What's the worst you could imagine after a party? A hangover?
Multiply that with "getting-sucked-into-another-dimension-and-being-turned-into-a-pony" and you get the situation Im in!
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Disclaimer:
I don't own My little Pony Friendship is Magic or any of the characters from the show, fannamed or not.
Thats Hasbro.
Apple Cider and Chef Sandy are the OCs of the Bronyville cast.
Smokey, Ticks and even the Sensei, although latter has no name so far, are my mental property.
Yeah, I have mental property ^^
If anyone wants to use them in a story, picture, video or anything, you´re welcome to do so.
But please send me a note or a message if you actually do.
Not that I will get mad or forbid it.
Just want to know whats happening to my little ponies ^^
Chapters (14)
I tried to get into this, I really did. But the layout of the story just made it too difficult for me to bear. Not every sentence is its own paragraph, and new paragraphs should be tabbed. Nitpicking aside, I think this story would be better if you fix these problems.
Have to say i wish i could go over all the fict that get written but im happy finding yours have to say .....Great work im looking forward to reading more of the story
also what ever happend to the rings?
19269 Thank you, thank you
For the rings: I guess you mean that Smokey didn't put them back on after chapter 6
They just weren't that important at this moment but will come back in chapter 10
Life as a Human
by Super Big Mac
Oh, uhm... Hey. My name is Johnny-Cider McAle. Or, whatever. Wow, this dragonfly thingy really works! Egh, I just woke up one day about a year or two ago, and... instead of hooves, I had these blobby appendages with five tofu-dog like things on the end. Oh, and my magic's gone. I can't access any of the powers I had had under my control. While these appendages make up for that with the grip they give me, I still miss teleportation. But, what's a pony gonna do? Especially when they wake up after a night of drinking copious amounts of salt-water and hard apple cider. I found myself in Mane- er, MAN-hatton, under the ol' statue that I usually woke up under. But, Miss Lay-Bray-Tay (Love brings Tolerance!) was not there. In her place, was a bipedal that I put in the primate group, like those of the tropical forests that the Neighians had populated so long ago. Oh, but the bipedal race that populates this strange world knows them as Mayans. I'm going pretty
, but what can a colt do? Especially after finding out that where I came from is on National TV. *Ugh*. I just hope that my aunt Orange isn't too worried. I can't wait to get home, but I was too drunk at the time that I don't remember getting here. Maybe, just maybe...
19313 Good idea
I thought about something like this for a side story but it would have a bit of a stretch
The paragraph thing that DoctorBrony said is also what annoys me. I'm still going to watch for new chapters, of course, but it'd be nice if that was fixed.
Translation: WTH I JUST READ?!
Ok first: Thanks for all the feedback
Thats way more input than I got on dA and FFnet together!
For second: I'm not a trained writer or something like this
So please, if you happen something you'd like to see changed, an example would be nice
Again thanks for all the feedback
Tray
19324
Point taken
I'll look trough this
Shouldn't be too hard now that my computer is working agian
Sidefact: The whole story so far was written in the noteapp on my IPod Touch
Paragraph form:
"Well, ain't this a mighty fine pila' horsefeathers we've landed in. Seriously, Twilight. Why? WHY couldn't you do something that WOULDN'T end with us being thrown into a dimly lit room with bloodstained walls?!? I-" Dash looked up in fear, her iris' shrinking to mere pinpoints. "Uh, uh, uh, T- t- t- Twi... light..? I- I don't think Pinkie's supposed to look like that." Twilight felt a shiver run down her spine. "Wh- what do you mean? I didn't see Pin... kie... P- puh, p-p- Pie..?!?" She turned around, seeing a blood-splattered pink pony with a butcher's knife in one hoof, a brownie pan in the other. The party pony's face was contorted into an evil smile, and she giggled with glee, the sound freezing the blood in the two young mares' veins. "RRRRRUUUUUNNN!!!!!!!" Dash didn't need to be told twice. As they galloped for their lives, the maniacal laughter followed them, cutting into their souls as surely as any blade.
************
"That was the worst movie ever! I mean, I would never ever ever never ever forever do something like that to my friends! Why do all of the Grimdark Productions show me maiming someone? I mean, really. Cupcakes, Cupcakes part 2, and now Brownies?!? What the hay is up with the evils?" Aj looked at her pink friend, seeing anger rising in those eyes as her mane deflated ever so slightly. "Aww, C'mon, Sugarcube. It weren't as bad as the Sweet Apple Acres Massacre, right? At least this time, you didn't actually see anyone die. An' I thought you liked Fallout: Equestria! You gave it a good review!"
This feels like "Through the Eyes of Another Pony," only not as well executed...
A guy... a brony mind you, whose name we don't know, is inexplicably ported to Equestria, starts making wacky comments and has an "interesting" conversation with his own brain. His belongings are still with him, found in the same manner as Firewall's belongings and are all altered to be pony compatible, and he immediately goes to talk to Twilight... This is beat for beat what happened in "TtEoAP" except there's nowhere near as much world building or decent character interaction and what we're learning about this character doesn't seem anywhere near as interesting/amusing as Firewall.
Don't think I'll go much further with this one. The prologue sounded promising but this is really looking like a blatant rip off of one of my favorite fics. Not sure if it was intended to be, after all, sometimes our subconscious can trick us into accidentally following a familiar formula, but I'm not interested in reading what is essentially a beat for beat copy that isn't as good.
19487 ya know its been a wile and many ficts sound like they share a same beginning action but what really matters is how the story plays out not really how it sounds like another fict. also i really enjoyed the story Im looking forward to another chapter.
P.S. Ive made it a staple when i go over a fict to never leave a bad rating and if i didn't enjoy a story i would leave some encouragement and leave it at that.
You talkin' about Firewall at the end there?
19672 Eyup
Hey Tray, I had an Idea after reading this chapter. I'll send it to you in a PM.
Anyway, Great chapter btw!
19369
Well since you asked, I thought I would give you an example of what I mean.
What you wrote:
The next thing I remember was waking up and I use this term losely, as it was more a snaping-back-consiousness.
So, I was "awake" and my brain decided it was time to remind me of what I've been doing all nigh,t by seting itself on fire.
I wanted to moan or something, but wasn't able to make any sounds at all.
That was when I realized that I couldn't do anything else either.
I was going to crack my eyes open in shock.
And how shocked have I been when I saw... nothing.
My eyelids were numb aswell.
How I think it should have been written:
The next thing I remember was waking up (and I use this term loosely, as it was more a snapping-back-consciousness). So I was 'awake' and my brain decided it was time to remind me of what I've been doing all night by seting itself on fire.
I wanted to moan or something, but wasn't able to make any sounds at all. That was when I realized that I couldn't do anything else either. I was going to crack my eyes open in shock, and how shocked was I when I saw... nothing.
My eyelids were numb aswell.
Now that I'm done grammar-bitching, If you'd like to have a pre-reader, let me know. I'd like to help you in making your story better.
21110
Ok...that realy looks better
I'll probably review the chapters in the next days or so.
Need to find some time to write on chapter 10 aswell
For your offering: Thank you
I'll PM you and we will figure out something
19487 .... I've never heard of that fic. Is it any good?
21131 Have you found the time yet? Anything I can do to help? I'd love to help! Just tell me what to do, okay?
... please? I- if that's okay with you...
Look above that's my question
32141 Everything is going fine
Chapter is doing great so far and maybe all of you will get a preview soon
cant wait for the chapter
Oh no, OC's, OC's everywhere!
I didn't bother to read your story and therefore i will not star-bomb it.
Why am i even leaving this message?
Hmm. As soon as you said the whole sensing bit, my Gary Stu alarm went off.
"Numero Dos: I can produce drugs for myself."
Yep. Gary Stu.
Also, this is pretty much Through the Eyes. Stop that. I know originality is hard and all, but at least make an effort. Okay? Okay. I'm putting this down now.
33290
First: Who is Gary Stu?
Second: Why do people read the first chapter and instantly think it's a ripp-off?
I mean, come on!
I dare all of you, who think that way to at least read until chapter 2 (Bromance is Magic)
Don't judge a book by it's cover.
33253
Because some OC stories are good. Take a look at Fallout Equestria for example, it is nothing but OC ponies and it is on of the most famous fics here!
I ish smert
I can out wait your cliff hangers
I can out wait time
CardsLafter here. :3 Don't worry, brony. You do your thing. Counter props to you! *brohoof!*
/)^3^/)*(\^w^(\
33835
I can die happy now
Thanks, Brony *Brohoof*
0.5 star for furry :D
35098
Well at least something
The editor-guy here, pouring gallons of the midnight oil into the lantern that is my laptop to help finish the story! I'm also re-writing previous chapters into a legible format!
And that's right! The next chapter is so long, it needs its own trailer in the written format!
In a world, where the men are ponies and so are the women, one man-pony will stand above the rest.
Coming soon to a theater near you!
Action! Suspense! Drama! Muffins!
..Romance?
I don't know! I don't write the story! But be rest assured that the author is working his gosh-darn hardest to pump out the rest of the chapter while I try to ruin it to the best of my abilities!
35846
That's Awesome DB! Can't wait to see your finished versions
35846
Try to ruin it? And failing miserably, might i add
But again and...uh...oh...right...again, thanks
The fourth wall just got shot with an RPG-7!
Flaming Chainsaw Launching Death Lazor Space Cannons
Replace those words with a matching set for the word AWESOME, and then you'll know my reaction to the story thus far.
One thing that is really grinding on my nerves since after the first chapter, I can hardly tell the difference between speakers.
Put the speakers name before wat they say, an abreviation would be nice, give each speaker a difference color and highlight their words in just that color, use a different font for each one, (make sure to keep track of what abbreveation/color/font goes with which character).
Keep up the good work, and also, I better see some a reference to Nyx in there at some point! (Past Sins by Pen Stroke)
33317
CardsLafter here! I am the author of Through The Eyes Of Another Pony...
Hey, buddy. =3 Just wanted to let you know that even if everypony else says your story is a rip off of mine, I feel you should know, a lot of people said the same thing about mine being a rip off of that on... was it Imposition? Meh, I can't remember. Anyway, don't let it bother you.
And no, I didn't read. Mostly because it's too closely related to my work and the last thing I want to do is start stealing your jokes. XD Cause I'll do it!
48868 It's not like I wouldn't be turbo excited and uber proud to see my jokes popup in my favorite fic
Anyway thanks again
(I don't know if this is real or not but in each case I'm very thankful for it
and if thats really you, sorry for being skeptic...
)
49065 Hehe i couldent see this as a ripp off way to many differences
Also CardsLafter how ya doin man haven't herd from ya in a bit
Tray here,
I wanted to know how you foalks would feel about having chapter 10 of LaaP split into multiple parts.
Would you like to wait until it's finished entirely orwould you like small, about normal chapter long parts, released seperatley?
Your thoughts and opinions are welcome and may be stored in a so called commentbox until a good home is found for them.
That author guy
hey hey! chapter is looking awesome!
I can tell that something special is coming!
77807 You can bet your left hindleg, it is
WOT.
Drunk Demo's are best Demo's
And I thought other stories could be crazy.
MOAR!
the xxxx happened to the writing style
82354 Some chapters haven't been edited by DB yet...just poorly revised by myself
If thats what you meant...
Berry and Ditzy are best ponies in the H.O.R.S.E squad. All Other arguments are invalid.
120712 Wait... which Berry do you mean?
Yes, I am slow...
And yes! I´m still working on the chapter! It´s not dead and it will not be the ending of LaaP!
Sorry for keeping you all waiting...
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