Father, gamer, Brony; enough said!
After a freakish blizzard in the mountains of Equestria, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash find themselves hopelessly trapped inside a freezing cold cave. What's worse is that Rainbow Dash has been injured! Twilight not only has to deal with the injured pegasus, but also must deal with her feelings toward Dash.
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I feel like the ending was a bit abrupt and anti-climatic, it would have been nice with some conversation between the two after Twilight started crying. Otherwise nice work, really liked how you only told what THEY remembered.
It's good, but feels very rushed. I have the same problem with my fic, but it needs to be slowed down. For example, it goes from not RD not feeling for Twilight to the exact opposite in a few seconds (or for them, a few hours) with no real reason for the sudden outburst of love. All it really needs is a few extra scenes to add some more info, but otherwise great!
-Twilight_Scratch
4505701 Indeed. Now that I read it for about the 20th time (haha) it does seem like it is a bit of an abrupt end. Maybe I'll change this from a one shot and give it another chapter or two. I also agree with
4505703 on it feeling a bit rushed. I can either go back and flesh out this part a bit more or as I explained, change it to incomplete and write another chapter or two.
Also, Wow at the 10 likes this has gotten! Thanks to everyone who has read! I'm glad you are willing to give this novice a chance
4505843 This could well be bulked out into a multi-chapter story, but that would require a lot of writing, but it definitely has to potential to become one! Alternatively, you could go back and add more dialogue between them, which could be easier but keep it one chapter.
4505858 Yeah. Maybe I'll pull up the document and see where I can add more text. I definitely agree that Dashie's feelings may have come about very suddenly. I must have been trying to hard to keep more to Twilight's perspective and if I am going to do that, I probably should have just written in first person. But again, thanks so much for the feedback and definitely check back. I'm going to see about fleshing out this main part a bit more or at least adding another chapter
Well at leaste we don't have the clieche Twilight (or Rainbow) deing at the end
4506051 I don't understand why people feel the need to do that in fics. I mean, sure. It adds sadness to the story, but I just don't feel right killing a character that I didn't come up with haha
Great story! Any chance of an alternate ending where dash doesnt make it? I like sad endings. Also how did she mange to impale herself in a cave?
Well that was rather good.
phasing was fitting, not to rushed
Characters was rather fitting and very true to them self.
All in all i give this story a 8/10 not a masterpiece but something i can come back to and read again.
TTFN
~Tobben
4523538 Well, thank you! I'm glad that you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading it
4505703 According to the story, Rainbow had feelings for Twilight all along, but lied because she thought she might die and she didn't want to give Twilight something else to lose if it were to come to that.
Well I guess being frostbitten was a good ice breaker. (
Sorry, it came to mind and I had to use it....)
4529438 HA! I see what you did there! Actually gave me a good laugh :P
All I can say to that is well done. It was awesome
/)
The characters seemed a little off. Other than that, great story!
Amazing story. I would love it if you could make more.
This is one of my favs! Good work!