All Twilight Sparkle wants to do is brush her teeth, but her toothpaste goes missing.
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Foalfree Press
Joined 25th Apr, 2012 ·
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Didn't someone write a similar story a few hours ago?
And this is why everypony hates spike.
4533745 This one, you mean? I caught that as well. Maybe someone made an offhand comment in a blog or something.
Inb4 new "Twilight Sparkle Eats Peaches"-style story plague
4533786
OH GODS NO DON'T GIVE ME IDEAS!
...
Too late.
~Dash The Stampede
4533812
4533786 Yep, that's it.
Typo:"If I can't find it," she said, "I'll go but some!" Sorry, bit of a nitpicker.
Kind of cute; however, I did detect a few typos and grammar errors.
Have a Rogue Editing:
Twilight Sparkle woke up to the sun shining
inthrough her window.buy
emerged
This needs restructuring into a single sentence, either with a semicolon:
She walked down the dirt path to the center of town; that's where the dentist's office was located.
or without:
She walked down the dirt path to the center of town where the dentist's office was located.
I recommend the second option
You're missing a period at the end of this sentence.
Might I recommend either:
"happy that the end of her quest was in sight." or "happy that the end of her quest was within reach."?
She would have to go to the general store
andin the hope they had what she needed.Missing a comma: "Excuse me, sir?"
"Buck" usually refers to male deer, antelopes, rabbits, hares, sheep, or goats.
I think you mean "stallion".
"No, sir,"
The same individual is talking, so you don't need the line break:
"Oh! You want tooth paste!" He said. "I'm sorry, Miss, we're all out."
You have "tooth paste" (two words) a number of times; I believe the correct usage is a single word: "toothpaste".
elusive
there
leapt
Respectfully,
The Ponytrician.
4535109
Sorry about the errors
I wrote it on a bus on my phone so im guessing autocorrect messed it up a bit.
Thanks for pointing these out for me, I'll just go ahead and fix those
4533745
I wrote this because I was bored during a car trip. I didn't read any other previous stories on here, so I wasn't aware of any other stories similar to this one
Sorry it it looks like I'm copying, but I really haven't read any other stories
4538737 Omg, it's fine.