Back on our earth, a magical tornado sucks up the agents from SHIELD and drops them in Ponyville. Confused in their new bodies, they have to find a way to escape Equestria.
Made in associate with Krbrooks from Fanfiction.
Chapters (4)
- Member Since 30th May, 2014
- offline last seen Jun 11th, 2016
enwruble
My Little Pony enthusiast, Loves writing
enwruble
Joined 30th May, 2014 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Flammenwerfer · 269k words · 1,603 57 · 30k views
- Dalek IX · 27k words · 283 5 · 9k views
- Dusk Writer · 8.3k words · 324 10 · 6.4k views
- Pixel Berry · 47k words · 532 23 · 16k views
- Necrogen Lord · 34k words · 553 25 · 8.4k views
- RagingPonyRider · 76k words · 289 10 · 7.4k views
- MemoryLane · 20k words · 645 33 · 9k views
- Onomonopia · 95k words · 1,105 71 · 16k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.074 seconds
Total duration
952 users online
219,402 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I'm just going to ignore the dislikes and read this, it sounds very interesting.EDIT: Read my other comment.
Okay.
I'm not going to dislike, but I'm also not going to like.
Its a good idea but your writing is like two trains colliding.
(Its like hearing Pinkie Pie talk.)
Just slow down.
Don't worry, just keep writing, the more you do it the better you will get.
It's like reading Pinkie and Cheese have a rambling contest with eachother
You appear to have the same problem as me. Cramming too much into a short chapter. I cant tell if you did that on purpose but you should try writing random stories and eventually you will fall into a speed that flows well. But so far this is a good story and idea
Alright, like everyone else is saying, you should slow down the pacing a little. Describe what the look like when they turn into ponies, describe what they see around them (buildings, town, trees, etc.), describe how they feel (headache, nausea, tired), and just slow it down in general.
This is good so far, a great concept, but I know you can improve it. I'm just trying to give some (hopefully) constructive criticism. Good job and good luck.
4677652 thx
4678027 Thank you for going easy on us.
4677201 Oh, thank you!! I love cheese!! And Pinkie Pie!!
Just a totally random question, but is anyone a fan of agents of SHIELD here?
Oh.Krbrooks is also pony fan. She is awesome
4678027
Hey, the critisisim was constructive. Chap. 1 is getting major changes!
Yay.
I HATE ALL THE OFFENSIVE GROUPS! WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR STORY WAS ON THERE? HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? ALL YOU WOULD GET THROUGH YOUR WHOLE TIME ON FIMFICTION WOULD BE BAD REVIEWS!
Why are we in the Badfic bin?? We didn't do anything wrong!!
4724995
Ilike how Phil is a unicorn.
Oh, maybe his cutie mark is a vile of the G.H serum from T.A.H.I.T.I.
4770099
Here.
5935186
Alright, I know not of this bad fic bin but, I do have a couple of observations. First, learn to vary the voice of your characters a bit more. Flutter's and Rainbow's chapter sounded a little too similar. I know that both you and your editor can do this as the Lucy chapters sound radically different, by the way love the use of a Plausible self insert in a SHIELD fan fic, very cool. I would've liked a better introduction for her, i.e; Skye when she first joined, but still not badly done. Second, and this one I personally have problems with all the time, pick one tense (past, present, or future) and be sure to stick with it. When you shift between tenses it tends to break the flow of the story. Also I don't know if you are aware of this but Chapter 4 has half a paragraph, then is completely blank. Whole thing stops in the middle of her thoughts.
Lastly, I, at least, want to hear more of this story. I left it open in my browser, just so I could read it when I had a free moment. I do not get many of those and I am glad that you didn't disappoint. This site has too few Agent of SHIELD crossovers, this is kinda the only one I can think of seeing, so as a fan I am glad that you are giving it a serious treatment. So in short, vary your tones within the characters, focus on making your grammar a little clearer and seek out the little technical gremlins. Ignore the real ones, getting annoyed with them only gives them power, and then we have an infestation. Then I have to start making mystic trap circles of Iron shavings, silver nitrate, magnesium, and sodium, and quite frankly I do not have the strength to do the Enochian chanting nor the Liquid Nitrogen to set them off. (Please don't actual try that, it was, in fact, a joke.)
This is a good story and I hope that, despite any discouragement, you and your editor/coauthor will in fact continue. You already have at least one reader that is interested in the story and wants to see how the both of you grow as writers. so have a like and a tracking