Three years ago Ponyvile was destroyed and the mane 6 scattered across Equestria, now on the heels of a Changeling invasion Scootallo must travel across Equestria to reunite them.
Chapters (29)
- Member Since 8th Jun, 2014
- offline last seen Dec 2nd, 2016
darkone4587
A simple writer hoping to get his stuff noticed and critiqued, by the way I write more than MLP.
darkone4587
Joined 8th Jun, 2014 ·
Offline
Sequels2
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darkone4587 · 6.9k words · 10 4 · 976 views
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darkone4587 · 2.1k words · 415 views
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Good start but I did notice some bad word choices. Examples I noticed: 'sweat' should be 'sweet' and 'command’s' should be 'commanders'. The sentence "Okay avoid the clouds and finish the course I wand fifty laps" should have an extra period in it with 'wand' replaced with 'want'. And 'defiantly' should be 'definitely'.
Just a tip, proofread the work. Read the written words outloud to see if it reads like it sounds in your head.
Might want to work on your pacing of the story and paragraph organization a bit. Other than that, I must admit, you have my curiosity aroused.
4573661 Thanks, I've been working on my pacing with my non MLP stuff on deviant art, but i don't know if its any better.
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This story has been reviewed in the Pleasant Commentator and Review Group!
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Ditzy is a changeling, isn't she?
At first, I thought that figure was Pinkie Pie. Now, I'm not so sure.
Chrys is Chrysalis, isn't she?
Trixie?
WTF?
Where are Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and the others?
I'm going to guess that Celestia and Luna had to overthrow their older sister and now she wants her throne back.
Doesn't Sombra realize that once Nightmare has a body, it will no longer need him?
If Twilight's mother was in danger and she was still a foal, do she think she would still put? So, why does she think that Chrys will?
Faulty doppleganger? Chrysalis? How is she faulty?
Three years ago? What? Is this story a sequel to another? What's the first story?