• Member Since 25th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen Oct 22nd, 2023

314


Mrrp

Comments ( 41 )

Pretty good, but it was essentially 3 parts romance and 1 part clop-which makes calling this the clop spinoff to The Date rather misleading.

This was a great read. I typically steer clear of the cloppy stuff on here, but this was done in a much more "tasteful" way than I figure other clopfics are done. Thank you for such a great read, and I look forward to your next story!

314

4710649 I think that something Dash says in here explains this pretty darn well.

Tonight isn’t about the sex, that’s just a thing that’s going to be incredibly awesome. But what’s awesomer is that I get to share such a special thing with you. That’s what’s going to make this night the best of my life so far.

Proper clop should be about the emotions of the moment, how the characters feel, how they react, yes, what they do, but I feel like clop has turned into straight out porn. Real sex between a couple isn't like that. It is 3 parts romance and 1 part actual sex. At least the first time :raritywink:

4710940 Thanks! I tried to make it different (as I said above) and it makes me happy to know that I succeeded. Sex isn't just sex, as odd as that might sound :P

“Dash, it’s fine. Celestia did enough to them. Ever hear of Goldmane?”
I racked my brain for a second before coming up with nothing. The name didn’t even sound familiar. “No.”
“Precisely. Even I don’t know what happened to him."

:rainbowlaugh:

4711192 molestia and a dungeon I hope X3

First off, that picture is way cute. I might just put it on my phone, and just neglect the fact that it belongs to a clop fic...now, time to read this :)

You have a few mispelling, about a dozen words that need to be deleted, and add about six commas, otherwise I say it's perfect. As someone not of the female sex I can only assume on the descriptions. I liked it. this will be an extreme example because I don't read clop fics, but I did ask for this one.

Keep writing. Have fun
I'm working my way through the original fallout equestria. It's fun!

314

4712031 Yeah, no. That did not happen.

4712397 That's probably the first time someone has told me to add commas in my writing :P Some of that is Dash's accent, but I'll go back and look over it again. I finished reading F:E a while ago and tackled Horizons soon after. In my opinion, Horizons is better ^.^

4712435
The first fic I ever read was hard reset: brilliant, amazing, and fun. I will always hold that one above all others, but I have found a few that make a very close second. A story titled horizon hm..? Can you message me the url and I'll put it into my read later section.

314

4712562 Oh, I meant Project Horizons, the infamously mega-huge Fallout Equestria sidefic. It's 1.2 million words of sheer brilliance. And a ridiculous amount of characterization.
I can concur with Hard Reset. There's a few stories that edge ahead of it, but it's still amazing.

If this story's Rainbow Dash was cloned a bunch of times, and all the clones at sex it would be like some sort of party. A lemon party, perhaps?

I missed this one somehow. I will read it later. Also, hello again, π, it's been a while. Howsit goin?

4712435 awww, dis :unsuresweetie: I thought for sure that was it

314

4712907 Oh shoot, Fanfiction.net slang is here. Run away!

4713938 That'd definitely be... interesting. I might have to keep that in mind :raritywink:

4716872 It's going pretty well. Little bit of a block, but that's mostly laziness :P I see that you've been keeping pretty busy with your (awesome) Motherverse stories. How've you been other than that?

4718850 Truth be told, I never actually thought up whatever happened. It's just a joke :pinkiehappy:

4720305

Doing pretty good. Ghost of a Rose is shaping up to be quite gripping, apparently - according to my pre-readers and test audience. I'm trying not to let it get to me too much... It's a harder story to write than Darkest Before the Dawn will be.

314

4720360 Sappy romance is easier to write :pinkiehappy: But I get what you mean. Trying to get things just right and set it all up. But I can't wait to read it; you're a way better author than me :twilightsmile:

4720305 kinda figured it was, but still :pinkiecrazy:

4712679

>Fallout: Equestria
>Good

choose one pls

314

4721241 Uh, what? Fallout Equestria is awesome. But we're not going to debate it here; if you wish to keep slamming it for whatever reason, message me.

Jeez, Rainbow Dash broke out some Barbara Dinkleman level puns there.

(google "Barbara Dinkleman Puns" and you'll see what I mean, if you're not familiar with her.)

One of the best clop-chapters I've ever read!
You even got me to write a comment!

I'm not really fond of clopfics in general, but I occasionally read them (because I don't read book descriptions ;P

I have to say, I enjoyed every moment of it. It's great to read a clop-chapter that wasn't written only for the sake of clop.
...And I've even learned a new word:D

Oh and by the way: I just had an Idea...I'll let you know if it'll happen.

314

4722897 Oh yeah. Puns are so much fun to write, even if I'm sniggering to myself as I write a bad one. I was actually debating taking out the cockatrice on because it's so bad, but I kept it because it was my favorite :rainbowlaugh:

4725305 I know a lot of people aren't fond of clop, so I tried to make this appeal to the cloppers and non-cloppers. Glad to know I at least partially succeeded :twilightsmile: And what was the word, as well as the idea? You've got me curious.

4725677 The word was "areola". But I'm not going to spoil my Idea. :P

Pie, you sir are a good writer.
This clop was equally balanced at 50% clop and 50% cuddle.
Perfect.

314

4727539 Woohoo! I did something right :twilightsmile:

4727246 Oh yeah, the area of soft tissue surrounding the nipple; it's the darker part. Even guys have them. I totally forgot I used that :P

this is the best clop i have ever read!

4729036
I know that by now (Thanks to wikipedia)

Oh and by the way: My Idea is coming out pretty good:twilightsmile:

I love this. And from the looks of it, this and the date are your first stories! Congrats on your successor your very first story! My first story was bad, so I think it takes real talent to get it spot on first time.

but passed over them for the dessert that awaited me past them.

'Passed' followed so closely by 'past' kind of makes the sentence stutter and broke the flow for me. Perhaps a change to "... but passed over them for the dessert that awaited me beyond them."

Just a little thing. Don't know how many people get tweaked by that sort of phrasing, but I was confronted (rather forcefully) years ago about not using the same word (or same sounding words) too closely together in my writing. I guess that's left me sensitive to it.

Other than that, nothing stood out to complain about. Small bits of how they acted didn't really fit my headcannon of how they'd do so, but nothing excessive or in contrast to cannon portrayal. So, thumbs up. :pinkiehappy:

314

4902279 I agree with you on the repeating words. I try really hard not to do that, so you won't see it crop up too often in my writings. It really helps expand your vocabulary as well :twilightsmile:

Cute and clop all in one - yay :rainbowwild:

314

4915589 'Tis the best kind of clop. And most of what you'll see from me, though I'd like to eventually write the more interesting stuff like age play, genderbender, orgies, and glory holes.

I've come back to this story, pie; and I have now noticed that this fic sounds like Five Nights at Freddy's.

Kind of random, but meh.

314

5202929 I haven't played FNAF, so I'm excused ^.^

5203149
If you like horror, its a good play.

:rainbowkiss: That was such a cute story. Absolutely loved it (and it was a little hot, not gonna lie). And sorry to be a critic for such a wonderful story, but the "breasts" of a pony (that's not anthro) are called teats. That's all I really had to criticize about it. :DDDDDD TwiDash has always been my favorite ship

If this takes place between chapters 1 and 2 of the other story then why didn't you just slide this in between them?

Looks like Luna got a good show if what Rainbow said really happened. Excellent story!

8. Engage in coitus

SHELDON!


“I have no idea what you just did, but do it again,” she panted.

How can you not... I mean... Wouldn't she have... What?!

Login or register to comment