A talking rifle. Gameplay programmer and aspiring writer. Writes stories with whimsical humor, stories with looming conspiracies and HiE that pokes fun at his choice of school/study.
For a thousand years, she had held vigil over Equestria after their banishment. For a thousand years, she had been alone. For a thousand years, Princess Umbra simply wanted her sisters back…
… and for them to stop fighting.
Written for The Most Dangerous Game Contest.
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An interesting twist on the idea, there.
Ehhhh... this story wasn't terrible, but it suffers from really not doing anything interesting with the alicorn OC. It just has her stand in for Celestia, but there's not really some huge, interesting difference there, and I don't really get a good feel for the character as being an interesting figure.
The list grows.
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Thanks.
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That is true, I wished I had enough time to develop her character.
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The list is always growing.
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There is a glimpse of Plan Lavender during the Grand Hall scene (locking the sun and moon in place). The entirety of Plan Lavender was cut due to time constraint and I wanted to do an Unspoken Plan Guarantee but that came out wrong. =s
NMM and Corona prioritizing each other over Umbra is not explained and to be frank, I forgot about putting it in the story and I ran out of time.
I'm so going to tear this story apart and rewrite it when the contest is over. =s
Yeah, you definitely will. :/ I mean, how the heck do they have the Elements when in canon, activating them was part and parcel with Nightmare Moon's defeat?
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That's another story actually. Twilight in this continuity is way more competent but still it could have explained better. =x
Well, this story definitely has the potential to be something great. Unfortunately, it pretty clear that the story was a rush job. The main issues for me are awkward pacing and some odd sentence structure, such as Umbra's comment that Twilight became archmage three years ago--that's the kind of comment made entirely for the reader, rather than because it fits into the story.
Good luck in the contest. I'll be keeping an eye for the rewrite.
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Thanks. Still slowly reorganizing all things together. I've got way too many fics in editing at themoment. ;_;
Hey, just found this and liked the idea of a middle sister. (I'm a middle child myself so I'm automagically in love with her.) Was wondering if the plans to rework this were dead or not.
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It's still in the works. I'm just busy with work and distracted by 40 other stories I'm writing.