For Twilight everything was going as well as it possibly could be. She finally had gotten used to all of the changes that came from her alicorn transformation, and her life was the way that she liked it. Structured, organized and full of friends that made everyday something to look forward too.
Little did she know that all of that was going to be turned on it's head, with one simple action from a painfully bored cyan coloured pegasus. For months she had kept a secret hidden away from her, and now thanks to dumb luck, it seemed that her secret was going to be in the hooves of the one that she kept from so for so long. At first she was worried about what would happen once Rainbow found out. What would Rainbow think once she found out? Would her worst fears of their good friendship breaking apart at the seems come true?
Twilight's fears however seemed that all for naught, as none of them were even close to coming true. In fact the one thing that Twilight never expected was the one thing that came true. That one event quickly cascaded into a series that eventually led to the development of the happiest relationship that she had ever had. Sure it was weird on how everything had happened, but as she looked back, she wouldn't have it any other way.
This is a small story that I wanted to do for some time, but never really had the ambition to do it. So after a couple of months, and some extensive procrastination... It's finally here! This is my take on what could possibly happen if the roles that Twilight and Rainbow typically have in TwiDash stories were reversed. What would happen if Rainbow was the obvious one, instead of Twilight?
Of course I have to give credit where credit is due. Thanks to Kodeake, jlm123hi, and Hardc0r3Br0n3 for helping me with editing, idea bouncing, and pretty much everything relating to the development of the story. Thanks also goes to a good MTG friend of mine for inspiring me to put this up as part of the National Novel Writing Month.
Anyway I hope you all enjoy the story as always. Feel free to comment on anything that you so wish to. All feedback is appreciated.
Intriguing
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5235984 Probably not going to reach the 50,000 words in the month... But it might get there after a couple of months
Oh hey, so this finally happened. Almost forgot about it... Looking forward to the rest, though I don't really know how you plan on scraping 50K out of this story, it promises to interesting.
5237083 I don't know what is going to be happening with this story really... I know what the first 3 chapters are going to be, but I am not sure if it is going to be a full fledged novel story for the challenge. I think that I am going to spread out the words between stories, or maybe write something else that will be part of it.
I look forward to the next chapter! Reading TwiDash fiction has become somewhat of a hobby for me, and this satisfied all my criteria and more!
5237782 Well that's good to hear. Hopefully the rest of the story lives up to expectations
5238105 I got faith in ya!
shit is gonna get awkward soon
Was browsing through the popular stories box and came across this story so thought I'd take a gander at it.
Overall thoughts:
I wasn't super thrilled with this story. The biggest problem that it had was telling instead of showing; this was not really confined to the section about the story, but something of an issue throughout the work. This is a tough thing for some authors to master, but as a general rule, it is best to avoid telling the reader what to think or how to feel - and when you are writing a story from a close third-person perspective, that generally means that you the reader is meant to have empathy for the main protagonist, and as such, telling us about their emotions is equivalent to telling us about how we should be feeling.
The other issue this story had was excessive, extraneous text. The start of this story was misplaced; Rainbow Dash flying around town was a lot of words, but could have simply been skipped entirely, with Rainbow Dash in the library complaining to Spike about being bored and there being nothing to do today. It would have gotten us where we needed to go much more quickly and would have avoided the start, which was rather awkward to begin with because it was all about nothing really happening. The story really begins with Rainbow Dash in the library, so you might as well actually start the story there.
Please don't be discouraged from writing by my feedback, but I do hope that it is helpful to you.
Some specific notes:
Should be "were".
Should be "naught".
This is a strange and awkward sentence in general, but "banging my head off" isn't a colloquial expression; I would go with "banging my head against something" or something similar if you wanted to keep it.
It seems like a strange thing to think in the first place, though.
The clawful of rainbow coloured hair is an unnecessary tell; we already know he grabbed her tail. Indeed, you can just get rid of the dialogue tag entirely and just let the spoken line stand on its own.
I would recommend against doing two consecutive dialogue tag + actions in a row. I'd probably get rid of the second dialogue tag entirely, it isn't really important. And honestly the first isn't really all that necessary itself.
This is a perspective switch. You should avoid doing those mid-scene; you have a close third-person perspective on Rainbow Dash, and now you're switching over to Spike for a single paragraph before switching back.
Felt like hours and then "after a few minutes" doesnt' work very well. Also, I'd advise against using so many ellipses in such close proximity. Really, they should be commas.
I'd change this sentence; beyond rating reasons (generally, E stories avoid swearing) there's just no good reason to use "hell", especially given that you used "hay" in the next paragraph. I'd reword it a bit to avoid that, and switching from the actual swear to the euphemism is just weird.
The description of the book is very telly in an awkward sort of way; telling us about how the story is so beautiful is less effective than showing us a passage of beautiful writing and then having it lead on from there. Showing this sort of thing is important because the book is supposed to be having a large impact on Rainbow Dash, but we're being told it is rather than being shown that it is.
5242855 I definitely do appreciate the feedback on the story for sure. I do know that my show and tell, is nowhere near on where I want to be, but I am trying to work on it as the time goes by. I don't really know why, but I have always had problems with it since I started, and I guess the concept hasn't quite sunken in yet.
As for the whole discouraged thing, I wouldn't be asking for any type of feedback if that was something that would deter me from writing in general. I do like the constructive criticism, it's just that most people don't spend the time to actually write something like you do did, so the author can take it and try to improve their work.
The changes have been made, and I will take your points into consideration once I get onto the next chapter.
Love it, but i hoe it isn´t a two chapter story or anything like that. I would wish if the story takes it´s time a bit.
5251771 Not sure how long it is going to be. Currently slotted at 3 chapters, but I might expand on it
5253052 Well i would not mind it if it ends and if you want to do a new story with them, make a sequel or let this be the prolog.
I have at least to ask, because i like the idea and sometimes the story is to fast over.
5253066 Basically I know how the next 3 chapters are going to play out, but I am not quite sure what I want to do with the story. Do I take it and write a whole entire experience from start to finish? Or do I take it at 3 chapters and cut it loose after that? Who knows?
It's a decent start, but I think it needs a once-over by an editor.
Looking forward to seeing where this goes.
long winded. There the only thing I get from this, just long winded after long winded. Worst of all, you maid Rainbow Dash long winded! This needs a lot of work.
I like how the title is somehow a little reference to Lemony Snicket's book series A Series Of Unfortunate Events.
Your story is amazing too! Keep up the good work!
5659773 Thanks
. Glad to hear that you liked the story... Too bad it will be about 3 months until it even has an chance of getting an update. Stupid university work loads...
Rainbow Dash, you are dumbtarded.
Oh man. This has me hooked, almost as bad as Rainbow is for A Tale of Azure. Like, Favorite, amd Tracking.
Omg so good. Please make more!
6249824 Definitely will be making more for this story in the future, just not sure when. Right now I have been procrastinating way too much, and too make matters worse my friends have just got me hooked into Destiny. So between that and work, I don't have too much time to write anything...
That being said, I'm trying to put in some effort to get content out for my stories. So hopefully I can get off my lazy behind and get some work done.
6253606
We shall only hope.
Upon rereading this story, I feel forced to reiterate my previous statement with renewed emphasis.
5806735
...
Oh, i have such a lovely suggestion about why Twily's so rude when someone wakes her up
Ain't there supposed to be "something"?
Meet... Erm.... Met? Ok, i think you understand what i mean anyways.
Same mistake in the next paragraph.
There.
Can you, please, decide, what should be there: "to" or "too"?
Also... I. Want. moar!
Wish you best, and hope to see the continuation as soon as it's possible for you
I would like to have a new chapter
7639561 Honestly I would like to as well, but there is a boat tonne of stuff that is preventing that. University, work, and personal stuff leave me with no time in the day, and unfortunately, I have been away from writing too long. I've lost whatever it was that made it easy to crank out chapters in a small time frame, and I have also the lost the ability to actually finish anything in terms of writing. Right now, I have about 10 chapters across many different things almost finished, and I haven't been able to finish any of them.
I'm sorry about the delay on everything, but hopefully, I can pick up writing again in the future. Maybe once my university workload starts to calm down a bit.
7647658 I hope it is not annoying you, but I would like to ask again, how likely is it that you could try to add a new chapter?
8101413 So in terms of writing my plan is to get back into everything once I am finished my final semester at University. Right now I'm currently am doing my exams for it, so after that I'll be getting back into writing.
Once that happens, it's going to take a little bit to get back into everything. I've simply been away from everything for far too long... I've lost some of my writing ability and it will take a little bit to get it back. The plan is write a one shot or two before I focus on continuing existing stories. That shouldn't take too long since I have the bulk of a one shot written, and i just need to connect the final pieces together.
Anywho, the tldr is that a new chapter for this might take a bit longer to come out. And for that I am extremely sorry.
And don't worry about being annoying. I know I left to much work on unfinished when I stopped writing. Honestly I am happy that people are still interested in the things I wrote.
Is there any hope that this will get updated?
9085519
If I can get back into writing at some point, yes. Currently, I have a partial chapter that is about 30% complete, but that is about it. If I do get back into writing, it will be third on my list. With the first being a new chapter for "When A Door Closes, Another Opens", and the second being a new chapter for "Sometimes Death Is Not The End"
9087006
Yay
Well this is a great start, I really hope you do find yourself wanting to continue this at some point.