After receiving a vision in her dream, Princess Luna knows that the Great Devourer will be coming to their world to feed. To prepare for this, she assemble her army and have them ready for the coming day. Luna knows that she is not powerful to defeat the powerful cosmic being. So she need to rely on a cursed helmet to aid her. While the helmet does gives immense power to its wearer, it also corrupts them as well. The Princess however, was willing to take the risk, so that she can rid of this monster, once and for all.
Cover art by ElkaArt
Chapters (1)
Grammar and pacing errors aside, this story could have been better if it was expanded. You have the right idea, and an interesting, but stale one at that, but the entire thing felt rushed, as if this was a story you forced yourself to complete. It's most evident at the end, when you were skipping valid conversations for just a quick relief act and unsubtle foreshadowing.
Again, good idea, if a bit stale and over used, but the execution felt not at all lively or natural, just forced.
4849943
Yeah I think get what your saying, when ever I write something I tend to just get to the point and none of that stuff in between. It's kinda basically how I read other people's stories. I'll be sure to remember your advice though.
P.S. Not sure what I can do about my grammar. I just use grammar checking websites for my editing.
Besides the spelling errors, this was a neat concept. I wish you could have elaborated a bit more on the characters, but it was decent for what it was.