He came from another world. He claims to be the Alicorn of Fate. Events inexplicably turn out in his favor. Ponies adore him for reasons they can't express. He counts bearers of the Elements among his friends, and one of them his lover. It seems he can do no wrong, and no evil befalls him.
Luna knows a threat when she sees one—and it has been allowed to go on long enough already.
(One of the three stories I was choosing between for Obselescence's Most Dangerous Game contest. I was trying to include as many of his prompts as possible in a single story with this one, but eventually decided to submit "Fading" instead.)
Chapters (1)
I first saw this and groaned. Then I remembered the MDC, and was hopeful.
Now to read it.
Damn, that's cold.
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That's been my reaction a lot lately.
"Well this looks incredibly reta--oh, wait, he wrote it for that contest."
Not a bad entry, either. Interesting characterization for Luna, and you dodged the usual problem with second-person.
Luna, you cold, cold bitch.
"Oh, hey, potential threat! Let's kill 'im instead of trying to send him back home, like he probably wants and has wanted since he arrived."
Very nice story, though. I didn't even realize it was second person until I saw the comments. It could have done with being slower, and having more backstory, but for 1500 words it's very well done. Take this golden star, magical green hand, and disembodied eye.
Will/have you uploaded the third story yet?
Oh hell no!!! I'm the Alicorn of Destiny!!! I WIN!!
(Destiny is fate just more powerful!
)
Anyways.....
GREAT STORY!!!
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I probably didn't convey it very well, but she's taking the permanent option because his power is basically "Aura Of Gary-Stu". He subconsciously alters probability and manipulates the minds of others so everything favors him. She's afraid that if she confronts him in a way that allows him access to his magic at any point, he'll start twisting her mind as well.
And the third story is another Alicorn OC concept (titled "Undefined") that's going to be a bit longer, because I plan on doing more with it than just killing a character, unlike my first two. I'm not sure when I'll have it up, in part because it's going to be a longer one, and in part because I want to post chapter updates to a couple of my older stories first.
4621026 Oh, I see. That makes sense now.
On a side note, I now need to use the phrase "aura of Gary-Stu" somehow.
Brootal.
Ah, so there's a heart of darkness in the Crystal Empire!
Very well done.
Hmm... Luna knows a Mary Sue when she sees it, is able to keep herself out of reach of its reality bending powers, figures out a way to cancel said powers and manages to dispose of it.
I think the PPC should hire her!
Great idea, wish you'd taken it a little further rather than relying on trope familiarity to fill in the gaps at the start. I say this because, with things like this, I always want the people who enjoy this kind of thing to get suckered in. <.< I am not a nice pony.
This is her job. Her Duty.
To watch over dreams, and to protect her people; even if they don't know they need it.
She is Equestria's Spook, and the ultimate authority in this area. She is very good at it.
It's hard, it's cold, and it's necessary.
It is likely part of the reason she fell in the first place;
The fact that she still feels guilt is all that saves her soul.
Whether she's doing 'the right thing' can be debated endlessly -
Others would hesitate, and search for alternatives that may not exist.
She has done this before, and knows what must be done. She does.
It hurts, but she's the only one who can. She's very good at it. Spiral.
You can has review!
This story was just Confused me I say that it is 4/10 because I don’t understand it
Now here's me if I was ever stupid enough to get into this type of situation with Princess Luna!
Once I'm in the chamber:
Telepathically speaking to Princess Moon: