe? Just to get my timeline slightly more hammered out and in line.
So uhh... playing mind games with a demon. And giving her that nasty burn too. Yeah, Bonnie has balls that's for sure. But wait, I thought that paladins had high resistance to demon mind snares? Or was that just a select few abilities? And yeah, I don't think Shining told her the full story from what we've figured out. And I almost fully expect our poster non-cute guard to go running for help from his even higher superiors.
5732549
Hi, figured I'd answer your timeline question.
According to what Nick has discussed with me, this story is set some time before my own story. I don't have an exact time, just that it's before Necromantic.
5745211 Ahh alright then, thanks! But this also does pose the question; How will this change Bonnie and her position in the order? Or even the other ponies in the order and their opinions of her.
If that made any sense. Hopefully.
5746700
It shouldn't affect her position at all?
She's a solar paladin, the same rank and position she's in during Necromantic. Shining called one of his paladins, (the solar paladin faction), and Bonbon got the call, like she did in chapter 2 of necromantic for that one mission.
For what Absol and I established, like he said, this takes place before the Necromantic adventures of Lyra Heartstrings. We don't have an exact time on how long between A and B, but It's not far back or something.
I'm surprised you didn't say anything about Flash's Cutie Mark, or the Laplace stuff. Eh, that's what part 2 is for...
5749820 seems like I can't English at the time. When I meant position, I meant how the other Paladins would think of her for more or less, succumbing to a demons trick and even still being goaded into using her emotions to affect her negotiation.
I think I managed to English right this time. As for the other stuff...
I think Flash was at the cusp of realising who the Demon of Canterlot was but I have no idea on what erm... Would I call it contract? That he promised.
As for his cutie mark... I really have nothing to say about it other than how it somehow fits my mindset of someone who has talent in one field but decides to pursue another for one reason or another.
And as for Miss Laplace... If I was extremely paranoid, I would have just gone and accused her of doing mind tricks to poor lil ol' Flash there near the end. Other than some minor conversations that probably won't be understood by minors (but you never know with kids these days), I still feel a little suspicious of her, I can't understand why. Even my inner shipper is kinda dubious.
Aye, but I didn't realize it was her from the start.
5905848
it's one of the reasons why I included that flashback. That, and i thought it was kinda a cute moment. I honestly just flowed, and i just let it take it's natural course. Brains can do that sometimes.
Thanks for the comment, and thank you for reading
Apologies in advance for the messy wall of text. Mobile does this sort of thing.
Come on, two words. Though some of then you have used a dash as a space and I imagine it as a slightly elongated line. Like a whine.
Forgot your spacing.
I think you forgot some words at the beginning. Maybe Trapped in?
Its.
To.
No more, two words.
Than.
Forgot your spacing.
Also forgot your spacing
Extra spacing here. At the end.
Than.
Its.
June. Wow, he forgot the name of his ex already? Talk about fast.
Hmm... The sentence here is disjointed.
Looking.
Extra closing quotation mark.
Wants.
The.
Its. x2
In front, two words.
In fact, two words.
Used.
Come on, same as the first one.
Extra spacing.
Than.
just gotten to known eachother
Each other, two words.
Extra closing quotation mark.
Right, comments. Should I say I suspected it since you did put in the dream sequence? Sure, why not. Also, saw what you did with the pun there.
I pity Laplace more than anything now though, she got the short end of the stick. I wonder how Flash would react if he heard how she became a demon? I'm more of a flexible thinker so I prefer ponies like Bon Bon. Or Sweetie Drops. Or whichever name she uses nowadays. Though people use it interchangeably in most cases.
Silly paladin, you can't dispel sleep with a spell. Use smelling salts. Or taste them if your nose is horribly blocked. Maybe.
Don't worry my little paladins it'll all be over in a... Flash.
Though flashing back to the first chapter... Maybe not so much. Now I'm starting to feel sorry for Laplace even more.
<3
You're awesome. Laplace is awesome. Flash is even awesome.
It's all awesome. Thank you for making this.
These casts are temporary, this burns are temporary
her wing making a improve umbrella
lorded over by bastard of professors
before it reached it’s end. There was a throne
Flash did indeed hit the it, but with nothing more than a little love tap
The entries were filled, from what he saw
the pony began shaking it’s head rapidly
it’s red ruby eyes glowing
and away from the Demon of canterlot
A master found, now servant we
Do pledge ourself to only thee.”
1. These.
2. Improv, shorts for Improvise. Improve has a totally different meaning.
3. Bastards.
4. Its.
5. Barrier. We know what it was since you told us. Saying it here now makes the sentence quite awkward.
6. Entities.
7. Its. Dang it Pinkie Pie.
8. Its.
9. Forgot to capitalise.
10. Here you forgot your opening quotation mark. Though I also think having it italicized works quite well for tone.
The Judas Contract. I don't really have much knowledge for biblical lore sadly save for Judas making a deal with the Devil. And that Able was killed by his brother. But that was from the Shin Megami Tensei game Devil Survivor.
So Flash made a contract... Yet there is a slight dilemma. Of that first chapter that I remember, Laplace is still trapped. With Flash guarding her. Unless... Unless he made the contract to escape but use it to keep her in there. If he did... I'd just say you aren't thinking properly there Flash. But withholding further speculation until later chapters.
Stupid shiny won’t give us any magical tomes
We do hope you sleep well
The teenage grocery store clerk grabbed
awhat he neededYes ,we do
I’ll. uh… pass
you’re a statue,.
“We uhh… um...
was nearing it’s end
“We know you’ll be sleeping well tonight Flash. Tomorrow's gonna be a great day for us, we’ll see you then.
“Sweet Dreams.”
in addition to what i'm also cooking up
1. Forgot to capitalise.
2. Slept. Which I also need. Badly.
3. Extra A.
4. Switch the space and comma.
5. A full stop doesn't really work here.
6. Extra comma.
7. Forgot your closing quotation mark.
8. Its.
9. Extra quotation mark.
10. Forgot to capitalise.
Now I wouldn't say that the smoke is neccesarily coming from a fire... There's a recent video posted titled "Cooking with Egg Heads" by Yudhelakai. I think that was how it was spelt. I can't remember. You can imagine what it entails and where I'm going with this.
So his memory was partially wiped. Now the first chapter makes more sense without contradictions. For now.
What's hotter than jalapenos? Laplace.
Real life does throw some shit (both methephorical and literal in this case) your way from time to time. We just have to deal with it. Though like what many people would say, I can't imagine going through that.
Not the books!
This is awesome.
Nooo! Don't burn the library!
6224438
6089942
Yes! Burn it! ALL OF IT!! BURN IT ALL TO THE GROUND!!! *Generic evil laugh *
6088629
Well, to say that Laplace is twilight? To me, things sound like she killed Twilight (and Night, and Velvet). To say for a fact: By this time In the Necroverse, the Twilight Sparkle we know is gone forever.
Anyway, saying if she was, then we'd need a pinkie pie to be making those pancakes on her head. And currently, Pinkie Pie is not available as per her being in that Astral realm, probably um... you'll see later.
Indeed. She's one hot tamale.
6220214
Thank you very much! Thank you all very much for reading and liking this! I really appreciate the comments. And Refferee, your suggestions, I really need to go check them out... just being lazy and wanting to finish the current (6000+) chapter before I go back and edit those in.
ayy
Are you kidding me? The witch died plain and simple you can't come back after dying by yourself goddammit.
6316350
"What can I say?"
"I die hard"
(god, I love that cutscene. I played the heck out of Sonic Adventure 2 battle back on the gamecube. I can actually do a pretty decent Shadow imitation, or at least, of his voice in this game.)
Loosing one's heart isn't instant death. for some, it is. I mean, if it was, that "I want them to see their own heart stop beating" trope you see would be nonsense.
On two other ideas, if you take into consideration what she said earlier about that dragon, she might have ways to survive fatal wounds (in a manner that isn't absolute BS like Laplace's healing factor). Also, since she is 200 years old, she might have picked up some necromancy (and Lich) magic in her long life, (as shown by Lyra and Ditzy in Necromantic). Stay tuned next chapter, the answer might reveal itself.
The sigil of Celestial shattered beneath her
but not destroying the spell as
thethey exhausted themselvesseeping inside becoming wedge against the magic
Leery didn’t hesitate
“YOU BASTARD!” Leroy shouted
and then raging beast began hacking away at the demon
as she torn apart alive
she needed more .
1. Umm... Did you mean Celestia?
2. Extra The.
3. Becoming wedged/Becoming a wedge.
4. Leeroy.
5. Leeroy, I'd be mad too if they kept purposely saying my name wrong
6. And then the raging beast began hacking away at the demon.
7. As she was torn apart alive.
8. Extra spacing at the end.
Hmm... I have a guess about the witch. Her heart was cleaved in two, yes. But what's stopping it from operating individually instead of as a single organ? The heart has four chambers which are seperated into the right and left by the muscle wall in the middle. Is it wrong for me to guess that she has some sort of countermeasure against that? Or rather, a backup plan.
I think Flash is moving at the speed of molasses right now. He should have heard the fighting, he knew there was burning. But wait... I forgot where he was before this.
Curse you inferior memory!!!
This promises to be a drawn out fight.
6318101
Actual spoiler: It's only going to go on for one more chapter. I'm not going to draw that out. I really don't want to draw this out into a multi-chapter fight.
I do hope you liked the fight. What did you (and everyone else) think of the fight? I can't wait to show the finale.
6317166
I'll be honest, I have NO idea how a horse/pony/magical colored minihorse 's heart works. But yes, Zircon very much does have a backup plan. What that plan is, you'll see next chapter.
"I think Flash is moving at the speed of molasses right now. He should have heard the fighting, he knew there was burning. But wait... I forgot where he was before this."
I think the proper way to say it is, Flash is moving at the speed of plot right now. Just like a episode of Dragon ball Z! (How many episodes did it take for Namek to explode?)
Something's happening with him I'm not showing you guys yet, or he could have woken up in the middle of this fight. Probably the former, and I didn't show Flash so I could dedicate the chapter to the fight. Showing Flash pulls the cover over what Shining Armor is actually doing right now, and I figured I'd save that for later. (Plus, he did get lost in that library once, and he is kinda trying not to be found by Laplace, so it's not like he can fly up and scout the actual exit.)
And how'd you find those errors?! Me and my editor went over that chapter like, 3 to 4 times. *sighs*. Goes to show you, editing is not fun. not fun. All editing and no play makes jack a dull boy. All editing and no play makes jack a dull boy...
6320118
As an editor, I can fully agree with your statements. Editing all the time gets boring and monotonous, making it easier to make a mistake. Sometime I just have to take a break from editing to write something of my own.
6320134 Amen to that. Even through casual reading, I do this out of habit. If it's small enough, I do it on mobile. If it's too big, I say "Oh he'll no" and just go to the computer to make things a lot faster.
Maybe I should change my 20 error minimum to 15... Makes things a lot neater to seperate each.
6320924
Oooh. We could go Twilight-neurotic and, once each error is found, and separate then group them by what type of error they are! "Here's all the ones involving a full stop, here's the misspellings, oh, don't forget all the sentence structure misshaps . . ."
I do most of my reading on my phone and writing on computer. My phone only has a 12cm screen, so extended typing can be a pain. It works just fine for reading, though.
6321124 Depends, I do go Twilight-neurotic when the errors are too damn high. Otherwise, I just go in order when they appear. I forgot how many cm was mine but yeah, still good for reading.
I think it is more a Faustian contract, seeing as Laplace will be the snarking servant.
5999082
Thank you. That's my intent. Make Flash Sentry (or in this case, his kid) a interesting, likable character. Which... I just think you need to make him a fleshed out character and not "Brad" to accomplish that.
6006074
The Judas Contract. I don't really have much knowledge for biblical lore sadly save for Judas making a deal with the Devil. And that Able was killed by his brother. But that was from the Shin Megami Tensei game Devil Survivor.
Not really what I was getting at, that and SMT is probably one of the worst places to learn judeo-christian theology. Really, it's not. (Also, I know it's a typo, but it's Abel. Like Abel in SF4. How I see Seth there, the third child of Adam and Eve is in this, makes me wonder who is Cain? Knowing Capcom, I'm not sure we'll ever find out. But it was such a cool themeing / missed opportunity )
Judas didn't make a deal with the devil to betray Jesus. He made a deal with the Jewish religious leaders who wanted to get rid of Jesus, for 30 pieces of silver.
Also, might as well spoil, the Judas Contract comes from the old Teen Titans comics actually. In it, a psychopath working for Deathstroke, Terra, infiltrates the titans with the purpose of destroying them from within. Ultimately, she dies when she loses it and brings the house down on everyone, but only manages to kill herself. The contract Flash made, nomatter how you cut it, will involve Flash betraying the kingdom he serves by granting Laplace the freedom she craves. Now, it's just a matter of when.
6394321
I think it is more a Faustian contract, seeing as Laplace will be the snarking servant.
(There will probably be snark) As said in the chapter, the deal isn't that Flash or Laplace absorbing the other's soul. It COULD happen, but the point is that Flash and Laplace's contract doesn't involve either killing the other. Like Laplace said, she doesn't like the taste of a pony's soul anyway.
Either way, with so much power, it is so easy and there are so many ways for everything to horribly wrong in a moment's notice. I mean, look at the applebloom nightmare episode... it was just doing what Applebloom wanted...
6404865
Well, depending on the version, a Faustian contract doesn't involve selling ones soul. In Goethe's version it based on a wager between Mephistofele and God about the human nature. At the end Faust ascends to heaven, and no soul selling was involved.
Laplace might've made herself a massive trump card, however I'm not sure if she did what I think she did. If she did do what I think she did then Canterlot might be screwed.
*scratches head* Is this a repost of an older chapter? I swear I've read this before...
7644361
Slightly. I broke up the old versions of this and the next chapter, rewrote parts of them, DBZ Kai'd it, cut out the 6kish i didnt need and mashed them back together. The chapter after it (part 3, formally part 4) got unpublished for some more editing ( and to make sure all of my changes are in line with it) and it and a new chapter after it are next.
There seems to have been a notable timeskip, if this is Flash Sentry Jr and not the Flash Sentry we know from canon. I had also thought this story shared a universe with the Necromantic Adventures of Lyra Heartstring...
7669090
I believe it is a shared universe, we're just following a different perspective.