A Battle for the Ages
Rarity sighed as she pulled the garment away with her forehooves. “I knew I should have gone with the scarlet trim instead of the crimson,” she said, squinting through her red-rimmed glasses. Suddenly, her eyes opened wide as she felt something on her forehead. It dropped down onto her nose. Crossing her eyes, her vision focused onto a small, brown mass.
“Gyaaah!” she screeched, recoiling so violently that the brown blob and her glasses spun in the air a moment before gravity had a chance to act on them. Rarity zipped behind a lounging Opalescence, doing her level best to disappear behind the fluffy cat. “It’s a cockroach! Get it Opal! Get it!”
Only at her voice did Opal so much as crack open an eye. She looked to the insect skittering about on Rarity’s work desk. She raised her head, then her ears folded back. Her mouth opened, displaying razor-sharp teeth as she let out an impressive yawn. Then, she laid her head back down and closed her eyes.
Rarity whimpered a bit a Opal’s refusal to save her in her most dire hour. Standing up straight, she assumed a determined look as she glared at the insect. If Opal wouldn’t save her, then she only had herself to rely on. “So, that’s how it’s going to be,” she said, her eyes darting about. Finally, her gaze rested upon her sewing machine, just next to the disgusting abomination. Using her aura, she lifted the machine from the table and hovered it just over the cockroach.
With a resounding thud, the heavy machine dropped onto the unsuspecting insect. Rarity just stared a moment before slowly walking over. “Well… I suppose that takes care of that.” Tentatively, she reached a hoof over to the machine and brought her face down to the level of the table. Slowly, she tipped the sewing machine up to survey the damage.
As soon as the edge of the tilted off the table, the cockroach shot out! It raced right at Rarity’s face, leaping onto her snout. She screeched again, whipping her head from side to side to try and dislodge the disgusting creature. After bucking, jumping, and slinging her head for all she was worth, she finally sent the cockroach flying away as she tumbled into a mannequin.
Detangling herself from the mannequin, Rarity shot to her hooves as she scanned for the dreaded beast. Spying it on the floor next to her fabric shelves, she did the only reasonable thing. She used her magic to pull the shelves over, smothering the insect in an avalanche of cloth, thread, and wood.
As the dust cleared, Rarity kept a wary eye on the carnage. Surely that was enough to crush the dreadful thing, right?
Apparently not. The little bugger darted out from under the shelves and into the next room.
Rarity just glared in the direction the bug disappeared in. “Oh, it. Is. On!” she said, turning around and heading in the opposite direction. Arriving in her kitchen, she went straight for the cabinets under the sink. Throwing out soaps and cleaners into the floor, she finally found the object of her desire. “Ah ha!” It was a spray can with a dead bug plastered on the side. With the can in her aura, she went on the offensive.
Dredging through the boutique, Rarity hunted after the filthy wretch that dared to defile her home. Of course, she finally came upon the horrid bug in the bathroom. It was sitting there on the mirror, just waiting for a cloud of toxic fumes. Slowly, she floated the can over and depressed the nozzle.
It fizzled, only sputtering out a few drops. The roach quickly skittered away from the can, first hitting the wall, then the floor, and then it started right for Rarity. “Not again!” she shrieked, throwing the can at the cheeky insect. While it looked like a direct hit, the bug didn’t even slow down. As it got frighteningly close to her hoof, Rarity jumped away, tangling herself up in her stylish shower curtain as she fell into her tub.
At first she kicked and flailed, but stopped dead when something caught her eye. It was the cockroach! It was on the curtain she was tangled up in, just a teeny-tiny insect step away from her face. “No! Don’t you dare!” Rarity said, her voice as threatening as she could muster.
It raised a leg, hovering it out over her cheek.
“Stop right there!”
It seemed to consider her words for but a moment before stepping out onto her face, eliciting a high pitched shriek.
Redoubling her efforts, Rarity managed to shake both the curtain and the roach. She shot out of the bathtub, tripping over the discarded insect spray. She stumbled into the sink, sending all of her beauty products scattering about. Finally finding her balance, she stood on her hind hooves in the corner. Her eyes darted over the room searching for the vile bug. Suddenly, she stopped scanning as she blinked. Slowly, she turned to see it on the wall right next to her face.
In an instant, she rocketed out of the bathroom, stumbling back into her workroom. “Okay… Plan, plan… I need a plan,” she muttered, looking around. Her eyes quickly fixated on the door. Of course! She just needed a bit of help to rid her boutique of the detestable creature. Twilight could probably perform some sort of banishment spell, or Fluttershy could speak to the dreadful thing and convince it to leave.
Rarity made about two steps towards the door before she stopped dead in her tracks. The roach was there! Right on her door! A wave a dread crashed over her as she realized the horrifying truth. That bug was clever, and it was out to get her.
Slowly, Rarity inched away from the door. The back door was her only hope of salvation. She just needed to thwart the devilish roach and reach safety.
Her stealthy trip only got her as far as her kitchen. As she tiptoed across the tile, a skittering noise drew her attention to the insect as it raced across the floor. It went straight for her table, climbed up, and walked over to the edge, getting as close as possible as it could to Rarity.
Rarity stepped back reflexively. She glanced towards the exits before locking eyes with the bug again. “Think you’re clever, do you?” she said, her horn beginning to glow. The table underneath the roach glowed before launching into the air, flipping over, and crashing down. Not bothering to wait to see if she had successfully squashed the roach, she galloped towards the exit.
She didn’t make it.
Her legs locked up as she skidded to a stop. The roach was right there in the doorway waiting for her! How in the name of Pinkie Pie did that beast know where to be to keep her trapped?
Darting back into the kitchen, she used her magic to fling open all the cabinets. “I’m not going down without a fight!” Rarity shrieked as dozens of dishes, pots, pans, and silverware floated out around her.
The roach crawled down from the doorway, lazily skittering about the kitchen floor in a haphazard path towards Rarity. First a plate exploded next to it, then a pot bounced off the floor just behind it, and fork hit in front of it with enough force to stick in the floor. None of it so much as slowed the filthy critter down.
In a desperate bid to stop the invincible juggernaut, Rarity barraged the insect with everything all at once. Sure enough, the cockroach just crawled out of the mass of mangled ceramic, glass, and metal, continuing to chase after Rarity. Having nothing left to throw, Rarity gripped the edges of the sink and yanked it free, sending a spray of water into the air. Lifting the sink above her head, she heaved it with all her might at the diminutive monster. Like everything else, it just seemed to bounce off of the roach’s exoskeleton.
Despite the gargantuan effort, the roach made it to Rarity. In a last ditch effort to protect herself from the creepy crawly, she jumped up on the counter. She cowered there until she lost sight of the dreadful bug. A moment went by, and it didn’t reappear. Then another. And another.
Cautiously, she peered over the side of the counter. It wasn’t there. She breathed a sigh of relief. “M-maybe it’s gone,” she said, looking out over her ruined kitchen.
Then, she felt a tingling in her mane. It traced to her forehead, and down to her snout. Rarity crossed her eyes, focusing on none other than the dreaded roach. Letting out a piercing scream, she leapt from the counter, again slinging her head about in an attempt to dislodge the disgusting bug. When that didn’t work, she fixated on the waterspout still erupting from where her sink once rested.
Given the choice between a bug on her face or a soaked hide and ruined mane, it was a simple choice. Bracing her forehooves on the counter, she shoved her face into the geyser. She kept her head in the rushing torrent for as long as she could hold her breath.
Stumbling away from the gushing water, she felt over her face with her hooves. It was gone. The roach was gone. Of course, squishing it didn’t work, but a gushing spray was enough to be rid of it. Stepping around the smashed dishes and dented cookware, Rarity wandered back into her workroom in a daze.
Looking up, she instantly froze. There, on the last standing mannequin, the cockroach stared straight back at her, its feelers twitching. The unholy terror was truly unstoppable!
Rarity’s eye twitched. “Somepony help me!”
Bounding through the door, Sweetie Belle threw her saddlebags aside before kicking the door closed. “Rarity! I’m back… from… school…” Her words trailed off as she actually caught sight of the boutique. Nothing was left standing or in its place. Everything was smashed, torn, and in a place or two, on fire.
“Uh, Rarity?” Sweetie Belle called out. Looking around the carnage, she noticed that there weren’t any empty ice cream tubs, so whatever happened, it couldn’t be too bad. “Rarity?” As she made her way through, a bit of movement caught her eye. She blinked as she focused on a cute little bug on an overturned mannequin.
She held out her hoof, letting it crawl on. “I don’t suppose you’ve seen my sister?” she asked, bringing the bug close to her face. “She’s a unicorn like me. She’s white, but she’s got a fancy purple mane.”
The roach raised its rear in the air, giving it an enthusiastic wag.
Sweetie smiled, using the tip of her other forehoof to gingerly stroke the bug. “Good!” Sweetie replied. “Is she around?”
Crawling off of her, it scurried onto the floor. It ran over to the stairs. It went up the wall and waited there for Sweetie Belle.
Sweetie looked up the stairs. A steady flow of water had turned it into a gentle waterfall. “What a mess,” she muttered, lifting a hoof out of the squishy carpet.
About halfway up the stairs, she stopped and watched Opal gently go by her, adrift in a cardboard box. Shaking her head, she continued the trek. After reaching the top of the stairs, the roach led her to Rarity’s bedroom. Sweetie tried the door, but after opening a miniscule amount, something stopped it dead. For all her efforts, whatever was on the other side of the door was sturdy enough to keep her from getting in.
Her face scrunched up as she tried to see through the crack in the door. “I can’t see,” she muttered, taking a step back from the door. Critically eying the door, she put a hoof to her chin. “Oh! I know!” she said, raising a hoof in the air. She placed the side of her head against the door, closed her eyes, and summoned her magic. Groping blindly, she tugged at something on the other side, eliciting a cringeworthy crash from the other side.
The door still resisted opening, but Sweetie was able to push it far enough to squeeze into Rarity’s bedroom. The roach crawled up onto her shoulder as she stumbled through the chaos. A quick glance revealed a suspicious lump hiding underneath the covers on Rarity's bed. Pulling back the blanket elicited a shriek. Sweetie leapt back as Rarity shot out of her bed.
Rarity’s eyes were wide and wild, though her left eye kept twitching. “Sweetie!” she nearly shouted, taking the filly by the shoulders. “There is a horrendous beast loose in here!” A wave of blue magic slammed the door shut before stacking most everything not bolted down in front of it.
“I didn’t see anything when I came in,” Sweetie replied. “Maybe it left. Oh! But I did find a new friend!” Reaching over to her to the insect, she let it crawl onto her hoof before extending it towards Rarity. She put on her most endearing smile. “Can I keep—”
Thwack!
Sweetie’s eyes widened as her pupils shrank, and her mouth fell wide open. All that was left on her outstretched hoof was a smear. Her lip quivered as tears started to form.
Rarity stared incredulous at the smear on the rolled-up newspaper a moment before a massive smile spread over her face. “Yes! It’s dead! It’s finally over!” She wrapped Sweetie Belle up in a big hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! You caught the monster!”
Sweetie just whimpered, still staring at her hoof.
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Oh no, poor roach
Though maybe it shouldn't have crawled on her face so much....ewwwwwww
that was great i was laughing the whole time but i have to wonder if rarity knows the rules of infestation for every one you see there's ten more that you can't
Roaches, immune to everything from decapitation to magic to nuclear weapons. Only to be stopped by a newspaper.
Reminds me of the TMNT episode. Raph and Rarity has something in common!
For Rarity, that is desperate.
5138745 In case of mass cockroach outbreak, make your way to your closest newspaper distribution plant.
Oh, God.
Roaches are the second of my three WORST POSSIBLE THINGS! With spiders being the first, and math homework the third.
I just absolutely hate them.
My house gets a few every so often (we don't live in a filthy house, it's just a natural problem for my neighborhood), and I always freak out whenever I see one.
Rarity's reaction is pretty much the same as mine.
Can you not just squish the roach with your magic? Just grab it and squish it?
5139383
5139492
But touching the roach with her magic would be akin to touching it with her hoof. Rarity would never do something so vile!
5139445
I hate every insect and arachnid on this Earth, except beautiful butterflies, fireflies, dragonflies, honeybees, and the tarantula.
5139660 I like bugs and reptiles but I hate roachs.
5139733
I like reptiles too.
However, to say I truly hate all bugs, aside from the ones I listed, would be false, because they sure make good survival food out in the wilderness. You'll never have to worry about starving ever again!
5139738 To be honest, I'd sooner eat my arms and legs before putting one of those things in my mouth.
5139796
Lol, it ain't that bad. You just roast them over a fire, and, by doing that, it kills all the parasites the insects may have. Plus you get a shit ton of protein.
5139799 Why can't you just eat rabbits, deer, or if your extreemely lucky, a bear?
5139806
Because bunnies are cute and fluffy! And every time I think about killing a dear, Bambi comes to my mind, and I burst into tears
5139809 Do you think of Yogi when you hear the word bear too?
5139813
No, not all it.
5139814 So if you see a bear corpse or a sleeping one, you'd have no problem sticking a knife into its head and chowing down, or a dead Thumper or Bambi?
5139829
I'd never go near a sleeping bear, nor would I ever kill a deer or rabbit. Not that I'm a wimp or anything, but because I wouldn't be able to harm such an innocent creature.
I sound like Goddamn Fluttershy.
5139838 Not just Fluttershy, but goddamned Fluttershy. There's a difference.
{Insert All Star Batman and Robin joke here}
5139850
I officially love this guy.
5139866 D'aawwwwww, thanks. Hey, do you have an account on Steam?
5139915
Nope, but I got Skype.
5139933 Oh. I have Steam but I don't have Skype. How about PSN or XBOX Live for the 360?
Pet roaches,
DIE!
"Gosh what a mess"
"Rarity you need any help cleaning it up?"
"please"
"ROACH PARTY"
"A roach muffin?"
"Gone in 6 seconds!"
5139660
Fuck no! Not the tarantula!
5140344
There's a blues song for every occasion. Let's have one for this poor cockroach, he just wanted to cuddle...
Aww,poor buggy... RARITY IS A MURDERERER
Hilarious! Keep it up!
That was hilarious.
This is one of the best inclusions of the kitchen sink I've ever seen.
Thanks for writing!
5141865 Remember kids, stomping on cockroaches only spreads their eggs, so Sweetie Belle is most likely going to have LOTS of new friends to play with soon.
For Rarity, it will be:
THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!
A lovely story
you played Rarity flawlessly, I must commend you for that. It was an absolute blast to read. 
5139445
Try living in the South.
>clean house
>le 3" long fucking Roach
>"oh that's just a palmetto bug. smush it and flush it."
5139838 dude I'm the same way
In fact, the only things that I don't have a problem killing are:
Ants
Brown Recluses
Flies
Any sort of domestic pest (including parasites)
That was fun
5146945
I'd be able to kill parasites because they are unscrupulous, supercilious creatures that feed on you. And I do not tolerate such behaviour!
I do not kill bugs, it is the same with humans, they are inferior but bugs serve a purpose (Except mosquitos, i haven't figured out what they do besides act as food for spiders, which I love)
when some one kills a bug in my prescence... i go into a state of murderous anger... it happens a bit but I quell it most of the time
(I caqn never go back to wyoming)
You did a great job portraying Rarity and Sweetie Belle.
Just imagine if it had been Fluttershy, though.
Poor Sweetie.
I can't blame Rarity though
I am in total agreement with Rarity on this one.
Come on Sweetie I'll get you a puppy!
ouch...I was really kinda expecting Sweetie to come up and say it was her pet the whole time...but ouch....poor Sweetie
5147419
You, sir, are not well. Any logical person will tell you they are hell spawn woven from Satan's very hair. That could be my arachnophobia talking, but if people can believe in Zenu, then at least let me have that.
5221053 I am pretty sure it is spelled xeenu
or I may be wrong, I beleive that liking bugs, arachnids, etc. is natural rather than blind animosity
of course, like I said, i may be wrong
Cockroach beats sink. Paper beats cockroach.
Don't worry Sweetie, no, in infact worry a lot, where your new friend came from there are going to be plenty more, just wait until it starts eating your home work, and eating the insides of your stuffed animals.
Uuuuh...that ending.
Some specifics.
1. “It’s a cockroach! Get it Opal! Get it!”
- Lol!
2. She stumbled into the sink, sending all of her beauty products scattering about.
- Oooh. Dangerous. Deadly even.
3. As she tiptoed across the tile...
- Hmmm, "tiphooved?" Naaah.
4. Possible potential error:
Her words trailed off as she actually got sight of the boutique.
- ...caught sigh...? Maybe I'm wrong...