Ten years have passed since the sorrowful day when the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony disappeared. The last seven have passed in civil warfare. Discord controls the minds of almost every unicorn in Equestria, and they have formed their own nation: Utopia. Equestria fights to survive, but it's a losing struggle. The Elements of Laughter and Generosity possessed by Equestria can barely stand against the near constant onslaughts by the Element of Magic, and cities are being destroyed as often as they are taken. The Elements of Loyalty, Honesty and Kindness are lost beyond the borders of Equestria. All seems hopeless.
Then, the Bearers return.
Set ten years after the events of Season 2, from which point the story diverges.
Chapters (11)
Interesting idea so far. There's some clear head canon with the Mane Six's ages - (Lauren Faust has confirmed the Mane Six are in their 20s), but that's not a problem. Looking forward to seeing more
I wonder... Do they have their Cutie marks in this story? The CMC I mean.
5018570
Good question. You'll just have to wait and see.
Transformation!
How's the extra strain of an illusion spell going to help lift an unconscious pony? Oh right, thespian.
5022489
Who said anything about an illusion spell?
Well, helmets on...
Missing letter "t" on thought.
Missing quotation mark before "how old."
Missing word. "than they had" (I believe...
)
That's all I spotted. Interesting so far, and I loved the bit at the end with the nose goes. For some reason I keep imagining them in the uniforms from Attack on Titan.
Another round... LOCK AND LOAD!
Should probably be "to Scootaloo."
I be warnin' ya now mon, the dreaded Self-Insert be a fickle gamble.
Let's see how this one plays.
Isn't it "paradise" or am I wrong?
Again the ending was priceless.
5048527
Yay! Feedback and editing! Thanks for catching those.
As for the self-insert, I'm just going to have to make sure that I give him enough character flaws to make him believable. I think his sarcasm and rudeness should be a good start.
WE'RE DOING THIS LIVE!
One trip to the future and she can say she's tasted (a small portion of) the Rainbow. *badum tish*
Ok... serious time.
I think there was a glitch here.
No errors, it just needs some rearranging.
*Serious mode OFFLINE*
WOOOOOOOOOOOO... no errors. Well none I spotted.
Stopper's kind of an ***hole.
Didn't see that coming.
5048527
True enough.
WAVE FOUR INBOUND!
I think you should cut either "sea/army." One or the other should suffice.
*WHOOPS unfinished post.* Oh well. gotta head to bed. I'll finish reading and posting later today. (I'm losing the ability to type. XD)
Last time on the previous post....
Tobi: " YOU'RE THE FATHER RAINBOW DASH!"
Now our story continues...
....Welp didn't catch any other errors. I'll give this an 8/10 and a watch.
Also, is the "It's good to see you again." thing gonna be a running gag? Like even the villain(s?) say it every time?
5051555
Oy! It's a legitimate thing to say, given the circumstances. Leave home for a few years and then count the number of "Welcome home's" you get.
5052044
Ya, but I just keep imagining Discord saying it, then Shining, etc. Finally Celestia, Luna, and Cadence say it and Twilight lets slip that she's counted how many times she's had that said to her. (And everypony facehoofs.
)
HOLY MAHOGONY! Here we go again!
Premature quotation.
Double "as" should be "a" on the second one.
Okay, all better.
Anyways... I liked the part of Mac Being a war hero, and Dash's decision to keep the journal, but what's with "sunshine?" Please tell me this will be explained further in the coming chapters.
5073169
Ah yes, Sunshine. There will be more clues in the next chapter. Thanks for the edits, as always.
5073275
No prob. Although... only "Sunshine" I can think of at the moment is the henchpony from Affliction of the Heart.
FLAWLESS VICTORY!
No errors in this run.
(that I caught anyways.)
That is gonna be one heck of a bomb drop.
5129911
You mean telling Pinkie about everything? Yeah.
5130566
No not that...
The other bomb that Show let slip. The one that will probably make Twi try to kill him.
(If I'm putting the pieces together correctly.)
... about a certain target he tried to "take down" and blowing his cover while doing so.
This reminds me of a Fanfiction I wrote for an old account. I like this fic. Please keep going
5253802
Thanks, I'm glad you like it. Please let me know if you catch any typos that I didn't. I still don't have a pre-reader.
Well... ... .... I'm hungry.
Should be "make it."
Should probably be "HE'LL let anyone."
Personally I would bronze it. (steel/steal)
Shoot, now I owe myself five bucks.... or was it bits? DANGIT AJ!
5255495
Thanks for catching those, as usual. And yeah, you called a whupin', and AJ was more than happy to provide.
5255590
Ya, but now I'm out 5 bits/bucks and I know I'm just gonna rub it in my face!
Hmmm..... oh just realized!
First!
So spike got some guts in ten years.
And I feel Twi could honestly throw some more threats out Show's way if she wanted to.
As for Sun... Maybe the mother/sibling/daughter/family member of one of them. Probably scoots or flutters.
5439358
She vaporized an entire company of gryphons with a single spell. Yes, she's a bucking general. I couldn't believe it either, even as I was writing it. She's come a long(ish
) way over the last 10 year's.
Huh, AppleDash... Interesting.
I have one question for you.
...EXPLOSIONS!?
(serious mode engaged)
One word too many.
Misspell or typo.
<.< >.> That's all dood.
5596771
Thank you as always for the edits! Wrote the end of this chapter from my phone, so I'm surprised that there were that few mistakes.
Everfree forest= Nope just Nope We know of this one and we will not mess with the Stare
Dropped the "S."
Be sprint, be sprint like the wind!
Listening about the name part made me think of crazy fashion shows.
Love the disguises!!!
Runnin', runnin', runnin', I'm runnin' over here!
One extra "O" hold the "hi."
Is it as new as the logo says?
...Also.... WHY DOES NOBODY LOVE THE FLEE?!
(points to anyone who gets that)
5692445
I get it.
internationalhero.co.uk/t/theflea.jpg
5693151
YOU'VE WON 45 POINTS AND A HUG FROM THE FLEA!
....I miss the Flea.
hope you [eventually] to get the [inspiration] to update the story [[fairly soon]], please and thank you!
11157572
...wow. First comment in 7 years.
Unfortunately, this one will be on the back-burner for quite a while longer. I need to finish Student 32 first, make significant progress on The Undying Angel, and get A Heart Eclipsed revised and finished.
Don't worry, though. I have by no means forgotten this story.
11158055
no prob, was just wondering, thx for the answer