Yes, it's my last Scootaloo heavy fic. This is my version of her backstory. This is for those military bronies and pegasisters who are a long way from home protecting their families. Now with a new final, final chapter.
Chapters (7)
silverthorn
Joined 24th Jul, 2014 ·
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I like the concept. It's well thought out, and looks like it can go many places. I'm curious to see if anything happens next.
Good job!
Thanks, I liked the idea of playing with the 'Scootaloo has no parents/is an orphan' cliche'. This seemed like a good idea.
I'm working on Chapter 2 at the moment. It should be up at some point today.
Intersting start and I might continue reading.
This story could realy use cover art though (I might be able to find some if you want)
If you can find something suitable I would be thankful.
Fostering is more complicated? Maybe.
Sometimes I wonder if fostering needs only the word of a Princess.
And very endearing, alternative take to the whole Scoots = orphan premise.
Oh awesome, I see how you've worked it into Canon!
I didn't expect that.
This is looking to be (or already is) a real good story!
Thank you, I'm just hoping I haven't screwed the times up. The original plan was to have each chapter start with X YEARS AGO, counting up to the next, final chapter (or possibly next couple of chapters) but I got a little hung up on if the dates worked out. All I know for certain is that the next chapter is set after season 3 (also known as after any episodes I've seen).
Swift is an awesome mom. I want her to show up for bring your parent to school day so Scootaloo can say, "My mom is so awesome she saved me from an abusive home, adopted me, fought a giant griffin and lived, became a Royal Guard, and is now the head of an elite Pegasi unit!!!" And Celestia help Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon if Swift sees them tormenting her daughter.
i liked this story and please make a sequel for this story
Lol that last part was funny.
keep it up 
So we do get to see Swift scaring DT and SS at Bring Your Parent to Work day, right????? I love how Swift is looking out for Scootaloo by ensuring Rainbow is the right pony to be her big sister. I can totally see all three of them soaring through the clouds above Ponyville together.
An amazing story! Keep up the good work!
Thanks, folks. When I had the idea that the reason why Scoot's parents are never seen, the idea the his mother was in the military led to a few other ideas. I'll no doubt do the Bring Your Parents to School day story first (especially since I have a special hatred for Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon) but I'll probably do a Fluttershy/Rarity fic first since they've been notable by their absence in the two stories I've done so far. I can either wait for season 4 to air in the UK (whenever the heck that is) or just decide 'what the heck, it's a alternate universe).
A one-shot story which is effectively the equivalent of the mid end-credits scene in a Marevel movie is up for approval so it hopefully will go up soon,
Ok. So I decided to give this a gander after remarking on the related one-shot... And I have to say, you do show a consistent pattern here. Both stories suggest actions by military personnel that are a sharp contrast with what would be normally expected out of them... And what`s much more grating - actions that would have them, at the very least, dishonorably discharged from service, if not standing court martial.
...Oh, and let`s not forget that the events described in this chapter are not just ill-conceived, they're also criminally negligent. A squad of military kidnapping a person of interest to the state as a test of character? If any princess had signed off on that, they would be put on the moon. If it was done without notifying any princesses? It`s high treason, for crying out loud.
What if Dash drowned in her own saliva (yes, it's a distinct danger when chloroform is in use)? What if Dash critically injured, maimed or flat-out killed some of the "attackers" prior to the ruse being uncovered (yes, she was fully entitled to do any of that with impunity, as self-defence)? What if that action caused Dash to distrust the military, and ultimately defect (because, damnit, you don't attack your own subjects you sworn loyalty to, regardless of how noble your intentions are)?
Look... I understand where you're coming from. Military deserves respect. But damn it, think it over first. Then do some research. Then think it over again. Because as far as things are right now, what you wrote is a disgraceful slander against every honest soldier. Being in army means doing things by the book, regardless of how much you may want to go nuts on people. It does not matter how good your intentions are, how much they deserve it, or how convenient it would be. When you are a soldier, you stay loyal - to the flag, to the command and to the law. No matter how personally painful it can be.
I came across the sequel to this story first, but decided to read this one first. Scootaloo is one of my fav filly ponies, as are sweetie belle and silver spoon. I hope when I read the sequel after this that diamond tiara gets what she deserves, but silver gets off easier. lol
Chapter Five is getting a big rewrite (Cytotoxin made a lot of valid points). I'll probably keep the old chapter five on site but the official chapter five is going to be less black ops operation inside Equestria and more about Dash meeting Scoot's mom.
Looks interesting so far...
Brass Flanks. That's a funny name.
By the point I had to figure out that name I was getting so stuck for decent sounding pony names I was getting desperate (hence the low quality of some of the names).
Yes, I know it's much more difficult to foster someone but hey, it's talking ponies. Realism has the day off.
Really I thought it had years off.
Hmmm, maybe now that she has her Cutie Mark, Scootaloo's magic will start working so she can take to the skies.
“He forgot that big tough guard ponies like me wear metal helmets."
I should be me, and don't forget to slip that period inside the quote. You actually do that backwards several times in this chapter. Punctuation goes inside the quotes at all times, except for one very rare, very specific exception that I can't recall off the top of my head but would recognize when I saw it.
Just delete the period at the end there. You don't need it; you already have a question mark to close the sentence.
“The so–" She winced. “The pony who hurt you."
Corrected, assuming "The so" was intended to be "The son of a something" but got cut off.
So yeah. Needs punctuation work. Otherwise, a nice start to a story. I'll read more of it.
Fostered. She wasn't adopted for two more years, so she'd be at least three. Maybe foals can talk at a year old. It's another universe, so I'll give you that one even if I would give it a few more years.
Aside from a few missing commas, mainly the same punctuation issue. At least you're consistent about it; that makes it easier to fix. Ctrl+F can find every ". easily.
Quiet.
Scoots' mother. You don't double the s when making something that already ends with an s into a possessive.
You have this exchange two times in this chapter. Pick one to keep, and do something different with the other.
Cracking up now.
Capitalize titles.
I work with signals, so UHF means ultra high frequency. Anything else is a terrible pony pun.
I make no apologies for the UHF joke (since I needed to slightly cover up for the "I feel a disturbance in the force" line).