• Member Since 16th Jun, 2012
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Holy


What a beautiful Sunset.

Comments ( 9 )

Hm... Well, this certainly was an intriguing piece. It felt a little rushed, and I don't know if I was that emotionally effected by it due to that. It does make me curious about the situation and the events that led up to it. What was going through all of their heads when they first encountered the storm. That being said, there's just something terrifying about being lost to the elements like that, trapped by a force you have no hope of fighting against. I've only seen snow once, and I did not particularly enjoy it.

RoMS #2 · Aug 12th, 2014 · · 1 ·

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors.

Name of Story: Lost

Grammar score out of 10: 9 out of 10.
I haven't seen any mistakes, thought at some point I'd have used a different set of words that would have, in my opinion, make some sentences flow better.

Pros:
1. It does the job getting an idea of what it feels like to be trapped in the nether of the Great White, which I experienced (I'll come back later to this in the notes).
2. It's rather well written and easy to read, which I liked.
3. Somehow I think that Winona is just Rainbow Dash hallucinating in such a way she can still keep some hope about being saved.

Cons:
1. I think it could have been more dramatic (but maybe am I just heartless ^^")
2. Maybe could have it been longer to intensify the sadness and helplessness.

Notes Section:
Talking about déjà-vu or experience, I've been trapped in a blizzard on a ridge between France and Italy in the Alps when I was 17 y/o. I went skiing alone and went up one of the highest place I could go where I could ski "safely". During the time I was going up the mountain, high winds started blowing hard but because it was coming from behind the mountain it was still manageable. At one point I finally reached the ridge and put on my ski to begin going down a large trail that (I found later) had been closed to public due to the high wind. After I put on my equipment, I went down the trail for probably half a mile or more before the wind became too powerful to go down with my skis (the wind was pushing me backward). At that point, I understood my mistake. I had gone to the ridge without facial protection (I still had a head protection that protected the top of my head and my ears, though badly). It was painful. The cold is like having needles constantly picking in and out the skin and I was trying to rip off the ice or skin with my nails just to diminish the sensation of frostbite. And I couldn't see any further than ten, maybe twelve meters. In those situation, the brain (maybe just my brain) kinda shut down. You just want to GO DOWN. To explain how that "shutdown" can be so powerful, I walked by a man who was in charge of checking on the trail (he didn't saw me, probably because he wasn't looking in my direction). At that point he was literally battling against the wind to put back together some pieces of the ridge protection that stopped the people from falling off the ridge if a crosswind occur. And I just walked by because "he was busy and I shouldn't bother him". That's how the brain shut down. Then it's so cold you can't breath through the nose, it hurts teeth, tongue and throat to breath through the mouth. Your tears freeze instantly on the cheeks and the constant blowing winds deprived from one's sense. It's horrible.

I finally went to the end of the ridge trail which allowed me to take a descent path that led me back to where I was staying (to do 1 miles or 2, I had spent 2h on the top of that mountain). At the end I couldn't feel my hands or my face. I wasn't hurt though, which was a kind of miracle. My hand were a bit blue but not violet. So was my nose. the day after I couldn't put water on my face and going in a shower, cold or hot was a torture. After that, the sin on the face, fingers and nose... it's like artichokes. You peel it away.

After that I met the guy I had seen on top of the ridge and asked him about me. In spite that I had been maybe at ten or twenty meters from his position, he had seen nobody.


Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story/ this story: The Tombstones And The Barbed Wires

Fingers crossed for bestiality scene :twistnerd:

This needs a tragedy tag.

So good! I'd very much like to see a sequel to this when they find her body! :twilightsmile: This was very sad though, poor Winona. :applecry: But besides that it's a very good read and I love it! :rainbowkiss:

Her loyalty always keeps her going till death. Poor RD. :ajsleepy:

If RD didn't survive the blizzard, did any of the others?

It's not so much a full story as it is a scene, but that's what made it so cool. I don't need to know if Rainbow's friends were out there or why they were out there or where they were or if they died. I just know that Rainbow was unable to save them, or herself, and that's enough to leave an impact.

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