The Great Devourer

by Grenazers

The Beast Arrive

Somewhere in the depth of space, there is a little orange planet similar to our own. On this planet the water almost covers the entire world, with the addition of a couple of continents and islands here and there. Like our planet, life began in the vast oceans where the tiniest of organism were born. After many generations, they finally grew legs and walked on land for the first time. From there their new life begins.

The creatures that emerged from the waters soon evolve into new beings. Some grew furs and became mammals, others grew scales and became reptiles, some even grew feathers and learn to fly, and there were many more new species that completes a balancing ecosystem.

Gives these creatures a million years and one of them might evolve to become the sole sentient specie of their planet.

Unfortunately, they wouldn't live long enough to have that experience.

Out in space, a large creature was heading towards their planet. The appearance of this being is strange, its shape resemble a long snake like body,but it's made up of black smoke. Besides that there was no other distinguishing characteristics shown on this creature.

The inhabitants looked up the sky and saw the giant monster breaching their atmosphere. It did not burn up in upon entry and was speeding towards the ground. Those near to see the invader, instinctively tried to escape from it, even though it was pointless by now.

The monster crashed hard onto the ground and when he did, his black smoke started to spread out, rapidly consuming everything in his path. In a matter of hours the entire planet was covered.

Once he was done, he retracted his body back to their point of origin. They left behind withered lands, dry seas, and skeletal remains of the planet's inhabitants. The beast has just devoured all life on this planet and it was still hungry.

The beast of smoke reform back to his serpent like shape and flew back into space. He has already plan his next destination. A planet where he has visited before, but was repelled back. This was the first time anybody ever fought back against him and succeeded.

The creature wanted to return back to that planet and claim what was denied from him.

---

Princess Luna violently woke up from slumber. Her face was sweating and she was repeatedly panting a lot. The door to her bedroom burst opened and two guards rushed in. Their eyes scanned the room, believing an intruder was in here. All they found was a distress looking dark blue alicorn.

“Princess Luna, are you alright?” Ask a concern looking guard.

Luna did not answer them right away,instead she gave herself a few second to compose herself. “No, sergeant, I am not all right. For he is coming back.”
“Who's he?” The other guard questioned.

“Call all my commanders, generals, and other officers and have them meet me in our war room.” Luna ordered.

The two guards looked at each other confusingly before closing the door. They wanted ask further questions, but knew that all will be explained later.

After the closed the door, Luna got out of her large bed and headed out on her balcony. The cool air of the night did little to relax the princess, but she did enjoyed its company. Looking up in the sky, her bright blue eyes gaze at the dark expanse of space. One would assume she was looking at the many twinkling stars that covers the night skies. But, in actuality she was looking at something far more grimmer.

Why technically she doesn't actually see him, she can however sense him. Somewhere out there in the deepness of space, he was coming. He was coming back to get back what was denied from him so long ago.

Luna was so lost in her thoughts that she lost track of time. Almost an hour has passed before a loud knock on the door broke her away from her thoughts. She reenter her room and opened the door with her magic. On the other side, the two guards from before were waiting for her.

“Princess Luna, everypony has been summon and are awaiting for you in the war room.”

“Very well, lead the way.” The two guards did as they were order and escorted their princess to the war room.

Inside a large room there was a round table with multiple chair surrounding it. On any other meetings all the seats would've been filled. But, tonight only half of them are occupy.

The war room has only Princess Luna and all of her batpony soldiers. Generals, Commanders, Colonels, Majors, and even some Captains. Luna have call only her most of loyal and trusted troops for this meeting.

“Greetings everypony, I like to thank you all for coming to this meeting.” She looked at all the ponies at sitting down on their chairs. “Now you may have already notice the lack other ponies in this room and you may have question about it.” All ears were trained on her now. “To answer that question, this is a mission only I can trust upon you to do. If my sister knew what my plan is, she'll do everything in her power to stop me.”

The last part caused a lot of them look at her confusingly, some felt uneasy about it, but refuse to blur out their opinions before hearing her out.

“Before I go ahead, does anypony want to leave and not take part. I will not reprimand any if you wish not to partake on what I am about to ask you guys to do.” She looked around and saw nopony leave.

“Good, then I'll continue.” Using her magic, she constructed a blank blue screen. “A couple of hours ago, I had a dream about a world being consume by a terrible beast.” The screen showed a black creature made of smoke, hitting a planet and spreading his smoke to the rest of the planet.”

“At first I thought it was just a simple dream, until I sense something dreaded coming from it. Then it hits me and I remembered who he was. That dream wasn't just a dream, it was a vision, a warning, messaging me about the return of the Great Devourer.”

“Excuse me, Princess.” One of the pony spoke. “What is this Great Devourer?”

“Yeah, I never heard anything about this thing?” Another pony spoke up.

“Well my little ponies the reason why you never had heard of this beast, is because it only happened once, a long time ago. This was before Equestria was created and our world was still new. My people, the alicorns were the first to achieve sentience and we watch your kind develop from above in our homes in the skies. For a time things were normal, but then he came, the Great Devourer.”

The image on the screen changes, showing the alicorns looking down at the three pony tribes from homes in the heavens. Then it changes to a lone alicorn looking to the sky.

“My father sensed something in the depth of space. He couldn't tell what it was, but he knew something was out there and it was getting closer.” The screen showed the same lone alicorn standing in front of a group of other alicorns. “He tried to explain it to the council, but without evidences, they didn't believe him.” Again the image change to the lone alicorn with another alicorn. “So with the help of my mother, they both found out what was coming towards them.”

The screen changes to the Great Devourer with several black smoke covered planets around him. “They both learned that the Great Devourer is a cosmic being. It travels through vast expanses of space. He targets planets with life on them and consumes them all, leaving a lifeless planet behind to move onto the next one.”

The screen then shows the same two alicorns looking up and seeing the Great Devourer in the sky. “With no time to spare, my parents prepared themselves for the cosmic beast's arrival. When the Devourer breached the atmosphere, my parents joined their magic and defeated the beast.”

“Defeated, but not destroyed. The cosmic being turns out to be more powerful then they though. Even with their combine powers, they only managed to repel beast back. The Devourer left our world to find more easier worlds to consume.”

Luna ended her spell and the screen construct disappeared. “That was a million years ago since the Devourer tried to consume all life on our world. Now he is coming back to finish what he started.”

Everypony remained silent after their princess was finish. Most were overwhelmed by this new information, but they all stay calmed and quiet about it.

“Princess Luna, if this creature is that dangerous, then shouldn't we inform your sister and the other commanders about this?” One pony questioned.

Luna shook her head. “No, Colonel Star Power, in order for this plan to work my sister cannot know what I am about to do. If she knew, then she'll try everything to stop me.”

This surprise all the ponies in the room. “Princess Luna, why would your sister want to stop you from saving our world?” Another pony questioned.

“Because what I am attempting to do would put me at great risk.” All their eyes widen at this. “There is an artifact that will give me great power, granting the powers to slay this cosmic being. My parents couldn't kill him back then, now It looks like I'll have to finish the task for them.”

“Where is this artifact, Princess Luna?”

Luna took out a map and showed it to the stallion.

“B-but, this is in the Griffon Kingdom.” The stallion pointed out. “We're not allow there, those griffons declare it to be sacred grounds. Going there will be a direct violation of our treaty”

“That is why you're not going to be seen.” She responded. “Captain Dusk Storm I want you to lead a small team and retrieve the artifact without being spotted. Can you do that?”

Captain Storm looked Luna, straight in the eye and nodded. “Yes your majesty, it shall be done.” He then got up from his chair and trotted out the large metal door.

“Captain Storm!” Luna shouted, stopping the stallion in his track. “You must perform your task quickly, before the Devourer arrive.” He gave one last nod before closing the door.

“Well since Captain Storm is doing that, what's the rest of us suppose to do?” A pony asked.

“You shall accompany me when the Great Devour arrive.” Luna answered.

“So we can help you fight against him?”

“No, so that you can kill me.”

Her response shock everypony in the room. “Kill you! But, Princess Luna, why would you ask us of this?”

“Calm down everyone, this is just a precaution.” She look around and saw all the ponies calming down, but still have the look of shock on their faces. “Remember what I said early about putting me at risk?” Everypony nodded, remembering that part from earlier.

“This artifact, while gives the user immense power, it also corrupts them as well. Their minds will be altered, turning them into a monster.” Luna gave a deadly serious look to all her soldiers. “I plan to use the artifact against the Devourer and if I succeed, there is a chance that I might not be the same. If I am acting violently, then I want you all to slay me before I get out of control. Can I trust you all do that?”

Once again Luna looked at each one of them, suspecting to hearing an objection from them. Surprisingly, none have any. They all understood the situation and will do as she requested. The Princess ended the meeting, sending everyone back to their homes/barracks. They are to prepare for the coming day and await for her command.

A couple of days has passed and the Great Devourer is about to arrive. Out in an open field, an army of batponies stood behind their Princess of the Night. The sun was setting, proclaiming the end of the day and the beginning of the night. Luna was looking straight up to the sky, already she can sense the approach cosmic being.

She was holding a dusty looking light blue helmet in her right hoof. Captain Dusk Storm has completed his mission with no problem. He is now standing among the many assembled soldiers behind her.

When Luna touched the old helmet, she can feel the dark magic within it. Despite the danger it posses, she was determined to use its power against the Devourer. If her sister was here, she would have go against her plan and chose the option to either imprison or repel the beast. Her sister Celestia, values all life, even the most heinous of criminals and monsters.

While she found this trait admirable, Luna also think it is a bit naive. She believed that while there are times to show mercy to your enemies, there are also time when you must take a life for the benefit of the world. This is one of those times.

Up in the sky, the Great Devourer breach through the atmosphere. By now the beast can be visibly seen by the ponies below. They watch in both terror and fascination as the smoky creature drew closer and closer.

Not wasting any time, Luna put the ancient helmet on her head. Upon doing this her eyes glowed a brightly white light. Already she can feel the dark magic in the helmet coursing throughout her body. She feels her magic increasing to the point of being overwhelming. She has the sudden urge to unleash all the pent-up magic within herself. With a strong will she kept herself from releasing the power building inside her, but barely. She needed to get rid of this at once.

Suddenly she remembered what she here for and look straight up. The Great Devourer was getting nearer, three yellow lights emerge from the beast's face. Two small eyes and a big gaping mouth.

Luna immediately took flight and charge at the cosmic being. Her horn was glowing brightly as she charged up her spell. Bits of magic were leaking out as she can't contain the powerful magic anymore. When she got near to the Devourer's face, she finally unleash all the magic inside her.

The magical blast shot out of her horn and entered the beast's mouth. The raw magical power went through his entire body. The yellow lights in his eyes and mouth turned to a bright blue. Small patches of hole started popping around his body with blue lights piercing through. It started out one by one, until it started going rapidly. Soon the Great Devourer was cover in holes of blue light, before exploding, releasing all the magic inside.

Witnessing the cosmic being's death, everypony all wanted to celebrate their Princess's victory, but they knew what was coming next.

Luna landed gracefully back onto the ground, her eyes still glowing white. Her army surrounded her, preparing to strike if she happens to attack. None approach her, fearing that they'll meet their demise. One guard, however, took the risk and trotted up the motionless alicorn.

“Princess Luna, are you alright?” The mare asked her.

In response the blue helmet she was wearing crumbled to dust and her eyes returned back to normal. Luna fell on her knees, causing the mare to jump back.

“It is alright, Sergeant. I am not going to harm you.” Luna said in very weak voice.
“Hey everypony she alright!” The mare shouted to the rest of the army, making them lower their weapons. A few ponies gallop to their princess, bringing medics with them.

She saw them coming and wave her hoof. “That won't be necessary, guards. I am not injured, just exhausted.” Luna got up and stood straight.

“Thank the goodness you are alright!” One pony said.

“Agreed, it would have been a tragedy to take your life.”

“Did you beat back the corruption when you put on that helmet?”

When she heard this, she smiled. “Not exactly Captain Hardpoint, I did felt the helmet trying to corrupt me, but thankfully I shot out all the power inside me, especially the dark magic ones. This rid me of the corruption and drain the helmet of its power.”

“Wait, if you could do that, then why did you need us then?” Another ponies asked.

“Like I said Lieutenant, precaution.” She answered. “I didn't know if I could completely rid myself of the corruption. I needed you here to make sure I don't go on a bloody rampage.”

“Well the important thing your majesty, is that the Great Devourer is dead and we didn't have to lose a princess in the process.”

“Agreed, Captain. Now how about we all go back to the castle, a celebration is in order for this special occasion.” Luna suggested.

All the ponies around her nodded their heads and announce it to the rest of army. The mass of batponies gather up their equipment and flew back to their home. Luna followed after them, flying peacefully in the night sky. Unaware of the thing still inside her.

Princess Luna did not get rid of all the corruption in her body, for there was tiny bit of dark magic left in her. It was very faint and weak, but this did not matter to it.

It will grow in time. For now it will subtly alter her mind, making her follow down a dark and dangerous path.

A path that would lead to her own downfall.

A path that would lead to her madness.

A path that would lead to her transformation into a monstrous mare.

Nightmare Moon.

Comments

[Kuairu]

Grammar and pacing errors aside, this story could have been better if it was expanded. You have the right idea, and an interesting, but stale one at that, but the entire thing felt rushed, as if this was a story you forced yourself to complete. It's most evident at the end, when you were skipping valid conversations for just a quick relief act and unsubtle foreshadowing.

Again, good idea, if a bit stale and over used, but the execution felt not at all lively or natural, just forced.

[Grenazers]

4849943

Yeah I think get what your saying, when ever I write something I tend to just get to the point and none of that stuff in between. It's kinda basically how I read other people's stories. I'll be sure to remember your advice though.

P.S. Not sure what I can do about my grammar. I just use grammar checking websites for my editing.

[libertydude]

Besides the spelling errors, this was a neat concept. I wish you could have elaborated a bit more on the characters, but it was decent for what it was.