This story is a sequel to Equestria Wars Episode III: Rise of the Equestrian Empire
Charming Thunder enters a world where he has to help Twilight get her crown back from Sunset Shimmer. Join him and his friends as they work together to restore peace to the dimension and safely return to Equestria.
A story between Episode III and Episode IV.
Reminder: My Little Pony: Equestria Girls belongs to Hasbro
Pick a tense and stay with it; you keep changing between past tense and present tense, sometimes in the same sentence. Your "action" scenes just read like a list of things that happened. YouTube links within the text really interfere with any attempt at immersing the reader in the story. There are also some technical errors, mostly punctuation.
I rage quitted after I read that our protagonist's name was Charming Thunder.
Self Insert Gary Stu much?
4859721
I was thinking of adding one of his other ones to the folder. Specifically episode three.
4859811
Is episode 3 the worst?
4859821
Check it out. I'll be waiting for you here.
4859827
If I'm going to read this shit saga, I should start with episode one.
4859837
Good luck, I'm not going to since I've seen the whole Star Wars saga. I'm not sure about you but I'm a pretty big fan of the show, so I can tell that the whole thing is just dialogue of the movie being ponyfied.
4859877
I'll PM you what I think of this.
Honestly, this story is having the same problems as the others. Re-read the comments on your stories. ALL the comments. Charming Thunder is the same as ever: Boring, Flat, annoyingly perfect. Either listen to what your audience is saying or quit putting these up
4859369 can you post them for me and say the changes for each one please? It will be much useful for me.
4876700
Try the "Looking for Editors" group.
My only reaction to this
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qFw97VMIcNo]
4861833 damngooddoormats.indiemade.com/sites/damngooddoormats.indiemade.com/files/imagecache/im_clientsite_product_detail_single/go-away-rude-yoda-doormat-im.jpg?th=edifice&bg=FFFFFF
4928984 it is a star wars opening crawl.
The only problem I have with these stories is that, technically speaking, twilight and her friends are brainwashed.
4917368 damn, a fire would feel cold to that burn
6154178 yes that is true and a crime in a way
Excuse me, i hate to be rude and all but...
Can u try using "Charming" or like "the *fill in the blank* boy" rather than "Charming Thunder", "Charming Thunder" and "Charming Thunder" all over again?