I dream of a man whose hopes never end.
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Daring Do has faced countless villains and triumphed in the face of insurmountable odds, but there is one foe she can never hope to thwart: Herself. Her legacy may be epic, her adventures the stuff of legend, and her books the best-selling in all of Equestria, but she still goes home to nothing more than a hollow house.
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Daring needs to find that pony and get her back.
4664900 I wonder who she is
4664900
But that would require her to give up adventuring!
4664964 When it's love, sacrifices need to be made
4664936 thats a good question
4664936
'She' is technically non-existent.
She is Daring's self-doubts and fears all manifested into a homemaker of a wife/significant other who wishes for her to stop her constant flights of adventure and settle down to a more quiet life. She is a metaphor for the side of Daring that is tired of being the awesome action mare she writes about and just wants to be a normal pony with a normal life.
Maybe she was a real pony at some point in this story's past (which is really at the author's discretion), but the purpose she serves in the story is solely that of a pot device.
4664900 and that what side kicks are there for.
4665240 almost all heros go thore that like superman and batman and spiderman and so on
4665485 but spike wasn't in this story. Lol.
4665696 no what i mean is daring doo sould get one
4665817 I know, I was trying to use a reference for a bad bun... and failed.
4665240
I could not agree with you more. Either that, or the mare is her mother.
This was very well done!
I love this story. It shows real talent.
Ever since I saw Daring Don't, I was not okay with what the writers did to Daring Do. I felt like they made her less interesting by making her a real pony instead of leaving her as a storybook character.
Heck, I would have been fine if they did an episode with Daring coming out of her books and the Mane 6 trying to bring her back. (if you don't know what I'm talking about, read this to understand)
But anyway, what I see in this story tugged at my heartstrings, (which, for me, is not easy. I don't easily cry or feel sad in fiction) and I feel like Daring Do had become a three-dimensional character with more of a personality than going on adventures.
And for that, I will "like" and "favorite" this story, and "follow" you.
4668233
I'm quite flattered, thank you.
Truth be told, I never cared much for the Daring Don't episode, either.
Damn, a very heart breaking tale, her goal and incredible amount of success merely pushes away the one she loves, life is not perfect for any creature but sometimes, when you least expect it, what happened in the past is for the best...sometimes.
This story raises an interesting question for me, who would Daring be if not an adventurer? And did this phantom lover ask too much, could Daring be happy if she quit? Is she even happy now?
It's a well constructed piece, gets to the point quickly, doesn't overstay it's welcome with pointless angst.
Have a well deserved upvote.
Hi. I'm Starman Ghost, and I'm here to review your fic on behalf of WRITE. Sorry about the delay on this one.
FORMATTING AND GRAMMAR
Tense shifting
If your story starts out written in the present tense, it should stay written in the present tense. When you switch between present and past tense, it throws the reader out of the story as they wonder whether the narrator is talking about something happening to him at the time, or recounting something that has already occurred. Here are a couple of examples of tense errors:
"Had been" is an example of past perfect tense. This is what you would use to describe an earlier event if the story was written in past tense. Since this story is written in present tense, this description of an earlier event should be in past tense: "It was" instead of "It had been."
Should be "greets," since you're describing Daring Do's current situation.
For the most part, you maintain a consistent tense, so you should be fine if you fix these hiccups.
Overall, despite these rough patches, this is a well-formatted story constructed according to the rules of writing.
NARRATION
First off, congratulations are in order here, because I'm about to tell you something I never thought I'd say about MLP fanfiction: I like how this story portrayed a lesbian relationship. You don't fetishize it, you don't dwell on it, you don't use a character every damn author portrays as a lesbian (coughcoughRainbow Dashcoughcough), and you don't use it as an excuse to jump up and point "look at my OTP! LOOK AT MY OTP!" It's just there, it ends badly for the same reasons a lot of relationships do, and it leaves unpleasant scars. Good job on that count.
That being said, I did have a problem with the narration. Some of the turns of phrase in the text seem a bit too airy and formal for how I'd imagine someone like Daring Do would write. For example, "my house doesn't strike one as a spectacular structure." I could see, say, Fancy Pants or Rarity writing a sentence like that, but coming from Daring Do, it seems a bit off. I'd expect her to say something more like "My house doesn't look like anything special." Another few examples of this, with examples of revisions that I feel would improve the tone:
"Tired as I am, there's a part of me that doesn't want to enter. I sigh as I force it down and keep walking."
"At least she couldn't take this away."
"I turn on the tap and gulp straight from the faucet, then let the cool water run over my head."
PLOT AND CHARACTERS
Overalll: believable, makes sense, and engaging. It gets the job done.
Even so, I kept finding myself wondering who this other mare was. We don't know much about her, or the relationship before they broke up, which lessens the impact of the loss because we don't really have a good feel for what as lost.. All we really know is that the mare cooked dinner for Daring Do, liked hearing about Daring Do's adventures, and didn't like being kidnapped. Who was she? What did she and Daring Do see in each other? How did they meet? What were some of the best moments they shared?
CONCLUSION
While it has its problems, overall this is an enjoyable read, far more so than most of the other stuff that gets put on this site. You show a lot of skill as an author, and I look forward to seeing you improve.
Starman Ghost, WRITE's Unpaid Intern
4923557
Thank you for the review. It was both helpful and insightful. I've already addressed the mistakes in tense. I'm afraid that present tense is not my forte (omniscient third-person past tense is what I'm most familiar with). This story was actually written to practice both flashbacks and present tense. I'm actually kind of proud that there were only a couple of mistakes in the tense category.
I can definitely see how one would observe the narration as too florid for Daring. While I would love to take your advice on it, such an action would seem... disingenuous? It would be borderline plagiarism to just use your examples, so I'll think on it and see if I can't find a happy medium. And as for the mysterious mare, she was intentionally vague and obscure.
I'm sincerely happy to hear that you liked it and found it engaging. It's always nice to receive positive feedback. Thank you.
I love how this enhances Daring's 'I work alone' attitude in Daring Don't. It feels really in character and canon and thorough for a story at around 1,000. Fabulous job!
4668233 I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks that.