• Published 6th Nov 2014
  • 1,998 Views, 35 Comments

The Secrets That We Keep - Intet22



For Twilight everything was the way that she liked it, structured, and organized. Little did she know that it was going to quickly unravel due the boredom of a certain cyan pegasus...

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Chapter 1: The Story

"Stories you read when you're the right age never quite leave you. You may forget who wrote them or what the story was called. Sometimes you'll forget precisely what happened, but if a story touches you it will stay with you, haunting the places in your mind that you rarely ever visit.” ― Neil Gaiman


Boredom… There wasn’t a thing in the whole world of Equestria that Rainbow Dash hated more than the monotonous feeling of boredom that she now found herself in as she flew high in the skies above Ponyville. Today was one of the rare occurrences in mare’s usually busy schedule where she had the day off, no training scheduled, and no possible event to keep her ever-racing mind entertained for more than few brief seconds at a time.

“There has got to be something that I can do around here,” Rainbow said to herself as she effortlessly glided through the air. As she surveyed the ground below, a wide selection of events presented themselves for her.

“Maybe I could go to the concert in town square today… I wonder what kind of music they're playing this week...” Rainbow craned her head towards the location of the event and began to take note of the types of ponies that filled the many seats that had been set out. Upon a first glance, she noticed that the ponies that had gathered in the area were farming ponies from deep in the country outside of town.

“Yeah no… No way in Tartarus I’m listening to country music for Celestia knows how long...” Another quick survey of the town later, and Rainbow spied a collection of ponies playing hoofball out in the field. Both teams had a full roster and from high above it looked liked the teams that were playing seemed to fairly good at the game. With a quick dive down to the field below, Rainbow landed with a soft thump next to the sideline and began to make her way towards one of coaches that sat shouting plays at the top of his lungs.

“Hey coach, how’s it going?” Rainbow asked with a friendly smile.

“Oh hey Rainbow,” the stallion said with a quick wave towards the cyan speedster while making sure to keep a close watch on the game. “How’s it going?”

“Alright I guess. Bored out of my mind though…” Rainbow looked towards the field and the back towards the coach. “You got room for one more?”

“No I don’t…” the coach said with a slow shake of his head. “We’ve already got too many players as it is… Sorry Rainbow...”

“Don’t worry about it coach,” Rainbow said, brushing the air with a quick flick of her hoof. “I’m just looking for something to do today. But if that is the case, I’ll take another look around town and see if I can’t find anything.”

With yet another option shot down before her, Rainbow began to make her way through town in search of a cure for her boredom. Although try as hard as she may Rainbow couldn’t find anything to hold her interest. She had stopped at every single event, store, and talked with every pony that she saw while she searched, but her efforts were all for naught. Now slowly making her way down the busy streets of Ponyville, she let out a deep sigh to herself as she trotted by the Golden Oaks library. Looking up at the gigantic tree that stood before her, it occurred to Rainbow that she had completely forgotten about asking Twilight if she had anything the two of them could do.

“Sweet Celestia I’m an idiot…” Rainbow thought to herself, more annoyed than anything that the thought didn’t enter her mind ages ago. “Twilight always has something that she needs help with. Please let this not be the one time that she doesn’t have anything planned, because I’m about ready to start banging my head against the first thing I see, if I don’t find something soon.”

With a couple of quick trots, Rainbow marched towards the door, and opened it with a quick push of her hoof.

"Hey egghead!" Rainbow shouted as she made her way inside, her voice echoing throughout the unusually barren library. "You home?" The cyan mare waited for a couple of seconds for a response from her close friend but none came to her ears. Instead she began to hear a series of clicks as a pair small scaled feet walked towards her.

"The place isn’t that big Rainbow, you don't have to shout," Spike said as he walked out from the library's kitchen while wearing a white apron, that had the words ‘World’s Best Chef’ emblazoned in bright red across the front. Rainbow let out a little smirk as she tried her best to not burst into laughter at the sight of the drake.

"Sorry about that," Rainbow replied as she stifled back a fit of laughter that tried to escape from it’s prison. It was a hard endeavour but it seemed like she would be able to keep her mirth at bay for the time being. "Is Twilight here though? I'm bored out of my mind and everypony else seems to be doing something. Pinkie has been working all day long, helping the Cakes fill a large order for the upcoming Apple family reunion. Applejack is obviously busy trying to get everything together with as few problems as possible. Rarity is out again hunting for gems in some weird cave out in the dragon highlands, and Fluttershy is still on vacation at that exotic animal preserve way out in Appleloosa."

"Well... Twilight's here but..." Spike said as poked two nails together. "She's upstairs resting after an all night studying session."

"Perfect!" Rainbow said with a gleaming smile. "I'll just go wake her up and we can figure out something to do." Rainbow flexed her wings as she readied herself to dart past Spike and up the set of stairs in front of her. However, just as she was just about to take off, she felt her tail being pulled by the small drake beside her.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Spike said.

"Why's that?" Rainbow asked as she looked back with a puzzled look.

"Well... Let's just say that Twilight isn't somepony that you want to wake up if you can help it, especially after the all-night night study sessions. You see, Twilight's fine if she wakes up normally, but if you absolutely have to wake her up..." Spike let out a small shiver as he began to remember the times he had been foolish enough to raise the sleeping alicorn. Most of the memories that he had surrounding the matter involved him getting slammed with a powerful concussive blast that would send him soaring towards the closest wall. For a couple of months he tried to figure out why the normally peaceful mare would be so ruthless in the mornings. After a while passed, he simply stopped trying to figure the reason out, and accepted the fact as another addition into Twilight's long list of quirks.

"Let's just say that she has a nasty habit of blasting the first thing that she sees... If you catch my drift."

"Well that sucks," Rainbow said. "What in Celestia's name am I going to do now?"

"I don't know," Spike said as he let go of Rainbow's tail and began to walk back towards the kitchen. "Maybe you could find something in the library to read?"

"I doubt it… But at this point, I’ll try anything." Rainbow began to walk around the library carefully analysing the assorted collection of books that lay before her. Every so often one of the many titles would grab her attention, and she’d pull the inspiring novel from it’s place on the shelf, only to have her excitement abruptly perish as she read the tedious summary across the book’s behind. The same cycle seemed to repeat for what seemed like hours. Find a book, read the summary, put it back… Find another, read the summary, and put the book back... Finally after a few of minutes of mindlessly searching, Rainbow had finally had enough.

"Why is there nothing worth reading in this place!” Rainbow said to herself as she threw the book in her hoof across the room. “You'd think that out of all the books here I’d be able to find one, just one! But no! Apparently I’m supposed to spend the whole day bored as hell!” However, just as Rainbow was about accept defeat in her search, a small object nestled between two thick white books drew her attention. Pulling the rather heavy objects from the shelf, Rainbow reached in with a hoof and pulled out a violet coloured box from the well hidden section.

“What in the hay is this, and why would Twilight have it tucked away behind some dusty old books?”

Looking at the box Rainbow realized it was nothing special. Covering the sides of the container was a thick black velvet coating, with Twilight’s cutie mark emblazoned across the top. Now intrigued with the new item in her hooves, Rainbow rotated it in every possible direction, simply searching for a way to open the mysterious device. After a couple of quick rotations, she noticed a small latch hidden underneath one of the many overhanging sections of the box. A quiet click resonated from the box as she carefully pressed it with the tip of her hoof and it slowly opened with a soft creak. Curious about what treasure possibly awaited her, Rainbow peared her head into the open hinge and was surprised to find a rather thick book inside of the mysterious container. Surprisingly the book didn’t have a cloth binding like the countless others that she had pulled from the shelf. Instead the pages were fastened together a thick piece of twine threaded through a series of holes throughout the left hand side of the pages. Taking extreme care, she pulled the collection of paper out and made her way one of the many cushions that lay sitting next to the table in the center of the room.

“A Tale Of Azure eh?” Rainbow thought to herself as she read the title, her haunches landing on the soft pillow below. “Written by T.S…” With a flick of her hoof, Rainbow opened the book and began to browse through the first chapter of the story. Immediately she noticed that the book wasn't typed like most, but rather it had been hoof written with the utmost care. The style of the writing itself was immaculate, miles ahead of Rainbow's own sloppy hoof-writing. Each letter was written to absolute perfection, and the grammar in the story was immaculate.

"Wow," Rainbow thought to herself as she continued to read through the first couple of pages. "They must really take great pride in their work, if they took the time to write this all out." After taking a brief moment to appreciate the penmanship of the story, Rainbow continued to read on.

The premise of the story wasn’t anything innovative by any means. It was a simple love story of an introverted and studious violet toned mare named Aurora that came from Canterlot to a town deep in the countryside in an attempt to learn more about friendship. Before she came to the backwater town, she didn’t have any friends, her books the only thing that kept her company during her many solemn nights at home. During her time in the small town she had meant a weathermare by the name of Prism Star, a azure coloured pony with a fully prismatic colour mane and tail. Months passed, and the two mares had become close friends, each helping the other in their times of need. However Aurora had fallen in love Prism and was trying everything she knew in order to get the mare’s attention but no matter how hard she tried, Prism always seemed to remain oblivious to the unicorn’s endeavours.

Completely enthralled with the story in her hooves, Rainbow continued to read on, quickly losing track of the time she was spending the library. The development of the plot and the characters within the story was unlike anything she had ever seen before. Every scene seemed to fit perfectly with the others, and no character seemed out of place. As Rainbow continued, she couldn’t help but feel a sense of familiarity to the characters within the story, almost as if she had meant the fictional ponies at some point in her life. Her mind continued in an attempt to draw the connection to the familiarity but eventually gave up after a couple of moments.

Now a hundred pages into the book, Rainbow’s eyes peered over the pages in front of her, towards one of the many library’s windows. Expecting to see the sun setting over the horizon, she was shocked to see that Luna's night had already come.

"Sweet Celestia, how late is it?" With a quick crane of her neck, Rainbow looked towards the clock behind her.

"Ten o'clock! Holy hell I've been here for six hours now! Where the hay did the time go?" Rainbow scrambled to her hooves, and put the book on the table with a satisfying thud. With a quick turn towards the door, she quickly began to make her way back home, but stopped just short of the door. She felt an impulse itch it’s way from the recesses of her mind and barge past all of the others that raced through her head. It was the urge to continue reading the story that she had encaptured her from the very moment that she had picked it up in her hooves. She desperately needed to know what was going to happen to Aurora. Would Prism finally notice her attempts to win her heart, or would she simply ignore her until the moment where Aurora finally snapped and told her how she felt?

In a fervoured dash, Rainbow darted over to the table and stared at the book with a serious intent. The pages almost seemed to be calling out to her, demanding that they be read. Not wanting to take the story without letting Twilight know she had it, Rainbow reached over and grabbed a sheet of paper from beside her and began to write. With a couple almost illegible scratches later, Rainbow dropped the pen on the table and soared into beautiful night sky, the novel nestled tightly in her forehooves as she flew back home.


Twilight awoke with a long yawn as her eyes fluttered open for the first time in the day. With a quick roll, Twilight spun beneath the warm covers, and stared at the small clock that lay sitting on her end table.

“Ten o’clock…” Twilight thought to herself as she slowly began to rise from the bed, the sheets falling down to her side as she sat up. Using a hoof she began to wipe the sleep from her eyes. “Way too early to be up...” After a couple of slow blinks, Twilight rolled out of bed and slowly began to make her way towards the bathroom. Upon entering the pearl white coloured room, Twilight gazed into the mirror and let out a small chuckle to herself as she stared at her reflection. Her mane was more sporadic than the usual bed-head that she normally had. Small stands of her hair streamed down in her muzzle in an incohesive violet coloured mesh, while other sections seemed to blast out from her head, perfectly floating in the air as if gravity did not affect them in any way. With a couple of strokes from a brush that magically levitated next to the mare, the unruly mane feel into it’s normal style, now free of the disheveled mess that had plagued it before. After a couple of seconds of mindlessly brushing her teeth, Twilight walked out the bathroom and began to make her way towards main reading area below.

"You're up already?" Spike questioned as he saw the studious mare slowly descend down the stairs in her still half asleep stupor. "I would've thought that you’d still be asleep until the afternoon like usual."

"I thought so too," Twilight said with a quick yawn as she sat down next to the library's center table, her haunches landing softly on one of the many cushions below. “But it seems my brain wants to get up at this awful hour...”

“Well you do know that some ponies wake up before ten o’clock even after a long night,” Spike said in a joking matter.

"Good point…” Twilight replied, not wanting to address Spike’s sarcastic comment this early in the morning. “Did I miss anything while I was asleep?"

"Let's see." The young drake tapped a claw to his chin as he slowly began to recollect the events of the previous day. "The cutie mark crusaders were here in the morning looking for a book about how to build cannons and other siege weaponry."

"You didn't give it to them did you?" Twilight said as she gave a small shutter from the thought of what would happen if the three little fillies ever got their hooves on that kind of dangerous knowledge.

“Of course not,” Spike said. “You really think that I’d give something like that to them? A day of their crusading makes Ponyville look like Discord decided to use it as his own personal plaything. Could you imagine the damage those little fillies could do if they had a cannon! I don’t know why they wanted it but they sure weren’t going to get it from me.”

“Other than the crusaders though there wasn’t really much...” Spike continued as he walked towards Twilight with a cup of hot coffee that he had grabbed from the kitchen. With a soft clink, he placed the glass next to Twilight who happily grabbed the small mug in her hooves and took a deep sip of the precious liquid. It was made exactly the way she liked it, just like always. Not too sweet and not too bitter. A perfect start to the morning.

“A couple of ponies came in during the day looking for some books. Rarity and Fluttershy stopped after they had came back from their trips to see if you wanted to go to the spa with them, but I told them that you were out for the day.”

“That’s unfortunate,” Twilight said, the caffeine coursing through her body now awaking each and every asleep nerve that it came across. “I would’ve loved to have gone with them. I’ll have to make sure that I make it up to them some how… Was their anything else?”

“Uh… Rainbow came by because she was bored and looking for something to do. I think she was here until late in the reading some book that she pulled from the independent writers section.”

“So she finally took interest in something other than Daring Do,” Twilight said in between her sips of coffee. “I was starting to think that she wasn’t going to read anypony else.”

“Yeah I know what you mean,” Spike said with a quick chuckle. “Anyway I got to go out later and help out Rarity with the collection of gems that she brought back with her from the highlands yesterday. That alright?”

“Of course Spike,” Twilight replied with a large smile across her face. “You don’t have to ask me for permission for everything you know.”

“Just making sure… Oh! Before I forget, Rainbow left a note for you on the table. It should be next to your coffee. It’s probably nothing important, but you probably should read over it just incase.

“Thanks Spike.” As the words left Twilight’s mouth she spun around on the cushion and began to look across the table top. Spying a loose piece of paper, Twilight grabbed it in her magic and levitated the note close to her muzzle and began to read to herself.

“Hey Twi! It’s me! I stopped by today because I was bored and I wanted to see if you were busy at all. Sadly you were too busy sawing logs from your late night study thing, and Spike said that I shouldn’t wake you up if I could help it. Anyway… I found this really awesome book in the library and I’m going to take it home with me so I can finish the last couple of pages. I promise that I'll return it once I’m done reading it.”

P.S: Why didn’t you tell me about this T.S. pony? I’ve never heard of them before but they're totally awesome! When I come back you’ve got to tell me the other stories they wrote!

P.P.S: Who the hay only uses their initials anyway? Don't they want to be known for their awesome work?

See ya tomorrow Twi,

Rainbow

“T.S…” Twilight to herself as she read the barely legible note for the second time. “What author uses just T.S as their signature...?” A couple moments passed as Twilight’s mind slowly began to make connections with the author’s initials. One by one she ran through every single combination that she could think of. For everypony that she remembered, she could never see Rainbow enjoying any of their works. The works that they had published either focused on advanced magical studies that were deemed to be too complex for regular school study, or were stories that Rainbow would quickly dismiss after reading through the first couple of pages.

With a sigh, Twilight rose from her seat, the now half full cup of coffee slowly levitating with her as she stood. The fact that she couldn’t figured out what book Dash had taken bothered her and she was determined to find the mysterious literature that held her attention. Trotting towards the library’s independent writers section, Twilight began to scan the shelves from top to bottom. About halfway down the sections packed shelves she noticed two books slightly out of place amongst the others. With a simple spell, the two novels slowly levitated off the shelf and landed on the table behind her with a heavy thud. Peering to where the two books had been, Twilight noticed the small violet coloured box that Rainbow had pulled out the night before.

“So that’s where I put it,” Twilight thought to herself as she reached in and grabbed the tiny box in between her hooves. As she stared at the container, Twilight could feel a smile starting to form on her face. For her this box was no ordinary box. Inside of the precious container was one of the pieces of writing that she cherished the most, a heartfelt story of her own emotions towards a certain pony that she had become smitten with over the course of many months. At first she thought she was simply developing some strange illness that would remedy itself if given enough time, but that sense of emotion never went away. It took some time to deduce a cause for the unfamiliar mix of emotions that rolled through her body. After days of extensive research, Twilight finally had realized the true meaning behind her feelings. In hindsight she felt stupid for not seeing the cause before, but now with the information in hoof she began to plot out a course of action to get the pony of her dreams.

Time went on, and the alicorn tried everything she had learned from her bountiful collection of books. For months she tried and tried, but was constantly brushed away with each endeavour. With her numerous attempts failing one by one, it was only a matter of time before Twilight decided that she would keep her true feelings hidden to only herself, and after that she no longer strived for the pony’s attention.

However as time went on, Twilight found herself wanting to tell that pony more and more, the need to so becoming excessively demanding as the time progressed. If it hadn't been the bone chilling fear that shot through body whenever she tried to do so, she would've told the pony already. In order to stifle the need to shout her feelings from the rooftops, Twilight decided that it would be best to write her experiences down in a story. At first the writing didn’t go well, as she always seemed to struggle describing each of the characters in the story and how they felt. But as time went on, the writing got easier and became much more fluent as she practiced. While she wrote, Twilight did notice that the pressing urge started to diminish, but the feelings for that pony still remained.

Many months and many nights passed, and Twilight continued to write, slowly adding on new pages to the story as she finished them. After four laborious months the first book was finished, and was stored behind two of the most obscure books that Twilight had found on the shelf at the time.

“I’ve haven’t read through this in weeks,” Twilight thought to herself, a small smile slowly working it’s way across her muzzle. “I wonder how far I have come since writing the first book…”

Flipping over the box in her hoof, she reached in and pressed the switch on box’s side. With a small click the lid came undone and slowly opened. Twilight’s heart immediately sank as she saw only open space inside of the box. Instantly she began to panic, her breaths becoming quicker and more frantic by the second. Sensing that something wrong was happening with the alicorn Spike quickly dashed out of the kitchen and ran towards Twilight’s side.

“You okay Twilight?” the young drake asked while resting a claw against the mare’s side.

“No-no-no,” Twilight stammered to herself as she rotated the box frantically in the air, desperately hoping that her eyes were just deceiving her. But no matter how hard she tried, the box continued to remain empty. “It has to be here! there isn't another place that it could possibly be!”

“Twilight you’ve got to calm down for a second. What are you talking about?” Spike asked confused.

“My book! It’s supposed to be right here and now it’s gone!” Spike poked his head around Twilight and looked at the box with a curious look. Immediately he recognized the container as the one that Rainbow had placed next to her when she was reading last night.

“Oh hey, Rainbow had that out last night.” Upon hearing those words, Twilight stopped abruptly and slowly turned towards Spike with her head hung low.

“Rainbow had it?” Twilight asked, her voice a barely audible whisper.

“Yeah,” Spike said with a quick nod. “She spent a couple of minutes looking through the library looking for something to read, and I guess she found something in that box that kept her attention.” After Spike finished talking, Twilight slowly walked over to him and placed her fore-hooves on his shoulders.

“Spike… I have important question that I need to ask you…” Twilight said, her gaze unwavering from Spike’s eyes. As he looked into her eyes, Spike saw something that he had rarely seen in the mare over the course of his life. He saw the mare that cared for him, that raised him since he was a baby, truly afraid of Rainbow reading what ever was hidden within that box. It was almost as if it had a terrible secret that must be kept from her no matter what the cost.

“T-T-The book Rainbow was reading…” Twilight said with a shaky tone, her stomach contorting into knots as the words left her lips. “Was it called A Tale Of Azure?”

“Yeah it was…” Spike said wearily. With a defeated sigh, Twilight dropped her hooves to her side, and began to curl up in a tight ball on the library’s wooden floor. Her nerves were racing at what seemed like a million miles a minute throughout her body and she felt like she was going to be sick to her stomach.

“What’s going on Twilight? Is that book important or something?”

“It is too me Spike,” Twilight said quietly with her head held low. “It is to me…”

Comments ( 33 )

5235984 Probably not going to reach the 50,000 words in the month... But it might get there after a couple of months

Oh hey, so this finally happened. Almost forgot about it... Looking forward to the rest, though I don't really know how you plan on scraping 50K out of this story, it promises to interesting.

5237083 I don't know what is going to be happening with this story really... I know what the first 3 chapters are going to be, but I am not sure if it is going to be a full fledged novel story for the challenge. I think that I am going to spread out the words between stories, or maybe write something else that will be part of it.

I look forward to the next chapter! Reading TwiDash fiction has become somewhat of a hobby for me, and this satisfied all my criteria and more! :twilightsmile:

5237782 Well that's good to hear. Hopefully the rest of the story lives up to expectations

5238105 I got faith in ya!

shit is gonna get awkward soon

Was browsing through the popular stories box and came across this story so thought I'd take a gander at it.


Overall thoughts:

I wasn't super thrilled with this story. The biggest problem that it had was telling instead of showing; this was not really confined to the section about the story, but something of an issue throughout the work. This is a tough thing for some authors to master, but as a general rule, it is best to avoid telling the reader what to think or how to feel - and when you are writing a story from a close third-person perspective, that generally means that you the reader is meant to have empathy for the main protagonist, and as such, telling us about their emotions is equivalent to telling us about how we should be feeling.

The other issue this story had was excessive, extraneous text. The start of this story was misplaced; Rainbow Dash flying around town was a lot of words, but could have simply been skipped entirely, with Rainbow Dash in the library complaining to Spike about being bored and there being nothing to do today. It would have gotten us where we needed to go much more quickly and would have avoided the start, which was rather awkward to begin with because it was all about nothing really happening. The story really begins with Rainbow Dash in the library, so you might as well actually start the story there.

Please don't be discouraged from writing by my feedback, but I do hope that it is helpful to you.


Some specific notes:

Upon a first glance, she noticed that the ponies that had gathered in the area where farming ponies from deep in the country outside of town.

Should be "were".

but her efforts were all for not.

Should be "naught".

because I’m about ready to start banging my head off the first thing I see, if I don’t find something soon.”

This is a strange and awkward sentence in general, but "banging my head off" isn't a colloquial expression; I would go with "banging my head against something" or something similar if you wanted to keep it.

It seems like a strange thing to think in the first place, though.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Spike said with a clawful of rainbow coloured hair.

The clawful of rainbow coloured hair is an unnecessary tell; we already know he grabbed her tail. Indeed, you can just get rid of the dialogue tag entirely and just let the spoken line stand on its own.

"Why's that?" Rainbow asked as she looked back with a puzzled look.
"Well," Spike said with a quick roll of his eyes.

I would recommend against doing two consecutive dialogue tag + actions in a row. I'd probably get rid of the second dialogue tag entirely, it isn't really important. And honestly the first isn't really all that necessary itself.

Spike let out a small shiver as he began to remember the times he had been foolish enough to raise the sleeping alicorn. Most of the memories that he had surrounding the matter involved him getting slammed with a powerful concussive blast that would send him soaring towards the closest wall. For a couple of months he tried to figure out why the normally peaceful mare would be so ruthless in the mornings. After a while passed, he simply stopped trying to figure the reason out, and accepted the fact as another addition into Twilight's long list of quirks.

This is a perspective switch. You should avoid doing those mid-scene; you have a close third-person perspective on Rainbow Dash, and now you're switching over to Spike for a single paragraph before switching back.

The same cycle seemed to repeat for what seemed like hours. Find a book… Read the summary… Put it back… Find another, read the summary, and put the book back... Finally after a few of minutes of mindlessly searching, Rainbow had finally had enough.

Felt like hours and then "after a few minutes" doesnt' work very well. Also, I'd advise against using so many ellipses in such close proximity. Really, they should be commas.

“You'd think that out of all the books here I’d be able to find one, just one! But no! Apparently I’m supposed to spend the whole day bored as hell!”

I'd change this sentence; beyond rating reasons (generally, E stories avoid swearing) there's just no good reason to use "hell", especially given that you used "hay" in the next paragraph. I'd reword it a bit to avoid that, and switching from the actual swear to the euphemism is just weird.

The description of the book is very telly in an awkward sort of way; telling us about how the story is so beautiful is less effective than showing us a passage of beautiful writing and then having it lead on from there. Showing this sort of thing is important because the book is supposed to be having a large impact on Rainbow Dash, but we're being told it is rather than being shown that it is.

5242855 I definitely do appreciate the feedback on the story for sure. I do know that my show and tell, is nowhere near on where I want to be, but I am trying to work on it as the time goes by. I don't really know why, but I have always had problems with it since I started, and I guess the concept hasn't quite sunken in yet.

As for the whole discouraged thing, I wouldn't be asking for any type of feedback if that was something that would deter me from writing in general. I do like the constructive criticism, it's just that most people don't spend the time to actually write something like you do did, so the author can take it and try to improve their work.

The changes have been made, and I will take your points into consideration once I get onto the next chapter.

Love it, but i hoe it isn´t a two chapter story or anything like that. I would wish if the story takes it´s time a bit.

5251771 Not sure how long it is going to be. Currently slotted at 3 chapters, but I might expand on it

5253052 Well i would not mind it if it ends and if you want to do a new story with them, make a sequel or let this be the prolog.
I have at least to ask, because i like the idea and sometimes the story is to fast over.

5253066 Basically I know how the next 3 chapters are going to play out, but I am not quite sure what I want to do with the story. Do I take it and write a whole entire experience from start to finish? Or do I take it at 3 chapters and cut it loose after that? Who knows?

It's a decent start, but I think it needs a once-over by an editor.

Looking forward to seeing where this goes.

long winded. There the only thing I get from this, just long winded after long winded. Worst of all, you maid Rainbow Dash long winded! This needs a lot of work.

I like how the title is somehow a little reference to Lemony Snicket's book series A Series Of Unfortunate Events.

Your story is amazing too! Keep up the good work!

5659773 Thanks :twilightsmile:. Glad to hear that you liked the story... Too bad it will be about 3 months until it even has an chance of getting an update. Stupid university work loads...

Rainbow Dash, you are dumbtarded.

Oh man. This has me hooked, almost as bad as Rainbow is for A Tale of Azure. Like, Favorite, amd Tracking.

Omg so good. Please make more!

6249824 Definitely will be making more for this story in the future, just not sure when. Right now I have been procrastinating way too much, and too make matters worse my friends have just got me hooked into Destiny. So between that and work, I don't have too much time to write anything...

That being said, I'm trying to put in some effort to get content out for my stories. So hopefully I can get off my lazy behind and get some work done.

6253606
We shall only hope.

As Rainbow continued, she couldn’t help but feel a sense of familiarity to the characters within the story, almost as if she had meant the fictional ponies at some point in her life. Her mind continued in an attempt to draw the connection to the familiarity but eventually gave up after a couple of moments.

Upon rereading this story, I feel forced to reiterate my previous statement with renewed emphasis.

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Rainbow Dash, you are dumbtarded.

...:pinkiegasp:
Oh, i have such a lovely suggestion about why Twily's so rude when someone wakes her up:pinkiehappy:

it was nothing special

Ain't there supposed to be "something"?

had meant a weathermare

Meet... Erm.... Met? Ok, i think you understand what i mean anyways.
Same mistake in the next paragraph.

Was their anything

There.

“It is too me Spike,” Twilight said quietly with her head held low. “It is to me…”

Can you, please, decide, what should be there: "to" or "too"?
Also... I. Want. moar!:flutterrage:
Wish you best, and hope to see the continuation as soon as it's possible for you:twilightsmile:

I would like to have a new chapter

7639561 Honestly I would like to as well, but there is a boat tonne of stuff that is preventing that. University, work, and personal stuff leave me with no time in the day, and unfortunately, I have been away from writing too long. I've lost whatever it was that made it easy to crank out chapters in a small time frame, and I have also the lost the ability to actually finish anything in terms of writing. Right now, I have about 10 chapters across many different things almost finished, and I haven't been able to finish any of them.

I'm sorry about the delay on everything, but hopefully, I can pick up writing again in the future. Maybe once my university workload starts to calm down a bit.

7647658 I hope it is not annoying you, but I would like to ask again, how likely is it that you could try to add a new chapter?

8101413 So in terms of writing my plan is to get back into everything once I am finished my final semester at University. Right now I'm currently am doing my exams for it, so after that I'll be getting back into writing.

Once that happens, it's going to take a little bit to get back into everything. I've simply been away from everything for far too long... I've lost some of my writing ability and it will take a little bit to get it back. The plan is write a one shot or two before I focus on continuing existing stories. That shouldn't take too long since I have the bulk of a one shot written, and i just need to connect the final pieces together.

Anywho, the tldr is that a new chapter for this might take a bit longer to come out. And for that I am extremely sorry.

And don't worry about being annoying. I know I left to much work on unfinished when I stopped writing. Honestly I am happy that people are still interested in the things I wrote.

Is there any hope that this will get updated?

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If I can get back into writing at some point, yes. Currently, I have a partial chapter that is about 30% complete, but that is about it. If I do get back into writing, it will be third on my list. With the first being a new chapter for "When A Door Closes, Another Opens", and the second being a new chapter for "Sometimes Death Is Not The End"

Well this is a great start, I really hope you do find yourself wanting to continue this at some point.

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