Lost

by Holy

Lost

The wind howled through the valley and a heavy blanket of snow fell in all directions. Rainbow Dash shivered through every step, careful to see where she planted her hooves. Nothing but white specks clouded her vision, leaving her visibility down to a few feet. The intense cold of the coming blizzard stung against her exposed coat, and even started to nip through the jacket covering her head and torso.

"Twilight! Fluttershy!" she shouted, but no answer came. Rainbow stopped to look around, hoping one of her friends would come to her through the blanket of harsh snow. The onslaught made her flinch every time she looked directly into it, keeping her from surveying the land around her.

"Pinkie Pie!" Rainbow tried to take flight, but the wind was stronger than what effort she could pour into her stiff wings, forcing her to the ground again.

"Ow..." Rainbow casted a worried look towards her wings. The joints ached and the feathers burned from being exposed directly to the cold. She extended one wing to try to stretch it out, but only succeeded in letting some of the warmth under it escape. She quickly snapped it back to her side and winced as it settled into the fresh build-up of snow on her jacket.

She turned her head to get a look at her wings. Her heart picked up its pace when she noticed it was starting to look a little darker blue. The numb feeling in certain area's scared her enough to reconsider having them out in the elements.

Rainbow Dash pulled her jacket up enough to squeeze her wings through the holes and somewhat into the safety of the warm fabric. She sat back on her haunches and pulled it down with her hooves again.

A burst of wind almost knocked her off-balance, forcing her a few steps to her left. She grimaced at the feeling of the cold air rushing through the wing-hole at her side. She silently wished she'd asked Rarity just to not cut them out.

A sound echoed through the veil of snow, demanding Rainbow's attention. She jerked in the direction of the call, desperately searching for one of her friends' figures. "Rarity? Applejack? Is that you?"

Through the snow came a couple of sharp barks, then the figure of a dog ran up to her. Rainbow let out a disappointed sigh. "Oh, it's just you, Winona."

Rainbow looked back out into the snow, hoping Applejack would be close by, but after a couple of moments passed, she knew that wasn't the case.

"Oh... Where is everypony?" Rainbow couldn't help but let the worry build up inside of her. She told her friends the weather was turning bad, but they had some adventure to be on. Rainbow rolled her eyes. She couldn't even remember what they were out here for. Whatever it was, it wasn't worth losing her friends out here.

Despite the cold making her want to slow down and give up, Rainbow stood tall, determined not to let some snowstorm get the best of her. She looked down to the dog at her side.

"Winona. Applejack, find Applejack."

Winona barked and in an instant was off. Rainbow kept right behind her as close as she could manage. Winona would stop every couple of steps and wait for Rainbow Dash to catch up with her. Rainbow didn't know how in Equestria that dog knew where to go, but didn't question her one hope at the moment.

After a couple dozen yards, Winona started to slow down, only keeping a few feet in front of Rainbow Dash. Still the dog soldiered on, a direct goal in her sight. Rainbow looked down at Applejack's pet, confused to see her not even shaking.

"Ugh, how are you not freezing?" Rainbow asked. Winona only kept marching on.

It was almost funny, seeing a dog in one of Rarity's brown fur coats--the same one she had on, albeit bigger. Rainbow would've made a joke if Rarity was here, and that thought only made her miss her friends more.

She had no idea when she had gotten split up from her friends. It could've been hours ago by this point. Rainbow knew she was tough enough to weather the storm, but she had her doubts about her friends. She just wanted to get out of here and go home. A nap on a cloud in the summer sun sounded like the best thing in the world to her.

The thought of her friends freezing to death made panic build up inside Rainbow. "Twilight!" she yelled out with as much as she could spare. She waited for a response, but the only sound was the snow crunching beneath her hooves, and the howl of wind through the valley.

"No no no no no..." Rainbow said nervously. Her anxiety was starting to get to her, making the panic overcome her logic.

"Winona, we've got to hurry." Winona let out a bark and picked up her pace again. Rainbow started a light trot to keep up behind her. The wind and having to trek through the snow made a light trot almost as hard as sprinting for Rainbow. Her muscles grew weaker with every step.

The thought dawned on Rainbow that if she didn't find her friends soon she might actually die out here. Rainbow let out a soft whine at the thought. As the numbness spread up through her hooves, the thought quickly became more and more of a reality.

Winona stopped in front of her and began barking at something in the snow. Rainbow walked up to inspect it. Her face brightened up when she saw a set of hoof-prints in the snow leading off into the distance. A smile grew on her face and she broke out in to a gallop to follow them. "Finally! Now we can get o--" Rainbow stopped dead in her tracks when she looked down to her right. A much smaller set of prints dotted the snow as well.

"W-What? N-No! That's impossible!" Rainbow Dash fell to her haunches in disbelief. They had been going in circles.

Winona walked up under Rainbow's front leg and tried to snuggle up next to her. She let out a few soft whines and looked up to Rainbow Dash. Winona felt like a brick of ice up under her. Rainbow could feel her little form shaking violently from the cold; Rainbow wasn't fairing much better herself.

Rainbow kept one hoof over Winona and brought the other one up to her face. The edges of her hoof were almost black, and all the feeling she had in them were gone now. "No... not like this." Rainbow felt like crying, but held back her tears. She had to save her friends from this storm, and she wasn't getting anywhere like this.

"Hold on, Winona." Rainbow gripped the dog against her belly and slid her wings back through the holes in her jacket. With as much strength as she could muster, she flapped her way into the sky again.

Fighting against this kind of wind was one of the hardest things she'd ever done, especially with how weak she felt. Every flap drained the rest of her energy out of her, but sheer determination kept her fighting through it.

The only way Rainbow knew she'd find her friends was from the sky. Rainbow fought against the snow assaulting her from all sides and desperately searched the ground for anything.

Rainbow turned around a few times before finally making out a figure that was different from the snow. Her face brightened up again and she opened her mouth to yell out.

Before she could, the wind slammed against her again. It was more than her tired wings could handle. Trying to fight against the sudden gust made both of her wings cramp up to her sides, causing her to plummet back to the earth.

Rainbow yelled as she fell out of the sky. She closed her eyes tightly, bracing for an impact she couldn't avoid.

She hit the snow on her back, trying to keep Winona safe. The initial impact drove all of the air out of her lungs and flipped her through the snow a few times.

Rainbow finally slid to a stop, dazed and exhausted. For a few moments she just sat there, struggling to breath in the cold air. Her body felt a hundred times heavier than it actually was.

Winona came up to her barking. She tried for a few moments to rally Rainbow to her feet, but Rainbow didn't budge. Applejack's dog sat back on her haunches and whined at Rainbow, occasionally licking her face to try to get her to wake up.

Rainbow felt too hazed to do anything. The warm sweat she had built up from overexerting herself in that flight was starting to freeze inside of her jacket. A small part of her yelled to get up, that this was her last chance to get out of here.

Rainbow struggled to get up to her hooves. After several agonizing moments of yelps and groans, Rainbow finally stood up. "Okay... let's--"

As soon as Rainbow tried to take a step forward, all of her muscles failed her. She face-planted back into the snow, unable to even try to move her limbs. Her wings laid out in the snow beside her, and Rainbow went limp.

"Win-Winona... get... help..."

Winona barked a few times, then quickly complied, running off into the snow. Rainbow's breath was short and ragged. She put the last of her dwindling energy into trying to breath, but it felt like something was weighing down on her lungs, making every gasp of air less than the last.

The numbness in her limbs began spreading at the joints, and soon Rainbow struggled to even keep her eyes open. The shivering that plagued Rainbow ever since the blizzard had started finally stopped, helping her to relax.

Rainbow couldn't hold out any longer. The urge to sleep was too strong. Her eyelids felt heavy, and breathing was too much effort to sustain anymore. Rainbow finally let go and stopped trying to heave in breath. The steady rise and fall of her chest stopped, and her body finally relaxed.

As her eyelids slid down, the last thing Rainbow saw was that harsh, unforgiving wall of snow.

Comments

[electreXcessive]

Hm... Well, this certainly was an intriguing piece. It felt a little rushed, and I don't know if I was that emotionally effected by it due to that. It does make me curious about the situation and the events that led up to it. What was going through all of their heads when they first encountered the storm. That being said, there's just something terrifying about being lost to the elements like that, trapped by a force you have no hope of fighting against. I've only seen snow once, and I did not particularly enjoy it.

[RoMS]

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors.

Name of Story: Lost

Grammar score out of 10: 9 out of 10.
I haven't seen any mistakes, thought at some point I'd have used a different set of words that would have, in my opinion, make some sentences flow better.

Pros:
1. It does the job getting an idea of what it feels like to be trapped in the nether of the Great White, which I experienced (I'll come back later to this in the notes).
2. It's rather well written and easy to read, which I liked.
3. Somehow I think that Winona is just Rainbow Dash hallucinating in such a way she can still keep some hope about being saved.

Cons:
1. I think it could have been more dramatic (but maybe am I just heartless ^^")
2. Maybe could have it been longer to intensify the sadness and helplessness.

Notes Section:
Talking about déjà-vu or experience, I've been trapped in a blizzard on a ridge between France and Italy in the Alps when I was 17 y/o. I went skiing alone and went up one of the highest place I could go where I could ski "safely". During the time I was going up the mountain, high winds started blowing hard but because it was coming from behind the mountain it was still manageable. At one point I finally reached the ridge and put on my ski to begin going down a large trail that (I found later) had been closed to public due to the high wind. After I put on my equipment, I went down the trail for probably half a mile or more before the wind became too powerful to go down with my skis (the wind was pushing me backward). At that point, I understood my mistake. I had gone to the ridge without facial protection (I still had a head protection that protected the top of my head and my ears, though badly). It was painful. The cold is like having needles constantly picking in and out the skin and I was trying to rip off the ice or skin with my nails just to diminish the sensation of frostbite. And I couldn't see any further than ten, maybe twelve meters. In those situation, the brain (maybe just my brain) kinda shut down. You just want to GO DOWN. To explain how that "shutdown" can be so powerful, I walked by a man who was in charge of checking on the trail (he didn't saw me, probably because he wasn't looking in my direction). At that point he was literally battling against the wind to put back together some pieces of the ridge protection that stopped the people from falling off the ridge if a crosswind occur. And I just walked by because "he was busy and I shouldn't bother him". That's how the brain shut down. Then it's so cold you can't breath through the nose, it hurts teeth, tongue and throat to breath through the mouth. Your tears freeze instantly on the cheeks and the constant blowing winds deprived from one's sense. It's horrible.

I finally went to the end of the ridge trail which allowed me to take a descent path that led me back to where I was staying (to do 1 miles or 2, I had spent 2h on the top of that mountain). At the end I couldn't feel my hands or my face. I wasn't hurt though, which was a kind of miracle. My hand were a bit blue but not violet. So was my nose. the day after I couldn't put water on my face and going in a shower, cold or hot was a torture. After that, the sin on the face, fingers and nose... it's like artichokes. You peel it away.

After that I met the guy I had seen on top of the ridge and asked him about me. In spite that I had been maybe at ten or twenty meters from his position, he had seen nobody.

Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story/ this story: The Tombstones And The Barbed Wires

[Snuggly]

Fingers crossed for bestiality scene

[Starlight Nova]

This needs a tragedy tag.

[Mintisity]

So good! I'd very much like to see a sequel to this when they find her body! This was very sad though, poor Winona. But besides that it's a very good read and I love it!

[Mares-a-Mares]

Her loyalty always keeps her going till death. Poor RD.

If RD didn't survive the blizzard, did any of the others?

[ninjanaut1000]

4849483 i agree

[DrEggnog]

It's not so much a full story as it is a scene, but that's what made it so cool. I don't need to know if Rainbow's friends were out there or why they were out there or where they were or if they died. I just know that Rainbow was unable to save them, or herself, and that's enough to leave an impact.