Fluttershy is in love with Big Mac, there's no denying it any longer. She knows he must feel something too, because they've gone on a few 'dates' before.
However, being Fluttershy, she's had no luck in telling him how she really feels. Meanwhile, Big Mac is falling in love with Twilight, and breaks up whatever it was he had with Fluttershy.
This leaves her devasted, and furious at Twilight for not immediately turning him down.
Will things work out between these three ponies, or has their friendship (or more than just that?) reached its end?
Massive thanks to Redeverose on DeviantArt for the cover art!
Chapters (7)
Nice story. Star is coming your way and a thumb. Need a chapter longer. But anything than that is good. But I like storys like this. I'll leave the heavy critism to others.
for you. Godspeed and goodluck.
(Also in a paragrath you did spaced alot at the beginning.)
Very sweet!
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First off thank you both very much for being the first to comment, i really, really appreciate it.
Perhaps I should've mentioned that this is the first time I've tried to write a fanfic, rather than just read them.
Can't tell you how happy i am to see the first comments being positive ones though, if i ever needed motivation to keep the story going, this would've been it. Thanks again, and i hope to see you guys in the later chapters!
Spacing will also help declutter your work.
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well I hope to see you too. I'm also new to writing. you can check me out anytime. I'm actually close to updating my story.
Good read, can't wait for the drama and the suspense of the three friends.
Cute so far. keep up the great work
I only read the summary and my brain immediately said, "Nice Boat would be great way for this to end."
What is wrong with me?
This is way better than all usual cheese I read
Great job!
Awwww.
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This will explain it. I have a bad habit of my brain jumping right to this.
this is interesting so far to say the least but i gotta say i cant wait for the drama to insue
Great story is all I have to say
Really like the idea of Twi-Mac-Shy triangle and you writing is spot on. I love the characterization of Fluttershy as it fits how she would feel. She would be nervous to go any where with the relationship, even if she dreams of it, just out of her shy nature. I'm excite and look forward to reading more.
Well done so far cant wait to read the rest
very good, i feel bad for fluttershy, but i realy want
to happen, cant wait to see where ur gonna take this
Was the entire chapter supposed to be italicized?
480189 I agree. Anyway in the thought process thingy you forgot a I to captizled. Only 1. Good chapter but as I said longer. And not in the same text. Good anyhow. Godspeed and goodluck.
Maybe she fainted then and that bit was like a dream during the time she fainted?
You forgot to turn italics off.
hmmm i think the it was like a dream was hinting at something considering this story suppose to be like a love triangle err angle i guess would better description ya a love angle
Woops, something had gone wrong while copy-pasting the story from google docs. I had forgotten the '/' in a closing tag for italics, it's been fixed now.
I'll have to start paying more attention to this in the future, but I'm glad to see that so many people are ready to point out the flaws in my story, that's exactly what I need for my future stories to be any better.
Thanks for the support, and I'll try to be quick with chapter 3. (Not too quick though
)
Haha... stories like this allways make me laugh. It's funny to see fluttershy get hurt, either emotionaly of physicaly.
...but I just know that something bad is going to happen...
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Just the comment i needed. The next chapter is (obviously) going to feature Fluttershy and Big Mac as a happy couple (i really don't think i'm spoiling anything by saying that) and i'm not gonna lie, i'm having a little trouble with the writing.
I won't go into any more detail, but i really do hope you all don't mind having to wait just a liiiiittle longer for the next few chapters than i intended. (i'm told in the FIMfiction chat that you're used to waiting several days for new chapters though, so maybe my chapter-per-day motto has been a little too hard on myself.)
Once again, I'm trilled to see how big of an audience my very first story has generated, this has already gone beyond all expectations. I'm glad you like my writing, and i'm even more excited to see how many of you want me to get to the ending (which'll be at least another 10 chapters, i hope you're patient!)
Also, it seems a few of you think my chapters should be a tad longer. I'll try to keep this in mind from now on, but once i've covered what i wanted to say in this chapter, there's not much else i can do
. ANY other comments, or thoughts on stuff you think i could improve on, are very much appreciated, that's what this section is here for, after all.
I really like this so far, even though I know my heart will be ripped out soon enough. I'm a sucker for Fluttermac in any form..
The characterizations are also written very well, Big Mac painfully so.
Tracking!!!
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Particularly the part about characterizations is very welcome. I've had massive trouble trying to write how Fluttershy would confront Big Mac without seriously breaking character. I'm glad somebody noticed!
Keep an eye out for chapter 3 by the way, it'll probably be up in a few hours.
you know i just looked up and now i have a 26 by the star so no time to comment
and first comment/view
489448 I have 89, and YOU think you have alot of reading to do...
Dawwwwwwww!
Keep going! Even though we all know what's gonna happen...
Awesome. Really like it but some mistakes such as is that are like that. And some capazlition mistakes. Thats all. Godspeed and goodluck.
That's so sweet.
Why must it be destroyed?!
I like how you are beginning each chapter so far with her waking up from a dream and giving us the emotions that she is feeling at that instant.
And then ending with her falling asleep. It really helps give the reader a much greater idea of contrast between the events that occur in the story.
I hope that you keep up the good work. Oh and also as far I can tell the grammar and spelling are good. Though I will admit that I really am horrible when it comes to writing. I just read the fanfics and let the writers know generally what are the best strong points of there writing. Anyways good job so far.
this was so sweet! i feel bad that its gonna be messed up by twilight, and im a HUGE twimac shipper!
Rarity seems to be hiding something. I must figure out what that something is. But to do that, I must read on! but before that happens, you must write on!
503822 Agreed. So old chap, go and make the next chapter! Drink some vodka! Godspeed and goodluck.
Okay so when Rarity showed up it kinda made me laugh because I am following your story and another story called Green which if anypony here has been reading it you know why I laughed but all in all I am really enjoying this story and I can't wait for the next chapter!!!
Well done
Another cute chapter but I sense storm clouds brewing. Oh man...
Oh no... something bad is going to happen...
Just letting the people reading this know that chapter five is going to take a while. I've tried my luck at submitting the story to Equestria Daily and, as expected, it got rejected. The pre-reader who had looked at my story said there had been too many errors (little ones, mind you) and I'd much rather sort those out before I continue writing (This also means that there's going to be more time between chapters in the future, as I'll be paying more attention to pre-reading it myself, and finding other people to pre-read it).
I'd also like to ask my readers (you guys) to tell me about any errors you find in my writing. Simply saying "There were some mistakes" isn't helping me; I'd prefer if you just copy-pasted the sentence I botched up into a comment, and pointed out exactly what's wrong. Sometimes I'm just not aware that I'm doing something wrong, and if nobody tells me that i messed something up I'll just keep doing that.
“Oh, it’s kind of a long story. I’ll tell you when we get to the spa.” is that "." supposed to be a comma?
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Sure is, thank you for pointing that out to me. This is exactly the kind of mistake I meant with my previous comment.
516788 no problem I saw others in the earlier chapters that I will go point out but amazing story none the less
“Eeyup?” Came her reply, as expected. I think that "her" is supposed to be a his. "[i[Enough of this." and that
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I think we'd be far better off if i sent you the Gdoc files and you made your edits in there. We wouldn't want to flood the comment section with these, would we? PM me your email (if you agree, that is) and i'll share all four chapters. (haven't started on chapter 5 yet, did not feel like writing)
Great story. Need. Moooooooore. NOW!
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FOREEEEEEEEEVEEERRRRRRRRRR