Hey, there! My name's Cyber System. My main focus for stories are rarely touched topics or just ideas that came to me. Not much to say other than that.
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Cyber System, a unicorn with no magic but lots of potential and a scientific mind, along with his friends, none of them fit in but all of them get along. They set off on a quest to find Canterlot so Princess Celestia may show all of Equestria that misfits can fit in as much as everypony else. Soon they come across Ponyville where they meet new friends, enemies, and misfits.
(Not a self-insert)
Polite criticism accepted. Cover art by DPJacksAniBrony
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A decent start so far. You get a good general feel for the main characters quite quickly. Just a couple of questions.
Firstly, why do these ponies not know where Canterlot is?
It's the capital of what we believe to be the largest nation, and it's on the largest mountain in the nation. Hard to miss, you should add some sort of explanation there.
And secondly, Cadence, canon has all but confirmed she is several years older than Twilight, and I doubt anypony would say her age is 'unknown'.
Other than that and a couple spelling/grammatical error, I approve. Have a like.
4776378
Well, as best as I can explain, they are only wandering around equestria aimlessly, so if they were to find canterlot it would be by chance.
Also I was looking for candence's specific age, though I can see that being confusing, I will fix that.
My first criticism,
This is possibility the best written and longest run-on sentence I have ever read. A good proof reader could help you divide and conquer this.
My second criticism is just basic conversation structure. You have to indicate who is talking with each change of speaker. You could get away with not stating who is speaking if the conversation is only between two people/ponies/creatures. Adding more people into a conversation without stating who is talking at that specific moment will just confuse your readers.
Other then that it's a good start to a story, but you should really get a proof reader to clean up spelling and capitalization.
One last, last thing when describing a new character it's usually a good idea to state their name then write their description. It usually helps to make the story flow better if you're a new writer.
4776474
On it, fixing now, thanks, I tend to make run-ons from time to time.
4776452 Okay, cool. Just remember, we've seen Cadence as a filly with Twilight, so she isn't much older than her. In my personal headcanon she's an 'artificial alicorn' an alicorn that ascended like Twilight, whereas Celestia and Luna are 'natural alicorns' being born as them. I look forward to the next chapter.
That sudden stinging feeling you get when someone dislikes your story, I just had it.
Oh well, can't impress everyone.
Rather, you spell it rathar quite a few times.
4867965
Oops, thanks for pointing that out, I'll get that fixed.
NEED MORE NOW!!!!!!!!!!
4868219
Ask and ye shall recieve
I can probably draw a cover!
4890733 be my guest, I'm excited to see
My only problem: descriptions. You never say any mane styles, though with Fang's backstory one would picture him with long, shaggy hair(who would bring a hairbrush to a desert island?), nor do you provide an eye color for Dusty or Fang.
4896024 let me see...
I'm pretty sure I mentioned in chapter one that Cyber's mane was turquoise, and he had yellow eyes, Mixy's mane is jade green and her eyes are serpentine shaped and yellow-green, Dusty and Fang's manes were brown and black respectively (or at least a darker shade of their coat)
As for unexplained details, Cyber's mane would be short (long hair is a safety hazard in labs). Mixy's mane style can change (being part changeling) but I'd say she normally sticks with pretty much the same style of background ponies (if there is a generic style). Fang and Dusty's manes are both shaggy, but Fang's is longer and Dusty's looks like his best styling method is matting it dow with his hoof, since it can get hard to keep a well styled mane when you're digging a lot. Also Fang's eyes are blood red and Dusty's are beige, or brown, whatever looks best.
Hope these help, anything else you need to know just ask.
You wrot breath instead of breathe a coulpe times, and once Luna's name lacked capitalization
4915884 alright, I'll get those fixed.
Dude, you have a problem with exposition.
4938837 what do you mean? What's wrong with it?
you sir, have my attention, and it's Carnivorous
4938902 thanks for that, I'll fix it.
Hope you enjoy.
I still can't believe this story has so few likes
4939340 it could either be because I'm still a new author, or that it isn't on the main page long enough for very many people to see it, combined with the lack of cover art to catch people's attention and that it's only in three groups...
Yeah, probably the latter
... I never did color in that ferret.
Why am I such a Misfit?
I am not just a Nitwit!
You can't fire me, I QUIT!
Where do I fit in?
4970734
Nice, makes me almost wish I could put that in the story somehow.
Thanks for the fav, follow, and like btw
4970792 I haven't even read it yet!! I'll wait for the whole story to be published first.
4970792 Derpy's about to get fired from the post office for her incompetence. She sings this song and then quits.
4970798 that may take a while, I still have to finish the second arc and start on the third arc.
But whatever floats your boat, you can read the story any way you want.
4970792 It was from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
4970831 I know.
Fun fact: that song was actually the inspiration for the name 'The Misfits'
4970836 I thought that at first, but you didn't reply with the second verse, so I dismissed that thought.
4970847 that's because I watched it so long ago and that is the only verse I remember.
4970853 Me too, but I thought you would Google it or something.
4970855 it's iconic though, (man, this brings back memories)
Anyway I hope you enjoy reading once it's finished.
Three dislikes!?
Seriously if you have a problem with the story PLEASE let me know.
4976340 Dude I haven't started reading yet but 26 likes to 3 dislikes is a really good ratio, you probably have nothing major to worry about.
4989077 oh.
well no dislikes are better than three, but you're right, hope you enjoy
THIS IS AMAZING YOU ARE AWESOME ALL HAIL CYBER SYSTEM
You misspelled automaton. Otherwise, I like the little trip down Moonlight's Memory Lane.
4995860 d'oh! Thanks for that, I'll fix it
Also, realm.
4998617 fixing now.
Also I'll try to use my dictionary more often.
4998961 thx
You take OCs as Misfits? Question: Can I propose my own misfit?! If yes, I'll write you a detailed PM describing why is he/she a misfit and a little backstory!
5000729 well, I wasn't plannining to but alright I could use some practice with character interaction. (Though I will have a limit as to how many OCs I will put in)
Finally! Forgive me if I withhold my enthusiasm but YEAH! My Misfit OC is here! Thank you so much!
Also, it's 'Shriek' not 'Shreak'!
5015241 no problem and thanks for that correction
so... even though they plan on staying on their island the Predators have declared that the famine is over? what about after the food supplies given by Equestria run out? don' they need to move to the mainland to fix their problem?
5027190 not all of the predators will be staying, some will leave to the mainland to continue supplying food.
That just wasn't explained until the next chapter
I would pay to see a silly scene with Zecora! Also it's 'Thief' not Theif' and this time the URL didn't work!