Sequel to A Mourning Heart
Three weeks have passed since Tacitus first arrived in Ponyville, and he is happier than he has been in a long time. He has a nice home, a job, and most importantly, wonderful friends that he loves dearly. But something is wrong in Ponyville. Ponies all over town, all over Equestria in fact, are suffering from an illness that Tacitus recognizes all too well. When Celestia sends him and his friends to discover the cause of the illness, they find a much more sinister plot in the works. An ancient and forgotten darkness is rising and threatens to engulf the world, and Tacitus, who has finally been able to let go of the grief of his past, must face it once again as shocking revelations are brought to light. Tacitus and his friends must stop this threat before it destroys everything they hold dear.
This is my second story and a sequel to "A Mourning Heart." I hope you all enjoy this story, because I'm going to have a blast writing it, and I hope you will comment and tell me your thoughts, opinions, and criticisms.
Description:
Writer:
Warning! Warning! Self-insert alert!
TACITUS HAS RETURNED AND I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER!!! *squee*
But damn this story sounds exciting!
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQNLaMgVzY_tYHaj8jIgPB8wwsIWH_8AM8QLSSxr5eL68zV8FSt
4897648 I know that traditionally self-insert is bad, but I hope you will still give the story and its prequel a chance. I promise I stayed away from anything typical of "Mary Sues," but I understand the reluctance.
4898335 That image is WAY too funny!
And yes, Tacitus IS back, and he's ready for adventure. I really hope I do this right, because I want this story to be EPIC!
4899197 Tacitus. Trust me when I say this. You are one of the best writers I have ever seen on FIMFiction so far. I did not see ANY grammar mistakes or misspellings in your first chapter. Basically what I'm tring to say is...
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/5070624512/h8ACE92E6/
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1021_Rainbow_Dash_says_youre_awesome.gif
I couldn't decide which one to use so I used both.
4899226 Oh my God, you just made my day
You have no idea how much that means to me to hear you say that. You, my friend, are awesome as well. 
4899399
2.bp.blogspot.com/-JsgNQ5GRHMk/T9Oq9SomlRI/AAAAAAAAC9w/jScSIC7HhJo/s640/baww_hug_it_out_reptiles.jpg
4899189
4897648 I just read all of the prequel. It absolutely breaks my heart to say this, because I actually think you have the potential to be a good writer. Unfortunately, I think Elric is right. There are some serious flaws here, mostly with your main character, who *is* a bit of a Gary Stu.
1. Tragic past
2. Dead parents
3. Child prodigy
4. Saves everyone from some gigantic threat
5. Original character with the same name as the user
You've also got another cliche, which is Pinkie Pie being the first one to meet him, throwing him a party, his determination not to make friends while everyone is determined to BE his friend, etc.
I'm linking you to another story that has all these characteristics. It's far worse than yours, but it might be useful to see the ways in which his main character is like yours and some of the plot cliches, and then you'll understand why people might not care for this. Snowflare, Pegasus of Ice. We see these all the time.
Now, what you do have here that gives me hope is some technical ability, and despite his Gary Stu-ish qualities, I found myself liking your main character a bit. I think he comes off better here, because he's already friends with other ponies and he's woven into the social fabric of Ponyville a lot better.
I hope you take this in the spirit in which it's meant, because I do think you have potential.
4905004 fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/028/a/8/you_make_me_sad_by_youryaleness-d4nxu82.jpg
But in all seriousness, thank you for taking the time to point these things out to me. I appreciate any criticism I get. I admit that there are definitely some cliches and I also admit that there is some self-insert. I hope you understand that Tacitus is based on me and I have a personal connection with the character, but I honestly wasn't trying to make it Gary-Stu. I just wanted a compelling and exciting character who had a little bit of me in him. I'm new to writing, so I'm going to mess up, but I'll strive to always improve. I hope you will continue to read this story and I hope that my evolution of Tacitus will be more impressive to you and to others. Please don't hesitate to call me out on any more mistakes you see in the future.
4905004 So I read the story that you mentioned in your comment, and after reading it, I have a few questions and concerns.
I read the comments as well as the story, and the people that commented pretty much tore this story to shreds. The like/dislike ratio was also very bad. However, my story has some of these cliches, yet my story has been getting mostly positive feedback. What am I doing that he's not doing? Why is my story fairly well received while his is fairly hated?
After reading, I have more concerns about how I will present my character in my story. He is the main character, but now I'm worried about making him seem too OP. It just seems to me that no matter what, people will hate an OC that is stronger or better at something than any of the show's characters.
I don't know if this helps, but I will say that in this story Tacitus is not all-powerful nor will he stop evil all by himself. He will rely on his friends and others. There will also be some character development when it comes to his emotions and his psyche. I want to make this character deep and believable, and I hope I will be able to bring that out in my writing.
Thank you again for your criticism.
4905744 Well, for one thing, your writing itself doesn't have any real technical problems. For another, Snowflare is better than every single one of the Mane Six at everything, except for Rarity, who is dismissed as a racist, and Pinkie Pie, who is blown off as an airhead. (Nopony insults Pink Horse. NOPONY.
) The Super-Dash alone is a giant red flag--if you have a character who is faster than Dash, there had better be a darned good reason why. Snowflare is WAY overpowered and so important that Princess Celestia has personally raised him (and evidently forgotten Twilight's name.) And not-quite-finally, there's no plot at all. Everything is directly lifted from an episode, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, or the Reflections arc of the comic books.
While Tacitus isn't overpowered, his tragic past is a bit much. Since the death of his parents seems to be critically important, maybe something else could be dropped, like being dumped by his girlfriend. He doesn't have to be a full professor in order to have written an impressive book, especially since he seems very young. The blowing off the Mane Six who desperately want to be his friend needs to be handled with care, too, but at least so far there's no romantic overtones, and that makes a BIG difference.
I find myself liking Tacitus, and maybe it's just because he's a history professor. That's unusual. I don't recollect seeing that before.
It doesn't hurt that you are gracious about criticism, instead of deleting critical comments.
Hope that helped.
4905883 Thank you once again for taking the time to answer my questions. While it might be a little late to go back and change it now, I can definitely see your point about the girlfriend and professor bit. I'll try to stick to the important parts of his personality and character, as apposed to his feats (for lack of a better word). As far as the romance part goes...I have to be honest and say that I did consider it before I planned this story.
But even before you mentioned it, I decided not to give him a romance. It just didn't work well for the character and story I was trying to make. Thank you again and I hope you enjoy the story. 
I noticed you posted this story in the Authors Helping Authors forum for a review. Therefore, I will try to do a review for you later.
However I noticed you said this was a sequel to another story you wrote and so I was wondering if you need that story to be reviewed? If you do I will attempt to review that one first. I will be waiting for your reply.
I can see you're trying awfully hard to avoid a Gary-Stu character situation here, and perhaps not succeeding too well. Fortunately, there's an easy answer for patching Tacitus up here:
Enjoy.
Like a bad luck lottery, simply give your character 2-4 of these traits, bring them up from time to time in the fic to add drama, and watch the criticisms melt away! Whether they apply to the real you doesn't really matter, unless you have any history with them, in which case you should be able to write those one especially well!
So uhh...hope that helped.
4906113 Please do both if you can. I love getting feedback that I can use later.
4906338 Thanks for the link! I was planning on using some stuff that was listed here in this story, plus I found a few more I could use.
4906902 Very well, I shall do a review of the prequel and see what I can do with the sequel later.
When I got an email saying that 'An Ancient Threat' had been updated I literally got out of my seat and danced!
37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyiwzf0vdu1rn95k2o1_400.gif
And as for the College thing, i don't mind at all. Take all the time you need. The wait is most certainly worth it.
4932375 i really think you're gonna love this story. While I planned this story, one song kept going through my head. If I could set this story to a song, I would set it to this awesome piece:
4932444
stream1.gifsoup.com/view/81900/grinch-grin-2-o.gif
Your a genius, you know that right.
And plus this reminds me of Doctor Who and with the new series out now that earns you extra praise.
4932574 I've never really watched Doctor Who, so I'm not sure what it is that's similar. But thank you for the compliment nonetheless.
4932644 It reminded me of this.
And to me this is one of the best songs of all time!
4936459 This song is pretty freaking awesome, although it's a little too upbeat for the story I have planned.
No spelling mistakes (once again) and a good chapter all together. Good work.
I noticed that no one else has commented about this, so I will. Your use of our history and myths made to fit Equestria is excellent. I love Classical Myth and Roman History so I'm totally geeking out over how much you know!
4970852 Thank you, I'm glad you like it.
I'm a huge history nerd, so I thought I'd put my own spin on Equestria's past.
Well this suddenly took a dark turn...
Only adds on to the excitement though.
5014976 Yeah, the story has been pretty tame so far, but expect it to be darker and more exciting from here on out.
5015739 Oh Yeah?! Well guess what?!
Can't wait for the next update!
Tactius would stop to interview ponies about life 1000 years ago. (That would make a great one-shot, Tactius trying to get the Crystal Ponies to talk to him). And Um, Tactius had better take Shining Armor really seriously, facing these badguys.
5023951 Without revealing too much, he will be taking it very seriously. Maybe even too seriously, as weird as that sounds. That will be part of the theme for the next chapter, exploring a trait of him that is both a strength and a weakness.
5023964 I think I understand what you mean. I can see Twilight not being happy about it either. (And Muttering "Geez, he's just like my brother" a lot).
5024072 I see where you're coming from, but it's not that, and it's not just Twilight he's worried about. This will go into his psyche, almost an obsession, caused by his past and influenced by his relationship with his friends. Again, I don't want to reveal too much, and I'm sorry if this is seeming like a tease.
5024084 I can't wait!
Well it's taken me a little bit to find the time to get around to reading this story but I've managed to finish the first chapter. I don't know what it is you have planned for this mysterious illness, but I look forward to finding out!
Since you asked for my opinion, I'll give what I think are points that could stand a little improvement. The first is your descriptions. I'm still learning the finer points of prose myself, but I can share what I've learned from others. When you're describing Tacitus' actions or thoughts, don't spell it out word for word to your audience. Show, don't tell, right?
For instance:
You could make the same scenario obvious to the reader, but without making it verbatim. Remember, when it comes to describing a scene, you can't always paint an image in your own head and try to relate it to your audience. Rather, leave the interpretation of what they 'see' up to their own imaginations.
Those sentences could be re-written into something like this:
Obviously this is your story, so it's written in your own style and this is more of my own, but hopefully you understand where I'm coming from. Try not to spell out what's happening, but instead, paint a broad picture and let your readers fill in the blanks. All those I've asked for advice myself had nothing but good things to say about the practice.
5028565 *Loud whistle. Dang, you really do have a way with description. I completely agree that I definitely need to work on that. Note to self: show, don't tell. Thanks!
DAMMMMMM! Stuffs gettin serious now!
So intense! I can't wait to see whose talking to Tacitus, and I hope Twilight knows some really good healing spells.
Precious ancient things should be carefully restored, not turned into battle grounds.
And - THE DESICRATION OF RUINS!!! THEY WILL PAY!!!!!!!!!!!
Good work, looking forward to the next chapter.
5046218 I know! Luckily, they had been studied and excavated to an extent prior to this. At least some things survived.
Silly Imperius, don't you know not to leave adversaries alive? That one always comes back to get you.
And, omg the foreshadowing! I've lots of guesses... but I think they're safest in my brain.
I can't wait for more!
5069910 Next chapter, you'll see who the voice belongs to.
5070131 OOOO! Can't wait!
Seems like a legitimate back story. Good chapter. Anyway's, on with the show.
5140330 You think? Not too convoluted or anything?
Finally! It's here! Looks Good, I can't wait for the next chapter.
5140945 Really hoped you liked it.
Was the identity of the voice a bit obvious? I was a bit nervous about this chapter, so I hope I did it right.
5143228 Well, I did guess right in my head, but if it had been anypony else it wouldn't have as much sense, given who the villain is and Tacitus' connection to everything ancient. Twists and surprises are good, but sacrificing the best choice for a surprise doesn't always make a better story. The reasons for an event (or character choice) are important.
5143539 Well said. I just hope there was at least some mystery to the origins of the voice prior to this. Same for the identity of the villain. Anyway, I'm not sure if it'll be in the next chapter or the one after that, but there is one more big secret I have planned to reveal. It has to do with how Imperius knows Tacitus.
5140759 Nah. Protagonist finds out he's the heir to an ancient hero and has to beat an old evil. For your second story its an intriguing and simple to follow backstory. I quite like it.