"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it." Groucho Marx
Three ponies: Lily, Daisy, and Roseluck, are living inside enemy territory. They are not heroes, they’re just trying to stay alive.
What secrets will they learn about Equestria’s greatest threat?
What happens if they refuse to do the Queens wicked bidding?
Will they betray their fellow ponies and side with these monsters?
Page generated in 0.104 seconds
Total duration
980 users online
1,376,378 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Trollsalis strikes again!
Does this mean the A Team failed?!
5118456 The Changeling A-team failed.
Obviously they didn't have their own Mr T.
5118774
Was that a reference to Twilight?
And I like how the changelings in this story communicate with their Queen by using only body language and body gesture.
5120120 Yes it was a Twilight ref.
...The subtle feels are strong.
Your Chyrsalis isn't black, but simply a shade of grey. Not to mention the characterization I'm getting from the Flower Trio. Between the first and second chapter, I'm faving this.
What's the romance gonna be, if I may ask?
5125792 Drone and Daisy.
is Lily gonna be a mommy? sort of?
5126366
I take it that because Chrysalis was hatch under a bed and is the reason that she develop the habit of sleeping under the bed instead of on it.
5128693
It could be that simple.
This was my lame attempt to be deep. It can mean any number of unresolved issues with her mother. Every child believes there are monsters under the bed at some time. This can also be an attempt at symbolism, setting her up as a monster and yet as a tragic figure. Or maybe she just finds it cozy down there.
5128001
Yes she is.
5128893 sooo cute
That's not fair! It takes thousands of bioengineering attempts for Cadista, but panicky Lily gets there first try?
At first we thought it odd the one who replaced them would reject advances from the other stallionstallions, but maybe it was their first rotation?
Keep going! ;)
Even if it was an exposition dump, that's just fine with me. Especially since it's short enough. Also, "Forest" is spelled with one "r", it's "knew" not "new", waste disposal areas ("area's" would be possessive), and cartographer's hive.
Sorry, Grammar Nazi.
It's going well so far.
It would have been better to leave out Chrysalis' outright stating she's the lost/last honeybird queen, though. It makes for a better reveal later to the protagonists, even if it's blatantly obvious to the reader by this point
It's always fun when fiction reads fiction as ridiculous.
It was just cute, but I can't imagine all hive talking to themeselfs with gestures xd
5146333 That's true. I was thinking maybe some of their communication is just too high pitched for ponies to hear and they have to play charades to fill in the gaps, but I already had Drone talk to Chrysalis with gestures.
5146306 Isn't it.
5144667 You're right.
5144628 That's okay. If you like correcting grammar then check out one of my earlier stories, "A Princess Who Likes To Skip." You can have some real fun with that one..
5147389 Oh, God help me, don't get me started!
5147389
Maybe he is mute ;p
5147389
It look like Chrysalis is falling in a snare of becoming a ‘Afterglow’ fan mare.
Nursing a baby that have fangs now that a mother's worst nightmare.
Lilly does not need to worry about nursing,because as she dit not give birth, she wont give any milk, right?
The pink mare eyed the barrel quizzically for a second. “Okey Dokey Lokey!”
She jumped atop the barrel, and ran in a moonwalk, in order to make it roll forwards, riding it through town.
Pinkie...You fool. You wonderful glorious fool.
But what will happen to Drone?
Now the tough choice for Chrissy... to eat or not to eat.
Knowing Pinkie's skills it's either a masterpiece or a terrible caricature of her.
Wait if there is aB team than what happen to Team A?
I have a feeling that Pinkie is behind the chocolate Chrissy
Ha, we feel just a little sympathetic for Chrysalis, it's quite annoying when multiple things drop in your lap like that...
What possible benefit could Daisy have by going Changeling? Sounds like an escape from guilt...
Keep going! ;)
Haha I see you take my comment in consideration :D
A giant chocolate trojan Chrysalis? That is such a ridiculously stupid plan. There is no way it's not going to work.
Wow wait when did chrysalis find a way to change her, did I miss something?
Edit: oh wait she worked on this and tricked twilight to help her thats nice
Really rushed dude. You need to slow down here. For God's sake, one chapter, and you've gone through the failure of the "rescue" attempt and the rise of Pestilence and Daisy's transformation...too fast! Way too fast! Could hardly even follow this chapter!
Whoa, seems like you're in a hurry to close this book, though I can't figure out why, you have quite a lot going on....
Unless perhaps you're going to transition these things to a sequel maybe?
Keep going! ;)
5246669
5246529
Sorry. There are parts of the story I'm more enthusiastic about writing then others, and I was afraid if I waited a week I'd lose some of you guys. I don't fully get were I went wrong, but I'll try to be more descriptive, or have clearer dialogue in the next chapter.
5249870 Honestly, I would go back and try to edit this chapter. Slow it down, use descriptions, let the reader catch up! And honestly, you shouldn't be worried about losing readers. This is the site where people sometimes go YEARS between updates, one more week to ensure the reader can get into the story with proper imagery and descriptions is a week well spent, in my opinion.
I like this. Please post more.
And thus the zombie apocalypse began...
...of course, my last comment doesn't mean you SHOULD take years to edit a chapter. That'd be silly.
Too bad the A team didn't have mister T, but only mister C.
Oooooh, interesting start.
Interesting. And the mental image of Chryssie sleeping under the bed is just adorable.
Poor Chryssie.
Oh shit, the evil pestilence pony.
... God damn it, Pinkie.
A bit rushed, but clever for Chryssie to trick Twilight like that.
I hope Shining is alright.
Phew, Drone is safe. And Daisy got upgraded!
Need more!
You need quotations around everything that is spoken, and it needs to end when the speaking ends. “Maybe the bees used pollen from atropa belladonna," Fluttershy offered. "That blocks magic, although it wouldn’t be poisonous in honey form.”
Oh Yay! An update!
Things are definitely getting heated, Daisy seems to be taking her critical role well, even if it was more accidental than anything.
Keep going! ;)
It's alive!
Oh, hey, Chryssie has her Armourmuffin.
Yyyyeah, snapping him out of the spell amongst defenceless changeling eggs would not be the best idea.
... Are they summoning an army of frogs?
Daisy seems to like her new body.
'“Lily whispered to Roseluck. I’ve heard of this guy. He’s Princess Cadence’s husband.”' - move te first quotation mark between Roseluck and I've.
'She’d red that the horn' - read
'the era of 100 years of peace is soon upon us' - of a 100 years
8494666
I might need a better plot twist.
Would an army of smurfs be jumping the shark?
Yay! The exciting conclusion is at hand!